Would you tell your kids it was their moms birthday if they were with you the day of?

pilotbrown16 · 2022-03-04T03:55:46+00:00

If it makes you feel any better I'm finally going to get to see my kids this weekend. And I guarantee my soon-to-be ex isn't going to allow me to talk to my kids or see my kids on my birthday next weekend.

jorgetrill · 2022-03-04T02:27:15+00:00

First off bear down bro, name checks out haha

And nah, you’re good. This is a discretionary thing. You could have told them, you chose not to and there’s no issue.

JohnnyMnemo · 2022-03-04T04:29:56+00:00

I've debated this, personally. A lot.

Ex immediately ignored my birthday and I have hers. So be it.

However. I think it's good for the kids to learn to respect others, and help them celebrate things that are import to others.

So while I will not do something myself for her birthday, I think it's good parenting to remind the kids that they should show respect to the people in their life that they love. If they are with me for her birthday, they should nevertheless sign a card if not get a present when old enough, and if I need to help them remember to do that it's part of the job of being a parent teaching kids to do the right thing.

pegleg_legal · 2022-03-04T03:11:23+00:00

Just out of curiosity - your agreement doesn't have your birthdays as "holidays"? That's odd.

pegleg_legal · 2022-03-04T02:29:36+00:00

Yes, and I would have them call her to wish her a happy birthday and get a gift for them to bring her. I wouldn't care how much I hated her because teaching my kids to be civil and good people, better than me and their mom, hopefully, is paramount.

Ridethelightning1987 · 2022-03-04T04:27:29+00:00

Why care? She don’t give a shit. I wouldn’t have even given it a second thought. It’s hard to care about someone that did things to you. If they remember or if she calls then fine but hell with the rest.

AirSailer · 2022-03-04T03:02:05+00:00

When my child gets older I don't want him thinking I deprived him of his relationship with his mother... Including life events such as birthdays. Some day she will be gone and I don't want him to feel like he missed out on parts of her life. I can't stand being around my ex, but my feelings don't mean shit when it comes to his relationship with her. That's what I do for him because I love him and it's my responsibility as a father to be a good role model for him.

Castelino2021 · 2022-03-04T09:30:47+00:00

You did the right thing

canival9885 · 2022-03-04T12:38:22+00:00

Just remember, she’s the one that decided she didn’t want to along with you post divorce so don’t feel bad. Focus on the kids and let her waste her energy on hating you. It takes effort to hate and be angry and it kills them more when you approach them with a smile and act like their selfish behavior doesn’t effect you. Stay strong and she can celebrate her own birthday.

cgsur · 2022-03-04T12:44:59+00:00

I hated growing up being afraid to take sides, not knowing was happening, or being blamed for everything.

I inform my kids as much as possible. Expect them to respect within reason their parents and their siblings.

My spouse used to engage in favourite kids and favourite parents. My kids were taught to pick their battles, and since little if mom wanted to be called favourite, the kids were encouraged to avoid stupid fights.

I get along with my kids and they try to get along with their mother with varied results.

The kids are ok.

Islandboy2000 · 2022-03-04T14:01:11+00:00

A reminder to the child is good . And so is an encouragement to call or FaceTime or make a homemade card. Beyond that, like buying gifts and cards, is totally unnecessary. I wouldn’t spend a penny on her.

As they get older and need assistance ordering something using their own money, then sure, I’d facilitate that.

CaliDude75 · 2022-03-04T14:41:21+00:00

No kids here. I think for me it would be a matter of how acrimonious the split was. If we parted on relatively amicable terms, then sure, I’d probably share it. If it was a “War of the Roses” type scenario, then no. 😄

therealcapthowdy · 2022-03-04T14:58:59+00:00

Yes I would. Not only does it set a good example for the children, it also shows you are above the petty BS she is spewing at you.

I did this with my kids, I even had them buy her a card and flowers. Since she was telling everyone under the sun that I was an abusive narcissistic cheater, it just made her seem bitter and petty to everyone who knows us both. (Bonus she complained to her lawyer, and he basically told her to suck it up because it was from my kids and she should just enjoy it. Her own lawyer thinks she is crazy).

Throwaway074119 · 2022-03-04T16:58:59+00:00

My kids are the same age as yours. And yes, I did during our separation. Just for civility sake and because we were thinking about reconciling.

azwildcat74 · 2022-03-04T18:11:13+00:00

[permanently deleted]

derelictherds · 2022-03-04T20:21:55+00:00

This isn't how I handle these types of things. There's a difference between reminding children to acknowledge their mother's birthday and you acknowledging your ex's birthday.

hombredelgato · 2022-03-04T22:14:43+00:00

I remind my kids about days that are special to their mom. They're old enough now and have their allowance, so if they want to do something for her they can buy it themselves. I'm not sure I'd go as far as buying something "from them".

Mickwillie · 2022-03-05T00:07:19+00:00

If you have to ask this question, you’ve been seriously scarred. Please get help. Try some Ketamine or psilocybin therapy if you’re in the right state. Otherwise seek out some sort of professional

anotheraccount741 · 2022-03-05T04:16:24+00:00

Ex and kid share same birthday, so problem solved for her. Me....well at least their aunt kicks ass.

Eve-3 · 2022-03-06T03:53:57+00:00

How about something simple like "Friday is mommy's birthday so when you see her on Saturday don't forget to tell her happy birthday. Do you need help making her a card?"

She's a grown adult, she can wait to have a birthday celebration. No need to give the kids early.

Title	Would you tell your kids it was their moms birthday if they were with you the day of?
Author	azwildcat74
Upvotes	21
Comments	40
Date	March 4, 2022 2:16 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/t683iy/would_you_tell_your_kids_it_was_their_moms/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/would-you-tell-your-kids-it-was-their-moms.1210629 https://theredarchive.com/post/1210629

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