Are you scared of marriage too?

63daddy · 2021-12-14T23:54:48+00:00

I’m not afraid of marriage, but I came to realize long ago that marriage, divorce and family law overall strongly favors women and disadvantages men. It’s a great way to part with much of your hard earned wealth. For this reason I concluded I shouldn’t marry long before I ever heard the term MGTOW.

The fact women are advantaged in this regard doesn’t make me resent or hate women, it just means marriage isn’t in my best interest so I refrain. If someone thinks the financial risk of marriage and divorce is worth it to them, then that’s their decision to make as well. The bigger problem is guys not evaluating these biases before making a decision. I have also had a vasectomy since I think a woman tricking you into getting her pregnant is another great way to part with your wealth.

There are ways men can get totally screwed over, but I see no reason to be scared, resentful or hateful as a result. Look at the situation you face and make rational choices in response, that’s my view.

OldEgalitarianMRA · 2021-12-14T23:48:33+00:00

The risk associated with marriage is just too great.

ijustdontcare74 · 2021-12-15T06:19:57+00:00

I had to explain to a friend that was thinking of proposing to his GF (he's 45 and never been married) that she would be able to claim on his pensions (401K for those in the US) from the time he started working at 18yrs old, not from when they get married. She can claim on his retirement savings he made decades before they even met!!! When i asked him what sort of pensions she had, he said she had NO pensions at all, so she'd walk away with 50% of his at a minimum in the event of divorce.

When he heard this he was shocked. He's now backed out of the proposal and has decided not to get married. Another brother saved!!!

Why is this reality not taught to our young men in school. Marriage is potentially the most expensive, life altering legal choice we will make in our lives yet no one sits you down to explain the ramifications before you go and make that mistake. It's insane!!

TraehNoil · 2021-12-15T00:07:20+00:00

Being afraid of marriage means you have a level head on your shoulders. Marriage is a huge risk for men; statically you have a 50/50 chance of losing everything you’ve worked for your whole life.

throwawaybear61 · 2021-12-15T01:55:12+00:00

It makes zero sense for a man to marry. No real upside and a huge downside in the majority of cases these days. Most marriages end in divorce. Better to do the fwb thing or just date. Even cohabitation these days can hurt a man. Play it safe out there. They’re looking for atms first and victims later.

riverview_man · 2021-12-15T00:32:50+00:00

Not even just getting married. Approaching girls is nerve wracking itself because there's a risk of approaching the wrong girl and she reports you for either "being creepy" or "threatening her life" simply because you said hi to her and wanted to get to know her.

BritishMan-90s · 2021-12-15T00:27:33+00:00

Reading Female Dating Strategy on reddit, makes me very wary of all women. Makes one think, how could I ever take the risk of marriage.

awsdlefthandbutton · 2021-12-14T23:52:16+00:00

Being scared is a good starting point, then ask yourself what is the point of marriage?

Really it just keeps the relatives happy.

MrDirk420 · 2021-12-15T00:34:29+00:00

Women are like politicians. They will act & tell you what you want to hear. Most have been trained by their mothers, sisters, aunts, grandmothers, the media & their female friends on these tactics. The court system is biased against men, so let that sink in! Woman will trick & trap you into a relationship! Look at your own parents relationship. Is your father happy or does he just tow the home company line? Happy wife happy life mantra. If do decide to get married think of it as business proposal & act accordingly. Remember you don’t NEED a woman.

DirtyPartyMan · 2021-12-15T02:19:39+00:00

Having been married “once…..twice…..three tiiimes with Ladies” (thank you Kenny Rogers) I have learned a LOT about women as well as myself. (This post is long. It covers advice for heterosexual relationships but since we’re all humans it will undoubtedly have relevance in other dynamics)

I found that:

