26 years old. Making big changes in my life. Never had GF, Sex or Kiss. But that’s changing. Should I tell women about my lack of experience ?

frecklie · 2021-10-28T23:56:44+00:00

I’m going to zag away from the others and advise you NOT to reveal this until you get to know someone well. People will understand you burying the lead if they already like you, and they may write you off early if they realize you haven’t had success in the past. They’ll wonder why. No need to create those questions until you have been on several dates, just say you have been dating and are looking for something serious now. Simple.

VladPutinOfficial · 2021-10-29T00:17:06+00:00

Don't, was on the same position last year with a girl and she decided she doesn't want to see me more. Then better girls came while I didn't said shit and kept it to myself and was only planning on telling of I trust someone absolutely

StarwarsITALY · 2021-10-29T00:49:27+00:00

Congrats man. Your story is still bieng written. So it comes down to one thing – CONFIDENCE.

Confidence is essential to game (and what naturals are doing, which is still game, they just don’t know it). A lot of bad game advice is along the lines of “fake it till you make it” or be “or be confident”. Very difficult to make actionable and leave guys struggling.

A better approach for those starting out might be to purge everything that is not confidence from your thought process. So these things need to go:

Fear and lying of never having a relationship, validation seeking, ego preservation, envy, jealousy, anger, bitterness…

If you focus on purging these feelings, you will go a long way toward ending up in a confident mindset.

Approach anxiety? – fear. You should not be afraid of merely speaking to a women. Don’t worry about what to say or next steps. Start small. Start with hello. That’s not scary right?

Validation seeking ? Women seek validation (from men and other women). Men should be focused on what they are doing – bias for action – rather than how they are being perceived, especially by strangers. The root of validation seeking does not believe in your own worth.

Self validate and you will never doubt your self worth. A pretty girl talks to you? Makes out with you? Fucks you? Great. Does not change your worth. Does not change who you are.

Ego preservation? Related to fear and self worth. You would rather not “fail” because you think it lowers your self worth. “I am not going to talk to that girl because of XYZ [made up reason]” that preserves my worth. Question – if succeeding with women doesn’t increase your worth how can failure lower it? Just be. Some people will like you, some wont. Some will be men and some will be women. You are the same.

Envy and jealousy? This is you projecting your scorekeeping or lack of experiance on others. You think others are doing the same to you, because you tie everything to your self worth. No one is keeping score. You shouldn’t either.

You watch a guy come over and chat up a girl and leave with her – good for him! Be positive. Embrace positive outcomes for others. His girl prettier than your girl? Awesome for him. What he has does not negate what you have. Put another way, what you have does not negate what he has either…

Practice ridding yourself of envious and jealous thoughts and you will be amazed that what replaces them are positive feelings.

Positive feelings create positive outcomes (in game).

Anger and bitterness? Scorekeeping again… accept people for who they are not what you want them to be. Guys and women. So a girl doesn’t like you or blows you off? So what? Did you share a fun moment. Embrace that time and be content in that thought. She is not taking the future from you, you are going to make that yourself, with someone else. She isn’t taking your worth, so why be angry and bitter? Nothing kills a positive vibe more than angry bitter feelings. No woman finds that sexy. No man enjoys the company of angry bitter men.

So you may not be able to “be confident” but if you work on eliminating these negative thoughts you will find that you can be in the moment, and once you are in the moment you can just simple be… this is the relaxed state that sub communicates confidence to all around you.

And now you are not faking anything, you have become authentic. And people can feel authenticity.

KimJongChickUn · 2021-10-29T00:52:06+00:00

The best answer when asked about past relationships is “nothing serious”. Don’t lie but don’t reveal your inexperience.

Orange-of-Cthulhu · 2021-10-29T01:05:42+00:00

I think you should try and see what happens - 3 girls you tell them, 3 girls you don't, then compare.

It seems a bit weied why you'd bring it up without having a specific reason for it?

I used to tell girls bad stuff about myself on purpose after I had some interest from them, the idea was to screen out those with low interest in order to not waste time on them- those who stayed were the ones most into me. It worked - for you it could potentially be a hassle to spend time on a girl and then discover at a late time if it's a dealbreaker for her you have low sexual experience.

But in your case I guess you want the interactions to go on as long as possuble to maximize your experience, so probably don't tell them 'bad' stuff.

Bonus: Never lie. If they ask, then answer them and it's in the hands of fate how she reacts.

