I’m overweight need to be skinny to be allowed to travel and get married.

pearlsandstilettos · 2023-08-20T12:02:13+00:00

RPW: the OP is overweight and asking for help. Anyone suggesting the boyfriend should be dumped will be removed. We do not validate healthy at any size here. Issues with the man can be addressed if.more information comes to light that suggest there are problems before her weight.

Funny_Garage3895 · 2023-08-20T09:45:27+00:00

If you lose weight too fast you will become ill. You wont even be able to enjoy your wedding and will just sit there zoned out trying not to be sick
Its not possible to lose that amount of weight unless you basically only drink coffee and have an apple each day. You're trying to get to the weight of a thirteen year old. I was 50kg or under as a kid and I felt ill soo often because my metabolism was soo high. Its only recently I have put on weight and feel healthy at 25 at 66kg.
My partner, though he said he would try and push me to be healthy if I got obese, would not threaten no marriage or blackmail me. He would never say "get skinny or I won't be seen with you, travel with you or marry you'. He actually ended up liking the extra fat I put on when I was pregnant (ballooned to 80kg) and he didn't treat me any differently. I have dropped to 70kg since giving birth and he is constantly telling me how good I look. Not fat shaming.
Do you REALLY want to be with this man if this is how he treats you before marriage? If you work on yourself in your own time frame, you can be healthy and find someone better.

I get you was with someone 8 years and dont want that time wasted. I felt the same, was with someone for 5 years and kept holding on because of this. But leaving him was the best thing I did. My mental state got better, I was happier and found an amazing man who treated me well. I would not wanted to be stuck with my ex any longer just because of how long we been together. 8 years is nothing against the rest of your life of 60 years.....

Plus if its been 8 years you was 14. He was 21 Basically groomed.

Unless your trolling

EmpressEnder · 2023-08-20T05:07:23+00:00

I believe that losing 30-40 kg in a short period of time is unhealthy. The best thing to do is focus on your calorie deficit and build muscle, which can help you look snatch. Focus on losing fat for your health.

Dehydrated_Jellyfish · 2023-08-20T05:14:59+00:00

You can't lose 40 lbs. in 60 days. At best, you lose 1-2 lbs. a week. You can lose 40 lbs. between now and Jan 21st with small changes. I know you like to walk outside, but sometimes we do things we don't like to get results. The easiest way for you to lose weight is 10k steps a day (.75-1.5 hours) every single day + diet changes. I highly suggest you 'learn to like it' and use that time to make calls, watch TV or do other things. Life isn't supposed to be easy. Our body isn't designed to relax and be lazy. Sometimes we do hard things that hurt because it makes your life better.

Research shows fat loss happens when we quickly pant air. So, you don't need to run to get the effects of running. You need to walk so fast you start panting. Or you could jump rope, or skip down the street :)

I see an above comment suggesting fasting to you. I highly suggest you not experiment with fasting until you learn how to keep your body active. Just stop eating after 6 pm and never skip breakfast. Fasting is big kid/already fairly healthy person behavior for those who aren't prone to unhealthy eating behavior. You need more life changes to safely do fasting without triggering unhealthy eating habits. Your post already shows you have unhealthy eating habits and fasting can just turn into binge cycles that wrecks your digestive system.

Step 1: learn how to move a lot every day, quit sugar and processed carbs. Start now. Recognize excuses and release them. Just do it!

Alternative-Work8653 · 2023-08-20T06:06:27+00:00

I think you’re focusing on the wrong part here, your fiancé wants you to lose half your body weight in order to be married? I’m all up for fitness and being in shape because I feel good and I want to offer my best to my partner.

If he’s pushing you to change yourself and setting strict targets, it’s sounds too authoritarian and I’m pretty sure once you do lose the weight he’ll find something else for you to rectify so it’s not going to end there.

CapitalG888 · 2023-08-20T12:14:35+00:00

You should ask this in r/diet, I'm active there and can provide help here.

110 lbs in 4 months is very unrealistic. The healthy way is to lose ~1lb per week by dropping your maintenance calories by 500 per day.

Don't listen to your fiancé. You don't have to just eat meat and vegetables. The only true diet advice you'll ever get is...calories out > in. That's how you lose weight. You can eat carbs. They're not the devil.

Download myfitnesspal pal. They have a free version. Plug in your information. It'll tell you how many calories you eat daily to reach your goal. You can plug in everything you eat, and it'll calculate for you.

