How do I tell my best friend, I don't want to take him with me when approaching/ meeting women?

tgeU069 · 2022-08-08T19:37:54+00:00

Dont be a doormat, but don't be an asshole either

gannex · 2022-08-08T21:10:32+00:00

Hottest girl I ever dated, I met with my wingman who is more handsome/confident than me. He approached her and her sister and I followed his lead. Her sister is a bit more of a confident popular girl type, and she is shyer and more reserved, so I matched her energy better. We ended up dating for two years. I definitely don't think going out with a friend who is better looking than you is a negative. What's important is that your personalities mesh in a way that makes you entertaining.

lsdevto · 2022-08-08T22:23:29+00:00

My best friend is jacked and like 5 inches taller I’m 5’7. I pulled last weekend and he didn’t and we were together. Brought her to the same place. I mean he literally has the body of a greek god. I am a skinny fat dude. I have pretty good style and my game was on point.

She even told him “what? You dont pull?”.

He was pretty into her too.

Its mostly in your head.

JF803 · 2022-08-08T21:33:09+00:00

This is a loser mentality. There are plenty of girls. Groups of girls will be more drawn to a group of attractive guys having fun than just you by yourself, or you with a less attractive dude. Even if a girl was into you, if her friend wasn’t into your friend, it wouldn’t happen. If he draws girls in then you can bring more people into your group all night - social proof for introductions of people and creating the group and fun. The better looking your friends the better for you unless you’re just clueless socially. That you’d even have to ask this shows there’s some stuff you need to work on, and that’s cool, but be aware of it and work on it.

2022-08-08T19:31:51+00:00

Your friend will attract more women, then pick the most attractive one but you can score with her friend. Still better than nothing

Kundalini-Electric · 2022-08-08T18:55:39+00:00

I bet you’re more handsome than you realise. People can be too hard on themselves because we are our own harshest critique (unless you know Gordon Ramsay).

One of the reasons why Women probably ignore you is because your confidence goes when you’re around him. Women can smell insecurity a mile away (we’ve all been there). He naturally has high confidence and Women respond to it. And because he’s getting attention from Women (because of his high confidence) it’s giving you a jealous vibe. It sounds mumbo-jumbo but Women do respond to what you’re projecting outwards good or bad. This is why innergame is so damn important.

What to do - think highly of yourself, see yourself as a snack. Act like Women would be happy to be around you. Remember, comparison is the thief of joy.

You are a Man, she is a Woman, go get em Tiger.

mjornir · 2022-08-08T21:17:58+00:00

If he’s your friend he should know better than to go for a girl you’ve been gunning for

kellykebab · 2022-08-08T23:10:24+00:00

Like dude, you already are seeing my friend and you're still friends with benefits with your ex. But you still want more.

Yeah, this guy isn't going to limit himself to make you feel better.

Obviously, work on your own confidence and game, blah blah blah. But I wouldn't bring him around with me either.

Realistically, your friend should be able to figure out the reason you don't want him as a wingman on his own. I'm a bit surprised that he can't put this together, himself.

Honestly, I'd just tell him you've had better success by yourself or with a different friend and leave it at that. You don't owe this guy a deep, elaborate explanation. And like I say, if he hasn't figured out the real reason by now, he will eventually if he has any brains at all.

You don't owe him wingman status. If you'd rather not include him, that's totally reasonable. I've heard women make the exact same complaint ("my friend Becky gets all the attention") and I'd give them the exact same advice.

Now, if you can get to a point where you're so confident and charming that you actually can attract women alongside this Adonis, then you know you're doing something right. But there's no reason to make things artificially hard for yourself by trying this on a constant basis. A bit of challenge builds confidence. Too much challenge can be demoralizing. Just know yourself.

Repulsive-Fee393 · 2022-08-08T23:11:49+00:00

If that’s the case improve your looks man, hit the gym, shred the fat and level the playing field

TruSiris · 2022-08-08T18:51:39+00:00

Be honest with him. It will be vulnerable to reveal your insecurity but in doing so you will recieve his respect and support, especially since he's your boy.

Be honest.

Ok-Ad-3675 · 2022-08-08T21:34:45+00:00

I always like the quieter guys. The ones who all the other girls are after are usually uninteresting to me.

neversleeps212 · 2022-08-09T01:07:11+00:00

Look there’s probably room for both things here. Assuming you genuinely count this dude as a friend and not a frenemy go out with him occasionally with the mindset that you’re there to have fun with your buddy and have no expectations about scoring chicks and then also set aside some time to approach in your own.

Every good relationship is a combination of boundaries but also accommodating what the other person wants. Sounds like you need to find that balance with this dude

Delicatestatesmen · 2022-08-09T04:49:26+00:00

I don’t play basketball with lebron because he better then me and hogs the ball.

Your mentality.. girls choose the guy buddy all you can do is present yourself. He can help you meet girls.. just go after pairs with him and have rules and boundaries explain your issues, i am sure he will work with you about it..

