How do you avoid getting nasty feelings when you see other women being rewarded for doing so little?

qazxcvbnmlpoiuytreww · 2021-10-28T20:45:00+00:00

Say the opposite of what you’re thinking. Her boyfriend gave her a gift and you think it’s a ridiculous (and unnecessary) display? You think you deserve more than what you are getting? Stop, collect yourself, and say “I’m happy for her. I hope she enjoys it.” It doesn’t matter if you feel it, just say it. Again and again. Every time. Those words can coexist with the negative thoughts, and with practice, the words will become more and more natural - and one day, you will genuinely feel that compassion and graciousness without too much struggle. Practice being happy for others, even if your heart doesn’t feel happy. Train your brain.

Gratitude journaling does help, yes. Focus on what you have. Focus on making your life as beautiful as you can, because that’s all you really have control over. Practice positivity and elegance and compassion in every last way you can. Act happy, act content, romanticize the tiny things, even when it feels stupid and pointless. Even when you feel bitter and jealous. Most of the time, your thoughts will follow your actions. So act like the person you want to be.

gretawasright · 2021-10-28T22:59:06+00:00

I will start by admitting I don't feel anything about the gifts or praise other women receive. But I will say that when I find myself feeling bright, sudden envy I know that it is a clue to something I want in my life. It may or may not be that you want gifts or praise exactly, you might find that you want something such as recognition or permission to do less work. A little digging in your thoughts might help you uncover what you want, and then you can make a plan to add it to your life.

I also will say that the older I get and the more I see how deeply unhappy so many people are and how awful some relationships are, the more I realize that some women want a fancy car or awards at an award ceremony or big diamond bracelets or to post photos of their perfect life and that those things might bring them joy while their relationships lack trust, loyalty, and respect. And I am the first in line to celebrate those things that give them joy because we are all just trying to make our way through this life and some of us have it so hard in ways that others can't see.

My sister in law has untreated bipolar disorder and she rages at her small children, so much so that my brother told me his son just sometimes looks dead inside. Just hollow eyes and frozen face. She screams and screams when she is mad and then refuses to acknowledge things afterwards. There was a period of maybe 5 months where she hardly slept - like some days literally did not sleep and she was just a mess. But to see photos of them in their orchard or on a beach on Facebook, you'd think they were the happiest family there was.

A colleague of mine has the biggest ring of anyone I know - like HUGE - and she drives a fancy Italian sports car that guys know the name of. And her husband is never home. He travels like 90% of the time. And to see them together is to know that neither is cherished by the other.

You just don't know what people are suffering. Life is short. Celebrate the small wins people do get. Celebrate every win around you.

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2021-10-28T23:31:46+00:00

Why are you sure that these women are “doing so little”? Do you personally know them and their relationships?

This seems like a pretty big assumption to me. Maybe they do more to deserve these things that you don’t see. Maybe they make their man’s life so much better that the man doesn’t need a grand reason to reward them with gifts and treats.

Don’t discredit thing you don’t know about.

metajenn · 2021-10-28T23:15:56+00:00

I don't compare myself to other people. I'm not in competition with anyone but myself. I'm happy for the women I know who get pampered by their husbands, it's awesome to see people happy. They deserve it, they're great women.

If you 're salty about working maybe you need to do some soul searching and figure out what you really want in life. There's nothing wrong with being provided for and if that's what you want don't pretend to be taking the high ground by dating a man who can't do that while driving yourself crazy.

titlejunk · 2021-10-29T01:43:08+00:00

Comparing yourself to others will be the death of all joy in your life.

Also, you have no idea what is happening on any real level in anyone else’s relationship. You only know what those people decide to tell you.

softrevolution_ · 2021-10-28T21:04:49+00:00

I just let the thoughts flow through and have their due, then go "Are you done?" to myself and get on with it. I'm not great at retraining my brain to not feel things so I work with what I've got! :) I do know how to behave myself despite feeling something, it's just... behind the smile, I might be thinking "She's an [unprintable]" for a few minutes. And then moving on. I find the feeling slips away as if I never had it.

purplepansy88 · 2021-11-01T10:40:02+00:00

It sounds to me like you are in a competitive mindset. That's not healthy. Comparison is the thief of joy.

Latter_Ad_6840 · 2021-10-28T22:05:37+00:00

Honestly you never know the motivations behind peoples actions. Maybe that guy got cheated on in a prior relationship and is making an overt public display of how great he is treating his current wife. Maybe he cheated on her and she is giving him ultimatums on what conditions need to be met to stay together. Maybe he got rejected and is bitterly showing other girls what they could have had. It's very strange when someone gives something to another person and they make a big overt display of it on social media. Outward appearances don't make what the actual relationship is like visible.

Teacup000 · 2021-10-29T15:49:11+00:00

Are you feeling envy or jealousy? The former implies that you don't want what these women appear to have, and the latter implies that you do.

If you're jealous, I would imagine having a conversation with your partner about how you'd like to receive affection through gifts and praise more would be the most helpful. It's going to be hard to feel happy for others if you are frequently feeling depraved in your own love life.

Envy is a different beast altogether, and not one I have much experience in. Just remember that there may be more to these situations than meets the eye: perhaps the women are virtuous in ways you can't see, or perhaps the men are lacking in other aspects in the relationships. Social media is proven to make people feel more miserable, so try to limit your time spending looking at those types of posts.

SandtheB · 2021-10-29T04:43:09+00:00

I am a guy but my advice might help.

When I see many women my age (18-35) making WAY more money then me because of their looks (i.e. Strippers or Only Fans etc.) I do get jealous but I remember one piece of advice I got from the pick up community:

"you're not looking right or left to see what other people are doing in their lane, you're looking straight ahead, moving swiftly down your path, overcoming and seeing through all the obstacles that you might encounter along the way. That's being dominant in your own reality, in your own lane. When people start looking at other people's lanes, and start veering off their path, that's when their shit gets fucked up. Dominate your lane and good things start to happen."

