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introvertard · 2022-10-08T20:33:23+00:00

Heyyyy what college in California? Haha jk… unless?

Elbynerual · 2022-10-08T20:34:05+00:00

A simple nod or wave to a guy who is looking at you is all he needs to come talk to you. It lets him know you might also be interested and gives him permission to put his approach anxieties aside. If you do that one easy thing, I bet you'll see a lot more guys coming to talk to you. And if they don't, nothing is lost to you.

purplehammer · 2022-10-09T00:39:22+00:00

also side question is it normal to wait until you are dating to have sex?

It's whatever you want. Clearly you want the "first time" to be special so hold yourself to that standard and be proud of it, it's a who cares what other people think situation.

Would guys agree to this?

The kind of guy who wouldn't, is most definitely not the kind of guy you want to be around/with.

What does this mean??

Means these guys are perfectly normal. Most guys will look but do nothing more. This could be due to fear of rejection or, believe it or not, their own social anxiety holding them back.

Should I do something?

If you want to. You need to understand that social norms of you not "making a move" on any guys is exactly the same social norms a guy would need to break to cold approach you. If you see a guy looking at you and want to meet him, go and say hello. If you are open and friendly then there is no reason the guy won't take things from there.

Most of the time someone looking at you, especially if you see it happen more than once is enough to tell you that they have some kind of interest in you. This works both ways btw.

I get so nervous talking to guys idk what to say.

Most guys will be nervous talking to you. Just say hello and if you want to be bold say you caught them looking at you, if not then say hello my name is x hows you day? It really is as simple as that although i understand that in practice those simple actions are actually extremely difficult.

Very outspoken with people I know well but anxious with others

Well well well, i may just have found my murican counterpart! 🤣 Again far more normal than you would imagine.

The question shouldn't be how do i get guys to approach me but more how can i become comfortable approaching guys. You can approach loads with the hows your day going approach and if you suddenly realise they haven't showered in a week or whatever you can chat for a minute about your day and then leave with the impression that you were just a friendly person, you don't need to jump in bed with a dude just because you walked up to them and said hello.

I’m scared they will judge me.

Are you content/happy with who you are? Yes? Then you need not worry about anyone judging you, live up to your own expectations and not the expectations of anyone else. Know people will judge you but also in the same breath know they are judging you regardless, i get judged for my outspoken nature, brutal honesty and also my fashion sense and height... Or lack thereof both of those things. Thing is i am always being judged on such things regardless of whether i approach a girl i was just staring at or not. It comes back to the live up to the expectations and standards you set for yourself.

Having said all that i will answer the actual question by saying the simplest thing is to, if you catch a guy looking at you, smile at him. Bonus points if you make eye contact with him and extra bonus points if you make him break said eye contact first and smile to yourself when he does so. Other than that your body language will say it all, are you open and friendly or are you standing with a frown on your face and your arms crossed. Which one is more approachable? Oh and if you want to be approached then make sure you are or at least appear to be on your own. If you are with a friend/friends (especially guys) then almost no guy is going to approach you, mind you if you find one who actually does then by god does that guy have some serious stones on him!

Godspeed my friend, i hope you find yourself someone special! ✌️

throwaway33333333303 · 2022-10-08T21:26:01+00:00

Losing your virginity to a hookup is really taking a gamble in the sense that you have no idea what you're getting yourself into. The guy could be great in bed or absolutely horrible. I agree with other people in this thread saying losing your virginity isn't a big deal in the long run, but I would also say that your first sexual experiences can be kind of formative and leave an imprint of expectations for future encounters and relationships. You're better off waiting until you're in a committed relationship with someone you know and trust for a while than hoping you somehow land a Don Juan on your first try.

As for the staring, smile, wave, wink, make eye contact with the guys that you find attractive. If they still don't make a move (🤦‍♂️), you can always approach them and strike up a conversation and get their numbers.

Sumbuddyonce · 2022-10-09T10:12:18+00:00

Recently a girl working at a coffee shop came over to my table, sat down, and took off her mask to talk to me.

Some of us are so oblivious you might have to do something like this 😆

CaptainChubbyDuck · 2022-10-08T21:11:47+00:00

I want to tell you that many guys dont approach just stare because it takes tremendous courage in todays society when we dont want girls to feel threatened or uncomfortable, and many girls just say No as soon as we say Hi. Yes Im serious.

