I truly do not understand why some men aren’t given a chance to understand what is going wrong in the marriage because nothing is ever mentioned of unfulfilled wants, needs, or desires?

There’s not a single mention that they are unhappy. Not a single mention that they are even considering leaving. There’s literally no warning. Every single bit of security I held on to in this world just vanished. For 15 years I was faithful to and loved her with all that I could.

All of this happens for what reason in life? For what reason do two people who used to be madly and deeply in love come apart? What causes a situation where a man begs to understand what is happening and is constantly assured that all is well. This sabotaged our marriage. She took away my ability to redirect, alter, or cater something differently to her needs. If I had known she was concerned about ANYTHING, I would have done whatever’s it took for her to feel happy and secure.

The pandemic destroyed so many of us. If not directly, the fallout from the world’s collective PTSD that society is choosing to ignore. If we had never heard the words words “COVID” and “pandemic” and had them pounded into us like a spikie, how many people shouldn’t had suffered from problems stemming from “complex” CPD.

Nobody is talking about the nightmare we all went through, the true trauma and cost on marriages emotionally, and the fact many of us have been derailed from what we thought was our life partner.

We are all men suffering from the collective stress “COVID” put us through. The political tension. The container worry. The lockdowns and uncertainty.

Suddenly, we were thrust into situations where we felt as if stranded on a desert island with our spouses. We used to love each-other in smaller portions but very much. Suddenly, we were forced into 24 hour (friendships) during a time when everything was uncertain in the world.

We went through so much during that time that we were almost together 24/7 to help assure one another of relative safety.

In our case, It was sort of like being forced back into a childlike-state. We just wanted to hold on to one another in a world of uncertainty and fear.

But somewhere along the way, I got depressed and she thought she wasn’t good enough for me. She thought I was always being negative; I wasn’t. However, she was always hard on herself. She was always her own worst critic. This was a gift to her from childhood parental abuse. So, when things got scary, apparently I seemed demanding. No, I was not. It was all perception. COVID, political unrest, financial concerns, etc…triggered pain deep within her. Her past reached forward and shattered our present and our future. I couldn’t stop it. I tried until I broke. I was shattered.

I felt her drifting away and couldn’t stop her. She got sarcastic and suspicious. She stopped thanking or acknowledging. She needed to ignore all that was good in me just long enough to just leave me. She even began spying on my activities out of paranoia. Now, everything was just studied.

She shattered us after 15 years and every memory of those years was a dream for me.

I gave up my career for hers and am now struggling to survive. It makes no sense to me at all.

She lied to restrain me and cut off my voice. Day after day I felt her being farther and farther away. Eventually, I gave up hope.

Why is it worth destroying a 15 year marriage? Why go back and rewrite those amazing happy times with crayons of shit? Why not just communicate? Why not be mature? How could you lie and blame? Who the hell are you???

I suffer so much because I can’t “hate” or even “dislike” her because old trauma surfaced.

So, she’s out there with our future. Erasing and rewriting. Playing a victim. Making me the villain in what was once our fairytale.

And I’m just supposed to act tough, or man up, or red-pill or, or whatever the do what? Pretend we don’t care. Yea right.

I’m sick of the macho crap. We ALL marry them for a reason. All this post divorce, “Who needed them! Alone is better” stuff is almost offensive. We ALL married them for reasons.

I would give ANYTHING to repair my marriage. What’s the point of waiting until you won’t even try? Marriage is supposed to be stronger than that. You STOPPED being married! Why wasn’t I even informed this could possibly happen? I thought love was a commitment but she didn’t.

I may never recover. She took away my life’s savings and my entire way of living after working hard all my life. Every day is rough because I’m living in the reality of what has happened as she floats through her next fairytale story on her way to living her best self.

Oh yea. I lost all my retirement, my house, my land, and an entire career. Why? Oh, because you’re selfish; I thought so.

Now what?