If you don’t know who you are or marry before you discover that, you will automatically glom onto their personality by default and soon you won’t feel you have a presence in the relationship. In that vacuum of personal strength and confidence she will instinctively sense your lack of self-assurance and automatically step into that role to balance things out so that she can feel safe. That causes the Mother/Child dynamic to form. This slowly Erodes whatever arousal she may have for him. Despite what many women I’ve known express, biologically, she needs to feel safe. If he retreats to a room to play Call of Duty more than 2 hours it will negatively effect the relationship if he doesn’t spend equal parts quality time together.
If you marry before 25, whether you want to admit it to yourself or not, she WILL become the Mother Figure in your mind. Deny it all you wish. But it’s true. And when you view her as such it’s as if you regress to the role you had as a teen.
Money, Communication & Sex Are the three top deal breakers for relationships. If you’re incompatible on how you view money, on the importance & impact of connective intimacy it won’t matter how well you communicate.
Never marry if you haven’t been together for 5 years. I think I know only one couple that married under the five year mark and that are still together
Never combine your finances. Her paycheck goes into her account and yours into your own. Keep a third, joint account at a different bank and send your bill money into that for payments. Trust me here. One of the worst things men can do these days is surrender control of their finances.
Leave phones unlocked at home. Agree to never delete histories. Check in with one another once a week. It could be a coffee date on the couch or on a walk with hot chocolate after dinner. It could be during a drive on back roads talking. But make that time to air problems, worries or concerns. They have a way of turning into big problems if gone unaddressed.
Make Memories. The day-to-day bullshit of surviving blends days into weeks into months. Memories make it worth it. That means budget for a “Fun Fund”. Mad Money to spend on dates.
Do NOT entertain plans or actions involving extra-marital events or other people within the first year after being married or within the first 3 years of being an exclusive couple. It’s Pandora’s Box. Once you open it you can’t really close it again. Your relationship WILL change.
If you can barely afford an apartment you won’t be able to afford a child either financially or emotionally. (You’ll be too busy working and surviving to focus on the child). If you care about your relationship as well as the child, PLEASE do NOT have children until you’re atLEAST in the 28-30 zone. Once that baby comes, get the baby genetically tested. Once your name’s on that birth certificate the courts won’t care much if it’s not yours. They just don’t want the state to cover the cost of that baby. You then become the financial target.

Best of luck.

conscious_0bserver · 2021-12-15T08:43:26+00:00

From a legal and financial viewpoint, there are very few and fleeting benefits for a man to get married. Most guys just do it because they are horny without understanding the consequences. Even if you were to marry a women with great intentions the fact is that people often change their minds. People fall out of love frequently. You can either decide not to deal with them entirely or you can still have decent relationships with them without making long-term commitments like getting married, having kids, moving in with each other, etc. Just be careful out there dude.

RaphBoo · 2021-12-15T13:31:07+00:00

I am in a happy relationship and I have a daughter with my partner. I am 34yrs old. We want a second kid

I will never get married.

No benefits, only risks. Nothing to gain, everything to lose.

To be a man and to get married, you have to be literally stupid or blind by what some refer to as "love".

GreenMenace1915 · 2021-12-15T00:32:13+00:00

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jazzy3113 · 2021-12-15T12:42:22+00:00

I was never scared to marry because I was lucky enough to be blessed with the ability to wait for the right woman.

Marrying the wrong person is one of the biggest mistakes you can make.

Marry the right woman is literally the best decision you can make. The problem is how many good looking, educated, rich or have a lucrative job, loyal and personable women exist? I just got super lucky. And I’m sure you’ve all met someone’s wife who was awesome, it’s just that they are super rare.

My advice is to be realistic about your qualities. If you’re a 5/10, accept it and don’t try to chase 9s and 10s.

And make sure she is strong and independent, but not crazy left or right politically leaning.

Man_of_culture_112 · 2021-12-15T12:45:17+00:00

I will be frank, I will not get married in any country with divorce laws like the USA, UK or South Africa. I am Nigerian (living in South Africa), so I can consider this option. I would not recommend anyone getting married in those countries unless they get laws like the Chinese marriage law (the Law that only allows you to take what you put in).

Face_Puzzleheaded · 2021-12-15T13:11:37+00:00

Yes. I've seen my brother's marriage turn our collective lives into a living hell. I can only imagine how much pain it inflicted on him. I don’t want to give someone that much power over my life. It's too much of a risk for me.

