Ex is depressed and wants to die 2yrs out from the divorce

South_Masterpiece543 · 2024-02-10T00:36:30+00:00

Maybe it’s you. Watch this YouTube channel. Be less awful.

https://youtube.com/@thehappywifeschool?si=jI2GwL8IPvidaFPh

denvercaniac · 2024-02-09T23:20:47+00:00

It's possible he's affected by low testerosterone. It's very likely he needs medication. It's imperative you understand his sense of worth is obliterated right now. Regardless of your perception of your actions, what you did tells him he's worthless. You can never repair that. It is very possible he will not want to repair it himself. As someone who endured the same agony, he has to find the will to live again.

GravityIsForRookies · 2024-02-09T22:37:23+00:00

I’ve been thinking about your post and I’ve got more to say. I’m going to say the things your ex can’t or won’t say. Just like I wish someone would say some shit to my ex. She’s surrounded herself with a cheerleading squad that tells her what a brave and strong woman she is. You probably do too. You all have these bullshit circles full of hateful shrews.

You realize he comes to your house to hang out with the kids to see you, right? Do you have any idea of how much pain this man is in? You realize how much worse it is every time he sees your pregnant belly and realizes each time that you had your legs spread for another man and took it raw? Sure, he clearly made mistakes but you said you were married 25 years. Yet, you prioritized your happiness instead of the family! I’d bet money the guy needed help and didn’t know how to ask for it. Instead of helping him you just threw him away… used up and destroyed after the long relationship with you. What about your kids? You think this doesn’t have a negative impact on them? You think they are super excited about their mom being knocked up? Even if they are telling you they are… they aren’t. They are lying to you because they are afraid you’ll cast them aside too. You already replaced their dad and now your demon spawn is on the way to replace them too.

No, you don’t realize any of that though, do you? You’re just ‘moving on with your life’ and damn the consequences! Have you taken any time to investigate your part in this failed marriage? Based on your comments, sounds like everything is external to you. You were innocent in this entire thing, right Snow White? In short, like most/all of our ex-wives… you are a horrible person. I hope you get everything you deserve.

let_me_grieve · 2024-02-09T22:22:04+00:00

Of course there are people who have gone through this and come out the other side. I wouldn’t completely cut off communication but you should slowly distance yourself so that he is forced to come to terms with you being gone. Someone close to him should encourage him to get help.

dukeofthefoothills1 · 2024-02-09T21:50:04+00:00

He needs a supportive friend group that 1. Understands what he’s going through 2. Encourages the next positive step.

I strongly recommend https://www.divorcecare.org. Preferably in person. Free.

Sacramentardo · 2024-02-09T21:49:01+00:00

This sounds like a pretty textbook case of clinical depression (before and after the divorce). He needs to speak with a therapist and could probably benefit from meds.

warwww · 2024-02-09T21:45:36+00:00

This wreaks of victory lap gloating.

Intimacy4u · 2024-02-09T21:33:11+00:00

OP please clarify why you thought this sub was better than the relationship or general divorce subreddit??

Intimacy4u · 2024-02-09T21:28:48+00:00

Question - answer honestly

OP -have you been physically or emotionally intimate with the guy during divorce or afterwards.

If this has happened YOU are part of the problem not the solution.

Remember everyone Dies eventually.

Leave him to grief the loss of 25 years alone.

Eventually with time and away from drama he will find a purpose.

warwww · 2024-02-09T21:21:53+00:00

For better or worse = Until I feel you’re not doing enough around the house. Never mind he could have been going through a rut or tough period in his life. 🤷‍♂️

Can you imagine the thought process in my male friend circle if I said I wanted to dismantle my family to find my happiness. They’d be disgusted and would more than likely try to fight me.

If he were in a better place I’d say he needs to excise her out of his life and focus on himself getting better emotionally.

At least there is some reprieve. I didn’t see any mention of emotional abuse or financial abuse.

Flapique · 2024-02-09T21:14:09+00:00

I don't think women should be allowed in this sub. You won't find me lurking around any female oriented divorce threads or really anything for that matter. As far as advice for your post goes... I would recommend you just stop talking to each other.

Edit: I can't believe you smoked pot during your pregnancies. You're just a selfish and not very good human being.

