Q4 People in Relationships: Does Assortative Mating Apply to Your Relationship? If so, how?

Safinated · 2023-09-19T16:58:44+00:00

Obviously. We’re both boring, average normies

NOTSM · 2023-09-19T17:01:41+00:00

Very similar in most regards. Middle class whites that run in similar social circles and have <5 year age gap.

Only real difference is that she’s around 5” taller than me and I grew up poor before making the jump to middle class.

Soloandthewookiee · 2023-09-19T17:22:40+00:00

Age (tell us the difference if possible), Race or ethnicity, Religion, Educational attainment, Intelligence

Age: I'm 13 months older than my wife

Race: different races

Educational attainment: I have a bachelor's, my wife has an MD

Intelligence: we have comparable intelligence, though I would characterize mine asq breadth of knowledge and hers is more depth of knowledge

Height: I'm above average, my wife is average

BMI: mine is higher than my wife's

Skin pigmentation: different races

Physical attractiveness: I think my wife is more attractive than me, but she might say differently

Socioeconomic: from similar backgrounds, but my wife makes substantially more money than me

Cultural backgrounds: my wife's parents are immigrants, so there is a significant difference in cultural backgrounds

Moral values: similar

Religious beliefs: similar

Political beliefs: similar

fantabroo · 2023-09-19T16:57:54+00:00

It's the first relationship for me that has been lasting for over a year, and I genuinely feel comfortable in:

Mental disorders, moral values, religious beliefs, personality traits, and behavioral characteristics

Before that, I went for girls who matched my physical standards & educational attainment while trying to fake having no mental disorder. Always went fucking nowhere after a few months.

SeveralSadEvenings · 2023-09-19T17:33:42+00:00

I guess.

Age: he's a year older than me

Race or ethnicity: he's white but grew up around working class black people, I'm WOC that grew up around middle class white people

Religion: he was raised "Catholic" by lazy Catholics, just like I was. We've both evolved into apathetic atheists.

Educational attainment: we both have bachelor degrees in faff and nonsense.

Intelligence: well, he's smart enough for me and passed my dad's 'test'.

height: I'm 5'3" he's 5'9"

physique: he's pale and small, I'm tan and small.

culture: we both come from Blue/Democratic, union supporting, labor rights, quasi socialist, multi generational immigrant households (I'm first gen, he's second gen).

Behavioral characteristics: Same level of cynicism and appreciation for the absurd. He's far more extroverted/social and is driven to entertain, a typical ESFP. I'm the complete opposite, very much an INTP thats happy to be left alone with just my thoughts.

Cutesy whatever: both of our father's are Italian. His last name is the male version of my first name. So had I changed my last name when we married, I would have gone by something like Marina Marino. We also have the same middle name. 🤷‍♀️

Acaciduh · 2023-09-19T17:45:00+00:00

Hmm I’ve never even thought about this but going thru your questions we are very similarly matched.

He’s 2 years older, Both Latin (Me - Cuban, Him - Puerto Rican), College Educated, Not religious, although he’s prob more staunchly atheist. Politically very similar. I will say personality wise he’s more intro and I’m extroverted which I think compliments each other. I appreciate his analytical calm nature and he likes my spontaneity.

Physically very close as well, he’s 6’1” and I’m 5’7” which is a bit above average for our area. Physically fit. Both dark hair and eyes although he’s tan and I’m pretty pale lol. He also grew up in a more rough neighborhood and I was firmly middle class. Definitely the same morals and goals on how to raise a family.

SianOiseau · 2023-09-19T17:24:04+00:00

We're very similar in terms of background and socioeconomic level, but not so much in terms of appearance. We're of the same ethnicity, but we have different skin, hair, eyes colors and he's significantly taller and bigger overall. We're of the same age.

Zabadoodude · 2023-09-19T17:28:22+00:00

We're similar where it matters: we have similar values, worldview, and goals. Superficially, we are very different: I'm white, she's black. I'm 9 years older. We have similar education levels, but I'm better off financially. We both grew up as poor immigrants, so we have that in common, but her family was much more strict and conservative than mine.

We're both tall, and have no mental health issues, so I guess those parts hold true for us.

BlueMountainDace · 2023-09-19T17:40:38+00:00

Completely applied. Both of our parents immigrated from India to pursue graduate degrees. Both of us grew up in the Northeast US (MA and NJ) in top public school systems. Both of us went to good universities in MA. We're both tall.