2022-10-08T21:09:23+00:00

Interact with them like you would interact with a good friend. Being friendly and smiling female goes a long way with guys. Don't forget also to dress cute and don't be too shy. You need to make their task little easier. Also, if you want a relationship, you should focus on being comfortable with each other and share important life moments.

NDex101 · 2022-10-09T00:25:43+00:00

A dating coach here, hi! A few people have guessed correctly. Dropping a hint encourages some men. Don’t give them all the answers to the test. Yet, a simple gesture is always acceptable. Old school, dropping something and them picking up the item, is a great way to push them in the right direction. Most men pick up the item and after the thank you a sweet smile and giving them the floor, so to speak, is an excellent method to get them to approach.

Western-Bite1759 · 2022-10-09T03:41:23+00:00

Most guys are dumb. Make it very obvious that they can talk to you. Or else they just won't try anything out of fear of getting rejected right away.

viral-tuna · 2022-10-08T20:22:07+00:00

Break the ice by saying hey and/or introducing yourself. Body language speaks louder than words

Gaydame · 2022-10-08T22:47:36+00:00

These guys just have approach anxiety. Just smile at them, we always know that's a sure invitation

alter3d · 2022-10-09T01:07:25+00:00

side question is it normal to wait until you are dating to have sex? Would guys agree to this??

In my mid-20's I met someone at a speed-dating event who eventually turned into a long-term relationship (over 6 years). She was 25 at the time and a virgin. She was upfront about it (told me on the 3rd date or so IIRC), and it wasn't a problem... we dated for a couple months then one day she felt comfortable enough to do it.

However, the key there is that she talked to me about it. If I didn't know that she was a virgin (or insert any other good reason to not have sex), I wouldn't have stuck around if I kept trying to get intimate and was rebuffed for apparently no reason.

JeanLaffite · 2022-10-08T20:14:06+00:00

I'd swoop you up in a second, they are just scared of you too lol.

ShameAffectionate15 · 2022-10-09T00:48:24+00:00

U just have to make the first move. Sorry but this is how society is nowadays. Just say Hi. Thats it. They will lead the interaction. A female friend of mine did that once and they exchanged numbers after. Don't overthink it, just say "hi".

onebottleofpepsi · 2022-10-08T22:51:01+00:00

You noted that you have RBF. All you gotta do is break that when you make eye contact. For the love of God, I am NOT approaching someone who looks into my eyes with RBF.

A nice smile would do

Digitalidentity · 2022-10-09T06:33:59+00:00

2 things.

First and foremost, do yourself a favor and wait until you find someone that means something to you before having sex . Sex is a bit overrated, until you find the right partner with whom you share fantastic sexual chemistry. Still, the act is always best when it's intimate. Dating is the arduous process by which you discover whether or not that person is worthy of your intimacy.

As far as breaking the ice, I recommend walking by and saying something simple like "you're cute, you should come talk to us by a table/bar/ other location". Based on their immediate reaction you can decide whether or not you want to look busy by going somewhere else first (bathroom or bar) or if they take the bite, stick around a bit n let them shoot their shot. There are more subtle things you can do, such as tilting your head back slightly and towards your shoulder so as to say "come over" but with body language alone.

matchstrike · 2022-10-09T12:57:02+00:00

The right time to have sex is when you feel it is the right time.

Not sure how you’re getting hookup offers if guys are only staring at you, but obviously you’re attracting attention. It may be that you appear exotic to some of these guys and they’re curious/tempted but unsure of what to do. If you see one who looks good (and safe) to you, maybe say “I notice you here a lot and just wanted to say hi!” and see what happens. 🤷‍♂️

caesar_wilhelmus · 2022-10-09T13:40:29+00:00

If you’re interested smile back at them flirtatiously. Maybe go over and say hi. It’s uncommon but not unheard of for women to approach men, and if the men you want won’t approach you first then I think there’s only one way to get what you want lol. And it is completely normal to wait until your dating to have sex. And if you’re a virgin I’d definitely say that’s the best way to go. You’re first time is special, you’ll always remember it, and I’ve heard a lot of people say they regret losing their virginity to a stranger they knew nothing about and never saw again. Good luck OP!

TheDynamicKing · 2022-10-09T06:08:29+00:00

nothing wrong with being a virgin.

