Ex is driving me to bankruptcy

BlackHoleSlurpy · 2022-09-07T18:06:35+00:00

If you own the house jointly then you can petition the court for the sale of the house arguing that you are becoming destitute due to defending her false accusations. Absolutely. And, that might make you ex back off if she likes the house and lives in it.

NothingIsEverEnough · 2022-09-07T18:31:58+00:00

You can limit your lawyer to court issues. I told my lawyer to ignore all emails from her lawyer unless it pertained to a motion filed in court.

This drastically cut down my costs.

Soggy_Nose_7173 · 2022-09-07T18:00:37+00:00

How much money are we talking here? how much in 401k, how much equity in the house? How much value in other assets?

captainchippsixx · 2022-09-07T18:53:47+00:00

Civil suit.

awesomelybearded · 2022-09-07T21:58:28+00:00

My ex has done similar things, precisely because her family wires her money whenever she asks for legal fees. I’ve seen a few post threads in this subreddit detailing this situation. It’s rare, and its own special flavor of hell. For example, this week was our oldest’s first week of kindergarten. She is refusing to let our daughter bring her backpack between the houses, purely out of spite, knowing I’m not going to spend $10k to argue in court about such a detail. I just feel bad for my daughter. I’m sorry you’re going through this. But, at least I’m my case, she was the same way for a whole decade of marriage, and being able to heal is something special. It just takes time.

used2befast · 2022-09-07T21:42:48+00:00

I personally wouldn’t sell the house. I got tricked into that right before my wife filed and I gave her The money to fight me and make my life totally miserable. If I hadn’t sold that house she would’ve been totally backed up against the wall financially

tyyyy110 · 2022-09-07T22:32:36+00:00

Are you guys on the same phone plan? If so cancel that. Change passwords to all accounts that you now have ownership too. There's not even a need to have a joint banking account atp.

NBDad · 2022-09-08T00:25:54+00:00

Stop speaking with the cops unless they actually file charges. Get the police file numbers from all the prior allegations, and simply hand whatever officer a copy of them.

Make them actually arrest you, and then you get all their records as part of discovery. Then and only then bother the lawyer with it. Use the criminal records to show the ex is being malicious. Request SHE cover your legal fees for those (dropped) arrests, using the discovery documents are your exhibit evidence.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2022-09-07T22:19:15+00:00

I went through exactly the same thing as you.

The lawyers are there to bleed you dry. You need to find a fixed rate lawyer. And you need to go SLOW, otherwise, even if you make it out, you will have a lot of debt.

sicrm · 2022-09-07T19:05:43+00:00

selling the house is risky.

I remember a story where they sold the house and the ex went from no money saved to a war chest and she took full advantage of it to win the divorce.

tylerdurdensoapmaker · 2022-09-07T22:03:30+00:00

If she has more money than you can you petition to have her pay your legal fees as happens in many cases where one side has more money than the rest?

NBDad · 2022-09-08T00:27:38+00:00

Sometimes you just need to burn your credit and dance amongst the flames. Horde your cash. Put everything on credit and then just let it ride. If/when you show her to be the unreasonable one, then the debts that were incurred against the assets can be assigned to her. Once you have an agreement, declare bankruptcy. It's way easier to recover when you are the one sitting on the pile of actual cash.

Freefaller6 · 2022-09-08T01:17:09+00:00

Uh hello!!! If she has unlimited resources, “lose” your job and make her pay you alimony! Check with your lawyer first.

jkw118 · 2022-09-08T03:25:06+00:00

So this is something I'd check with your lawyer about. But essentially if she has unlimited funds. She will F you over. The only question is what can you do.

One idea, which may not be taken well by many, and it's not really my idea either:

So since she has the funds who pays the mortgage? do you both still live in the same house? If so, accept it. One idea is to take any major money in your name, and give it as a gift to your parents, relatives (buy a car and give it to one of them) Get money into a retainer for your lawyer. And leave all the bills and everything else to the stbx to deal with, but don't walk out the door. If she physically touches you, you can call the cops. Put as much money as you can into stuff that can't be traced, ie cash. Pay off anything that's in your name.

