Ever since false allegations I've been a prude.

HotPrior477 · 2023-09-22T19:10:46+00:00

Could you sue her? If you can do it.

istira_balegina · 2023-09-22T19:07:52+00:00

Are you American (or Canadian or British)? I think culture has a lot to do with this. If I were you, I’d get out and go somewhere that doesn’t have the same gynocentric and sex-phobic culture that the US does.

jokerfriend6 · 2023-09-22T20:24:21+00:00

My BIL in jail for the same thing in Texas of course where they generally have a Kangaroo Court to put you in prison for decades based upon hearsay. The justice system is far from fair here. I hear it is just as bad in the UK.

Illustrious-Slice767 · 2023-09-22T21:09:30+00:00

I'm sorry, sir, about what you went through!

Our society is so backwards! we rightly make a big deal about teenage girls or women getting raped, yet, at the same time we don't care at all about 11 year old boys getting raped by female teachers, if anything, some perverts say "the boy got lucky", as a result, those teachers are rarely if ever sent to prison.

I can't believe you they accused you of a crime even though they didn't have any proof against you. What would have happened if her friend hadn't provide you with those screenshots?

Sometimes I hear about guys who spent many decades behind bars and then they are set free when they find out that they were actually innocent. I assumed that with advances in science and technology, we didn't wrongly convict guys anymore.

Was she charged with any crime?

Jukingku · 2023-09-22T23:00:35+00:00

We live in a patriarchy huh…

r_c29 · 2023-09-22T21:33:58+00:00

I’m sorry to hear this man. This sounds horrible. I actually know someone from high school that this happened to as well. Thankfully the girl slipped up as well and he got released.

1) sadly nothing happens to the women that falsely accuse men no matter how much destruction it causes

2) someone needs to do a study that shows the average number of false rape accusations a guy faces by age 21. I personally faced 2

3) young men need to be made aware of this in school

As for your situation man, I’d say just take your time. Put yourself first, there’s no rush to get into anything. Moving is one option. For lack of a better word become a passport bro. It will take a lot for you to trust a woman again and that’s okay. Continue to invest in yourself first and then relationships that are not romantic then consider romantic relationships. Rebuild yourself to an even more resilient version of yourself so that you’ll eventually feel confident enough to face/conquer this very real and normal fear of a women destroying your world.

Also, part of trusting again can be you spreading awareness about this kinda of thing and the destruction it causes. You can maybe start a support group.

Also, one point I wanted to make I’m sure there’s no therapist out there offering services like this for men. Yet, they claim they offer services for “‘men’s services” wtf is that?!?!

Njaulv · 2023-09-23T00:21:32+00:00

Why the hell would you want to have kids in a country where this is a possibility? This would put me on the fast-track to priority number 1, getting the hell out of there.

Billmacia · 2023-09-23T12:49:18+00:00

People should face jail time for false accusation. But who am I kidding, women and accountability are 2 thing that can't go hand in hand

ButteryCottonNipples · 2023-09-22T20:18:06+00:00

As someone who was falsely accused of SA, Assault and a multitude of other things by a narcissistic ex, it never really gets better or leaves your head BUT there is still hope for you. You allegedly did this when you were young. My case was dealt with when i was 30 and got almost everything dropped. At 27 i'd be making new friends and trying to move past it 10 years later. I got into a relationship shortly after my arrest and have been in the same relationship since, well over a year a half now. You just gotta find the right partner and not give up hope!

Cuntplainer · 2023-09-22T23:26:32+00:00

You should have sued them. Her parents could have lost their house over this.

J2501 · 2023-09-22T19:55:07+00:00

It's not only your background, but getting out into the world, you'll see all kinds of ugliness and obnoxiousness from people. Out of the frying pan, into the fire. It's all happening again!

LoL, not to discourage you, but it's rough out there. You gotta have a thick skin, and the ability to evade those who will only drag you down.

le_flapjack · 2023-09-22T23:45:15+00:00

Women aren't worth dating.

depressed_orangutan · 2023-09-23T01:04:34+00:00

I’m currently going through the same thing. My ex posted on some of my of Reddit comments calling me a sexual abuser amongst other things. Not sure if it’s the mods or If she has taken them down herself but I am incredibly terrified on what she will do next. She has that ability to fuck up my life.