A realistic goal is for you to go from 220lbs to 190ish by December. Can you lose more? Yes, but you'll have to drastically drop your calories or drastically increase your exercise routine.

FancyPants882 · 2023-08-20T07:35:00+00:00

Firstly, I don't think having a body weight goal is the right way to go about it. It should be about what is a fit and healthy weight for you as an individual. 50kg is incredibly light for a tall person, for example. Also muscle mass (which is a sign of strength and health) is heavy and the more you have the heavier you will be, and that kind of weight isn't a bad or unhealthy kind. Having said all that...

Without having a specific "weight loss goal" and just wanting to be generally fitter and lose excess fat, I managed I lost 10kg in one month by doing the following:

Strength training at least 3 times a week (think powerlifting training and each lift of squat, bench and deadlift is trained with accessory exercises once per week). This is to build muscle mass which makes you burn fat faster
Doing at least some form of exercise every day (I would do at least one of strength training, boxing training and hill sprints each day). I would only do two workouts a day about once or twice a week. It was usually only one.
Eating what was probably close to a ketogenic diet, ensuring I had enough protein to sustain my strength training and healthy fat to provide energy, and not adding any carbs apart from fibre and low-sugar veggies into my diet. Think no potatoes, pumpkins or sweet potatoes but pretty much all other veggies were on the menu.

Building muscle mass will make you lose weight so much more quickly than cardio will. Hill sprints are great (sprinting up a hill at 100% effort, 3 times is one whole "hill sprint workout" and is incredibly efficient) and is way more effective than long-distance running. You want shorter periods of high-intensity, not longer periods of low intensity. This is the same concept with strength training - higher weights, less reps.

Boxing training for me was an enjoyable hobby that I just wanted to mix into my fitness routine and is great for cardio, but on its own it's not going to make the impact you want. A big key was to definitely do some form of exercise each day. The hill sprints were so quick too - literally 15 minutes and you're done for the day. Definitely doable.

Best of luck with your weight loss goals, but think of it as fat loss not weight loss!

Also, obviously I don't know anything about your relationship, but I just wanted to say that not allowing you to travel unless you meet certain conditions and not allowing you to be out when it's dark does sound quite authoritarian. Make sure you're looking after yourself.

bottomLobster · 2023-08-20T14:24:03+00:00

I suppose it is obvious but I did not see it mentioned in the comments - if you really want to lose weight, it will not be through excercise, you can expect maybe 20% from that. Most of the weight loss must come from eating differently than you do now. And I don't mean just temporary diet.

Such_Beginning_1629 · 2023-08-20T06:12:56+00:00

Some men have not earned us ! I know red pill sees them as prizes but your SO seems like a consolation prize! Why is he demanding this? Which are his internal wounds that he can not adress and care for without putting you down? I would reconsider his worth as a partner.

RexInvictus787 · 2023-08-20T21:45:33+00:00

Former personal trainer, current paramedic here.

It’s hard to give this kind of advice without actually looking at your figure, so my first piece of advice is seek advice from someone else in person. With that out of the way:

Losing that much weight the proper way will take quite a long time. Sure, you can do a fad diet or starve yourself and drop weight fast, but when you do it that way your risk health complications and you will likely gain most of it back when you go back to normal eating. 50kg will take you at least a year, quite possibly longer. Prepare yourself mentally for a marathon, not a sprint.

You must approach this as a lifestyle adjustment, not a quick diet and exercise plan. Stay away from fad diets and stick with the tried and true classics. I want you to google “40/30/30 macros” and “calorie counting” and learn all you can. Again, this is hard to judge without seeing your body comp, but I would start at 1800 calories a day and adjust as you lose weight. Cut out soda, cut out sweets, go on a brisk walk 30 minutes every day. This will get you started, and as you make progress and get in tune with your body you will learn what you can do. If you can keep this up for one month, you will want to start adding resistance training and more strenuous cardio. Good luck, getting in shape is the most rewarding journey you can undergo, and every day is easier and more rewarding than the last.

Btw, to easily convert kg to lbs, just double the number and add 10%.