Magical-Hummus · 2021-12-15T02:38:35+00:00

"Official" marriage? Yes. The general idea of marriage? No.

hardturkeycider · 2021-12-15T02:55:20+00:00

I try to look at people who have happy, long marriages and figure out what they're doing right. Lots of them are older and have already been through hell. I've decided to wait until i'm very old to find someone. I'm okay by myself right now

RagGnarRocky · 2021-12-15T13:29:51+00:00

You have to stop thinking of women in terms of general "good or bad". Instead, think of terms of "yes or no", or even "0 or 1". She either is or is not someone you can see yourself going the distance with. If you're unsure, you either don't know her well enough (or you do and you're subconsciously justifying staying with her), or you don't know YOURSELF well enough. Both could also be true.

slipkid223 · 2021-12-15T00:34:20+00:00

Marriage today is 100% not worth it. It's all downside for Men and upside for Women.

Listen to your instinct, it is right on.

TheSilverShade · 2021-12-14T23:38:55+00:00

It's totally normal. There's a reason mgtow exists

BrotherhoodofMen01 · 2021-12-15T15:33:50+00:00

Marriage isn't for Men. In todays society the balance of power is all in the Womans favour in marriage. I've just uploaded a video on youtube about this very subject. you would be wise to watch it, as there is a lot of information in it.

here's the link.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kF2zXHhJ8UQ&t=7s

Stay safe Brother, all the best.

gonewildman5 · 2021-12-15T04:31:09+00:00

Posted this before but this may help:

Date: 4 years

Engaged. One year (5th year of relationship)

Prenup: After proposal, in front of lawyer. Nobody gets alimony and the house is sold in a divorce. Add infidelity clause (ex. a partner cheats they owe 100k in a divorce)

PLEASE DON'T GET HER PREGNANT BEFORE MARRIAGE!!

Pre-conception agreement- basically this is a non legal/legal agreement over what to do when a child is born. Like one person takes time off of work to do this for this kids and vice-versa. Co-parenting and sharing duties around the house makes wives less unhappy.

If you can, live or go to Arkansas, Arizona, or Louisiana and get a covenant marriage. It's a religious style marriage that's legal. It negates no-fault divorce unless theirs a reasonable reason to leave the marriage. Furthermore it enforces 2 years of separation before a couple may divorce.

Get pre-birth paternity test on her when she's pregnant. Its only a blood test between the both of you.

oafsalot · 2021-12-15T14:08:46+00:00

Not scared in the slightest, not stupid enough to do it. The premise is hilarious to me.

rodneytheproducer86 · 2021-12-15T14:45:24+00:00

My advice to you not to discourage you or anything but my advice to you would be to run as fast as you can if they even mention the word marriage because trust me I almost got caught up to where I lost everything luckily I had two good lawyers on my side and the shit ton of luck In the end I was able to get my kid but let me tell you be very careful

LaInquisitore · 2021-12-15T20:31:13+00:00

Not really. I am thankful I don't live in the West because feminazis are mostly there. Here where I live women understand they already are on equal footing with the men and we exist together in harmony, like it was intended. There are bad apples on both sides, like everywhere, but it's not as extreme as in the West. In fact I like how the West likes to call my people and region "stuck in time" and "underdeveloped" and yet we do not face any problems like y'all do over there. You all have my full support because I understand it must be awful because bias is real. Y'all can't defend yourselves solely because you're men, and that's sad and infuriating. But don't lose hope. Feminazis are a loud minority, and there are still a lot of good women who dissaprove of what feminazis do. Don't lose hope and don't lose faith!

AngryTails · 2021-12-16T00:48:11+00:00

Scared of? No. Interested in? Also no

qqqqtrdr · 2021-12-15T01:24:01+00:00

I am married and love my wife, but my three boys are not caring to date because of crazy. Now there are some things you can do.

