Whats the first hour after, like?

JustTheSpecsPlease · 2023-12-05T06:08:37+00:00

I’ve taken to walking in, and yelling “MY FUCKING PLACE.”

Felt weird at first, now it’s my sanctuary.

aquatic-dreams · 2023-12-05T06:08:35+00:00

My ex came up to me after a session with her betterhelp online therapist walked into the room and said, 'my therapist thinks we should get a separation. So, I'll get an airbnb for two days while you get your shit out. ' and walked out. I was fucking floored and after a couple what the fucks and I'm sure there was an i love you in there. I told her she wasn't getting and airbnb, and I'd just go. I grabbed some shit and left that night. A few days later I showed with a truck and got what shit of mine would fit in the truck and told her to throw away the rest. She had mediation scheduled four weeks to the day of when she kicked my ass out. And I told to go fuck herself with that shit, I hadn't processed shit. That was 13 months ago. I'm not entirely over it and it pisses me off becaues I feel like I should have been over this six months ago.

I was extremely confused, floored, had a breakdown, was a wreck, cried a lot. And pretty much spent the whole night pacing. It was definately one of the shittier experiences in my life. Not quit as violent as finding out I epilepsy by having a grandmal driving on the freeway, or having a stroke right after moving to California. But I think these scars are deeper and will last longer.

ThatGloverGuy · 2023-12-05T11:48:22+00:00

I was in an abusive marriage. Stbxw was a meth addict, gambling addict, and cheater. It was a mess; near-daily verbal assaults, insane manipulation, and anger you could only imagine in nightmares. I had to move quick.

So I signed a lease on my new place in secret. 2 days later I turned the key and just walked in. No furniture. No appliances. No running water. No gas. No groceries.

All I had to my name were two big bottles of water, an air mattress, a bag of clothes, and a big, empty rent house in the ‘burbs.

She’d cleaned me out financially, so until next payday, it’s all I had. And I remember that 1st night well. I walked in, inflated my air mattress on the living room floor, and just laid there smiling at the ceiling in disbelief. I finally had the guts to do it, and I knew that this time I was never going back.

In the following weeks and months, there has been plenty of stress. But I still walk in the front door every day and take a moment to cherish the absence of that suffocating dread that my last home greeted me with.

I think processing and grieving the collapse of that marriage before I ever left made it much easier. No doubts. No regrets. Just appreciation of peace.

nothingbutalamp · 2023-12-05T05:57:54+00:00

Not being in my home was strange. It was quiet and felt alien. I still get to my place sometimes and think it's just an Airbnb for work. I've been living on my own for 2 years now.

Reflog1791 · 2023-12-05T07:28:25+00:00

Relief that horrible chapter of life is over followed by tears of joy and gratitude. It was lovely.

Secret-Pipe-8233 · 2023-12-05T12:23:11+00:00

While it was a bumpy road subsequently, I recall sitting on the balcony on the first night in my new apartment, sun’s out and I poured a glass of wine, then another and almost finished the bottle.

berzerker5000 · 2023-12-05T12:48:30+00:00

Both. Felt weird but also like a reset. Rejuvenating and lonely all at the same time. We seperated our shit and the worst part is going through boxes and finding family pictures with her in them.what am I supposed to do with that crap. USB drives with wedding photos. Only time I cry is looking at pictures of the kids that don’t live with me cuz I miss them sometimes. Realize the only good thing about our marriage was them. It’s great to be without her. So Bittersweet.

SelectionNo3078 · 2023-12-05T13:20:54+00:00

Two years ago today was my first morning in an Airbnb after living in our home for 18 years.

It was supposed to be a 60-90 day healing separation

I lived back at home and slept in our bed with her for the next 7 months

I nearly moved back a few times. But I knew she wasn’t really all in and holding back

She barely showed up or participated in counseling

She was still hiding so much from me

We are working on collaborative divorce and I expect an initial settlement offer this week

In my third rental in 2 years.

I still wish we could work things out

But she is done. She was done for probably ten years. She was faking all of it longer.

All she ever wanted was kids

dudefromyork · 2023-12-05T14:03:52+00:00

Probably the best 60 minutes of my life.

I was on my own. It was calm. Quiet. Empty. All the things my head hadn’t been for years. I found myself lying on the living room floor and looking at the ceiling for about 20 minutes. Just thinking about what was happening next.

My mom was bringing my kids over. I had beds to make (literally, self assembling furniture - I had two suitcases full of clothes and that was all I possessed!). I had meals and shopping to plan. I was going out with my buddies at the weekend. What size TV should I order? Were the neighbours going to be cool? Should I decorate straight away or should I just live with it for a while and “understand the space”?

A weight lifted. I was thinking about the future. Not the past. And in that moment I only had to answer to one person. Me. And I felt free.

Those first months were some of the best times of recent memory. Talk to new people. Include your kids in house decisions. Say “yes” to things that you don’t think you want to go to. And don’t let your Ex drag you back down. Because when she sees you thrive - and you will - she’s going to be pissed.