Crafty-Way-6860 · 2024-02-09T21:01:11+00:00

Sounds like he was depressed before the divorce

GravityIsForRookies · 2024-02-09T20:24:19+00:00

I’ve been where he’s at and am going through some of it still. For me, the key was realizing my ex doesn’t actually care about me… actions speak louder than words.

Frankly, sounds like you gave up on him. You swore an oath and then bailed on him. Maybe you think you had to but how would you feel if the situation was reversed? What if you had some problems and he bailed on you but then kept you just close enough that your love wouldn’t die and then moved on with another woman? If you care about him either go back and fix your marriage or leave him alone. You are keeping him in purgatory.

Edit: Just read your post history. I should add.. and you are pregnant by some guy you dated for 6 months? Are you actually surprised by any of this or are you just trying to find a way to dodge your guilt?

buzzer22 · 2024-02-09T20:23:53+00:00

He could trust God still has plans for his life that he has not discovered yet. I don't know how to guarantee a person to get to that conclusion in their life. Depression can gobble us up in one gulp.

New-Amoeba9042 · 2024-02-09T20:20:33+00:00

Two years is a long time, but I certainly felt that way for more than a year.

Time, really. He’ll probably never be better than he was, but should get better than he is

eyewasonceme · 2024-02-09T20:06:27+00:00

Sounds like the issues were there before your split, and he has less reason to try now, counselling might help him, but ultimately any change has to come from within, so he has to find a reason to help him get that drive to become better

Unfortunately

Mysterious_Mix_5034 · 2024-02-09T20:05:02+00:00

sounds like he has Major Depression, encourage him to talk to his primary care doctor or to use an online service for help

NothingIsEverEnough · 2024-02-09T19:59:24+00:00

You can’t be his caretaker, that’s why you divorced him.

Reflog1791 · 2024-02-09T19:54:10+00:00

Buy him a really nice set of golf clubs. Have one of the kids deliver it and demand that he goes to the nearest driving range with them that day.

For good measure throw in a $300 gift card to the local course so he can get a lesson, some range tokens, and a few rounds of golf.

This is the best idea you’ll hear all day. Of course, I question your motives entirely and I doubt you would do something that actually costs money to potentially save your ex husbands life.

sicksaltine · 2024-02-09T19:52:39+00:00

Gtfo with that “He refused to help around the house” bullshit. You’re a disloyal person. It is what it is.

DCnative2020 · 2024-02-09T19:50:48+00:00

You are quite the opposite of my ex wife. We have been divorced a few years. I am over her. We both have moved on. She did not give a shit about me after the D bomb which she dropped. At least you care. When she threw me out of the house, and I told her I had no where to go but sleep in my car her reply was "Tough, Figure it out". If it was not for my friend letting me stay at his place for a few months until I got my finances straight I would have slept in my car during the winter.

We only communicate regarding the kids. He has made a choice to basically be miserable. He can if he puts the work in to turn himself around, heal, and find another woman. Its up to him. 1 year into my divorce I was a mess. Things are better since. Your ex giving up booze is a huge start to a better life. Maybe compromise? Check in with him once in a while see if he is okay? But I would not get to fully invested into all the details. he is an ex after all

Winter_Cattle_2133 · 2024-02-09T19:46:45+00:00

"Just a 25 year relationship, why isn't he happy go lucky again"? Life isn't a movie, sometimes people lives get nuked and things just don't get better. What do you want to be told? That's its not a big deal?

par4me20 · 2024-02-09T19:36:59+00:00

This is noble of you. You care and maybe just showing him that you do with strict boundaries could make a big difference. Ultimately he’s going to have to want the help and do the work.

euphramjsimpson · 2024-02-09T19:33:47+00:00

Sometimes having someone who swore to be your person no matter what and through thick and thin abandon you can be extremely debilitating. Sometimes when the most important thing in your life is your family and you have it taken away from you life seems meaningless and pointless.

You should just stop talking to him regularly. His life is his own. If what is important to him is having his family and being with the mother of his children your contact with him is a re-opening of the pain that you already caused him.

Title	Ex is depressed and wants to die 2yrs out from the divorce
Author	baetsen
Upvotes	0
Comments	78
Date	February 9, 2024 7:19 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1amw5vj/ex_is_depressed_and_wants_to_die_2yrs_out_from/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/ex-is-depressed-and-wants-to-die-2yrs-out-from-the.1245003 https://theredarchive.com/post/1245003

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