How to stop talking about this shit?

upvotersfortruth · 2023-01-18T10:12:18+00:00

It's hard, man. You just gotta find one person - usually a brother bff - who is your go to for venting and bitching. The wider you spread it the more you'll end up alienating yourself. People do not want to hear that shit. Your lawyer would love to hear that shit and charge you for it. Same with the therapist.

Dangerous_Item_6879 · 2023-01-18T12:12:36+00:00

You need a way to release all the bad energy from your body. You can do the aggressive way like taking a boxing class or the relaxing way by doing yoga. Or something in between.

I like going to the gym and yelling internally “you fucking bitch” on the last couple of repetitions when the weight gets heavy.

bigtallblacknbald · 2023-01-18T07:29:19+00:00

Good of you to want to make sure you’re staying well rounded in your conversations. Your friends will understand (and if they don’t understand, they aren’t friends). Mine held me down for as long as I needed.

NohoTwoPointOh · 2023-01-18T09:29:06+00:00

Therapy.

One-Donkey-9418 · 2023-01-18T07:43:36+00:00

Just don't. It's over so put her out of your head and life. I dont answer her texts or calls anymore.

Slow_Way1108 · 2023-01-18T12:39:42+00:00

You gotta find someone to talk to.

I've been holding it in and just yesterday I had someone who offered a sympathetic ear and I ended up word vomiting for a solid 15 minutes.

It felt good, like letting the pressure out of a tank. It was very cathartic.

Don't try to stop talking about it.

Find the right audience, I'd recommend a male friend.

Girl_Dad42 · 2023-01-18T21:16:55+00:00

Actually….keep talking about it. That’s how you survive it. I was lucky to have my circle of family and friends to talk to while I was going through it. I found it helped tremendously along with talking to a therapist.

Gattsama · 2023-01-18T08:24:35+00:00

It's super easy to find yourself doing it because it occupies so much of your thoughts. Like a new baby, or recent trip. I found it best to limit my conversations to the topic they wanted to talk about. Because as you said, what's actually on my mind was the divorce. And it's good not to focus on it all the time. So I would deliberately choose not to bring it up, only ask about how they were doing or what's up with them or what they want to talk about.

With time (divorce was finalized last year for me) it will take up less mental space and hense be on on your tongue less. Also just tell your friends it's OK to tell you to stop talking about the divorce. If they are your friends they will want to be there for you as much as possible and if/when they are full should have the love and honesty to tell you.

Be safe out there...

Rough-Area4765 · 2023-01-18T12:03:09+00:00

Join a divorce support group. Plenty on meetup. Talk your heart out and hear other amazing stories of marriages ending in flames. It’s free!

MortarGoBoom · 2023-01-18T17:28:51+00:00

My pastor told me something that helped me immensely: no one is going to remember why you got divorced (or that you even were married), they are just going to remember how you acted during the process.

Keep your composure, don't bad mouth her in public, keep the kids out of it (if applicable), and stick to the therapy. Let her be the bad guy, and kill her with kindness in any interaction s. Trust me, this will piss her off more than she will ever let on.

Last, but not least, cut ties with her and all her family. It's not your business anymore what they think or know. Let her deal with them.

Hope this helps. It worked wonders for me!

playerknowmore · 2023-01-18T17:43:22+00:00

My friend still talks about his divorce six years after. Real friends will listen, and tell you when they don't feel like it today.

mrk177 · 2023-01-18T13:44:19+00:00

Get a therapist. Journaling also helps.

occoptionplaya · 2023-01-18T15:23:03+00:00

Join a men's group. I sent a message to all my cousins and aunts/uncles on FB and told them I'm getting divorced and that I'm fine and I don't want to talk about it. I received lots of love and support from the family in that message. No one has brought it up since, not once. Feels great.

throwaway83759372 · 2023-01-18T15:44:36+00:00

Vent when you need to but also focus on your own future and life without it. Have m new things to talk about, in short.

captainchippsixx · 2023-01-18T12:31:34+00:00

Counselor is good. Covered by insurance with your benefits usually.

Classic_Dill · 2023-01-18T14:53:34+00:00

Totally normal, you're actually screaming for help. I did it for 2 years, then i just stopped one day and apologized and thanked them for listening, be humble, be honest, people really like that, because its so rare today.

futureofthefuture · 2023-01-18T15:19:00+00:00

Weird. I’m the exact opposite. In fact, I have an agreement with everyone that we won’t discuss it unless I mention it first.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-01-19T00:21:26+00:00

Find one or two people to confide in, the rest don’t even bring it up to. I know it’s hard because it’s going to be on your mind constantly. Find distractions whenever you can - work, gym, hobbies. I like investing so I’m spending extra time researching companies and tickers etc.

Title	How to stop talking about this shit?
Author	polarshred
Upvotes	18
Comments	45
Date	January 18, 2023 7:22 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/10f17ij/how_to_stop_talking_about_this_shit/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-to-stop-talking-about-this-shit.1148707 https://theredarchive.com/post/1148707

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