How is cold approaching NOT needy behavior?

MeanYeti · 2022-09-15T20:11:09+00:00

[removed]

highoncatnipbrownies · 2022-09-15T19:11:03+00:00

Humans have to talk to each other. That's not being needy. It's just part of being the same species.

IceColdBrewsz · 2022-09-15T19:15:00+00:00

Rule of thumb dating.

Almost nothing is ever needy when you attractive. So yes cold approaching is somewhat needy behavior by default because you are going out of your way to make yourself known.

If a guy is insanely attractive he will get approached alot more by women. But there will always be alot of women that still won't approach because they believe it makes them needy since they are the girl. And they are not expected to approach. So alot of women will give men choosing signals to approach her.

So a very attractive man will not most of the time seem needy because he's attractive. It's always ok when he does it. But let an ugly dude approach and all of a sudden it's harassment.

This is probably one of the many reasons why cold approach has such a pitiful success rate. Not only are you bruteforcing yourself into a conversation with someone you would have never spoken to otherwise to someone you have a very low chance of having something in common with other than location, but you're also sending a signal that you're so desperate for attention that you're willing to manufacture connections that aren't actually there, and more than likely aren't genuine.

Very true. Which is why I personally believe after years of cold Approaching that it's simply not worth it for 95 percent of men. It frankly takes WAAAAAYYYYYYYYY too much time, effort, and skills for most men to get even a low success rate.

It can be very beneficial for men who have insane conversation skills, personality, humor, game, career, and great physical looks.

But if you're not in that top 20 percent of men just don't do it.

MeanYeti · 2022-09-15T23:42:22+00:00

1

So if being non-needy means that you're confident in yourself and have options how does cold approaching not entirely contradict that?

Let's unpack this:

Confidence isn't built overnight.
If you are needy now, then there's just going to be a period when that colors everything you do.
Having options is about having ways to meet new people.
Cold approach is a way to meet new people. Meaning it's one way to access options.

While we're at it, let's define terms:

Cold approach simply means starting a conversation with a stranger. That can happen in so many different ways.
Some people define cold approach as going to a public place and rapid fire walking up to woman after woman, having a short interaction with each one, and then moving on to the next one, often in full view of all the others they just talked to. This can easily come off as desperate.

2

If you're going up and approaching random women who you have never seen or spoken to before, how does that not come off as desperate to the other party?

Again, cold approach is starting a conversation with a stranger. That can happen in so many different ways.

It's not inherently desperate.

But if you are desperate now, then anything you do could be colored by desperation. People can get a sense of that even if you're not approaching

3

Surely if someone was desirable they wouldn't have to resort to such tactics and could find other, more organic ways to meet people.

It really depends on how you're defining cold approach.

Starting a conversation with someone while you're in line at the bank or the grocery store can be organic and would fall under the category of cold approach.

4

This may be offset if there's someone out there who is genuinely interested in what random strangers are doing, but especially for this subreddit the motive here is obviously to "pull" them, which of course women can recognize right away.

There are a lot of guys who definitely go in already deciding that they want to pull. This is a common mindset mistake.

The goal really should be curiosity. To find out what this person is about and whether you actually get along or not.

5

This is probably one of the many reasons why cold approach has such a pitiful success rate. Not only are you bruteforcing yourself into a conversation.....

The way some people practice cold approach, it can definitely come off brute force and desperate. But with cold approach done right, you're simply starting a conversation with a stranger as you go about your day.

And there's often plenty you can find in common with someone in such a short period of time. Life is going on all around you, everywhere you are. There's usually a lot to talk about.

6

Take for example, being in line at a grocery store. It might be taking a long time and you can comment on that to someone else nearby. It's an easy way to relate to somebody.

And what usually happens is that people who already wanted to talk, will take an off-hand comment and run a little further with it.

throwawayofc1112 · 2022-09-15T18:53:30+00:00

That’s why I’m reluctant to do it. I already have a profound fear of rejection and the last thing I want is to be penalized for trying my best to put myself out there. It’s difficult to feign context and connection with a stranger anyways.

Not to mention I’ve overheard some girls say that they find the cold approach guys annoying and cringe a lot of the time, which discourages me even more.

Andress1 · 2022-09-15T19:50:48+00:00

Cold approaching has a low success rate because It's the equivalent of cold calling to sell.

It's also the most efficient way to meet women. If you see an attractive woman you go and speak to her, and see if there is a connection.

And you can't be 100% not needy in dating , unless you are a model or a famous person and can't get women off you

Contango6969 · 2022-09-15T19:15:46+00:00

Talking to other people is not neediness. Lol zoomers

zapadz · 2022-09-15T19:08:52+00:00

There aren’t really “needy” behaviors, it depends on where it’s coming from.