Our only real difference is in educational attainment - I only have a BA and she has an MD. That said, I'm probably in the top few percent in my field and have received a ton of awards and honors in my field so I think it evens out.

sine120 · 2023-09-19T17:48:52+00:00

Mostly. Same age, my family has less money than she did but we were on opposite sides of the middle class spectrum. Both white, but everyone where I live is white, similar attractiveness, but that's typical for most relationships between average people.

The most notable stat is that we're probably very close to same intelligence level, and that is both of our strongest selection preference, followed by personality/ values and then physical characteristics.

mybelovedx · 2023-09-19T18:00:32+00:00

Age: I’m a month older than my boyfriend

Race: Different races, he’s white I’m mixed

Education: He went to college, I did not. I’m going to University, he is not.

Height: I’m average for the country, he’s slightly below average, still taller than I. 5’3, 5’7.

BMI: He is slightly overweight, I’m closer to underweight (Unsure of his BMI, mine is approx 19.6)

Skin Pigmentation: He’s very pale white, I’m midrange tan.

Physical attractiveness: Depends who you ask, we’d both vote the other as more attractive. We both have a lot of physical flaws.

Disease risk: He has a genetic heart condition, I have a schizophrenic parent and am nearing the age it begins to manifest in girls

Socioeconomic: Both from working class, previously both lived in council homes

Current income: I currently make more

Cultural: Essentially the same. Both grew up in the UK, London. I would say he’s more ‘street’ than I am.

Moral Values: Pretty similar, we’ve never really disagreed more than slightly

Religious Beliefs: Both non religious

Political Belief: Both mostly apolitical, but he is slightly more interested in politics than I and leans Left, I am mostly uncaring about politics and lean centrist.

IQ / intelligence: I’m more book smart and logical than he is, he’s more socially and emotionally smart. I’d definitely beat him in an IQ / knowledge test, but probably not in any other way.

Operatesinreality · 2023-09-20T03:46:30+00:00

He is ten years older, of a different race, and a different ethnicity.

I cannot tell you if we are visually equally attractive. I don't know. That is subjective and I don't think and am incapable of seeing things this way. I'm like colour-blind to that.

When it comes to cultural background, we are from different continents but there isn't a huge difference. He is not a very typical person from his place and neither am I from mine, so those things are never really relevant. I think the biggest difference is that my culture is heavily based and grown from harsh winters and pronounced seasons. That affected it a lot.

We are not religious, we have mostly similar moral values with me being an extremely strict moralist and he is not that way. We have similar views of politics.

We have the strongest intellectual connection that is unique because we are both way above average intelligence-wise and good at most things including both humanities and mathematics.

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-09-19T17:38:42+00:00

Age: both same age

Race/ethnicity: different flavors of white

Religion: I was raised Catholic but I'm not religious anymore, he's some kind of Protestant

Educational attainment: I have a bachelor's, he has a 2 year technical degree

Intelligence: I don't fucking know

Physical attractiveness: I was more attractive when we got together (I was underweight). We are probably the same level now.

Skin pigmentation: IDK we are both white. He's a little bit more tan than me but not by much.

Facial features: I'm not going to write an entire facial analysis for this

Quantitative phenotypes: He's tall (6 ft), I'm short (5'2''). I'm higher end of healthy BMI trying to get lower, he's technically overweight but has lower bodyfat than me.

Behavioral characteristics: same level of generosity, I might be a bit more generous (when I have money) we both have alcoholism in our families

Moral values: pretty aligned but I'm a lot more pro-hedonism than he is

Political orientation: I was originally a leftist before I became utterly disillusioned with politics, he's some kind of mishmash of conservative and leftist, I don't know, I avoid politics like the plague these days.

Personality traits: my personality has changed. I was originally impulsive, free spirited, and reckless. Now I'm just impulsive and reckless. He was always kind of a curmudgeon. I'd guess he is more conscientious than me and more extroverted than me

Socioeconomic factors: we are lower middle class from middle class families. We've downgraded a lot.

Soggy_Head_4889 · 2023-09-19T18:06:32+00:00

Yeah mostly. About a 3yr age gap, different nationality but similar ethnicity (she's western slavic and I'm half western slavic, half nordic), similar religious beliefs (agnostic), intelligence I'd say is fairly similar although she thinks I'm a lot smarter than her. Socioeconomic background is hard to say because I'm American and she's from central Europe. For height she's 164cm and I'm 180 (5'4 and 5'11 in freedom units).