InevitableKiwi5776 · 2023-08-20T23:01:59+00:00

One thing you can try is to really listen to your hunger cues and stop eating when you stop feeling hungry. You probably eat past this point and eat until you feel full, or even beyond that until you’re stuffed. This means that you will leave food on your plate, and may end up throwing some away, which is very difficult and distressing for some people. You will probably notice some foods keep you from feeling hungry again longer than others, and some foods don’t keep you satisfied for very long. Once you get used to not overeating, you can look into optimizing the nutrition of the food you’re eating, like focusing on protein, vegetables, and complex carbohydrates.

TheEstheticsDiva09 · 2023-08-21T05:40:34+00:00

So to begin, you need to understand that you’re asking to lose half of your current weight in less than four months. That’s not going to happen and any medical professional will tell you that. You need to be realistic about where you stand. Let me tell you about my current situation so I can shed some light.

I started feeling ill around May, but because I was graduating college and going on vacation, I paid no attention to it and brushed it off as being stressed about everything. For context, I’m 32, married, and technically overweight. My last weigh in at the doctor was 202 lbs (91.6kg). After I got back from my trip in early June, I still felt ill and started to affect my ability to get up in the morning or have energy to go to work. Admittedly, my eating habits were not great and finally I accepted that I had to do better and decided to change my lifestyle around. Started eating healthier and within a few days I noticed a difference. Went to the doctor and I had dropped to 194lbs (87kg). Had some tests ran to make sure my thyroid and everything was normal. Since then, I’ve continued my same routine of eating healthy and balanced meals, eliminating as much processed food as possible, drinking lots of water and taking appropriate vitamins. I’m currently sitting at 185lbs (83.95kg). Like I said technically I’m overweight, but overall I’m on the right track and my husband has been super supportive of me because he wants to see me healthy and happy.

All this to say that it’s also important that you have this conversation with your partner about realistic health standards. It does not help your health journey to put this amount of pressure to lose that much weight in such a short amount of time. All it’s going to do is put you in a situation where you put your health at risk out of desperation to meet his unrealistic standards. To be clear, I’m not judging your relationship, but it is concerning that he’s being quite unreasonable with your health journey.

hissyyfit1 · 2023-08-20T05:14:19+00:00

Lol no. Not unless you went absolutely crazy and are extremely disciplined. The only way you can lose that much by December is through intermittent fasting, and that’s if you barely ate. There are healthy ways of fasting that are effective and life changing, however. Heavy people who fast tend to lose weight rapidly in the very beginning. At your weight (and I’m assuming average height) it’d be the first ~20lb to go quickly. After that you plateau for a little while but remember the weight doesn’t come off consistently/all at once. You could do 24 hour fasts and then 1 meal a day after and then 24 hour fast etc. You wouldn’t have to do any crazy exercises, just walk but nothing strenuous. CICO and make sure you’re getting sufficient electrolytes (potassium and magnesium). You will NOT lose 30-40kg by January if you do this “traditionally”, meaning eating 3 meals a day and exercising for an hour, sorry but you won’t. People without a lot of muscle comp who do it this way typically lose 10lb/month if they do everything right, that’ll put you at a 13-14kg loss.

There are fasting subreddits you can check out. I can’t remember if this sub allows you to link people to other subreddits publicly (which I don’t understand why btw but I can pm you). You’ll see people doing loooong fasts, like days worth, but I do not recommend doing 24hr+ fasts if you’ve never done IF before. Also you don’t want to lose more than 30kg in 3-4 months because of the possibility of loose skin. Be prepared to lose less than your goal because it simply isn’t realistic to lose 40kg in such a short period, not even by January. Aim for 13-18, maybe 22kg if you take the IF seriously.

Edit: someone said fasting isn’t recommended for people who aren’t already healthy and that is NOT true. For reference, my dad is a GP who has a fairly large pool of obese patients (mainly treats diabetes), my boyfriend used to be a personal trainer, my minor in uni was food science, and I’m applying to a grad program next fall with the goal of going into something nutrition based. I know what I’m talking about. Even if you disregarded all of that, results trump everything. Check out those subreddits. There are TONS of morbidly obese people who jumped straight into IF, typically 24 hours off-on, or 16-8. They did their homework beforehand, which obviously goes without saying. They weren’t “big kids” (whatever that means) or health nuts. I can’t tell you the amount of overweight people I’ve met in real life who started fasting either by themselves or under supervision and lost significant weight, changed their eating habits, and most importantly, have kept the weight off.