Ilivetowork · 2022-10-09T10:13:15+00:00

If yin see a guy stare and you like him , just keep eye contact and do a small wave . That's enough

rustoof · 2022-10-09T13:44:22+00:00

Not having sex with a guy until you are in a committed and monogamous relationship with them is absolutely a reasonable expectation to have. But if he is serious and you can tell, you can't make him wait more than 3 dates if he is offering to be your boyfriend.

2022-10-09T13:57:49+00:00

We honestly can’t give you an answer unless we see what you physically look like, because what you do with men will almost depend on what you actually look like

doctorduckylucky · 2022-10-09T03:51:51+00:00

Most men are big babies, lots of talk no game. Get comfortable with making the first move or making it seem like they did.

Ryzasu · 2022-10-09T09:38:24+00:00

It means they are attracted but afraid to approach

herendzer · 2022-10-09T04:42:28+00:00

People used to wait until they are married to have sex. So the moral of society drooooping doesn’t make any necessity for urgency to have sex. Just approach a guy you like and say hi

63mann · 2022-10-09T05:36:43+00:00

Guys stare at you because they find you very attractive. I’m working at a new job and a girl that looks like you works there also. When I see her, I can’t look away because she is absolutely beautiful. I realized that she has noticed me looking. I will introduce myself this week and make conversation so it’s not awkward when I see her. There is a huge age gap between us so I hope to make a new friend and nothing more.

2022-10-09T06:17:45+00:00

Just keep putting yourself in his vicinity. If he doesn't make a move then he's not interested enough or doesn't have the courage to make a move. Either way,

rcoo2417 · 2022-10-08T21:10:58+00:00

You don’t have to talk them. Make some eye contact, move closer them and pretend to do something. Make it easier for them to break the ice and say something to you. The right guy will make a move if you do that.

For the sex thing, generally, people have sex before entering into a relationship. Sexual compatibility is important. Kind of a tough thing though at this stage for you though bc a lot of guys may not want to with a virgin. If you do want to wait, I’d recommend telling the guy that on a third date and see his reaction. If he’s into you it shouldn’t bother him too much

creativedave73 · 2022-10-08T22:20:31+00:00

"Hi! Do you see something you like?" I'd be so embarrassed if a woman I was looking at said that to me, but it would also break the ice so I'd be comfortable talking with her.

zapadz · 2022-10-08T20:49:46+00:00

Here are some videos on approaching men and if it’s normal to sleep with someone after dating

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C9ONWHXCsrk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6sYm3Y5OGDE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ESEmkKOlpc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ZejywzPYXo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=srYsalvGXH4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SOVHOpjw4JY

Fate-in-haze · 2022-10-08T23:21:47+00:00

I suggest looking up Women's dating coach Matthew Hussey on YouTube, he offers all kinds of advice for women on his channel.

Alive_Shoulder3573 · 2022-10-09T03:18:24+00:00

Being older maybe I can help. I think a lot of guys your age are afraid of you, well, not really you, but you, woman, in today's culture, society is trying to destroy masculinity, and so guys are not taught young how to interact with the female person and even more scared to actually try to get closer and move on to 2nd base at some time

Moving along this pathway might destroy our society more than anything mother nature might throw at us, because it leads to Lee relationships, less kids. And the earth needs a certain number of kids to propagate the species

You might go along way just by saying high the next time someone shows interest in you, just don't jump on them, they are skittish and will run away scared

Canadian-Seductioner · 2022-10-08T20:45:59+00:00

I get hookup offers but I decline cause I want to wait until I get a boyfriend to have sex (also side question is it normal to wait until you are dating to have sex?

You're better off just getting it out of the way sooner rather than later. The special-ness of losing your virginity is overrated. If you find a guy who's willing to do it, I'd say just go for it.

2022-10-08T22:43:18+00:00

Men stare because women are beautiful and men are very visual. You shouldn’t be so self conscious and in terms of hooking up, get to know the guy a little before giving him access to your vagina. The first time should be special because you’ll never forget it.

FlatDistance5 · 2022-10-09T02:22:14+00:00

2 ways.

Heavy and aggressive…. Walk over and say look son!!! I saw you staring at me son!! Makes me think you wanna taste SON!!! Aye look put my number in yo phone, HURRRY UP, SON!! What time you picking me up….. look at him threateningly…. (If he looks scared or nervous) I said WHAT TIME YOU PICKING ME UP SON!!! That’s what I thought, I’ll be ready at 8.

