Is the idea of women dating/marrying a "provider" type of guy as they age, just a huge myth? "Betabux" or whatever it's called

xXMachineWomanXx · 2022-08-12T09:10:47+00:00

Once again, depends on the woman.

No, I don’t want a provider, but I do want us both to be financially independent of each other.

Last thing I want, especially as I get older, is to be a grown woman asking for an allowance.

Artistic_Chip · 2022-08-12T12:44:22+00:00

Most woman just marry a guy they like regardless of his ability to provide

Technusgirl · 2022-08-12T07:17:38+00:00

Women can make their own money these days, so marrying someone who is a good provider isn't necessary. Now women can marry for love instead of worrying about being able to eat and have a roof over their head when they get married.

2020mademejoinreddit · 2022-08-12T13:36:56+00:00

Your question has a subjective answer.

Firstly, I'd ask, in which culture? In many cultures outside, it is not a myth. It's just the way it is. And often times, the woman will even "save herself" just so she can increase her "value" for that guy. Although, less so nowadays on the "saving herself". And the guys accept it, because that's what their cultural mindset is.

In our culture, not necessarily a myth, but definitely a slowly dying tradition as more and more women are financially independent.

As for instagram, not the best source. As for IRL, it depends on what you consider good-looking. I've seen it, but in older generations. Not today as much, which explains why you haven't seen it either.

Naus1987 · 2022-08-12T10:55:04+00:00

From my personal experience, I would agree that generally "the provider" thing feels like a myth in society.

However, that quote "Her money is her money, but my money is "our money."" Does feel true in most relationships I've been in, and have seen.

But, let's be fair. If men were raised thinking they didn't have to provide, they'd probably want to hold onto as much of their money as they could do. So it may just be a random sociology quirk.

medlabunicorn · 2022-08-12T15:26:10+00:00

In general, the things that attract women change as they age. Specifically, they get less picky on looks and more picky on content. This isn’t because they ‘can’t get a hot guy,’ it’s because they’ve dated guys whose only qualification is their hotness and have decided that’s not enough.

nutzername_vergeben · 2022-08-12T08:18:29+00:00

I actually think it's crap. Recently I saw some tiktoks where women explained that the man is supposed to be the provider, and wondered why they are spreading this patriarchal construct again. But in real life, a woman looking for a man who provides for her, is super rare, I never heard of a single one who actually wants that. I think it's made a bigger issue than it actually is, also bc wannabe-alpha-chads like Andrew Tate have a big influence these days

SweelFor- · 2022-08-12T08:16:05+00:00

XihuanNi-6784 · 2022-08-12T14:08:12+00:00

Depends what is meant by 'provider'. Women tend to make less than men on average, and the older someone is the more likely they are to settle down. This "fact" can be explained by those two combined factors without women ever "deciding" to pick a beta bux provider over an alpha fuckboi.

SmashTheKyriarchy · 2022-08-12T10:08:36+00:00

In general, most women are not as motivated by looks as men. It’s more like we have minimum requirements for looks but find accomplishments really attractive. That’s why starving artists and penniless professors tend to have hot wives.

Most people, regardless of gender, take some practical things into consideration when picking a life partner. It’s in the name. A “life partner” is someone with whom you build a life. You take on the challenges of life as a team. Most people, regardless of gender, want a partner who brings skills to the table.

And these days women are looking for more than a provider and men are looking for more than a mother. Women want someone who is emotionally mature and considerate. A lot of men want someone who will bring in income.

One big problem I have with AB, BB is that it just doesn’t make sense historically, logically, or in my experience that men who you want to start a family with are not the same men you want to have sex with.

There are a lot more men I want to have sex with than there are men I want to start a family with, but I want to have sex with all of the men with whom I want to start a family. That’s why it’s so hard and special to find a life partner. They are rare and valuable.

It takes confidence, emotional regulation, and talent to be a successful person. Those are good qualities in a life partner for many reasons. They are also attractive qualities.

I guess my point is that the redpill takes the fairly banal observation “people have lower standards when they know the relationship isn’t going anywhere” and then do bizarre mental gymnastics to get to the most vile possible interpretation.

softnmushy · 2022-08-12T17:06:54+00:00

Having a good job will definitely make you more attractive to a lot of women. Confidence. Financial security. Motivation. Social status. They are all tied to having a good job.