OP, I can even help you sketch out a meal plan or direct you to professionals that can help you figure it out online. The other person told you to “never skip breakfast” - this isn’t based on anything solid. Studies are inconclusive, here’s an article about this too. You can skip breakfast if you want, it doesn’t matter. You don’t have to quit sugar, just use it in moderation, try honey instead, stay away from artificial sweeteners. However you lose the weight, it’ll be a total life style change that you must incorporate into your life or you’ll gain it back.

anothergoodbook · 2023-08-20T23:49:23+00:00

I really love the program Body Slims. It helped me quite a bit and I’m starting the September program soon.

Redlimetree · 2023-08-21T10:13:25+00:00

I was 100kg at my max (and actively avoided the scale). I'm now 65kg. My life is better now because of it. I'm 172cm tall (not 169 like I thought I was). IMO 50kg on my own body frame would look terrible. And I think your deadline is unreasonable, loosing weight that fast IMO will not result in a flattering frame.

I think I was around 90kg when I started doing the stuff that lead me down this weight loss journey. I got to 75kg within 8 months. I've kept that off for 2 years now with minimal effort.

I'll happily share what helped me. But first I think you need to ask yourself questions.

Why do you eat? Figure out what comfort food brings you. Are there other mental health issues you are coving up with the comfort of food? What else in life do you enjoy aside from unhealthy/excess amounts of food?

Is your reasons for wanting to loose weight? Will loosing weight for your boyfriend just build resentment for the effort you are putting in that he isn't? I did my own journey for myself and that felt good. I know I would have resented doing it for somebody else. I don't resent my current BF who constantly calls me beautiful even though I truly believe he wouldn't have thought 100kg me was beautiful.

I did the below stuff without the direct intention of loosing weight, I was more focused on another health issue (brain fog). This is after years of unsuccessfully trying to loose weight. But this stuff I did for my brain fog made the weight fall off.

1) Got off hormonal birth control.

I truly believe the years of continuously high progesterone levels made being a healthy BMI near impossible. Getting off it also greatly helped with my mental health and "spark for life" which I didn't realise until I got off it! I felt a huge change within 2 weeks. I wasn't sexually active though so didn't need to factor unwanted pregnancy into this decision.

2) Strict keto (no carbs so no bread, pasta, rice or potatoes) and 18 hour intermittent fasting. I eventually stopped this once I was at a healthy BMI.

I didn't even worry about the calories. I just ate bacon and eggs until I felt full. And coffee. And whatever other meat I could be bothered cooking, I was an unorganised cook and the bacon and eggs was the easy tasty dish. The carb cravings vanished. So I wasn't hungry, so that in itself reduced my calorie intake with NO CONSCIENCE EFFORT on reducing calories. OK I did cheat keto with a dash of milk (full cream) in every coffee and occasionally sushi

3) Walking.

I got into the habit of daydreaming whilst walking and listening to music. I now believe getting the blood moving is amazing for your health. I found the daydreaming rewarding in itself.

4) Worked on my mental health, meeting my emotional needs and getting in tune with my body.

I come to realise what I thought was "hunger" was actually my body saying some other need wasn't being met. Oh and the difference between a carb craving (which will pass if you ignore it but will happen again if you feed it carbs) and actual hunger.

5) STOPPED the strict keto once I was a healthy BMI and moved my attention to micronutrients and healthy hormones.

I assume this worked as now I'm insulin tolerant again. Even though I contribute my initial success to strict keto now I've been back eating carbs for the past 1.5 years I've still lost more weight much to my own surprise! And my weight distribution is looking more natural and not like a fat person who lost a huge amount of weight fast.

Last 5 months I started purposefully eat carbs during the second half of my cycle to help support progesterone levels (IDK if there's strong scientific basics for this, don't take it as a fact). I still try avoid empty carbs and weigh up if the calories are worth the "enjoyment". Most breads and pasta aren't "worth it". Sushi and home-made choc chip cookies hell yeah!

RestlessReality123 · 2023-08-21T14:03:34+00:00

You can easily lose the weight in that time, his suggestion will work, you might want to add vitamins as pills and you'll be good to go!

flower_power_g1rl · 2023-08-20T06:11:14+00:00

You shouldn't lose that much weight in that short time. 50kg could be underweight depending on your height. You shouldn't eat only meat and veg, that is unhealthy

EmpressEnder · 2023-08-20T08:51:51+00:00

I lost 5kgs in a month on keto and I am slim. If you're bigger you lose more in the beginning (water weight included).

