How does a HVM approach a woman?

idiosyncraticg1 · 2021-12-16T20:11:22+00:00

I don’t give out my phone number to strangers so this approach would work for me. However, I’d like to get to know him before texting him. I would ask him his name, age, job, kids status, interests. A 10 minute conversation would tell me whether I’d want to text him. I would text him a quick “Hey this is (my name)!”, but planning the date and everything else is up to him.

san__404 · 2021-12-16T18:30:22+00:00

I'm saving this post too because I'm on the fence about this. The women gets to select if she wants him to pursue or not but again, texting first seems counterintuitive.

Constant-Wanderer · 2021-12-16T20:13:20+00:00

There is no single “right way” to initiate second contact. (First contact being the exchange of information and declaration of intent)

In the past, young me would either ask for a phone number or offer it. After 30, I only offered it.

When I pursued men, the results were iffy. Sometimes they were worth the effort, sometimes not. If I gave them my number and they didn’t call though, no matter how disappointed I was about it (or not, lol) it was less disappointing than going on a few dates with someone who couldn’t even be assertive enough to pick up the fucking phone and take a chance.

Pursuing men is a waste of time, in my experience, and no one’s come close to changing my mind.

IMO if you’re really on the fence about what works, Por que no los dos- give him your number and ask for his. Tell him that you would like it if he called you, and then see how long it takes him to call.

Don’t fall for fake interest, don’t do the work for him. Periodt

And that’s what I tell men. If you’re interested, you’ll call. If I’m interested, I promise I’ll pick up the phone. All the confirmation you seek is in that one little action of allowing you into my space.

aquietsword · 2021-12-16T19:35:32+00:00

It's too easy for a guy to do this just for the ego boost of having women call/chase him. Intentions could be good, but it's super easy to PR spin bad intentions into good ones.

ItLou · 2021-12-17T05:07:05+00:00

I saw a post one time where giving someone your number was a good idea because if they're NOT interested, they don't have to text you. It's a good way to avoid pressure / confrontation so I'm all for it tbh.

Also, not giving your number to strangers is a big plus.

LonchuraStriata · 2021-12-16T18:29:45+00:00

The classic "Miss manners" way would be to get a mutual acquaintance to introduce them first, then talk for a while and propose an actual date as a next meeting. No need to exchange numbers since you will be meeting the next time for the agreed upon date. If that isn't viable, either exchange numbers or say goodbye respectfully and later ask the mutual acquaintance to relay the information that he would love to invite her to a date and wait for an answer (which would either be a "she's not interested" or some way to contact her).

I actually like the "classic" version a lot. The "introduction by acquaintance" thing eliminates a lot of problematic factors ("Why do you want me to introduce you? Aren't you married/just here on business for two weeks?" "Don't get hopeful. She's engaged." "I would never introduce a friend of mine to you! You abused you ex-wife and cheated on her!") and you have a third party who knows both people as a source to verify things.

Aocwannabe · 2021-12-16T19:41:52+00:00

If a man ever gives you his card or tries to give you his phone number, just look at him doe eyed and blank faced and say, “What do you want me to do with this information?”

I’ve never had a very interested man do this btw. Only men with low self- esteem or playing some weird game will do this “I want her to text/call first because equality”.

A highly interested man with basic manners and healthy masculinity intact doesn’t behave passively or weaponize “feminism” against women.

PenneyPence · 2021-12-16T19:39:44+00:00

Even pre-FDS, if a guy asked if he could give me his number I’d say, “I don’t call men, they call me.” It doesn’t even make sense. If you’re at a business networking event, do you say to someone that you want to do business with, here’s my card, call me if you want to do business? No you get their contact information and you contact them.

I find exchanging numbers and the guy calling first to make the most sense. The guy you mentioned prefers a passive method and he’ll likely show up passive throughout the dating process. If a man is going to be a pursuer he needs to take the bare minimum step of pursuing, not outsourcing the pursuing on the first step.

