Why do you need to see men with female friends in order to think he's valuable and not weird?

Johntoreno · 2024-01-22T17:38:36+00:00

Single men are viewed as potential threats, men in relationships are viewed as somewhat "tamed" and approachable. A man being in a relationship also indicates that someone has selected him for some valuable quality. This is why incels are usually presumed to have no redeeming qualities.

Why can't you get to know him personally and find out about his character from there?

The most common answer i've found is that a man being preselected by other women gives women a feeling of safety, like how FDA approval gives you a sense of safety in consuming food. As to why women trust each other's judgement this much is beyond me.

e_maikai · 2024-01-22T16:09:57+00:00

We're herd animals and social vetting symbols are important.

MSHUser · 2024-01-22T16:24:32+00:00

2 very good reasons off the top of my head why a man might not have female friends, women often assume men want to date them and break off friendships so that making friends with other guys is just easier and a lot of men have niche interests that mostly other men like.

chappel68 · 2024-01-22T20:51:25+00:00

My personal theory is ‘all the goods ones are taken’ syndrome. If you aren’t taken you must not be ‘one of the good ones’

Akainu14 · 2024-01-22T19:18:27+00:00

I honestly don’t think it’s some noble safety precaution as much as I believe it’s a sign that they see them as a lowly loser and who would want to be seen with a loser? They really going to tell their friends they’re dating Autistic Anthony from math class? There’s definitely an element of paranoia but cmon they definitely know that there’s plenty of harmless guys out their who are just socially awkward, shy or neurodivergent. It's mostly just shallowness.

Having a lot of friends and GFs shows that they are a macho manly man who is successful and therefore valuable, not having that means you can go crawl into a ditch and die. Personality and good character be damned.

lokithejackal · 2024-01-22T23:51:56+00:00

Interesting. Assuming what you say is true, it is the exact same thing we do in marketing. It is called "social proof". If I want to sell you a new gizmo, you may not believe my claims because I haven't proven myself. If one of your friends tells you that gizmo is great you may be persuaded to buy it. That is social proof. It is why many websites prominently place reviews of their products. That is social proof.

In trying to meet someone of the opposite sex, that same concept of social proof seems to apply. That person has already proved they can have a conversation with others and have friends. They seem like a better prospect than friendless Johnny over in the corner.

BCRE8TVE · 2024-01-22T17:26:06+00:00

Mate poaching and pre-selection is absolutely a thing, and unfortunately it just seems to be hard-wired into women's brains the same way wide hips, small waist, and big bust is hard-wired into men's brains.

Obviously finding someone sexually attractive is n guarantee they'll be a good partner, and men are constantly told and reminded of that fact.

For some reason though virtually none of the women's counter-productive hard-wiring is ever called out however. Society has a ton of weird double standards like that.

Why can't you get to know him personally and find out about his character from there?

Yes but see that requires effort on the woman's part, and she just cannot be bothered. It's better for women for men to just present themselves however she wants best so it's simple and easy for her to find a good partner, and even if this irrational method is flawed and excludes a ton of actually good men, it's worth it so long as it requires no effort on her part, since there are always more men around.

Also, men are potentially violent rapists don't you know, so women are always justified in keeping their distances with men and justifying their misandry with self-serving rhetoric.

Asking women to spend half as much time and effort as men do in finding out partners and getting to know them is highly misogynistic. Women deserve to have the best possible partner, men just have to work hard to prove it.

I wish these kinds f toxic and patriarchal gender norms hadn't been so completely accepted and co-opted into feminism, but here we are. Feminism seems to be all in favour of gender norms that favour women at the expense of men, and completely opposed to any gender norms that restrict women or benefit men.

I wish it wasn't so, but hey, congrats on realizing yet one more way society, women, and feminism are irrationally biased against men. Hopefully one day we can get people to actually start caring about men enough to address these issues.

tzaanthor · 2024-01-23T17:39:22+00:00

Basically, a single man tries to meet women and struggles very much so when he shows interest. Yet the moment he's seen in the company of other women, then other girls are like 'he must not be a weirdo'.

