I need help.

david10277 · 2023-09-19T03:45:26+00:00

Invite over some friends over to celebrate the new place.

Why are you there alone on your first night. Celebrate the milestone.

Shes gone..let her go..she loved what you provided , not loved you for you...leave her be..

Celebrate !!!

Salty-Rutabaga-3329 · 2023-09-19T03:57:32+00:00

I was in pretty dark spots through my divorce. I just kept telling myself I'd make it through it.

It was time management for me. Time stood still. I was immortal, just not in an enjoyable way. But I knew if I could get through it, I'd be better for it.

My best advice to you is to not make any major decisions. Do not do anything spontaneously. Do not communicate without sleeping on it for at least a night.

Reflog1791 · 2023-09-19T03:53:38+00:00

Tough times don’t last. You’ll be alright. You have to turn this into a springboard for something positive. Life will get much better when you focus on achieving your new goals. Start dreaming big. Leaving the cheater was a great decision, it’ll pay off.

No_Pace2396 · 2023-09-19T04:38:34+00:00

Walk around in your underwear and read stoicism. A Man's Journey Through Divorce podcast helped me. No kids...great, build your life and you'll be better off in a few months when you realize trash cheats on a good man. Kids...write letters to them about your good memories of being their dad. Become the man you want your kids to see you be, not the man that suffered a cheater. Either way, start walking/running or plan to get to the gym tomorrow. This sucks. It's hard to belive things will get better. They may not for a long time. Kids complicate, but if you don't have them you'll realize this was the best thing that could happen to you. If you have them, you should be missing them, not her.

And she's telling you she still loves you so if things don't work with the new guy she can come back. She'll reach out to you again when she needs affirmation or a pick me up because she's not getting the attention she left you for.

SII75 · 2023-09-19T05:15:27+00:00

Dude!!! You are a bad motherfucker man! There is nothing you can’t handle! Think about your life and all the ups and downs and you made it. Be true to yourself and take a deep breath. This too shall pass but let’s make sure you don’t lose yourself. All the advice here so far is great. Eat right, workout, no booze or drugs because that’s what the system wants to you take so you can be a slave to it. Well fuck that ! Just chill, you got this !!

Ptsdveterannavy · 2023-09-19T05:02:52+00:00

When you chosen to marry but the wolf was shown afterwards, it isn't your fault, you've chosen to lye with the enemy. You'll be ok, longevity with a manipulator will cause you to question and challenge yourself. Seek counseling and therapy and get yourself together and leave the trash behind and start freshly over

Lumpy-Prior3261 · 2023-09-19T05:44:15+00:00

Dude you don't need help and there is no reason why you should be scared it may seem out of place but you will be just fine there is no reason to say you can't be with your wife .so how long has it been I take it you are just joining the group, that none of us asked to be a part of every one of us has been through this some may have been years ago it was 29 years ago I caught my wife trying to sneak in our home at 5 am she should have been home at 12:30 am the latest from work the only thing it was her birthday and a Friday I was up waiting for someone who could have gave a shit less about me and our daughter .fking some guy oh yeah .

That was the last time she set foot in my home 12 years together we had plans to retire in our 40s well she is 53 now and just started a business a year ago me I've had mine for 13 years . I'm now 54 . And one that bombed in 2007 and 2008 when the economy took a turn south .

My daughter is 34 now she was 5 she a Oncologist. She went to med school a year early.

I take it you can't deal with the cheating thing you said she still loves you so why did you move out .I need more info on what's going on brother . How long ago did you find out But you will be ok you don't need her to move forward and live a great life trust me.

San_Ra · 2023-09-19T06:11:45+00:00

Ring you mum. Then at the end of the conversation you can still say "i love you"

Also you got this man!! Its a hard situation to be in but it will get better. We here to support you if needed

ColSolTigh · 2023-09-19T14:12:05+00:00

Grow up. This “I’m scared” crap is pathetic. So much so that I suspect you are a boredom troll.

SingingBird420 · 2023-09-19T11:56:23+00:00

Go back with her even tho she cheated. Being alone is the worst thing in the world. I know I'll get downvoted but I would be happier with a cheater that loves me than alone.

Fluffy-Concentrate76 · 2023-09-19T05:05:15+00:00

Once a cheater always a cheater. I took my STBXW back seven years ago the first time I caught her. I know it is hard. Be strong focus on yourself. Please don't make the same mistake that I did. Don't look back

upvotersfortruth · 2023-09-19T07:16:26+00:00

Text it to someone else. It's part physical and part psychological. Partial relief is better than no relief.

Gattsama · 2023-09-19T08:01:29+00:00

Sorry you are going through this BS. You need to stay no contact. It might hurt in the short term but will greatly help your healing in the long term. Text yourself good night. Start a journal. Don't shut yourself inside. Start working out and put energy into a hobby that requires lots of time and study.