This way will work most of the time.

Or feminine subtle yet still forward smooth

if you catch them checking you out smile and wave. If they wave back, wave them over, invite them to approach.

spiderSlayerr · 2022-10-09T00:07:18+00:00

1 word. Nightclub.

Repulsive-Fee393 · 2022-10-09T02:31:20+00:00

As a person with 0 sexual experience you are probably going to be a bad judge of character, so God be with you. A lot of us dudes are going to convince you that we’re in love with you just to get into your pants and bounce, we are dogs by nature, it doesn’t mean we’re bad people, it’s just how we’re wired, so bare that in mind. Now If you catch a guy looking at you, give him the usual glance and smile then look away, at that point it’s all on him. Good luck buddy, rooting for you ✊🏽

reddit235831 · 2022-10-08T21:05:14+00:00

Go to the gym, get a fat ass, and guys will never stop approaching you. Simple but 100% true answer.

2022-10-08T23:30:05+00:00

[permanently deleted]

i_love_crazy_hobos · 2022-10-09T00:04:08+00:00

i think some extended eye contact if you’re nervous to go up, will get more guys to come up to you

if you can get yourself to go up, just keep it simple with “hi, i’m ______” or “i wanted to meet you”. Approach can be extremely basic. Important thing is to do something, anything

random-naija-guy · 2022-10-09T00:49:58+00:00

Hehehe… I know it’s you u/round4plentymore 🙃

You really stressed over this huh? You been making HELLA posts

TheDynamicKing · 2022-10-09T06:07:11+00:00

post a pic!

fitbod262 · 2022-10-09T07:40:26+00:00

Yooooo we’re in the same boat good luck 👍

2022-10-09T08:11:26+00:00

Stick out your tongue. If they laugh hopefully they come and talk to you. If not no worries just move on

GreenZepp · 2022-10-09T08:19:22+00:00

Honestly all a cute girl has to do is walk up to me and tell me she thinks I am cute!

Riff-1988 · 2022-10-09T08:41:36+00:00

If you find them attractive then approach him

Ikem32 · 2022-10-09T08:58:40+00:00

They look because they are interested. They don’t approach you, because they are shy. If you are interested, make the first step and see where it leads to.

2022-10-09T09:47:52+00:00

I’d consult your mom or something before a thread full of horn dogs.

Jasonhardon · 2022-10-09T10:51:45+00:00

Take dance classes. It’s perfectly okay for a woman to ask a guy to dance there. Happens to me all the time. It’s also the socially accepted thing to do in that situation like during a free dance practice session. You can make friends with guys after class. Just have some conversation topics in your head ready. Also you can find an accessory he is wearing and ask him more about it. Maybe casually touch him while touching & talking the accessory. Women have done this to me a few times.

Also get some group hobbies. This way you have something similar to talk to them about on your dates. Whether that be bible study, yoga, running hiking or whatever you do. Don’t worry too much about the sex. It will happen when the time is right when you feel okay to do so.

Motor-Ice-4439 · 2022-10-09T11:09:39+00:00

Find some way to get him to help you. Ask him to hold your jacket, maybe take a photo, or drop something near him see if he picks it up. If he responds, introduce yourself while adjusting your hair behind your ear. Ask him what his interests are, compliment him and be genuine. Don't ask about his work, he'll think you're fishing for money. If they're not approaching, it's probably because you don't appear approachable. Ask yourself "What do the men I want, want in a partner?"

Major_Comfort · 2022-10-09T11:24:50+00:00

Simply say Hi...and let it flow from that point on.If they are interested they will respond and start a conversation.

Steffie2001 · 2022-10-09T11:28:10+00:00

They probably think you’re cute or ugly, but it’s because you’re pretty. Sometimes guys get insecure thinking a pretty girl would reject them. So acknowledge them looking by giving a smile and not a big one but something small or a wave. That might provide the courage to go up and talk to you.

Amalasian · 2022-10-09T12:08:23+00:00

just remeber guys feel the same. so just say hi

no_not_this · 2022-10-09T12:19:10+00:00

Judging by your post history you need to talk to a psychologist or mental health expert.

Remote_Transition_34 · 2022-10-09T12:25:04+00:00

A sweet smile can go a long way. A friendly approach might work too.