Specific-Composer300 · 2021-12-16T19:55:30+00:00

I wouldn't like if he gave me his number, expecting me to then text or call. It's like he wants me to make the first move and chase him. I prefer if he just politely asks for my number straight up, in a non-demanding way.

xfelugirlx · 2021-12-16T21:17:52+00:00

I’ll never text or call a man like a romantic chase. Never. They are the ones interested and they still want us to do all the work? Lvm

MrAndMrsCremgroblin · 2021-12-17T02:31:04+00:00

I think what he does is the right move when he doesn’t know a women but is interested in her. He’s avoiding putting a stranger in an uncomfortable position I think that’s considerate.

What if he’s interested in his server? By asking her number if she’s jot interested she has to worry about losing the tip for that table. Whether it’s a server or just a random woman there’s a power imbalance and you never know how a strange man will react to rejection. It lets her not be worried about a bad reaction if she wants to reject him.

MissouriBlue · 2021-12-16T19:59:35+00:00

I make them ask for mine and make the guest move, and I have three Google Voice numbers that I use. They actually text to my phone, but they’re in DND so I check messages at appropriate times for My schedule… I work an off shift.

Sewud · 2021-12-17T00:50:51+00:00

I agree with someone else saying he needs to introduce himself properly. At least say his name and age and say something about himself to give you an idea.

But then I do like a man who gives me his phone number and then ACTUALLY leaves it up to me. Too many men gave me their phone number and then, seeing that I didn't text them, used some other way to harass me.

EmpyrealMarch · 2021-12-16T23:03:50+00:00

I think this is fine. it gives the woman the power to choose if she wants to continue the interaction on her own time vs being pressured to give an answer on the spot.

I don't mind texting first, nor do I think its that big of a deal who does it first because I don't like texting and don't intend to get to know anyone over text messages. I see texts as a planning tool or for exchanging succinct info.

DiosaCordilia · 2021-12-16T22:12:16+00:00

I'm getting alarmed by this 🚨 Nope. This is a male libfeminist tactic or a redpill tactic in a sneaky way. That's what my intuition is saying. He wants to come off as the good guy immediately, wants you to be shocked that he's doing this different approach and by the shock your mind can be put in fight or flight which may can cause you to think foggy about it and ignore signals.

overthinker4444 · 2021-12-16T20:05:34+00:00

How does an HVM react when you give him your email instead of your number? I don't like it to give strangers my number nor google numbers. One guy agreed and we had a conversation on mail. But, it didn't take long for him to say:" Well, why not your number tho? It's easier than the emailing" He was LVM on the end so I am glad how I handled it.

sleepysiri · 2021-12-18T14:04:56+00:00

By replying, he would then have my phone number which I don’t want. If a man asks me for my number, I’d first ask him some questions: full name, age, religion status, job status, basic interests etc. Someone looking for a hookup is not going to be enthusiastic or interested in this process. If a man answers adequately, I’d provide a Google number.

myheartisfulloflove · 2021-12-16T23:55:30+00:00

If a man tries to do this to me, I’ll smile sweetly, say thank you, and then rip up the little business card once he walks away with his number on it and move on.

Ericaeatscarrots · 2021-12-17T02:32:01+00:00

In the past when I’ve taken mens’ numbers and texted them first I felt desperate and pathetic. It’s along the same libfem line of “approaching first.” Nope. It makes us easy to them. If a man isn’t man enough to ask for my number and endure the risk /thrill of contacting me first, then he’s not a man I want to spend my time with.

Japanese_Lasagna · 2021-12-17T05:08:50+00:00

Assuming he gives his number after a conversation happens that goes well with mutual interest being apparent, I think this is better than the man requesting the woman’s number. It gives her the ability to decide whether she wants to have things continue without putting her on the spot and without him getting access to information he could use with bad intentions. He’s also made the first move in this instance. If a woman is to respond in such a case, she could call or text and keep it simple and wait for him to respond. Either he will or he won’t. A woman responding doesn’t require some sort of essay or repeated attempts to reach him.

Title	How does a HVM approach a woman?
Author	HydraSkyFire
Upvotes	254
Comments	37
Date	December 16, 2021 6:19 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rhwngq/how_does_a_hvm_approach_a_woman/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-does-a-hvm-approach-a-woman.1092120 https://theredarchive.com/post/1092120

Comments