But it goes both ways. I think women who have good jobs are also more attractive.

RatDontPanic · 2022-08-12T13:41:24+00:00

Won't lie and pretend it doesn't happen, but it's not always the case.

With that being said, there are steps that men can take when getting to know a potential partner to not end up falling into this situation. More often than not most women who are trying to "settle and find a provider guy" will display numerous red flags early on.

For the situations where it does get to the point of a long term relationship, oftentimes the man either failed to spot the red flags or simply ignored them. I say this because a lot of guys, especially RP ones, are in the mindset of "take what you can get" when it comes to dating and relationships.

A lot of RPers either end up in this situation through confirmation bias, there are a disproportionate number of men who have been in this situation in RP communities, or it's the truth in their head.

With that being said, it is still important to vet any potential partners and not ignore red flags.

xvszero · 2022-08-12T17:52:16+00:00

For some women yes, for some no.

Also, a woman who acted one way when younger then acts another when older isn't necessarily some big dramatic thing to make a big deal out of, that's kind of just the trajectory of life. A lot of us (men included) take awhile to truly mature and understand what it is that we want, and a lot of us, especially in our late teen and early 20s, just like to kind of live in the moment and be a little reckless and such. And then we get older and it's like eh, done with that. Like , I'm probably never going to drunkenly throw up in a parking lot ever again and I'm 100% cool with that. I've grown up.

Red pill looks at it like if you marry the woman at that point you're losing out somehow because why, you don't get her "wild side" or whatever? But honestly, a lot of people (again, men included) want that more settled life at that point. (And that more settled life doesn't necessarily mean you don't have great sex btw, sometimes you have the greatest sex, because shockingly, actually getting to know each other's bodies over time works better than drunken hook-ups and such.) It's not necessarily something to look at as a bad thing, sometimes a man and a woman (or two men, or two women, or BIG POLYCULES, or whatever) just decide they want to settle down together. Life can be exhausting. It feels good to settle down as you age...

lateteawiththerabbit · 2022-08-12T18:57:52+00:00

I think this idea primarily comes from women who very much want to be home with their children until they are school age. While the guy doesn't have to be older to help make this happen, being older just makes it more likely that he'll be mature enough to not be risky with money.

But not all women want children (or at least to birth their children), some women want nannies or au pairs that they could also help pay for, some women insist they want to stay home full-time but then feel like they are losing their minds after the first three months of it.

A lot of the provider mindset seems to be focused on men and women in their roles in the past 50-70 years. Beforehand women very much provided, just in different ways. Making clothes, schooling children, preparing food, keeping a home before modern advances (especially during winter). All of these things could easily show that the workload was technically evenly split between both parties even though the woman was "stay at home."

Nowadays the role of stay at home is different and, while still valid, I think that's why there's so much contention over the roles. Not many families want to live off the grid. So men are not likely to be hunting or doing heavy lumberjack work and women are not likely to be spending hours growing food, cooking from complete scratch, etc.

TahneeTheAdventurist · 2022-08-12T20:09:38+00:00

Yes, and by "provider" I mean a man that can provide his half of the bills, emotional support, a responsible growth mindset, intelligent conversation, humor, and lastly, financial support if it is ever needed. financial support is the very bottom of my list because I rarely need it. I make my own money. But if I get sick, or need to take time away from work to have a baby, yes, I would like my partner to be able to help provide during that time. Just as I would do the same if he fell sick. It is a partnership always. Not every person is the same, not every relationship is the same. And no Shame to any relationship that is not like my own.

