If a new love interest is worried you're not over your ex...

OkEmphasis5923 · 2023-10-24T18:41:38+00:00

Perfectly articulated and completely agree.

ConceptMajestic9156 · 2023-10-24T19:41:11+00:00

My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me. After 3years, when we separated, she returned exactly $100. I lost Interest in that relationship.

AudreyTooTwo · 2023-10-24T20:35:56+00:00

Interesting post. Maybe my situation is a bit more extreme than some of you. But I felt terribly burned and betrayed after my divorce. My first flew flings? I never told them my real last name. One woman I was serious about, and I told her my real name and background after a few months. I thought I could trust her.

But when we broke up, she reached out to my ex on Facebook and they had a delightful conversation, I'm sure. Here I was trying to keep my private life totally compartmentalized and private, and I got an ex-girlfriend e-mailing my ex-wife.

Fuck. That. Noise.

Now, I tell women very little about me. Not even my new lawyer now knows the full story. I just keep everyone in a little compartment, where they belong. The woman I'm with now doesn't know shit. She knows my name, but that's about it. Like the military, "Need To Know".

iSurvivedltd · 2023-10-24T19:32:42+00:00

Yup. Tell her exactly what you told us bro.

If she's a decent woman she will appreciate your honesty and that you can articulate your feelings. She should wanna stick around for those 2 reasons.

SpiritualEnema · 2023-10-24T21:08:34+00:00

It took me almost 18 months to figure out that this is the way I feel too. Kudos

Kenny_Power55 · 2023-10-25T00:03:42+00:00

Needed to read this today.

Belly_Scritch · 2023-10-25T10:38:07+00:00

Excellently put. This is what I'm getting from this sub. Clarity of thought and perspective of others in the same boat. I thought it was sad at first to even check this subreddit, like I hit some kind of bottom. But this post, and others like it are helping to put perspective and make me see things in a way I might have taken a longer time to realise by myself being trapped in my own thoughts. Thank you.

organicwilly · 2023-10-25T11:54:38+00:00

She's worried about the baggage. Rightfully so. Your connection to her (your ex) but also the damage she can inflict on her as well. You said you're over her but she can still play your strings.

techrmd3 · 2023-10-24T18:50:57+00:00

OMG!!!!!

this is GOLD - have my upvote and thanks

>Tell her the truth. It's not the ex you miss, it is the lifestyle, security, sense of family, etc. I don't miss her. I mourn the loss of innocence. I miss how I felt back then.

very very good way to handle this!

Reflog1791 · 2023-10-24T20:02:27+00:00

Women don’t care about your feelings. The one exception is your mother.

azvoice · 2023-10-24T23:27:33+00:00

Yes tell her the truth! You know how hard it is for us real woman to date a divorced man!!!

Mountain_Collar_7620 · 2023-10-25T07:09:18+00:00

Yes but , unfortunately (as my ultimately crazy thought about her predecessor) they tend to look it this as

“Look at all the shit he put up with from her oh gosh me must have Really Loved Her”.

Nope 👎 in hindsight that illustrates a kind of creature thing that acts out of momentary “Feeling” for something and will if those evaporate without a seconds hesitation do a 180’, claim the opposite and proceed to blow things up while feeling secure in her belief that’s rational and justified.

jimsmythee · 2023-10-24T22:07:09+00:00

It’s basically a “way out” for the new love interest to break things off. It’s an excuse. “I just don’t think you’re over your ex.” Same as “it’s not you, it’s me.”

New love interest wants to move on.

whiskey_piker · 2023-10-25T02:46:09+00:00

All valid points, however, from my personal and recent experience, it really depends on what time and energy you devote to that person in spite of them not being in the same house. Are you still triggered when they send you a ridiculous email? Do you rant about how they acted for a transition with the kids? When you tell stories of your travels are you saying “my Ex and I visited Mexico and it was great!”?

upvotersfortruth · 2023-10-25T03:23:35+00:00

Easy to conflate missing the person with missing the elements of the marital relationship but to be honest, I found it a lot easier to get used to the new lifestlye than missing the person. So with me it would be the opposite. I would have had to tell the gf I'm over the lifestyle but not the person. It also sends a weird signal, I'd think, to tell someone you're dating that what you miss is all the elements of a marriage - maybe too much pressure?

Title	If a new love interest is worried you're not over your ex...
Author	Impossible_Sport291
Upvotes	93
Comments	31
Date	October 24, 2023 6:14 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/17fjbjo/if_a_new_love_interest_is_worried_youre_not_over/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/if-a-new-love-interest-is-worried-youre-not-over.1236244 https://theredarchive.com/post/1236244

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