Cold approaching inherently shows some “neediness”, but that doesn’t mean it is so needy it won’t work. You can convey interest without being needy and have the attitude of giving value or doing it to meet your own needs.

themostgianthorse · 2022-09-15T19:49:47+00:00

Simply put, It is the attachment to the outcome that would make it needy.

Individual_Minute168 · 2022-09-15T19:56:54+00:00

My thinking on this is that if doing a shit ton of cold approaches is what it takes you to get over your fear of talking to women, then it’s fine. I know what you’re saying though, it can come off as real cringey. Being able to hit up a woman that’s caught your eye though is a good skill to have, and if you can do that in a super market with someone who hasn’t even noticed you, you can probably do it anywhere lol. You’re wrong, if you’re an attractive guy you will get plenty of eye contact from random women just going through your daily routines. It’s not desperate to be able to walk up to them and spark a conversation. Going up to women who haven’t signaled interest is a little different, but again if you’re taking care of your appearance and aren’t a creep about it then you get plenty of warm responses too so long as you’re coming off as warm. It’s pretty weird when some of these guys don’t know how to back off from someone who is clearly lacks interest. That definitely comes off as desperate.

AkranarKun · 2022-09-15T20:16:26+00:00

It really depends on your frame.

If your frame is: "I'm approaching you because you're so amazing and can I please have some of your time and attention please please please" then of course you're needy.

But if your frame is: "I'm having a fun time regardless, and I'm approaching you because you seem interesting and I'm a bit curious about you." Then that's not needy.

Then when there are multiple frames in conflict with each other, whoever is most sure and confident in their frame will draw the other people into that frame.

wordypropensity518 · 2022-09-15T21:22:05+00:00

You should be careful with breathing. It looks needy needing all that oxygen. Alpha 10's with options don't need air. Their cells manifest all that O2 without even trying.

j314314 · 2022-09-15T19:01:21+00:00

Seneca wrote: “The wise man lacks nothing and needs many things”

It’s not needy. It’s going after what you want.

EvanMcCormick · 2022-09-15T23:14:58+00:00

That's definitely a zen koan of dating. Someone who is genuinely being themselves and doesn't alter their behavior because of what others think of them is non-needy. But if I'm someone who normally wouldn't approach a girl during the day and say she's cute, is altering my behavior so that I could potentially get a date with her needy?

I'll be a little more specific about how I define non-neediness, because it's a nebulous concept here and different folks 'implement' it differently.

Non-neediness in the moment: When I approach a girl in the moment, non-neediness is about low investment in her immediate reaction. If I can tell a girl I think she looks super cute, and I'd like to get drinks with her sometime, and have her and her friend gawk at me like I just asked them to strip, and be okay with this horribly awkward situation, that's non-neediness in the moment. It's really about not feeling shame about your honest actions. You might think that it's a license to be a dick, and unfortunately some people will be dicks if they have no shame. I'll add that you should have a strong set of morals and abide by them. And shame is no substitute for morality. A lot of men have shame at the idea of cold approaching a girl, because they know there's a chance they'll come across as a complete creep. All I can say is that dating is a very weird mix of social norms, and when girls like getting approached, they love it. If they think you're creepy, then you're a creep, and if they think you're charming and outgoing, then you're prince charming. And as much as it might feel shameful to you, I see nothing immoral about approaching a cute girl and honestly telling her that you're interested in her.
Non-neediness in the lifestyle: This is the real zen koan of neediness and seduction. I do think that going out to approach hundreds of girls is needy, unless you genuinely enjoy approaching (which many people do!). But to be honest, most guys on this subreddit are desperately trying to get laid, and more than that, feel sexually validated as men. Feel that they are worthy and capable of feminine affection, sex, and perhaps love. Being non-needy in the moment is a skill that will increase your chances of getting laid long-term, but being non-needy long term is about being completely solid and comfortable with who you are, regardless of how often you have sex. That being said, if you're too ashamed to approach women, or don't know how to do it successfully, you're probably going to be stuck in long-term neediness, or you'll have to become a celibate stoic. And it turns out that one of the best ways to get over long-term neediness is to have sex with beautiful women! I did, and doing so made me realize that I needed the sexual validation of losing my virginity more than I needed sex. Now I'm more comfortable not having sex, but I'm also more comfortable asking girls out when I like them, even if I come across as a creep, because I do still want and enjoy sex.

If you want sex, validation, love, etc., go and get it. That's the first step to becoming sexually open and comfortable. Is all of this ultimately needy? Perhaps. For now, that's okay. I recommend learning to be non-needy in the moment first. Then once you're more socially adept and sexually experienced, you can focus on your overall lifestyle.

GotThaAcid5tab · 2022-09-15T19:45:08+00:00

Don’t think of it as cold approach, but just starting a conversation.

All this “You look cute and thought I should say hi” stuff is creepy, pathetic and needy. It’s never gonna fly.

Just go over and chat about anything. Build from there.