Let her know that she is costing your job, and since apparently she has more money your entitled to a chunk of it. And a chunk of the house. Make it less a thing of how she can screw you over. Make it how she will be screwed over if she isn't an adult.

You could become the slob who sits in the corner watches tv, and eats all the food. If she asks wtf your doing. The answer is your waiting for her to offer a deal, or to stop sabotaging your life.

Obviously212 · 2022-09-08T03:45:58+00:00

You need to find a better lawyer. Why would you be spending this kind of money. I wasted a few thousand fighting BS Protection from Abuse claims. Sometimes it’s best to prepare a written letter explaining your side and read it to judge and I put in there I was going to use Strava app to record all my movements. The lawyer did nothing for me and that solved all my problems. I did not contact her prior or after and had the court order email communication for visitation.

Block all avenues she can claim BS.

Your biggest enemy is emotions/frustration. I spent 1 week in court watching other peoples case. Not because I had to be there, but I wanted to see what actually went down. So it helped me a lot. The key is be calm no matter the allegation. Have your facts and evidence in order. If she is crazy they will see that. (I did come across this one judge who was a POS wouldn’t even let me say one word and sided with her. 3 other judges were fair gave her, her time and gave me mine and all reached the same conclusion and gave rulings against her crazy nasty behavior.

Obviously212 · 2022-09-08T03:56:08+00:00

See if you can request the court to consolidate this to save time, tax payer money, courts time and prevent further loss which will impact your ability to provide support to kids… etc.

Buckyohare84 · 2022-09-08T09:53:56+00:00

Hey, not sure this will help but I had the same problem. Her Daddy is a lawyer and doing shady crap. I kept telling my lawyer to stop accepting these allegations and eventually we wrote we would no longer respond to them but would wait for Trial. If she continues, your lawyer will be able to go after cost I believe. This is a trick some try to pull in order to destroy you. Stay strong. I have been working 2 jobs for 2 years paying all my fees. I am there in spirit with you bro!

vvrider · 2022-09-08T11:18:04+00:00

My ex does the same.She made approximately 14 false accusations in course of half a year, including fake verbal police report that my mother hit her.

They apparently do it for many reasons :

- drag the court poceedings & be able to "argumentise"

- extra delays by your "faulty" actions

- it puts her in attach mode and you in defence mode. Defence mode is a lot more expensive & you have always to proove stuff . And they don't have to

- to cause a lot of emotions; People are really easy to manipulate to

- revenge;

- cause you making mistakes during the defense

I think emotions are things that mostly fck us up during divorce ,to be honest

2022-09-08T12:31:54+00:00

What’s preventing settlement in your case? Is it finances, kids, something else? Depending on what it is (finances for instance) my advice is to take the hit and move on. You’re spending 60k a year on lawyers fees, plus your time and sanity. How much is that worth to you, more or less than you’re fighting over?

If it’s kids, obviously this becomes harder. You mentioned you had a CPO against you— are you still fighting it? If there are kids, I get fighting it. If not, you may want to consider just moving on and abiding by the CPO. That’s a shitty decision to have to make, but the peace of mind you’d get from being done with all of this is worth more than you could ever imagine.

RStonePT · 2022-09-08T13:28:52+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/588e5o/gain_control_of_the_treasury/

Hope it helps. I'll probably get banned for posting it but regardless.

4rdfun · 2022-09-08T16:16:44+00:00

Same boat here, I'm just throwing away my future over this and sacrificing my ability to provide for my kids. My approach is to do whatever I can to hurry this damn thing along, unfortunately that requires my lawyer filing motions which is adding up. But at some point I'll at least where I stand all be it likely in a pile of ruins.

Title	Ex is driving me to bankruptcy
Author	O-321
Upvotes	30
Comments	54
Date	September 7, 2022 5:51 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/x8bn5f/ex_is_driving_me_to_bankruptcy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/ex-is-driving-me-to-bankruptcy.1129702 https://theredarchive.com/post/1129702

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