I do chess, video game programming, and studying. You are going to hear this a lot because it's true, start working out. Doesn't matter what: calisthenics, walking, running, gym, bjj, jump rope, etc. It's a natural antidepressant and it's good to start a new routine.

You are unfortunately not the first, nor last, person to find themselves in this situation. Millions have come before you. Lean into them for knowledge and support. This group can help. But join a men's group, meet up, or ask coworkers who are divorced. Most are willing to provide support.

Understand that it's OK to miss what was lost. But that it is lost. The relationship is dead. You can grieve, but don't try to keep it on life support. Her cheating is her telling you who she is. Listen to that, not what she says or the memories you had.

You will get through this and come out stronger on the other side. I know it doesn't feel that way now. But there are multiple examples to demonstrate that truth.

AdrianInLimbo · 2023-09-19T10:28:05+00:00

It's a process.

I'm almost 3 years out, and goddammit I had a stupid nightmare about her cheating last night. It was as real as it felt when it happened back then.

Take it one day at a time, and don't let the tough moments push you into backsliding. Every minute, hour, day, is another step away, and a step towards getting your life back.

ciscopimp2 · 2023-09-19T12:04:19+00:00

Pray for guidance and strength. Then, see a therapist

l3tsR0LL · 2023-09-19T12:26:14+00:00

It's normal, you need to work through the stages of grief for your loss. She is gone

averagesnowman69 · 2023-09-19T13:51:22+00:00

Stay strong and repeat to yourself « I know I made the right choice ». Courage, my internet stranger friend

ThePancakeStalker · 2023-09-19T14:18:27+00:00

You've got this! I believe in you, brother. It gets easier with time.

captainchippsixx · 2023-09-19T15:43:37+00:00

Should be mad. Work out a lot. Eat healthy. Write up a night time routine. Write up a goala, to do , hobby to do kit.

Get home, snack. Go to the gym. Get groceries and eat dinner. Go over the to do and want to list nightly for accomplishments and edits You get something done it’s a win.

Join a sports team or weekly hobby hang.

After that maybe a movie while you look into stuff Mon- look at your assets - stocks , funds , savings. Research . Tue- assess bills Wed- hobby or sport night Th- side hustle ? F- dating app research when time

Plan and achieve

HathorsSekhmet44__4 · 2023-09-19T17:01:54+00:00

I know I’m not a man, but I always recommend Watching stand-up comedy to people going through a break up. It really helped me through All sorts of hard times. Sometimes we just need to remind our brains how to laugh and smile.

It helps reestablish those connections in the brain, the happy ones

team_starfox · 2023-09-19T20:28:15+00:00

First i want to say: t's going to be ok. It's a major life change and this time you're on your own.

I dont mean to sound cliche or put you down bur, it's time to be a man, and face this head on. Focus on yourself, workout, hobbies; find things to better yourself and provide some distraction. (Not tv)

Working out is proven to help with depression and anger

Hobbies focus your mind on something and provide opportunities to meet new friends.

When I went through separation it reminded me of when I joined the army. I was in a new setting, away from my family, getting yelled at, worked over etc. But after a few weeks the new faces became familiar faces, I started adjusting to the new life as a soldier.

In separation the first month was hardest. Not seeing my kids or her every night tore me up. Eventually I found a new rhythm, new gym and a new hobby. Mine was rc car racing. I was tinkering all the time so it occupied my evenings when I was alone and when I met up at the local club the new faces got familiar and became friends.

It's going to be ok

Initial_Tomatillo_94 · 2023-09-19T20:36:31+00:00

Know that every day after today will be better than the day before. You got this man. There are a lot of us here that have gone through it and a lot of good advice to be found.

Jonger1150 · 2023-09-19T21:20:48+00:00

Bro

Been there, done that.

It gets way better.

ragingredditir · 2023-09-20T00:40:21+00:00

The fact that you’re admitting your scared and finding a community for support (Reddit) is all I need to know. You’re gonna be fine.

Here are some things that helped me at the beginning:

1) audio books to fall asleep too 2) motivation app, programmed to make me wake up to an inspirational quote 3) google F3 nation and find a workout group near you 4) order of man iron council is a good resource 5) learn a new hobby

LonelyDadbod4U · 2023-09-20T01:54:54+00:00

Watch some porn , placate yourself and tomorrow is another day. Stay strong..

ninwareersan23 · 2023-09-20T04:51:52+00:00

Stay way from any kind of drugs bro they are root of evil

Sea-Patience-6902 · 2023-09-20T22:03:01+00:00

Start working out eat healthy and bit some new cloths and get on a dating app ,nothing serious just to meet some new women, trust me it will help,start some hobbies you always wanted to do.

Title	I need help.
Author	AggravatingGuest5991
Upvotes	21
Comments	46
Date	September 19, 2023 3:38 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/16mgchy/i_need_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-need-help.1232276 https://theredarchive.com/post/1232276

Comments