DrawerLoose8127 · 2022-08-09T06:18:58+00:00

I would say be happy you have a friend who’s viable and actually wants to go out with you pursuing women. It’s a much better choice than having unattractive friends who are afraid of women and will just kill your game

Pantherist · 2022-08-09T07:30:05+00:00

You are the best judge of your situation. If you feel like simply him being around is detrimental to your chances, just stop doing it, regardless of what people on Reddit tell you to do. Dating is a personal struggle and no amount of masking can make you feel confident if you just aren't.

Let him think what he wants to. He's probably going to assume the debacle with your mutual friend was a tipping point.

As another comment pointed out, he lucked out on the genetic lottery and he meets all the physical standards thrust upon men these days. He's been cocksure confident all his life; it's as easy for him as breathing. Noone's going to hurt his chances like he seems to do yours.

But, you need to ask yourself what your going to the club really is to you. Is he a good friend and fun to be around and you go there primarily to catch up with him and enjoy his company?

Or do you go there to try to get laid and put your best foot forward while at it? Seems like one comes at the expense of the other.

Tackley_ · 2022-08-09T10:06:22+00:00

If you go in first, he either has to wing for you if he’s hanging around or go find his own girl. If you get blown out, then he can take a shot. Dems da rules!

Romantic_Adventurer · 2022-08-08T18:49:14+00:00

Be honest!

desal · 2022-08-08T23:28:07+00:00

you don't have to tell him anything.

you could just go on your own. you could go with him without looking at it like you're looking for women with him, just hanging with him. look for women on your own.

MywarUK · 2022-08-09T01:13:22+00:00

From what I can tell, and no offence intended, but if he gets the girls when with you, then they aint the girls you want, you want the girl that wants you around him. Don’t match his style because thats not you, just be you..

Iv been on a date/meetup and my boss came in, Irish accent, she melted and ignored me for 30mins straight whilst he was around.. asking him what time he finishes and what is he doing after work? joke was on her… he dates my friend and when she realised that, I had left the place 🤘 she showed her true colors within 30mins 👌

myloteller · 2022-08-09T03:02:50+00:00

Nah, go out with him but dont be the quiet bystander. Hot guys attract hot girl, hot girls usually have hot friends

BrownBull92 · 2022-08-09T04:28:16+00:00

Dude, I'll tell you something that maybe you don't know yourselves, your friend think that you are a more successful guy (dating scenario) than him. Maybe he knows that your personality is better than his to charm girls.

And yes, be assertive and bold. Being meek and forgiving won't last in the jungle law. And learn to satisfy girls in bed, make them cum again and again for you.

warbloggled · 2022-08-09T06:37:43+00:00

Your more attractive friend can work to your benefit too.

Like, he can be the ice breaker for you, your set opener. You don’t have to frame yourself as the ugly friend. There are other ways to frame your dynamic.

Attractive people are harder to relate to. Their relationships are more superficial, shallow. You being less attractive can balance that dynamic. You can be the viable option.

They’ll think -

If you can manage to have very attractive people want to be your friend, then you must be something special.

Empty-Afternoon-3975 · 2022-08-09T06:37:46+00:00

Never game with someone who doesn't game. Part of game is knowing how to wing. If they don't know how to wing for you and vice versa, this is just driving blind and hoping you two don't crash.

mfposgbcs · 2022-08-09T07:39:26+00:00

Women don't care about looks like men do. What you might consider attractive in a man, women might not. I see less than attractive men with hot.girls even though I know I'm more attractive than that guy, but similar types of girls reject me. So it's not really looks, it's something else.

2022-08-09T16:23:35+00:00

In my opinion you invite him with you and be the best you that you can be. If you take the lead women notice who's the "alpha" between the two...usually even if there is a disparity in looks, the most socially dominant guy gets the girls.

JF803 · 2022-08-08T19:10:16+00:00

Damn, I thought according to this sub it's all about game and looks/height aren't relevant big picture!

Lol but yeah, just be honest with him about it. Personally every time I used to go out with my friends they'd always looks and height mog me as well.

Pantherist · 2022-08-08T22:59:01+00:00

Let his rugged good looks chisel open the set, and then swoop in to scoop up the leftovers…

MrBlack__ · 2022-08-08T21:23:51+00:00

Just tell him lol as long as you ain’t a hater… actually don’t tell him I just thought if my friend said that to me I’d be sad loooool

jotwice222 · 2022-08-08T22:23:21+00:00

Take his crumbs bro nothing wrong with that lol Also don’t ever say it’s ok for your friend to go after a girl if you’re not ok with it..

Amalasian · 2022-08-09T12:00:40+00:00

yep much better to not tell the truth and hide things then to let him know he to damn hot to take girl hunting. your over there fishing with a rod and he tossing lit tnt in a lake its not fun for you. there is no way your friend would understand and want to help work around that so you get girls and he get to go hunting with you. in fact you should ghost him so you dont have to deal with this at all.

real talk. just tell him he needs to wear silly hats and look goofy (pecocking) then you can be a team together, and he the hot one can wing man for you. giving you social cred.

2022-08-08T23:56:02+00:00

Shit! You’re in a tough spot, man. I don’t see any way of dealing with this problem other than being honest with your friend. Perhaps you could ask him to only hang out some of the time. Sounds like he’s a pussy magnet.

