I don't have the money for this!!!

2024-02-21T15:27:37+00:00

Same here. Crazy wife. Expensive lawyer. Crazy wife as in she prioritized needling me over her own financial well being. I was being charged about $2000/mo over two years. My lawyer always found new ways to spend money. And crazy person always found new ways to delay.

CA puts freezes on assets. I couldn't cash out stocks or even sell cars. I maxed out credit cards and took out a signature loan. Thankfully I had really good credit at the time. Credit score dropped to low 600s before the house sold.

Turns out she did not follow judge's orders. She took loans against deferred comp plans in her name. So she had deep pockets. /// FML /// <- wish contempt of court meant something... it does not.

Now that it's over, a year later, I'm in "recoverable" financial condition. My retirement looks much, much, much different than I thought. She's still in spend mode. I think this will be the year that she gets a huge tax bill. All that spite is going to soak up her money especially equity like a sponge. Really wish I could see her tax bill when she defaults on the 401k loan.

Girl_Dad42 · 2024-02-19T14:51:06+00:00

I had to pay for my ex’s attorney on top of mine. This was after she blew through her savings. During the discovery, the ex didn’t feel like going through all her accounts to provide the documentation so she just gave the account passwords to her attorney to gather the documentation. I told her at one point that you just cost yourself at least $2k because of her laziness.

porterfive · 2024-02-19T13:31:59+00:00

Mine refuses to answer anything that my lawyer sends her lawyer and is just dragging her feet on everything. Now I know why people say lawyers are the worst…well them and your ex spouse that is. This is such a terrible time mentally and financially for you. The worst is going through this alone and still having to act like dad of the year when inside you are ready to blow a head gasket! 😢

Sea_Purple2104 · 2024-02-19T08:04:16+00:00

Well when my wife and I got divorced we sat down together and discussed what the law says. It isn’t complicated 50 /50 with alimony and child support averages online. We sat down and worked out numbers and spent $0 on attorneys. If you can both be reasonable then why get attorneys. I figured it was better to be generous and avoid cost of attorneys.

SuggestionSmooth1202 · 2024-02-19T05:56:26+00:00

Sorry to tell ya man. But I’m about 50k in for attorneys. And selling my boat for 35k just to prepare for another legal battle.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-02-19T05:13:45+00:00

First, review the invoice in detail - calculate what percent of the fees are related to communications with you. If it's more than half, you're making your own problem.

Second, you can check this out:

https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/onujje/how_to_save_legal_fees_10_tips/

Emotional_Lettuce251 · 2024-02-19T04:55:58+00:00

I feel for you man, really. I’m going through the same thing. But $2300 + your retainer is nothing, I refuse to add up everything I’ve spent on lawyers in the last 11 months because I don’t want to puke, but it’s gotta be close to $15K. And we’re not done yet either!

Stay strong and the best advice I can give you is this: only fight over what you actually care about. One or two hours of your lawyer fighting over a piece of furniture or a wedding gift is enough money to just replace whatever you’re arguing about. Save your cash for securing your parenting rights and long-term financial security. If I walk away with my rights as a father secured and the ability to retire on time? All the money I’ve blown on lawyers will be forgotten in a few years.

Additional-Run1610 · 2024-02-19T02:43:55+00:00

Bro hate to say it but yiu havent even opened the barrel yet.I was not married but have kids with the xx.Im teadering in tge 59k range and we aint been in front of a judge other then jm.

Additional-Run1610 · 2024-02-19T02:43:43+00:00

Bro hate to say it but yiu havent even opened the barrel yet.I was not married but have kids with the xx.Im teadering in tge 59k range and we aint been in front of a judge other then jm.

thro281 · 2024-02-19T02:16:02+00:00

I am $60,000 and we are finally settling. Settle as quick as you can. I tried to do an MSA and she wanted to tell the world how bad I was. Now 10 months later it is almost over.

Wise_Serve_3140 · 2024-02-19T02:12:33+00:00

Damn, I'm $3000 in the hole to my attorney since July, and $1200 to mediator, but we have parenting plan agreed upon just needs to be written up by lawyers and financial stuff shouldnt be too bad only married two years and no money except profit from house around $20k, im hoping should be a easy split.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2024-02-19T01:58:10+00:00

As someone who lost his savings, my advise to you is to SETTLE ASAP. Give her everything she wants. Become an every other weekend Dad. You will still be ahead. SETTLE ASAP.

FUMoney · 2024-02-18T19:50:19+00:00

The discovery request is pretty standard. Any counsel will have seen those questions before, and s/he should have standard responses ready to go. But it will take come time to gather your responsive info and have it served.

Also, look at the request document? How many actual pages of questions? Because you likely have multiple pages devoted to the notice, instructions, possibly definitions, and the last few pages may be certificate-of-service related. Let us know.

IllustriousCry672 · 2024-02-18T18:23:56+00:00

The one saving grace I had with my ex was that we didn't need to get attorney involved, as she was so deep in her affair fog she wanted to get a separation agreement signed 6 weeks after she cheated.

She a year later would say I tricked her and stole the house from him, but she got way more out of it than I did.

stacksmasher · 2024-02-18T18:03:38+00:00

Why do you think the term “Cheaper to keep her” exists lol!

ColorMeCrazy274 · 2024-02-18T17:59:34+00:00

Oh i can totally relate. Served around Thanksgiving, $10k in the hole and lso just finished discover / interagatories. Goal is mediation and done in April, but because the STBXW refuses to discuss anything outside of mediation, its count the days and watch the $$$ burn away. What does the amount spent have to show for itself to date - nothing, just halfway through the process. ugh.

Acceptable_Ad9470 · 2024-02-18T17:34:33+00:00

Unfortunately you are in the cheap stage of the process, the two way discovery process will burn through a bunch more and prep for mediation/trial prep accelerates it tremendously. The more you can arrange information and do the work yourself the better.

2024-02-18T17:23:17+00:00

Oh that sucks

Title	I don't have the money for this!!!
Author	Emotional_Lettuce251
Upvotes	26
Comments	73
Date	February 18, 2024 5:16 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1atz5xv/i_dont_have_the_money_for_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-dont-have-the-money-for-this.1245766 https://theredarchive.com/post/1245766

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