Jonny2266 · 2021-10-29T00:13:05+00:00

I wouldn't recommend disclosing it directly. It's like a scarlet letter and essentially calling yourself an incel to be specific about it at your age. That's not to say that you should feel shame about it or conjure up elaborate lies, but rather just say you haven't dated seriously in a while (and are a bit rusty if you need to). You still be confident but also PRACTICAL. Proclaiming you don't have any friends isn't the best way to gain new friends if that makes sense.

ivanalesi · 2021-10-29T01:30:54+00:00

I'll give you a bit of controversial, but historically proven advice. Go hire some great prostitute & tell her that. She'll help you out. Especially if you're attractive :) Be very open-minded & willing to learn :)
This is how dads in many EU countries introduce their sons to women. I think it's still very popular in Italy, I have some friends who did this at a very young age & now they're naturals with women...

kawasakizx7rMonster · 2021-10-29T01:16:01+00:00

Up until now, have not been able to translate social skills with some woman yet. Have to agree others, do not share. Good on you for sorting weed out and getting into MMA again. Sent op source may help.

Keanuisawesome69 · 2021-10-29T01:44:41+00:00

Never lol

Mshalopd1 · 2021-10-29T01:52:53+00:00

I have the exact same problem bro. I'm a very handsome dude, have had girls approach me many times, etc etc. Only been with a few women in my life because I'm straight up TERRIFIED. Still working through this but all I can say is you just have to go for it. If you feel like telling her you're not experienced then tell her. If you don't then don't. Fuck her reaction. Just do you. The more you do what you feel like doing (obviously within reasonable limits) the more trust you build in yourself and the more you learn. Sometimes she will find it endearing sometimes it will fuck you over. But being true to yourself and how you feel will matter way more over time than whether or not you hook up with one girl, and will lead to far more success overall.

I'd say generally avoid it is the best policy, but it's better to feel comfortable being yourself than to try and do or say the perfect thing to make someone like you. As long as you live within the "I need her to like me" frame you're fucked.

As soon as you realize that what you want is more important than what they want, it's so much easier. And it's in HOW you say things far more than what you say. Some girls will respond well some won't. Some will want to fuck you more because you're honest and vulnerable some will think that's a huge turn off.

Long story short... avoid it unless they ask, but I've also had this exact conversation with a girl and it was very liberating for me. And we did end up having sex a few dates later. Now I don't think about it as much and don't feel the need to mention it.

m2niles · 2021-10-29T01:26:05+00:00

Just don’t worry about it, no need to mention it yourself, but you can be honest if it comes up and you’re comfortable enough with the girl. Consider lying if your goal is just sex, tell her what she wants to hear without giving her expectations she’ll be sleeping with don juan. Assuming you’re being honest about being physically attractive, being a kissless virgin at 26 would probably seem a bit odd to almost anyone. Your confidence level seems good, good luck brother.

MikeAlphaGolf · 2021-10-29T01:33:56+00:00

Definitely don’t reveal it. You are shooting yourself in the foot. Talk less in general. Mystery builds attraction. Women want to feel like they have snagged a winner, not settled for a loser. You don’t have to pretend to be some Chad with 100 notches, because this facade will be easily seen through. Just don’t say anything at all.

saalejo1986 · 2021-10-29T01:34:33+00:00

ieatsquirrelmeat · 2021-10-29T01:46:38+00:00

Personally when starting out, I was very open about my lack of experience and wasn’t embarrassed about it in the slightest. I think women picked up on my confidence regardless and didn’t give a shit about it.

Ryden7 · 2021-10-29T02:42:05+00:00

DO NOT do this, you will get cock blocked, trust me.

fonduchicken12 · 2021-10-29T02:45:36+00:00

I'm going to agree with a few of other comments here. There's no need to lie, but also no need to tell them all of the details until you know them well and you're invested. You also want to try to give off the impression through your confidence and actions that you're the kind of guy who has experience. Once you get to know someone and you start connecting it will probably come up. At that point it would be good to be honest and explain what happened. How you're working to overcome your struggles and growing as a person. That personal growth is attractive. Make sure you give off the vibes that it isn't a big deal and you aren't stressed about it. You got this.

sammatheson · 2021-10-29T03:57:37+00:00

You need a level of investment from another person to be able to sympathize with your current situation.

You wouldn't tell a random strange is because you know they wouldn't care.

But your homie of 10 years would care and would take the time to hear you out.

So if it's a first date with a girl absolutely not. You don't have the investment from her and it would freak her out.
But a girl you have started to see regularly and you going on lots of dates with you could slowly start to introduce the topic.

BUT girls are so intuitive that I'm sure she could most likely already tell that you have a lack of experience just in your body language and your overall vibe. So don't stress too much about telling the girls you meet until they are much more invested.

NotyouraverageAA · 2021-10-29T04:54:35+00:00

Don't lie but don't bring it up unless she directly asks you first. Just rip off the band aid when the time is right.

Your situation is different than mine but I lied to my first GF about never having a GF, being a virgin, bla bla. Lying wasn't the hard part, it was having to tell her the truth later that she was the first girl I had ever been with. She wasn't happy I lied to her and said she would have been more understanding of my mess ups if I had told her at the beginning.