LightAtEnd · 2022-08-08T19:39:10+00:00

Your friend is a POS

poly_nerdy_panda · 2022-08-08T19:35:17+00:00

dude step up your game, game has nothing to do with looks sure it helps but personality goes a long way, bring your friend shot maybe share the same chick who gives a fuck go have fun

Radicalmattitude1 · 2022-08-08T22:25:30+00:00

Honestly man, I’d take the good with the bad and not sweat it too much. Coming from someone in his 30s you’ll look back at these times like some silly beef that you wish you still had because most of your friends have moved on, gotten married, had kids and now they’re boring. You’ll probably think how dumb it is that you considered not inviting your friend out because of this sort of thing and wish you could’ve kindled that friendship a little more by just kicking it, enjoying yourself and not worrying about girls too much.

There will always be good looking guys trying to steal your girls, might as well have one of ‘em be your friend so you can get used to it in a playful way. Maybe once in a while you’ll steal one of his girls and you can shove the pie in his face just that one time. You can also make fun of him for being the “pretty boy” of the group or something. There’s always a reframe to look at it from the bright side and have in with it

2022-08-08T23:04:38+00:00

That's Gay lol why would you need to tell your best friend you don't need a wing man anymore.

All you did was grow some balls and figured it out on your own.

Batman without robin, is still batman.

ixhr · 2022-08-09T04:51:25+00:00

Dont tell him

JoMamma23 · 2022-08-08T22:29:01+00:00

Even if you don’t want your friend with you when you meet women, they will eventually meet your friend at some point or more than likely you’ll be competing with other good looking men to attract these women. I’m not going to lie to you and say just be confident and you’ll be fine cuz some girls won’t even give you a chance if you don’t meet a certain height requirement. With that being said, don’t focus on what you can’t control, focus on what you can control. you’ll probably have to make sure you are physically fit and exercising regularly. If you know you are in shape and have a physique that girls are into, it will naturally boost your confidence and you’ll be less likely to worry about who you might be competing with when meeting women.

TL;DR: Be honest and tell friend the truth or improve in other areas like fitness to be more confident when meeting women with your friend

ftdrain · 2022-08-09T00:02:15+00:00

Nah bro I actually recommend it

bobthepcbuilder_ · 2022-08-09T01:25:58+00:00

just be honest with your best friend. if he really is your friend he will understand. you already lied once saying it's OK and that hurt so stop lying to your friend and tell him the truth. life is too short

UncommonSense89 · 2022-08-09T04:17:39+00:00

Be upfront and honest with your friend. If he's a good guy he'll understand

2022-08-09T07:29:15+00:00

Something is not right if you can't be sincere with your "friend". You can really just tell him that your wingman game is bad for you.

If you are interested in a girl, you either take your shot or you forget about her. Waiting won't get you anywhere ever, you will only waste your time and get emotionally frustrated.

asd1234red · 2022-08-09T08:17:19+00:00

Get better than him. Girls initially go for looks but they only like confidence and vibes in the end. Cancelling him is not the true solution imo. Become better. If the girls be going for another guy then they not worth it anyway. I always bond with them for a while and then test them.

Belerofontes · 2022-08-09T13:18:33+00:00

He sounds like a jerk

Fezbot420 · 2022-08-09T14:26:17+00:00

You’re thinking about it wrong. Your friend is probably the best person you can possibly go out with.

HugeAbbreviations575 · 2022-08-09T15:40:31+00:00

Tell your boy he gotta respect the bro code. None my friends would ever talk to a girl I liked out of respect for me. If your friends breaks the bro code then that's on you for being friends with such men. Surround yourself with better quality men

poorwardobservations · 2022-08-09T16:07:33+00:00

Bro what a loser way to think

bandsupjay · 2022-08-09T18:23:17+00:00

Work on your game brotha and stop blaming your friend. You shouldnt be comparing yourself to anyone thats your own self esteem talking. Fix it, stop making excuses and being jealous and learn from it. Would you rather pick up stuff and get advice from your friend and go out alone for a year and try learning everything by yourself just because you’re “comparing” yourself to him?

bandsupjay · 2022-08-09T18:24:18+00:00

I mean obv hes gonna be upset for making an excuse you arent being real

Wubbster839_ · 2022-08-09T19:11:10+00:00

You don't have to be attractive to a girl to really get her, alot of times people who fall for you for your looks will probably leave, be her friend at first and then if you like her a whole lot then ask her to date and see where it goes, don't worry about your friend. Just be yourself, it sounds super basic but honestly it's true,

zapadz · 2022-08-11T20:45:28+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcztwd2v7bM

beenpimpin · 2022-09-05T05:27:40+00:00

there's always something in every situation you can use to your advantage, try find what that is.

Title	How do I tell my best friend, I don't want to take him with me when approaching/ meeting women?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	146
Comments	127
Date	August 8, 2022 6:36 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/wjgh41/how_do_i_tell_my_best_friend_i_dont_want_to_take/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-tell-my-best-friend-i-dont-want-to-take.1252571 https://theredarchive.com/post/1252571

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