SappySoulTaker · 2023-09-23T05:47:01+00:00

Yeah, it's just not worth the risk to engage with the opposite gender.

Contranovae · 2023-09-23T07:36:15+00:00

I have one more dumb question to add to the pile, sorry.

Does her family know and accept from the screenshots that she lied?

Did your larger social group accept that you were innocent and that she was guilty?

NullIsUndefined · 2023-09-22T23:28:04+00:00

The friend who helped prove your innocence seems alright. What do you think of her? Could ask her out. She has proven integrity now

Poullafouca · 2023-09-23T07:52:09+00:00

Do therapy. So sorry this happened to you. Appalling.

whiskysoul23 · 2023-09-23T09:54:38+00:00

So fucking sorry man that is terrible

griii2 · 2023-09-22T21:29:39+00:00

Jesus fucking Christ :O

Nevek_Green · 2023-09-23T01:28:48+00:00

Hope you sued her and her family into oblivion.

blast4310 · 2023-09-23T06:07:07+00:00

Avoid women at all cost. Any one of them can ruin your entire life on a whim.

Most of them are self absorbed and are truly snakes. They don’t even really like each other.

This isn’t a hate piece on women. Just an observation on the species.

Hithereeveyone · 2023-09-23T02:33:12+00:00

Hopefully you sued her if possible. Make her pay

chobbo · 2023-09-23T10:55:35+00:00

Therapy may be a starting point.

Other than that there is not much else you can do. Either continue to let it eat at you, or resist the depression and make the day-by-day steps to move on with your life in a positive light.

I’m glad to see that you are bucking against the common rhetoric in this thread of “oh you should sue”. I’ll admit I originally thought the same thing but the fact that you have decided it’s not worth the pain of going through the bullshit and that you just want to get on with life, is honestly for the better. You’ve got statute of limitations and the bias of court against you; even if it went to court you’d be unlucky to win and just be putting yourself further into debt for no real gain.

You would be better off putting that money you’d spend on lawyers towards either therapy, a new hobby, or some additional education (I’m guessing that you probably didn’t get the chance to do anything beyond senior schooling.) those will do you better than wasting time in court.

Neko404 · 2023-09-23T13:40:52+00:00

Ouch. Yeah I can completely understand how it would be hard to trust a woman again. Sadly compassion for men is in short supply. This undoubtedly will be held against you instead of being met with understanding. If you can find a woman willing to do that then you will know she is the one. But she is a unicorn and you may never find someone like that.

I wish you the best.

Away_Entrance1185 · 2023-09-23T14:28:39+00:00

People like you should try to organise and create a national class action lawsuit, especially if you didn't get any compensation.

jafropuff · 2023-09-23T00:24:18+00:00

Wow something similar happened to me and my best friend our freshman year of college.

Long story short- we were falsely accused of sexually assaulting a girl after a party and got our names cleared after she told her dormmate the truth. The dormmate came to our defense and helped us clear our names. Luckily this all happened within weeks time while the university was still "investigating". I don't know why cops (maybe to save face from bad press or to get the story straight before anything) weren't called but we were removed from the dorms for 3 weeks before the truth came out.

That's nothing compared to what you went through but I definitely understand how you felt to have a seriously damaging accusation like that being thrown at you.

We were both 18 at the time and 10 years later we still talk about how that experience impacts us. Since then, we've always been extremely careful around women... many times to the point of self-sabotage.

The only solid advice I have is for you to find someone to talk to about this. Whether it be a therapist, friend, or a trusted confidant. That's the only way to help fight those demons in your head. The best way to let things go is to let it out of you.

YeaTired · 2023-09-23T01:07:07+00:00

I read your post and some replies/comments. I don't know why anyone didn't mention therapy. You absolutely took on a huge burden you didn't deserve and the worst part is total abandonment by the ones you grew up to trust the most. Your reaction to not trust people was and is absolutely natural and expected for your circumstance. People who endure a total back stabbing from those they trust the most lose trust in humanity as a whole as a natural defensive reaction. Please seek weekly professional help in trying to make small steps each day to try to expose yourself to new people. Many people suck. Maybe start by looking for social groups within your hobbies.

Clear_Daikon4794 · 2023-09-23T09:51:42+00:00

Too all you guys suggesting he share the screenshots of her confessing to anyone that'll listen, that's unlikely to do anything. Noone will care, or worse, accuse him of faking the evidence.

