Telling people to get a better personality in order to date is pointless

januaryphilosopher · 2023-08-23T16:42:24+00:00

I've met lots of them. It's the most likely thing to make someone memorable. You're saying that everyone you remember is for their looks or job or something? Of course it's subjective, but so are looks. And of course people change and develop their personality over time.

RonMexico432 · 2023-08-23T17:00:37+00:00

Some people need it. "I'm fit, have a good job, nice......" If everything outside is good and you're still failing, it's time to look inside. Plainly, you're lacking somewhere.

Philip8000 · 2023-08-23T17:15:14+00:00

The biggest factor when it comes to dating is social ability, the ability to pick up on non-verbal cues, and being able to draw people to them. Whether platonic or romantic. Yes, looks are a factor as well, but I've seen unattractive men with partners. Same for short men.

Social awkwardness, however, is a death sentence for men. Even today, it's usually the man's job to make the first move at every step. Yes, there are exceptions, but that's usually how it goes.

indigo_pirate · 2023-08-23T17:42:33+00:00

That’s very telling and also sad that you think most people will never meet an interesting person. Oh dear

WeebR3axt · 2023-08-23T17:40:49+00:00

I have multiple personality disorder so I just switch personalities when I date

Captain-Stunning · 2023-08-23T19:07:58+00:00

When people say 'work on your personality', a big part of that is to develop hobbies and interests. If all you do is work and spend time on screens, be it TV, video games or (gasp) Reddit, that means you don't have much interesting going on in your life. That is not attractive.

And yes, personality matters and I've met lots of wonderful and a few terrible people memorable bc of their personality.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-08-23T16:50:39+00:00

I have met 100s of people like this. What is wrong with all of you

bad_nerves · 2023-08-23T17:11:21+00:00

in your real life you should be able to observe some of your friends are constantly in relationships despite not being chads. this is because they have a good personality for dating. other friends may sporadically find relationships but they don't find them as easily because their personality isn't ideal for dating. the idea that personality doesn't help for dating is absurd and comes off as someone who doesn't have much of a social life to see the disparity that personality creates in outcomes.

to add; the idea that "memorable and unique" personalities to you are non-existent (or at least the crux of your post rests on the infrequency of it) to me indicates that you do not talk to enough people to have made this assertion. there's many people who have magnetic personalities, that's why charisma as a term was invented for those individuals.

MistyMaisel · 2023-08-23T16:50:05+00:00

I meet interesting people with unique or memorable personalities frequently. It is a pet thought of mine that boring people find other people boring. People who aren't unique or memorable often see others as not unique or memorable.

I would conjecture this is because people who see others as not unique or memorable are typically quite depressed, afraid or bitter and usually that starts with a nightmarishly critical judgement of themselves that they then naturally apply outwards.

The first thing I'm thinking if I tell someone to get a personality could often be translated to: could you stop being such a fucking cynical downer. If you're going to a cynical downer, you must at least be funny and entertaining about (like a Doug Stanhope). If you're going to have that much negativity and vinegar, combine it with something positive and sugary.

Pour some sunshine in your ass so I can see what else shines out your face besides that sour puss.

Safinated · 2023-08-23T16:44:43+00:00

It worked for me, that’s why I say it

It is perfectly logical that not being a crude, antisocial sourpuss is better than being a crude, antisocial sourpuss

EverybodySupernova · 2023-08-23T20:00:35+00:00

How many times hace you met someone with a memorable and unique personality?

TONS. What are you talking about? See, this is part of the personality problem. You've gotta be a pretty bland person yourself if you can't even pick up on how varied people's personalities actually are.

WeebR3axt · 2023-08-23T19:29:06+00:00

“Just have a good personality” is just another way of saying “just take a shower”

The amount of narcissistic/toxic people who are in relationships is already high.

It’s just funny because that advice is often targeted to men.

Meanwhile every woman claims to have a narcissistic/toxic ex and the good personality guy is her male best friend.

Caring_Cactus · 2023-08-23T19:54:46+00:00

I actually agree with you, BUT people can improve their emotional maturity and communication skills. Those two factors are what determine compatability the most in terms of connections in life. Everything else is preferences in shared goals and values which should typically not be changed.

HighestTierMaslow · 2023-08-23T21:57:48+00:00

All my most memorable dates were with men with really good personalities not the most "objectively" attractive men.

Able-Imagination3695 · 2023-08-23T23:42:09+00:00

How many times hace you met someone with a memorable and unique personality?

Pretty often, actually. I've known some truly wonderful people.

Honestly, based on your post, how terribly you spell and your responses, I'm getting the impression that you don't understand that you're probably not meeting many remarkable people because you're not exactly remarkable yourself.

Thrice_Banned80 · 2023-08-24T00:32:27+00:00

How many times hace you met someone with a memorable and unique personality?

Fuck, fairly often? At the very least them being memorable makes them stand out from the chaff.

WeebR3axt · 2023-08-23T18:23:14+00:00

'How to get a better personality' for dummies:

-put down the videogames and drug addictions

-climb out of the basement

-travel, volunteer, meet strangers, try new foods... have stories to tell

-engage in therapy

fuckthemoddsofreddit · 2023-08-23T18:05:49+00:00

Its just bullshit gaslighting to avoid acknowledging whats really going on.

Ambitious-Knee7586 · 2023-08-23T17:47:25+00:00

Pretty obvious

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Comms · 2023-08-23T20:36:19+00:00

better personality

memorable and unique

"Better personality" doesn't mean "unique" or "memorable".

Let me use cars as an analogy.

You don't have to have this personality. But do better than this personality. This personality is completely fine.

The problem is that many of you are driving the second vehicle.

KayRay1994 · 2023-08-23T21:36:41+00:00

“dick size” - tell me you’re porn brained without telling me you’re porn brained.

That being said, improving your personality kinda matters a lot cause that’s where things like confidence, maintaining interest, core values and so on can all come from and be derived from

Mr_Chad_Thunderpenis · 2023-08-23T23:24:53+00:00

Personality matters, but not to a big extent, especially initially. Also, noone can really significantly change their personality. The vast majority of it is based on your genes and early childhood/experiences.

obviousredflag · 2023-08-24T08:22:08+00:00

Stop trying to date out of your attractiveness league and it becomes based on personality a lot more than you think. Also stop using online dating if you are not already getting lots of matches there. The greatest problem really is men thinking there is no alternative to dating apps and focusing their whole effort on dating apps.

bruhminer · 2023-08-24T10:09:07+00:00

Being attractive = good personality.

Both men and women overlook shitty behavior when a person is good looking.

justforlulz12345 · 2023-08-26T04:35:35+00:00

I can’t be myself because everyone accuses me od being “schizophrenic “ I have to wear this horseshit mask society tells me to wear or I get thrown in a psych ward and given chemical lobotomy pills.

Title	Telling people to get a better personality in order to date is pointless
Author	WeebR3axt
Upvotes	43
Comments	136
Date	August 23, 2023 4:34 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/15z8yum/telling_people_to_get_a_better_personality_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/telling-people-to-get-a-better-personality-in.1229525 https://theredarchive.com/post/1229525

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