1 - Date someone slowly. Dont fall into getting trapped by sex of a female.
2 - Date but take time i.e. months before getting too physical. 3 - Do not propose or accept a proposal within the first 12 months. A woman would looking to take advantage usually will want to speed the date. 4 - Date someone who is working and have career plans. Not that she would not stay home, but has a focus on being able to support herself. 5 - Stay clear of a woman that is complaining about others and what they have done to her. It is a big red flag they are a Narcissist. They can never be wrong, so they blame others. They also love bomb for quite awhile to act like they are into you, and change later.

DarkRye · 2021-12-15T06:07:20+00:00

You should try it. Just don’t make kids.

Is that kid yours?

Ahh, that’s your kid even if you’re not married.

Mother can write any name into father box.

Normal-Yogurtcloset5 · 2021-12-15T16:03:09+00:00

80% of divorces are instigated by women. They know that they can get a portion of your wealth and future earnings without being married to you. I recently spoke to a fireman with the NYPD who found out that his wife was having an affair. In the divorce settlement he had to pay her $300k plus alimony and child support and she’s still bothering him about more money. Of course, she doesn’t want to marry the man she was screwing around with because that would end the alimony.

Until the laws change to reflect some equality I see no reason for men to marry.

fishmonger7 · 2021-12-15T08:19:19+00:00

Marriage is a pointless affair because the chances of meeting a woman who will fit the bill is slim to none. Women don’t care for their partners anymore, there is always a power skew of sorts and most men are okay with being pacified because “happy wife, happy life”. Why get married to a woman who expects you to work hard, meet all her needs yet she is not there for you emotionally or physically? Not to mention the financial jeopardy you get yourself into, now this is anecdotal but all the woman I’ve met have had terrible finances and talk about marrying a rich guy. I’d say younger men such as myself should just continue on their careers and go to the club when they are feeling promiscuous. I think marriage in the western civilization is a one sided deal unless you’re a man who has lucked out.

Responsible_Wash_430 · 2021-12-15T11:15:40+00:00

Men being scared of marriage is a myth. Men are scared of divorce and should be.

Philosophipster · 2021-12-15T13:42:47+00:00

I have one rule for marriage: Only to women richer than me. But we all know women rarely accept that scenario.

2021-12-15T09:41:10+00:00

I was in a relationship for 20 years with children and separated.

The house went 50/50 but apart from that everything was mine and hers.

I have moved on in a totally fair and equitable way, my children are happy and we have a great co-parenting relationship.

Friends have separated under the same circumstances and lost their home, pension and savings/investments. For me I don’t really see the point in marriage. I must say that financial planning had no input at all to my decission not to marry. But I am glad I did it now!

Reddit1984Censorship · 2021-12-15T10:36:16+00:00

Im never marrying is not even a question to me.
And i dont feel fear i feel insulted and humiliated that divorce rape is even a thing.

Lightsouttokyo · 2021-12-15T14:21:16+00:00

I was mocked for admitting this to a girl

Its baffling how blind women are to why men are hesitant

hehimCA · 2021-12-15T16:36:52+00:00

I think pair bonding is natural, but legal marriage is mostly bad for men. You can have a marriage ceremony, don’t get legally married, and don’t live in common law marriage state.

Having kids throws more variables and no matter what you will pay if you split up.

Without kids and without legal marriage you’ve got a better chance, also don’t be with somebody who doesn’t work.

So not very romantic, and sounds like a minefield…because it is. But I think most people have a desire for a serious relationship.

Frosty-Gate-8094 · 2021-12-16T04:45:21+00:00

You don't have to be scared of marriage. Its not some kind of a monster lurking in the corner...

Just sit down and make a cost-benefit analysis...

Costs: - Monthly expenditure will triple or quadruple.
- Sex will be great at first, but will trickle down to zero in a few years. Remember that, you cannot even have it outside of your marriage. (Without cheating).
- An average child costs $250-300k in 18 years, excluding college education.
- Half of all property you buy, half of your savings and retirement benefits will be hers.
- In case you divirce, she gets 20% of your income as child support and variable out of alimony.
- As a husband you will legally responsible for any non-biological kid born during the marriage.
- direct costs of wedding and divorce. (30k+10k respectively).