JacobMoogberg69 · 2021-10-29T05:02:36+00:00

Just say if asked that a gentlemen doesn't kiss and tell. And stick by it.

OwYouHitMeInMyWienew · 2021-10-29T09:30:51+00:00

Never. If they ask, lie.

MJSB1994 · 2021-10-29T11:02:47+00:00

fake it till you make it bruh. If you can't blind them with your brilliance, baffle them with your bullshit

lowerbackpain2208 · 2021-10-28T23:52:04+00:00

Be honest and be confident about it. When you mention it don't seem embarrassed, just mention it with confidence. They key is always confidence.

imdonewiththegoodgas · 2021-10-29T00:06:47+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Bjay452 · 2021-10-28T23:39:56+00:00

It would be for the best to be honest with them and yourself you shouldn’t feel ashamed or let anyone make you feel embarrassed because the lack of experience so please don’t lie sir

Circ-Le-Jerk · 2021-10-29T03:09:29+00:00

NO, why the fuck would you tell her that?

porkchopdickdock · 2021-10-29T03:16:33+00:00

Thats one way to decrease your value in her eyes bro. Just act cool and play it like your desirable to other women too.

EleoraHC · 2021-10-29T10:59:51+00:00

Always lie. It's part of the game

Trappist1 · 2021-10-29T04:02:14+00:00

Semi-tangential, but get an HPV shot too. Around half of guys will get it and the symptoms can vary from mental issues to cancer. You are lucky in a way since most people in our age group have likely been exposed to at least one variety even if they didn't catch it and got can get immunity before sleeping around.

Have fun either way, if you look like you're having fun, people will almost always follow.

vanillapopsicle · 2021-10-29T02:46:54+00:00

No, never tell them. It will turn them off. Just play it cool man.

SeekerWin · 2021-10-28T23:55:41+00:00

Yes, walk in your masculinity, Sir. Be who you are and own it, so the right women are meant to link with your authenticity.

Regular_Towel_6898 · 2021-10-29T02:20:56+00:00

Yes, but rephrase it “I assure you I am disease free”

the-original-chad · 2021-10-29T04:04:38+00:00

I wouldn’t. That’s means a lack of preselection which women tie to value. They think “why hasn’t this guy been laid? Must be something wrong with him.”

Visual-Investment · 2021-10-29T04:05:21+00:00

If they dont ask, i wont tell. In the heat of the moment, will asking for experience matter?

TheApothecaryChef · 2021-10-29T04:13:15+00:00

Don't lie. Communicate. Be honest. That's the best way.

TexRetroTech · 2021-10-29T04:53:47+00:00

It would not matter at all to some and to those to whom it might matter, they will figure it out on their own pretty quickly

Purple_Amphibian1969 · 2021-10-29T05:06:34+00:00

Meh why should you tell them, only if you trust them then yeah. You don’t deserve to be judged so you have every right to keep it to yourself. Fake it til u make it.

Lifedeather · 2021-10-29T05:22:37+00:00

Don’t tell, it’s a turn off

rewinder909 · 2021-10-29T05:59:06+00:00

No don't tell them you have no experience, unless they ask. Confidence builds up with experiences and there's no shame on starting late. There are old people in college graduating and they don't give a fuck. It's never to late learn, some women will even enjoy teaching you some things. Just be open minded and go for it tiger.

VDKay · 2021-10-29T07:02:21+00:00

Don't tell them yourself if they don't ask.
If asked generally about your past, it's best to say "I don't want to talk about my past (because it hurts me)". This is a good response even if you do have past experiences.
Don't lie if explicitly asked (e.g. "have you ever been with a girl?")

bDsmDom · 2021-10-29T08:52:24+00:00

Yeah, tell them after your have sex.

Disturbed_Aidan · 2021-10-29T09:45:02+00:00

Save it for the date.

-clifford · 2021-10-29T09:46:37+00:00

Fake it till you make it

AstralValProjection · 2021-10-29T09:59:43+00:00

Don't tell women anything about your sexual experience, you don't need to do some crazy sex position, porn sex and real sex aren't the same.

InternationalDrag929 · 2021-10-29T10:52:49+00:00

I once told a girl about something similar like this a few years ago. Luckily i got away with that because months later she was hitting on me. But the others here in the comments are right. I shows a bad light about you from the girls view.

G35guy1994 · 2021-10-29T10:54:31+00:00

Well if you don't have any sexual experience it's going to be obvious to a girl when you guys go do the deed. It's better to be upfront about it.

3SidedDie · 2021-10-29T11:17:27+00:00

Im 21, and I hadnt told my ex about my lack of experience until we did it for the first time. Her first reaction was like "YOU WHAT? Why did you hide that from me?" Then we just kept on talking about whatever we were talking about, but I could see on her face that that kinda bothered her.