SlothMonster9 · 2023-09-19T18:09:44+00:00

same race
same pigmentation
both have good jobs
1 year age gap
we both have very good health
he has a healthy body weight, I am underweight
i would say we are looksmatch, both slightly above average
he's 5" taller
he came from a poorer background than me
we had similar religious beliefs, but now we're slightly different
slightly different political orientation

We have very different personalities and different interests though. So different that sometimes I am amazed we make it work. We were school classmates and we grew together, so basically I think it was inevitable that we influence one another in many aspects.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-09-19T18:10:19+00:00

The main ones are all the same apart from ethnicity depending on how you slice it, and in terms of religious background and attitudes to religion. We have very different personalities and genetics. We're at the two ends of healthy BMI and he's noticeably shorter. Different enough to be noticeable are our socioeconomic backgrounds and political beliefs (and skin pigmentation, or lack thereof in my case). In my mind he looks like an angel sent from heaven and I look like a bridge troll but that's obviously quite subjective.

TSquaredRecovers · 2023-09-19T18:17:12+00:00

Age: I’m 43F; he’s 40M
Race/ethnicity: We are both white, though he is partially Hispanic. I’m primarily German and Irish. He’s Puerto-Rican, Irish, and Scottish. He looks kind of Greek, I’d say.
Highest Education Level: I have my master’s. He has his bachelor’s.
Intelligence: Probably similar. I’m more adept in language/literacy and the humanities. His background is in mathematics.
Height: We are both close to average. I’m 5’4”. He’s 5’10” or 5’11.” So, I guess he’s a little taller than average.
BMI/body type: We both have healthy, athletic body types. I ran track in high school. He was a collegiate soccer and football player. I hover around the lower end of the “healthy” range. He’s probably at the higher end of the same range.
Skin pigmentation: I have naturally dark hair and blue eyes, but I tan very easily and can get very dark. He has dark hair and green eyes. He has an olive skin tone and doesn’t really tan or burn.
Physical attractiveness: We are both above average. I’d say we’re looksmatched.
Socioeconomic background: I’m from an upper middle-class family; he’s from a lower middle-class family. Together as a couple, we are solidly middle-class. We currently make about the same amount of money.
Religious beliefs: I was raised Catholic; he was raised some sort of Protestant. Currently, neither of subscribes to any particular religion. I will say that I’m a believer, but don’t really trust organized religion. He’s more of an atheist.
Politics: We both have leftist views.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-09-19T18:24:55+00:00

Age: Both are early 30s, I'm a year older

Race or ethnicity: Different flavors of white people

Religion: Both are atheists

Educational attainment: I have a Master's, he has a Bachelor's

Intelligence : Pretty evenly matched, I'd say.

Height: I'm 5'10'', he's 6'4''

BMI: Both in the normal range

Skin pigmentation: He burns, I tan

Physical attractiveness: I'd say he's slightly better looking than me, he'd probably say the same thing about me.

Socioeconomic: He's from a wealthier family but he's also from a wealthier country, I'm from a very comfortable middle to upper-middle-class family in a poorer country.

Cultural backgrounds: I'm from EE, he's from Canada.

Moral values: On the same page

Political beliefs: On the same page

DarmakJalad · 2023-09-19T19:49:30+00:00

Very similar in most major ways. The biggest difference is that I come from a more affluent background (although we are both kind of UMC) and that I am more anxious while he’s more easy going.

NJFlowerchild · 2023-09-19T19:50:02+00:00

Age (tell us the difference if possible),

3 years difference

Race or ethnicity

Both korean/caucasian

Religion

He's a Christian and I am a Buddhist

Educational attainment

Doctorates in the medical field for both of us. He's an MD and I am a DNP.

Intelligence

Same

Height

I'm 5'10 and he's 6'-6'1

Socioeconomic background

Same

cultural backgrounds

I spent my youth in Korea. He's solidly American. I'm more "asian".

Politics

Same

Personality traits and values

Very similar. Strong support for charitable causes and both very social/extroverted

Appearance

We're both considered attractive, so same

wtknight · 2023-09-19T20:16:49+00:00

My wife and I look nothing alike. However, we both have social anxiety of varying degrees.

Both of us have said that we think that we are about equal to each other appearance wise in terms of attractiveness, even though we look nothing alike.

My economic background is western middle class. Hers is developing world poor working class, so not much alike there either.

Joelypoely88 · 2023-09-19T21:34:12+00:00

In most ways we are complete opposites:

She's 25 years older
I'm of European descent, she's Chinese
I'm about 1.5 times taller
I'm vegetarian, she's not. Her diet/taste in food is much simpler
I'm Agnostic, she's Christian
I'm more introverted, she's more extroverted
I'm interested in arts/humanities subjects, she's interested in economics/stock trading (thus she's also much wealthier)

Though we do at least have a few overlapping values, and a few similar tastes/interests.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2023-09-19T23:13:07+00:00

My bf and I match up on some things but not many.