-Capital, Jason. Make Women Want You. PDF ed., Click bank, 2011.

rurunoa · 2021-10-29T09:24:38+00:00

shocking idea but maybe he just really loves her 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱

zino193 · 2021-10-29T06:17:56+00:00

I think you are in a consumerist frame of mind.

You think items and money means something. It doesn't.

The only reason we care about it is because we can't find the dopamine drip in things we do and achieve - so our brains reach out and find some other measure of worth, love and achievement.

My suggestion - understand this bias you have towards material things and take it as it is - bad societal conditioning.

On the other end - find other sources that prove your worth and value to yourself. Take an active part in organizations you value, organize a fun getaway / night in with your boyfriend. Do things for others and enjoy making them happy. You will get the same warm fuzzy feeling as getting a new purse - just that it's more sustainable. There's only so many purses you can have before you need something more, better, more expensive.

leinlin · 2021-10-29T19:28:38+00:00

Apparently something you‘d like to experience too. And you can, if you work towards it.

diamandisonskidrow · 2021-10-29T03:39:42+00:00

You're speaking as if this is universal but I really don't know what you mean. Can you give examples? Is it as simple as "some girls' boyfriends make more money than mine" or .. ?

Jenneapolis · 2021-10-28T22:52:19+00:00

Maybe it’s just me but I don’t pay attention to other women like that?? I have my close friends who we support each other and anyone who is toxic to me I remove from my life. Everybody is struggling in their own way so just because you see some thing or someone puts an image out there doesn’t mean it’s true

DelicateDevelopment · 2021-10-28T22:07:48+00:00

It helped me to look at these things as some place where I would like to be in the future rather than as something where I am not at.

It all depends on the basis from which you start. If you are born with the talent to inspire that in men, or if you had parents that thaught you by their example how to, or if you were reading the right or wrong books, or if you had to learn all this by own experience, thoughts and observations.

All these are different baselines and with different baselines the paths are different for everyone. Never judge yourself or others for the baseline they were given.

When it is easy for her now, how do you know that it was always easy for her? How do you know that it will never be easy for you?

Someone who is born with everything might easily loose it, someone who is born with nothing can go a long path. The odds are yours, use them :)

katx_x · 2021-10-28T22:57:31+00:00

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SilverNova99 · 2021-10-29T02:23:31+00:00

As an ugly woman I have felt some resentment. I never hated attractive women. I just hate I was born ugly and therefore living a hard life free of help and handouts.

Danishsunset · 2021-10-29T06:10:21+00:00

I feel you. For me it’s not about receiving gifts though. I feel appreciated when I get some recognition. Like when he steps up/offers help while I’m cleaning/cooking. It’s those things for me and then of course, a little spoiling never hurt a girl... Yes, I sometimes envy other females when watching their partner being all about them. But it’s so easy to wonder how great that must be, like oh they must be so good to each other and bla bla, when irl every couple have their bag of bullshit, privately But still tho, it just matters.

2021-10-28T21:44:09+00:00

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sister-goose · 2021-10-29T00:24:40+00:00

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kazuechan · 2021-10-29T01:43:04+00:00

Realize that it’s possible for you. If someone else can receive it, so can you. There’s someone out there that will love you so much they will spend their hard-earned money on you. If my partner earns $7.50 an hour and they’re willing to spend $100 on dinner,,that’s 13 hours of work money they’re willing to sacrifice for me. Because they love me so much.

I’m never bitter when I see when openly receive. I’m happy they’re able to seek such a kind man that willingly provides for them. I know that will be me some day.

Another reason why I’m never jealous of these couples is because you NEVER know what goes on behind closed doors. Their boyfriends might be spoiling them for social media but little do we know,,,he’s on thin ice for cheating. Or maybe the money comes from scamming. Or maybe it’s counterfeit. You never know. So don’t assume someone’s situation based on pictures. Their relationship could be going through the rigor.

xxGabixx · 2021-10-29T03:14:27+00:00

For me the answer would be cultivating stoicism within yourself.

weeklyVisitor · 2021-10-29T15:56:59+00:00

i have accepted that life is unfair. a lot of people deserve a lot of things but will never get them. sometimes you are one of them.

its life. i just accept that, break a smile and move on.

but yeah, I am hella thankful for what I have.

SecretFeminine · 2021-10-30T10:50:45+00:00

What does anyone really know about someone else's relationship? After reading your post and comments, it sounds like the problem is on your side of the fence. Do you feel like your boyfriend is treating you with love and respect in the ways you feel love and respect? It sounds like your love language is gifts. Have you done an honest assessment with yourself (ignoring everyone else) about what you do to make a man feel loved and respected? Specifically, your man!

To share my own story, I am sure someone could say I don't deserve what I get. For my husband, being an excellent mother is the #1 measuring stick and that is where his love and devotion is rooted and grows. I have the kids waiting by the door when he returns from work so he always gets the full welcome home treatment. You don't see any of that stuff on social media and not all men value it as much as he does. But every relationship has its priorities.

pearlsandstilettos · 2021-10-31T08:59:06+00:00

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Ashamed_Initiative_3 · 2021-12-18T02:56:27+00:00

Lol 😂 this lady is weird as hell

Title	How do you avoid getting nasty feelings when you see other women being rewarded for doing so little?
Author	sister-goose
Upvotes	61
Comments	62
Date	October 28, 2021 8:25 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/qhvrge/how_do_you_avoid_getting_nasty_feelings_when_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-do-you-avoid-getting-nasty-feelings-when-you.1081272 https://theredarchive.com/post/1081272

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