Emergency-Survey1333 · 2022-08-13T01:32:44+00:00

It’s probably true. But not « as they age » hence they have less chances of finding a «wild, sexy » guy, but « as they age » as in as they get more mature and realize what they actually need in their life. It’s literally the same thing for men. When young, everyone wants to have fun and don’t care that much about some characteristics in a person such as their ability to provide or be responsible and such… But the more you grow up, the more you realize that you need to build a life for yourself. Let’s say you’re financially stable, and you’d like to date and then marry, you want your partner to be mature, to be responsible, to know how to take care of themselves and of others, to be able to afford certain stuff… Let’s say you’ll want to buy a house for yourselves, personally as a woman, i would like for that husband to be able to afford his share of the house. I’m not marrying him for his money so that he can spend it on me. I don’t mind earning more money than him, I’m not saying i don’t wanna spend my money on him, or i want him to spend his money on me, I just want us to be able to afford the same lifestyle. I would also like to be able to buy myself something without thinking of the effect spending that money will have on him. I would just want financial independence. Now of course life isn’t simple, if he somehow is in need of money it would be completely normal to help him out, and i don’t mind spending my money on him (i could buy him clothes because i wanted to, or certain stuff, but i wouldn’t wanna buy him a whole house).

It’s just that when you grow up you realize that you want a certain stability that make your life better.

Enough about money, other stuff women want more in a man as they age, would be the ability of taking care of her, but the same goes for men. If you are in a certain situation where you need help, you’d want your partner to take care of you, to handle the situation. For example If you’re sick you’d like to have someone to take care of you. If you share a house, you’d want both of you to take care of it. If you have kids, you want both of you to raise them. You’d want your children to be able to count on both of you equally.

ChargeVisible · 2022-08-21T00:49:08+00:00

I'm a 42 year old woman. I work, my husband does not. He takes care of the house and bills and cooks. This absolutely works for us. I love him more than I can say and I still have sex with him every day. I am only one woman, but I exist. If I exist others must exist.

dolanmiu · 2022-08-12T13:38:54+00:00

This can only happen if guys do not understand their value and worth. I believe most guys do understand their value as they mature; so generally this doesn’t happen. Beta bux is a masochistic fantasy red pill people have.

2022-08-12T20:03:50+00:00

It works as incel cope. They think that at 30 they will have money and status and marry a younger hot women.

The truth is: it's difficult. Because the studies about marriage and money say that men earn more, so RedPilltards think: see? Women are marrying men for money and men for the sake of love! 🤡. And they ignore the fact that women lose money when they marry and have children and men earn more money when they marry.

Also, men are not marrying women without a career and without money. Poor women are marrying less than ever.

This idea also exists because women at their thirties express that they don't want to date men who don't want a serious relationship anymore. And that is RedPill-fuel, but people tend to ignore that men have the same mentality: they want to have party years at 20's and want to stablish after fucking around. (Another proof that RedPill is projection...) Personally I don't know any men my age (21) who want stablish, marry, have children, 'grow together'. Even if women want that at their 20's they will not have it most of the time.

threeorangewhips3 · 2022-08-12T21:18:03+00:00

You are in deep denial. just for the amount of times you try to convince us(and yourself) that its a myth. No its not a myth. stop downplaying something that is common and more prevalent than woman are willing to admit.

Rhubarb_Fair · 2022-08-13T19:44:53+00:00

As a woman, in general, most women are emphatically NOT looking for a provider. In fact, its seen as a hugely risky move to make yourself financially dependent on a man. A vast majority of women want to work.

What most women dont want, though is a passenger / man-child who they have to financially support (along with working, birthing children,and typically also doing the majority of childcare and housewrok too). So most women do look for a man who at least matches their financial position, rather than one they have to financially support.

Plus the economics of households mean that you basically NEED two decent incomes to have a middle class life. [UK perspective here].

JonF1 · 2022-08-13T19:55:45+00:00

Not really accurate in my experience. A lot of women who are hardliners and/or are open about wanting a "providers" are broke, extremely religious or otherwise just really have nothing going on in their life. Even buy just having job or and education, any education (trades count!) you avoid a lot of that mess.

And to be frank a lot of them end up having kids by deadbeats anyway.

Title	Is the idea of women dating/marrying a "provider" type of guy as they age, just a huge myth? "Betabux" or whatever it's called
Author	Gmed66
Upvotes	26
Comments	125
Date	August 12, 2022 5:47 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/wmdcum/is_the_idea_of_women_datingmarrying_a_provider/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/is-the-idea-of-women-datingmarrying-a-provider.1127647 https://theredarchive.com/post/1127647

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