Benefits:
Practically none. May be kids can be considered a benefit. But you can have them outside the marriage too.
Companionship in old age? May be. 50% of marriages end in divorce, so you will end up alone in old age anyways.

You don't have to be scared of any of these. Marriage is still a voluntary affair (almost).
You can choose not to get married. And avoid cohabitation in states that have common-law marriage laws.

The only thing you need to be scared of is DV, False DV allegations and sexual assault. (All happen to married men)... But even without these considerations, marriage still fails the cost-benefit analysis.

LiquidDreamtime · 2021-12-15T05:44:59+00:00

Don’t marry a total asshole and you’ll be fine. You will hear countless tales of woe from scorned ex’s of any gender, but the fact is that they were bad at choosing a partner and they’re paying the price for it.

Meet and marry a kind, mature, and loving woman who you would trust with anything, and you’ll be fine.

Please don’t let the jaded internet people rob you of the greatest parts of life. Love, children, and building a life together is the greatest thing I’ve ever participated in and has made me the best version of myself. I hope you and everyone else can find the same and all that you seek.

Good luck.

Maths_Hurt · 2021-12-15T04:54:49+00:00

I'm scared of marriage for men too. My partner loves me but marriage is a shackle that could potentially hurt him. I can't blame you. I just wish there some kind of principle to protect men from losing everything they've worked hard for.

I'd get a pet instead. Probably what I'm going to do if I don't get married.

Flashy_Glove6208 · 2021-12-15T09:17:12+00:00

Check your state divorce no fault provisions, alimony, child custody awarded to men stats and child support laws.

Your gut is right. Marriage is a slavery contract for a men nowadays, when the other party, a woman benefits from breaking it.

The old school social contract was a virtuous woman, loyal to you will give birth to your children and will stay with you through thick and thin.

Nowadays you get a promiscus woman ran through double/ triple digits of men. She cannot bond with you, will lock you down with children (hopefully yours, make sure test paternity) and then will divorce you reducing you to a sperm donor and ATM with 20% of custody time.

The bitter cherry on top is domestic violence and child sexual abuse allegation to get leverage over you in the divorce process.

The exception is a family oriented woman 18-23, proven body count less than 5 to bond with you, family oriented, virtous, supportive, traditional, non-feminist, willing to sign a prenup going both ways including child custody and parental schedule. You need to have a separate lawyer for each of you. Such women are rare and in high demand. This combo does not guarantee success but maximizes success chances and protects you as much as possible from divorce grape.

_-_steve_-_ · 2021-12-15T02:50:03+00:00

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DarthCallidous · 2021-12-15T07:44:03+00:00

Yes. Terrified of it.

xTheVyrusx · 2021-12-15T10:20:04+00:00

The cons outweigh the pros, marriage used to be a forever thing but now it’s just microwaving left overs for 7+ years until you go get something new on your plate.

2021-12-15T16:55:15+00:00

You want know something about western culture? The system encourages women to take you to divorce court. When you pay her all your money she spends it and that makes the GDP look good. Further, women expect you to continue to support them long after the sex has dried up. On the bright side you can spend you life dating and when you are ready to settle down you will still be able to find a 20 something to marry you. That is because you will have your shit together and she wants to be looked after.

The only marriages that currently last are the "brokered" style. You answer a million things about yourself, her too. Then the middle person runs around trying to find out if you are compatible. Like the bachelor without all the cameras. Say what you want, but these types of arranged marriages work long term.

Always remember women are honorless creatures. Wedding vows are things only men have to follow, women will forget all about "till death do us part' the second after you are laid off. Also, women dream of a wedding before they start school so despite what Hollywood says, they rarely marry for love, but often marry all the wrong reasons. Keep your guard up, ask the right questions, be direct. Don't be bitter just think your way into it

majestic_tapir · 2021-12-15T09:46:14+00:00

Personally, no I am not afraid of marriage. I'm currently engaged, and looking forward to being a married man.

I've been with my partner for 8 years, we communicate well, and it simply doesn't worry me at all.