Because 'the patriarchy' is projection, women, particularly feminists, assume that there is some boys club in the same way that there is a womens club.

There isn't.

BloomingBrains · 2024-01-23T08:20:58+00:00

Same reason why a guy is suspect for being a virgin past a certain age. Female approval is a sign that he is "safe". Other women accepted him, so therefore there must be some good reason, right? Of course there are two problems with this:

Its misandrist to treat all men with an automatic assumption of threat. If someone said that white people should only accept black people who have fight friends, almost anyone would easily be able to point out why that is racist.
It assumes, incorrectly, that men who have achieved female approval (whether sex or just friends) are more likely to be safe. When in fact, its actually the opposite. Dark triad men are often more successful with women.

Valus22 · 2024-01-23T01:46:14+00:00

Stupidity/low intelligence/misandry is the answer.

Forsaken_Hat_7010 · 2024-01-22T23:41:53+00:00

I guess for the same reasons daddies are sexy; they've already been validated, there's less risk, they prove to be functional, etc. Having prejudices based on social context (stacked with others) is the norm, and we all do it unconsciously all the time in all kinds of contexts.

Motanul_Negru · 2024-01-23T07:30:35+00:00

You're better off not dating that kind of ijit

ChargeProper · 2024-01-22T18:07:01+00:00

It's a safety thing, from what some of them claim, because if a women is already there, it means the guy is safe and possibly even desirable. It already that's what I've heard, is that while wing man thing

Leobrandoxxx · 2024-01-22T17:00:51+00:00

This is basic social interactions and has nothing to do with misandry.

MSHUser · 2024-01-22T16:30:35+00:00

Probably a sub-conscience belief that women need to be "wooed" by a socially savvy elves Presley archetype in order to actually be interested in a guy.

drhagbard_celine · 2024-01-22T23:55:53+00:00

It’s because if he has female friends a girl knows he knows how to treat them as human beings and not just potential sex partners.

2024-01-23T08:33:12+00:00

as someone who is a minority amongst minorities, this always sucked. I dont really want to complain, but I just was always the odd one out, it seemed. Its hard to amass a following of any sort without a base.

BKEnjoyerV2 · 2024-01-23T21:24:48+00:00

For me it’s the opposite, that you need to be seen with male friends. I’ve always gotten along better with women/girls and I envied that stereotypical gay male relationship with women on a social/platonic level because I’m sensitive and emotional. I barely have any real life/consistent friends anyway and I was always socially stupid so I could be really off base

HythlodaeusHuxley · 2024-01-24T05:47:42+00:00

I always thought this was largely true and I still think it is however several years ago I left my wife and children or rather she left me and I explored the fact that I was always bisexual and am now in a long-term commitment relationship with a man.

We go everywhere together and look about as scary as a couple of dudes who are middle-aged can look.

People respond very well to us exceedingly so in fact. Even though we are in places where I wouldn't expect it.

I think it has to do with feeling comfortable with yourself and the demeanor that people perceive from you more than anything else.

But we have been taught to believe and have been hurt in various ways such that as a man you often feel ashamed of yourself and others perceive that when in actuality simply being a man is rarely enough to cause fear or discomfort, or even a man alone.

But I have often thought about when I get older wanting to be the kind of man who carries a cane and has a friendly demeanor and maybe a tweed jacket because no one wants to be a creepy old man but rather someone who engenders positive reactions.

SnowMiserForPres · 2024-01-29T21:50:19+00:00

Why would anyone want to be friends with a man or date a man who doesn't value women's company?

hotpotato128 · 2024-02-01T23:27:21+00:00

According to the FBI, many serial killers were married.

Title	Why do you need to see men with female friends in order to think he's valuable and not weird?
Author	MSHUser
Upvotes	89
Comments	75
Date	January 22, 2024 12:27 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/19cuitr/why_do_you_need_to_see_men_with_female_friends_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/why-do-you-need-to-see-men-with-female-friends-in.1243528 https://theredarchive.com/post/1243528

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