Connecting with someone is easier when you have less anxiety. Spend less time with technology, get outside in the morning, talk to people. Join a team or club that is time consuming if you aren’t in one already

YouGotTangoed · 2022-10-09T12:33:17+00:00

Put yourself in more situations where you are around guys, and it isn’t explicitly about dating. If you’re not interested in hookups, go to events/meetups that are orientated around hobbies you like to do, and you’ll naturally meet someone.

I’d rarely advise a woman to approach guys, but if you do then try to be slightly indirect. E.g. “I’m having trouble finding this location on campus, can you help me out?” or “I’m new here, do you know where the lunch hall is?” and then see if he’s interested in having a meal together

Stare into his eyes, play with your hair, do all the signs that girls do to show interest, without being forceful, and it will happen. It’s a totally different ball game compared to guys approaching

mxracer888 · 2022-10-09T14:57:59+00:00

Plenty of guys will agree to no sex unless dating and prefer it.

Plenty of guys will also tell you they agree even though their only goal is sex and then they bounce. There are plenty of shitty people out there.

If you're in a class with them you could ask for help on an assignment, it's OK to play a little dumb if you don't need the help. You could simply say hi and ask the time, that may be enough to get them to try and engage further if they're interested.

You could try going places that are naturally more conducive to engagement like that, I always enjoyed going to the local country dancing venue. I found it to be better than the clubbin type life where everyone was drunk and acting stupid. You can stand on the sidelines and hope for the best, or it's just as acceptable to go ask someone to dance, plus you learn a new skill and have some fun while you're at it

I had a girl leave a note on my car, it said something along the lines of "I always see you and have hoped to actually cross paths with you but that hasn't happened and wanted to hang out" or something along those lines. We got together and went out a time or two.

My brother's wife made him cookies when he moved in to his apartment complex, and when the neighborhood organization tried assigning someone to go invite him to activities (as they do with all new move ins) she jumped up and said "I'm doing it".

I wish more women went out and tried to make the first contact, definitely don't expect them to do all the work but like my case with the girl that left the note, sometimes we just don't see people.

Nimitz_68 · 2022-10-09T16:52:07+00:00

Looking at the comments, you, being female, ALWAYS have to be careful.. us cavemen ALWAYS take a smile or nod as yeh, lets go for a quickie. The bar isn't the place for this sometimes unless you are prepared for something afterwards going anywhere from 1st to 3rd base. ALWAYS have a wing person who will tell you NO and you trust. Again US GUYS see women who communicate back as interested in something.. just be your own judge and be safe

Nimitz_68 · 2022-10-09T16:57:08+00:00

There is NOTHING wrong in waiting until you are ready for ANYTHING. If you are okay within the 1st - 3rd base of intimacy's, then the guy should know too. Intercourse is amazing and fun, but only when YOU are ready for it. Some choose it as a choice, others because of religion. Regardless... you should also be ready for the deed too by physically being prepared for the act, not just mentally... coming from us cavemen...

H8beingmale · 2022-10-09T18:08:51+00:00

interesting, a woman that wants to approach guys? that will never become normalized, at least i highly doubt it

OriginalMandem · 2022-10-09T18:27:20+00:00

Idk, I feel like someone isn't my GF until we're already either having sex or at least have a strong intent/desire to do so

nupollution · 2022-10-09T21:57:33+00:00

Practice winking 😉 ✨️ It lightens the mood, makes the other person blush, and allows for a bit of a body language conversation to develop prior to a verbal introduction Plus it makes you look and feel really cool 😎

ecstaticescapade · 2022-10-14T20:57:03+00:00

Be forward. Just sit down next to them and touch them on the arm. Show interest in thier career/school passions. Then see how they respond. More women need to do this. 'Proximity' is the signal you're giving him.

They're not judging you. They are staring at you because they want you and are curious about how you look naked.

For your first time:

Only choose guys who care about you and are really good in bed. Your future self will thank you.

A guy who does yoga is a good choice, or a relationship psychologist.

Ask other women about him, key his reputation.

Title	[deleted by user]
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	167
Comments	84
Date	October 8, 2022 8:10 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/xz2buu/how_can_i_22f_approach_guys_what_do_i_do_if_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/deleted-by-user.1248698 https://theredarchive.com/post/1248698

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