Derpalator · 2023-09-23T10:12:40+00:00

Bruh, talk to someone about it, get some therapy. Not healthy to hold on to the trauma. Let it go (frozen), but remember. Similar to trust but verify.

atl0707 · 2023-09-23T15:10:26+00:00

If you can, I would advise moving to a completely different place far away and starting over from scratch. You cleared yourself legally, and now you can move on. Geographical distance can often make a difference. If you are able to afford it, you may want to see a therapist about your sexual issues. They can often guide you through a process of healing and rediscovery of what you are attracted to.

SenSeiyne17 · 2023-09-23T17:47:54+00:00

Get your passport , go to South America or Asia . Guranteed you’ll find a wife , and no , they aren’t all after your money . You can easily go on dates in foreign countries and get to know women who aren’t like the feminist types here in the western world.

StarZax · 2023-09-23T18:07:56+00:00

I can't offer you anything but my genuine sympathy

Honestly if you don't think you can find love here, maybe consider finding it elsewhere ... That's what I'm thinking about too. Maybe the grass is greener somewhere else

AnteaterEven · 2023-09-23T18:10:51+00:00

You're just going to have to do as all men in American society do, and that is take the risk and get out there. We are held more accountable, have more to lose, and face higher repercussions when things go south (whether our fault or not).

This is the reality of manhood my friend. I'm so sorry about what happened to you, but life is unjust, and despite the current narrative it's just as bad (and much worse in many ways) for men than women. Life is not fair, plain and simple.

Wanna know what sucks though? Loneliness... which trust me, gets worse with age. The good news is your young, and it's not too late to start over. Your family has proven useless, but you have so much life left to live to form relationships with people who will care about you and stand by you. So get to it! You have a good mindset. Be patient, take your time, move the relationship along at your own pace. If they're worth it, they will wait. Especially after they hear your story.

Good luck, and keep looking forward. It's the only direction you can go.

mewe0 · 2023-09-23T18:44:03+00:00

finding a good therapist could help deal with the experience, not everyone is evil. sorry you had to go through that

dirtyphoenix54 · 2023-09-23T22:23:31+00:00

It's deeply unfair and you should be upset by it. I would recommend finding a male therapist who can give you some cognitive behavior coping techniques.

Note: *Male* Therapist.

pervertedgiant · 2023-09-24T15:20:22+00:00

I’m 10 years older than you and was in the same exact boat when I was younger. I went through it all-False accusations, jail, criminal trial and after 2 years it ended with 15 not guilty verdicts. One of the most important skills to have for picking a partner is having the ability to see red flags before they become issues. Not so you can work on them, but to get the hell out of the relationship as fast as possible. Dealing with false accusations makes you an expert in doing that. There’s no reason to be scared, just more cautious in the people you choose to go out with and the text messages you choose to send them.

You could look through my older posts for more of my story if you’d like. You have every reason to feel the way you do, but remember not everyone is like your ex. I bet if you think back, you would realize that there were many red flags that you either didn’t recognize or chose to ignore.

elebrin · 2023-09-22T21:59:31+00:00

When I say conservative, I don't mean hating LGBTQ people or any of the modern sort of interpretation of what conservative means. When it comes to relationships, I have my own sort of definition of the term.

Conservative with regards to relationships means getting introduced to people through your community, probably your church, by your family. It means holding off on sex until marriage. Marriage is a ritualized way of ensuring consent. The marriage ceremony and vows are both parties agreeing to start a family. Before that, there is a ritual of negotiation between the families to figure out how the new family is going to be operated, and in so doing everyone gets the opportunity to vet each other out, test trust, and so on. And then you make a legally binding agreement in front of the community, with a community elder officiating and declaring that the couple is now officially married. Of course, we utter the words of the ceremony but we don't really understand or hold to them any more.

Conservatives, I feel, really appreciate these ritualized and formalized methods of doing things. It's slow and takes time and whatever, but when it's properly executed, there can be no question that everyone involved chose to be involved and the thing that happened is something that nobody really can object to.

That family structure that is negotiated and created through that process then has a built in safety net in terms of the community, it has concepts of consent built in, it has consequences for breaking trust built in. It can give us security and comfort.