Enjoy it.

Apprehensive-Cost496 · 2023-12-05T14:22:56+00:00

At least in my case, it felt like a huge weight lifted off my back. After having to live in the same house as the cheating exw for 6 months through the whole process, I thought nothing of getting out of that stifling environment especially as she was texting Old Man Balls AP all the time. Once in my place, I was on a mission to clean, setup and turn it into my sanctuary. One year later, Casa de AC496 is rockin complete with fire pits, beer fridge, fully renovated garage with a sports car in it and all the hunting and outdoor stuff the exw always complained about.

adventure_junkie67 · 2023-12-05T20:59:26+00:00

My stbx filed after 45 years. I was shocked but also realistic that our marriage was not great. Divorce is taking forever and we still share same house but it is pretty miserable here. I have started keeping a "diary" of all the things she has done or is doing so that if I ever get moppy or start to question my existence without her I'll just look back and thank my lucky stars. This new adventure will be all about ME. I'm looking forward to the next 45 years being awesome. Wish me luck.

sinisterkid34 · 2023-12-05T11:38:37+00:00

Relief. The sale of the house in the worst time to sell last year, and finding a place to rent and have that line up with the sale so I wasn’t stuck paying 2 places. Once that was done and I was in the new place, it was all about just ok… stress is over.

cactuscharlie · 2023-12-05T18:27:57+00:00

I should be happy with my new place. But I'm not. I miss my house and my wife. And my cat. I don't want to be here. I just have to be. Three months in and it's not clicking.

Sorry to be a downer. Sitting in this strange place with all my possessions which are all tainted with her presence, I just feel like she's laughing at me. I wish I could hate her more and be proud I found this place, it's great. I just never wanted this life and I really miss my home and my old married life.

Gattsama · 2023-12-05T16:18:35+00:00

In my case the eX told me to leave and took off her ring, and I left. Once out of the house I never felt more peaceful or stress free. We hadn't been good, was walking on eggshells the whole time. I spelt, and spelt well. I spent 2wks at my friends office, then 8 weeks in a small crappy 1 bdrm airBnb. That airBnb was great for me. I left a 3060 sqft home with 4bd/2.5ba and my office; for an ~750sqft 1bdrm w/ no desk (worked off the kitchen table) and no space. And I was never more peaceful :)

No yelling, no walking on eggshells, no complaints, no extra chores, no responsibilities, and was able to just work / sleep / workout / study. In my case no kids (lots of pets). I worked 12hr shits from 7p-7a, I did chores for 1hr before work and 1hr after getting home. I gave her a whole body massage every night I wasn't working (and a few that I was). I paid for everything, and she lacked nothing. But I was never enough, I never did enough, she 'had nothing,' etc... I was just peaceful and focused once out.

EDITORDIE · 2023-12-05T21:47:56+00:00

Empty. Quiet. Like a vacuum.

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2023-12-05T22:29:20+00:00

You mean after ex left? Great.

Mayhem230 · 2023-12-06T21:50:28+00:00

Felt like I was living in a dream. Everyday I’d wake up and expect to be in our apartment. This lasted for about a week.

UseResponsible4368 · 2023-12-06T22:19:54+00:00

The best thing from my divorce was moving into my almost brand new trailer.

The stress cascaded down my head and off my shoulders onto the floor and down the drain.

PEACE! ORDER! COMFORT! NO NAGGING!

It is (though I've moved now into a small 600sq ft 1BR rental I had in a ... tee hee... trust) paradise!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0BLKudnyNo

Salty-Rutabaga-3329 · 2023-12-05T17:37:05+00:00

Once upon a time, maybe a decade before my divorce, I read some how-to advice on divorce. I think it was just some random article.

It read something like "Don't skimp on the new place. Try to get something as good or better. If that's not possible, avoid going more than one step down. You don't want to come home to depression every day. Tighten the belt somewhere else."

I followed it. Great advice. Smaller place. Two bedrooms vs four. But recently remodeled and spotless.

Joocewayne · 2023-12-09T23:00:39+00:00

I felt empty. Scarred. Alone. Unwanted. Unloved. Betrayed. Frustrated.

Still feel these things in rotation from time to time.

ZX75V · 2023-12-05T13:59:07+00:00

I was enjoying a nice coffee after doing some house work and fixed something with our gutter. I sat down to enjoy a warm coffee when the sheriff knocked on the door. Thought it was a mistake then they told me my wife filled a TRO I had to vacate the house. Didn’t have time to process any shit! Two years later I am still confused

Title	Whats the first hour after, like?
Author	NoFee4026
Upvotes	14
Comments	39
Date	December 5, 2023 5:48 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/18b557f/whats_the_first_hour_after_like/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/whats-the-first-hour-after-like.1240068 https://theredarchive.com/post/1240068

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