However I feel this is really insensitive of your partner to suggest you need to lose weight. If you are not ideal for him he shouldn't be pursuing you. You are worth more than that too, OP. Please consider if he is like this pre marriage what will he be like post marriage? What he is suggesting is not leadership. It's control.

Edit: spelling.

EmpressEnder · 2023-08-20T16:30:01+00:00

[permanently deleted]

kitterkatty · 2023-08-21T01:06:36+00:00

Walk 30k steps a day, (it’s only ~20km) eat like he said lean protein and veggies only (emphasis on lean) no sugar or fruit in any form except maybe some blueberries, cherry tomatoes or avocado. Personally I would intermittent fast 48/1 omad. That’s just lunch every other day, but you’ll be living on your stored fat. And you HAVE TO sleep 8 hours a night no exceptions. Sleep is vital for recovery. It also helps to go off caffeine.

And if you really want to bust it out do Cassidy Thompson’s conditioning routine once a day

Good luck! You can do it 🍀 I’m currently doing this lol sometimes alternate with a murph Lean Beef Patty style, but not usually.

peace_love_mcl · 2023-08-21T11:52:59+00:00

Basically do low carb STRICTLY like he mentioned, and start lifting weights, and drink a ton of water/protein shakes

OkBlueberry3088 · 2023-08-20T08:54:28+00:00

That’s a lot of weight to lose in a short period of time. Can be done in about 4 months with dedication and discipline. Look up intermittent fasting and give that a shot. It’s the best way to lose weight fast.

AutoModerator · 2023-08-20T04:47:14+00:00

Title: I’m overweight need to be skinny to be allowed to travel and get married.

Full text: I’m 100kg/ 220 pounds. Once I go back to reception I will have to work from 8am - 4pm. He wants me at 50kgs idk what that is in American. I’m 23f he (fiancé 31m) had told me to only eat meat and veg. I cannot be caught out at dark the sun sets in my area at 6:01pm and rises at 6:30am I hate the treadmill I prefer to walk in real life. What I wanna know is. Is it possible to lose 30kgs - 40kgs of weight before December 9th is when my work breaks away for holidays until January 21st I want to know what else I need to do I make this possible please help I’m desperate oh he won’t take me travelling if I’m not 40kgs by the holidays. Thanksss

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Helvetenwulf · 2023-08-21T12:16:04+00:00

That s an insane amount of weight for such a short amount of time.... Even if you can do it it s very unlikely you can substain it. I would suggest a 300kcal deficit per day. And some exercising. Walking 10k steps a day would probably be enough for your current fitnesslvl.

Available_Seat_8715 · 2023-08-21T19:53:57+00:00

Can you go to a weight loss clinic? They can prescribe you semiglutide and help you with a diet plan.

countrylemon · 2023-08-22T01:19:52+00:00

what’s your height??

I’m 5’4” 118lb (51kg) and I am considered extremely small and very skinny in America/Canada (canadians are also statiscally bigger than americans too)

This sounds pretty unhealthy if a request

ishtiakbbh · 2023-08-22T05:21:16+00:00

Dude here- please take it easy. I lost 60lbs Ina span of 2 years. What I will say is buying protein products, learning to be comfortable in a state of hunger (don't overdo it obviously), and also finding a cardio activity that's both fun and challenging will be all you need to see progress.

Loveenglishpeople · 2023-08-23T20:25:49+00:00

I think 60kg, unless you are very short (under 1m50 cm) is a better goal. Look up BMI for advice, and only set up a goal within healthy bmi.

Moving troughout the day (walking way more and 1 hour of moderate to strong exercise) is good, but you mostly need to watch the amount of food you eat. Don’t overeat. Don’t skip meals, but stop after one plate each meal. Stay away from junkfood, sweets and friedfood. Loosing 1 or 2kg a week is good. You might become ill if you loose more than that.

Emobob53 · 2023-09-04T08:10:15+00:00

You need to get a self esteem. That guy doesn’t love you

Title	I’m overweight need to be skinny to be allowed to travel and get married.
Author	EmpressEnder
Upvotes	9
Comments	60
Date	August 20, 2023 4:47 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/15w1q8i/im_overweight_need_to_be_skinny_to_be_allowed_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/im-overweight-need-to-be-skinny-to-be-allowed-to.1229101 https://theredarchive.com/post/1229101

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