I think you really can't call yourself conservative if you get married, get divorced, and then get re-married because at that point you have broken your vow that your marriage will be one and done. I don't really care if a couple is same sex or straight or two nonbinary people or whatever - adoption is a thing, so the couple could raise children if they wanted. Allowing the sanctity of marriage to divorced people is, from this perspective, wrong. Sure - be in a relationship, develop an understanding... but you don't get that protection anymore.

Sex should not be treated so casually. It's something that needs that level of deep negotiation. The consequences of sex when it goes wrong are very, very high - people go to prison, unwanted children get created, unwanted children get aborted, people get very ill, families get upset and ripped apart... it's not something that should ever be undertaken lightly. People that do so are deluding themselves and don't really understand those risks.

lastlaugh100 · 2023-09-22T23:38:50+00:00

I was also falsely accused of rape by an ex girlfriend who was angry I didn’t want to marry her. I never spoke to the police per my lawyer’s advice. The DA decided not to prosecute me after waiting for 30 days.

Did you talk to police? Sounds like you talked to police and they had enough evidence to scare you into taking a plea deal?

RennietheAquarian · 2023-09-23T00:55:09+00:00

So sad. I’m so sorry this happened to you. This can happen to any of us at any minute and society does nothing about it.

Laurely4u · 2023-09-23T06:50:17+00:00

Try dating to a public location at lunchtime and build rapport slowly over text messages

Necessary_Feeling00 · 2023-09-22T23:03:39+00:00

Dude any chance you could learn a language and move to Central Eastern Europe or Asia?

Odd_Tea_2100 · 2023-09-22T19:50:15+00:00

The best thing I know of is to do restorative justice work. You would have someone role play her part. The role player would hear you out and acknowledge your experience.

RandomYT05 · 2023-09-22T22:00:35+00:00

If I was falsely accused, I'd get out of state and out of the country as fast as I possibly can. I'd probably go to Russia if I was being honest with myself.

SgtSplacker · 2023-09-23T01:31:12+00:00

"ruin my life"

i_likenumbers · 2023-09-23T03:46:40+00:00

If it's just kids your after, I know the thought may be hard, but maybe you should adopt or find a surrogate and egg donation place and be a single father.

If it's a relationship you want with kids, I'd honestly say the first step is therapy. You're not crazy and your concerns are valid, but this will help you build trust with women again. To get to where you want to be. Also, being up front about this in future relationships may also help you feel safer.

Best of luck

sixtysixpixistix · 2023-09-23T07:50:21+00:00

Head on over to r/divorce_men.

If you still wanna Marry, find a nice foreign woman with deep roots in tradition and religion.

MagicaItux · 2023-09-23T12:12:49+00:00

I'll give you one of our Sex Robots from Suro.One for a low price

talkstomuch2020 · 2023-09-23T16:00:37+00:00

Sex workers only

HotRaise4194 · 2023-09-23T16:29:33+00:00

I’m confused. Wouldn’t you still be eligible for a false accusation as a prude?

More-Bluebird5805 · 2023-09-23T17:33:20+00:00

Okay I’m surprised that this has not gotten more discussion but have you considered taking things really slow? Make friends with a woman, get to know her friends, her family…meet only in public spaces until you can determine her character? Also, consider dating a woman who is…average? I suspect a lot of women are warped and twisted by the power of their own beauty and sex appeal, find a woman who is kind, honest, and humane. Look for red flags, does she have good stable relationships? can she hold down a job? In my experience people will show you who they are if you observe them carefully. Women who have excessive victim status, who have a bunch of hard luck stories tend to be unsafe. If she tries to trigger your pity or protective instincts that is a red flag. A woman with any integrity takes personal responsibility for her life and doesn’t blame others for her situation. These are pretty solid tells. If something seems off…run.

Rutibex · 2023-09-23T19:48:56+00:00

Think of it this way, you can be falsely accused even if you don't do anything. So why worry about it, you own actions have no impact on if it happens.

hmedbadr · 2023-09-23T22:00:02+00:00

If thats true i hope she suffers

Title	Ever since false allegations I've been a prude.
Author	Foxtrot_niv
Upvotes	632
Comments	255
Date	September 22, 2023 6:56 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/16piap2/ever_since_false_allegations_ive_been_a_prude/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/ever-since-false-allegations-ive-been-a-prude.1232660 https://theredarchive.com/post/1232660

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