Ways we’re similar: - we’re both white and have post graduate degrees - we’re both liberal (but him more than me) - we’re both conscientious - we’re probably pretty closely extroverted, maybe me a little more than him - I’m more educationally accomplished than he is but I think he’s smarter than I am. He might not agree

Ways we’re different: - he’s 7” taller than I am - his BMI is 33, mine is 25 - he’s 45, I’m 39 - he’s catholic, I’m Jewish - health wise my genes are generally very good, whereas he has lots of shit in his family - I will always make more money than he does. Currently 4x but prob will land around 2x once we both max out

But what’s important is we like to make each other happy. He likes doing nice things for me and I tell & show him I appreciate it. I like to do nice things for him and he tells/shows me he appreciates it. The rest is just gravy

Spyro7x3 · 2023-09-20T03:52:35+00:00

For years now I've only ltr white, 5'5+ green or blue eyed girls with reddish blonde to blonde hair. Its just what I like as a 6'2 N African/Mediterranean.

I don't consciously think of it in terms of genetics but I definitely don't want to have kids come out very short because it seems brutal from what I hear so no super short women for me.

I like highly intelligent and highly clever women with a dark side usually ex sex workers from a wealthy background

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relish5k · 2023-09-20T14:48:25+00:00

Assortive mating very much applies to my relationship.

we are both white UMC master’s level educated WFH email-job havers who grew up in nice burbs of northeast cities. Grew up in 2 parent single family households (we even both had a same sex younger sibling). We are both nice looking if I don’t say so myself, and intelligent. He is smarter than me wrt to things like math, money, special awareness etc. I am more social/emotionally intelligent - outgoing and extroverted and maintain external relationships. We both earn six figures, but he makes more.

Other differences are that he is taller than average height and I am average height, and I’m Jewish and he grew up Catholic but is now an atheist. We are the same age. He has a higher BMI than me but we are both normal weight.

He’s a liberal normie and I’m more heterodox / politically homeless (former normie lib)

TraditionalBeyond810 · 2023-09-20T15:39:40+00:00

M28, F27 (6 months younger than me). I'm European in Belgium, she's Asian in Indonesia. I'm agnostic or atheist. She's basically atheist but raised as a Muslim. I have a 3 years bachelor and 1 year post graduate in accounting and tax (Belgian and European law mostly). She has a 4 years bachelor in indonesian law.

We're both above average intelligence. She had this tested in school and scored above average. I had this tested because of job hunting and scored well above average on logic and pattern recognition but lower on other stuff so in the end just a bit above average.

Genetics: I'm 181 cm high, she's 157 cm high but all her male family members are tall for indonesian. My mother had cancer, my aunts and uncles on my mother's side died fairly young. Mainly because of nicotine and alcohol abuse though.

I have mild form of autism. I have some disorder of anxiety. My wife has different kind of anxiety. No idea if this is genetic but we're both introverted. We both have high metabolism naturally.

We both workout. Me 6 times a week while my wife like twice or thrice a week. She's a liberal and I'm a social democrat.

I'm prone to alcoholism. Literally am one, I drink one to two beers a day. She's raised as Muslim so she didn't drink alcohol before being with me. Her dad used to drink alcohol I think before he became religious.

Her dad has 3 houses and 3 acres of land which will be split across his 3 daughters. My dad has a house and a 26 Ares of building land which is split across his 2 sons.

The median net wealth of a Belgian is 267k USD and for an indonesian it's 5k. We're both well over the median simply based on inheritance alone.

Ok_Smile_60 · 2023-09-20T20:40:01+00:00

So, just info? K, my ex wife and I were together for 9 years:

Me-White, 5’10, atheist, 36, Law Degree

Her-Asian, 5’6, atheist, 34, some college, but very smart

Justwannaread3 · 2023-09-19T16:55:06+00:00

Yes; same race; very similar cultural, educational, and socioeconomic backgrounds; ~4 in height difference; ~4 year age gap.

Title	Q4 People in Relationships: Does Assortative Mating Apply to Your Relationship? If so, how?
Author	baiser_vole
Upvotes	9
Comments	32
Date	September 19, 2023 4:45 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/16mw0gq/q4_people_in_relationships_does_assortative/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4-people-in-relationships-does-assortative-mating.1232351 https://theredarchive.com/post/1232351

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