Liberaler · 2022-09-15T19:13:54+00:00

Needy can mean two different things:

Your inner attitude towards meeting women.
How you come across to other people

cold approaching is just a method and can done with different inner attitudes. Imho it makes you feel less needy, because it gives you more options.
how cold approaching comes across depends on your vibe and how you do it. If you do it in lighthearted/socially intelligent/relaxed way and do not view a rejection as a bit deal, why would anyone expirience that as needy behaviour? Why would I care?
If your frame truly is that talking to strangers is something normal and not a big deal, others will accept this frame.

MeanYeti · 2022-09-15T19:56:02+00:00

The thing about cold approaching is that it's a skill that requires a lot of time and effort and trial and error to get good at. Its not as hard to talk to and get to know and seduce a woman over time if you somewhat already met her or know her in some way. But cold approaching is doing all that fast and instant and if you say or do the wrong thing it's over. It's not needy but it's hard to have a lot of success easily unless you are really good and even then it's more of a numbers game.

kathruins · 2022-09-15T20:16:22+00:00

everyone starts out a stranger. the key is to chat and just have fun with it. of course if you come across as needing to get laid or get a GF right then and there it comes off as needy. if you are there for polite conversation and getting to know someone, its a genuine experience. people are sociable creatures and conversations are fun. if you're good at them, women will want to have more of them with you. i'ts only needy when you NEED a certain outcome to come of it. if you are just there having fun and shooting your shot, its normal social behavior.

MrSelfDestruct32 · 2022-09-15T20:21:07+00:00

You’re getting in your own head. There’s nothing wrong or needy with cold approaching. Not only that but we have an instinctual drive to do it. It’s just human not needy. If you feel like you’re being needy then you’re probably coming across that way.

OrangeVoxel · 2022-09-15T20:28:56+00:00

There’s something you need to know. Women want to get laid and be in relationships too

Zenterus · 2022-09-15T20:44:55+00:00

Its not needy but rather confident. It's only needy if you're trying to sleep with every girl that you approach.

Every guy has had the experience of walking down the street and BOOM your head instinctively turns to look at a beautiful woman walking past you. You're not busy currently, you're on your day off and were simply on your way to the grocery store.

Deep down you'd love the opportunity to have a interaction with that woman and if the vibe is positive, then get her number and take her out on a date, but you suppress that desire because you lack the balls to act on it.

Men have been approaching women since the beginning of manhood. Men have always been the more assertive sex in dating. It's only in recent years that technology has enabled men to disown their balls.

It's not needy to approach a woman, it's brave and confident. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that NOT approaching a woman is way more needy because a lot of men crave female validation so badly that they abstain from interacting with women in order to avoid rejection.

Again, cold approaching is only needy if you're trying to sleep with every woman you run across. But if your mentality is that of "searching for a connection/good fit for you" then it's far from it.

BigishTuna · 2022-09-15T20:47:42+00:00

It’s needy if you NEED her. It’s not if you just want her and don’t give a fuck if she doesn’t like you. Pretty simple.

NastyMonkeyKing · 2022-09-15T20:56:28+00:00

What the hell is the point of this thread if your going to disregard everything anyone says and double down on your bullshit

Reasonable-Cold-69 · 2022-09-15T21:49:47+00:00

That mentality is valid in some ways. You don't want to be the guy at the bar not having fun, just constantly looking around for women to hit on. Or the guy who meets a girl on campus between classes and tries to talk to her for 25 minutes. That makes you look too not busy.

Picture someone you've met in life who's a natural extrovert, who was exceptional at conversation. They made it feel natural to talk to people/women.

I approach women with a vibe like, "hey we're both at this place, we must have something in common. I like meeting people with similar interests. Let's see what else we have in common?" Works for me.

ThePerson_There · 2022-09-15T22:15:39+00:00

Jus because you're not needy doesn't mean you're not allowed to want. I have plenty of water, doesn't mean I shouldn't go grab it when I am thirsty.

mojojojo2069 · 2022-09-15T22:16:49+00:00

Just shoot the shit man. Everything in life is cold approach.

Sawt0othGrin · 2022-09-15T22:49:03+00:00

It becomes needy behavior when your energy isn't reciprocated and you keep going.

froze_gold · 2022-09-15T22:53:58+00:00

We all need things. Sex, food, shelter, the list of things every person needs goes on.

We need sex, and we want companionship. Everyone does.

Cold approaching isn't needy so long as we don't act as if we desperately need that one conversational partner's attention. We aren't narrowing our scope onto one person so heavily that they dislike us. Rejection isn't a deadly blow.

Title	How is cold approaching NOT needy behavior?
Author	MeanYeti
Upvotes	17
Comments	167
Date	September 15, 2022 6:42 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/xf4eln/how_is_cold_approaching_not_needy_behavior/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-is-cold-approaching-not-needy-behavior.1249952 https://theredarchive.com/post/1249952

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