DaTechNegro · 2021-12-15T18:35:59+00:00

Never sign a contract that the other party is incentivized to break. I told my gf i would be ok with having a wedding but i will not involve the government in my relationship. Even prenups can be thrown out from time to time.

Diesel-66 · 2021-12-15T00:57:29+00:00

Divorces actually slowed down a lot, it peaked in 1990. Gen x and millennials grew up with divorced parents and they got married at a later date.

Full_Midnight4749 · 2021-12-15T02:36:16+00:00

You can protect your assets before you get married if you are the one that bought it and make her sign an agreement saying if anything happen between you two she would not come after your assets if you’re worried about your assets children are a lot harder

Eliphas_Vlka · 2021-12-15T08:51:32+00:00

yep that's not worth it

Algiz56 · 2021-12-15T09:37:57+00:00

Nope. But I do not live in America. Probably, that's why.

Bara-enthusiast · 2021-12-15T12:27:03+00:00

No...

Because I would marry a man

parsteel · 2021-12-15T13:17:52+00:00

You can’t even bring up the thought of a pre nuptial because then they will think you are predicting a divorce and it will cause more problems

PairIndependent · 2021-12-15T13:18:13+00:00

Yes and that's why I will never marry

ihate_heckin_ketchup · 2021-12-15T14:41:33+00:00

Everyone should be afraid of frivolous marriage. You shouldn’t marry someone if you aren’t willing to give them everything.

Abstract_Knight · 2021-12-15T15:17:49+00:00

I kinda disagree with the MGTOW community due to certain toxicity, anyway, i'm technically a MGTOW.

PLEASEURGENTOP · 2021-12-15T18:19:13+00:00

No. But I won't rush it.

Busy-Ad5287 · 2021-12-15T18:30:30+00:00

You feel marriage comes with too many rules and expectations. There are expectations that come with marriage that may push people to not want to get married. There are some antiquated and problematic tropes that come with getting married, akin to your sex life declining or your freedom being limited.

bulletkiller06 · 2021-12-15T19:51:20+00:00

Nah mate, marriage is a scam cooked up by the capitalist to sell rings and wedding dresses.

As long as you find a good partner divorce should be the least of your worries..

Thats-bk · 2021-12-15T20:45:48+00:00

You should be (IMO).

Higher you climb the rope. The more it hurts when you hit the ground.

austmark73 · 2021-12-16T03:49:07+00:00

Steer clear of marriage - its just not worth the hell you will go through after they are sick of you...

stickofglow88 · 2021-12-16T07:56:18+00:00

Marriage is only a disadvantage to a man if he earns more. I’m female, I earn more than my partner and have my shit together, him on the other hand has debts and is still renting. We’ve only been together a month, he’s already mentioned moving in soon, marriage, having kids … I’m terrified.

CautiousPoisson · 2021-12-18T09:18:13+00:00

I consider myself informed about the realities of marriage in my country, not scared. I am not married; I heeded the advice of the men who came before me.

Jakeybaby125 · 2021-12-15T00:13:23+00:00

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DylanFiglewicz · 2021-12-15T03:11:43+00:00

Not now that I'm older. If you don't have at least 3 divorces by the end you really didn't live life! Lmaoooo

2021-12-15T04:10:26+00:00

at the moment not because I'm still under 18 but in the future that may be scary

Warder766312 · 2021-12-15T19:48:50+00:00

I’m not afraid of it but there is a snowball’s chance in hell that I’ll get married. I’ve had my chances, 7 fiancées over 12 years and every one ended up cheating. I either walked in on them or they confessed to it.

There’s no point to it anymore, no benefit, or incentive. If you love someone and want to stay with them forever, great but you don’t need a ring, a wedding or to make it legally binding.

AnnaisElliesMom · 2021-12-15T20:35:30+00:00

Marriage isnt the problem. Marrying the wrong person is the problem.

Title	Are you scared of marriage too?
Author	baldestpianoman
Upvotes	240
Comments	156
Date	December 14, 2021 11:22 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/rgka95/are_you_scared_of_marriage_too/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/are-you-scared-of-marriage-too.1092414 https://theredarchive.com/post/1092414

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