To this day I dont know why that would be so important.

ABC_DocioA · 2021-10-29T12:19:51+00:00

Read How To Be A 3% Man

2021-10-29T12:42:51+00:00

NO , you never tell women anything like who you’ve slept with or whatever. Between you and her is then and there. Just go for small light kisses. Watch YouTube videos on how to kiss. Pretend you’ve done it before! Same with the sex, and if you must practice on lower value women. Sounds harsh to those women I know but that’s how you will build courage for higher value women. Also if you must get a massage with a happy ending, it’s not sex or kiss but having your dick out and cumming to a female hand could take pressure away from when you get with other girls

WheelIntelligent1354 · 2021-10-29T13:13:20+00:00

Never admit this. You may admit it afterwards when you have build up experience. Women's brains are wired to see you as less attractive as they assume subconsciously you just got rejected constantly. Being attractive is a loop, the more you are assumed to be attractive, the more people will be attracted to you. This is why so many slightly average looking actresses get away with being called 10/10s.

iluvreddit · 2021-10-29T13:28:36+00:00

Morpheus987 · 2021-10-29T13:38:27+00:00

This could backfire. What if a girl wants to get intimate and she tells you to do something in bed you’ve never done?

divyad · 2021-10-29T14:41:42+00:00

don't tell outright, its a turn off.. but don't try to conceal it either. its like didn't ask, didn't tell.

IntrovertDatingCoach · 2021-10-29T14:42:53+00:00

Honestly, it's all in how you present it. During my college years I was actively trying to remain a virgin until I was married. As part of this goal, I would tell women all the time that I had never had sex before, thinking it would prevent them from wanting to have sex with me.

Instead, the opposite happened: many of them would do things to indicate they wanted to be the one to take my virginity. I'm talking wearing lingerie, bedroom invites, etc.

And that's when I learned: it's not about IF you're a virgin, it's about how you FEEL about it when you tell them.

If you're coming from a place of being ashamed of it, it signals to a woman that being a virgin wasn't your choice, i.e. other women were rejecting you because they didn't see you as a viable sexual candidate. On the other hand, if you say "Yeah, I'm a virgin by choice because I have yet to find a woman worthy of giving it to," it signals YOU'RE the one in control of your sexual destiny, not them.

All that said: I don't think it's necessary to tell women. As much as this whole thing about "sexual experience" is pushed, the reality is each sexual partner you have will probably want something different to get them off than your previous partner. But if you DO decide to tell them, re-read the advice above. Good luck!

CaptainCanuck15 · 2021-10-29T16:15:46+00:00

Only say that you are inexperienced if you're being asked. And when you say it, own it. Act like it's not a big deal and you've just been unlucky. That worked well enough for me. Granted I was 21 and not 26, but still. Once they know, tell them you're gonna need some pointers. If you want some return customers, it's better for them to think you're bad because you're inexperienced than for them to think that you're flatout bad.

gillmanblacklagooner · 2021-10-29T16:42:24+00:00

This is not a Yes or No question. Have in mind you’ll meet a lot of women: personalities, priorities, experiences, values, expectations, traumas, humor, mood, boundaries... People are different and you’ll learn how to “feel the vibe” (aka some sort of reading other people’s feelings and intentions).

anon3451 · 2021-10-29T17:08:02+00:00

If a girl likes you she won't care

TheWhoCaresGuy · 2021-10-29T17:12:36+00:00

Depends on the type of person you are dating. If you are dating a reddit/ social media type of girl, don't tell her. If its a down to earth chill girl, she won't give a shit.

MissIndependent27 · 2021-10-29T17:21:45+00:00

You gotta start somewhere. But do it with someone you really trust.

One-Hedgehog4722 · 2021-10-29T17:36:51+00:00

I wouldn’t tell a woman about lack of experience…maybe if it’s an older woman. When I was young I think I lucked out having sex with a gf because I was a virgin and lacked experience and she was aware of it.

19960820 · 2021-10-29T17:47:12+00:00

I’d say, let them wonder, play the mysterious card, women would love and be aroused by that, further they’ll never know for sure since our instinct does an excellent job when it comes to these things im sure you’ll be often judged as someone with experience

ooogabooogaboooga23 · 2021-10-29T18:19:47+00:00

I’m in the same boat right now (20M) and I would keep it on the low until a truly intimate connection is formed.

levelologist · 2021-10-29T18:58:40+00:00

Just be yourself and be honest. Its really not as big of a deal as it seems to you. No one cares nearly as much about your percieved problems as you. Thats the secret here, no one cares. Get over yourself and life will be much easier.

Human-Honeydew-3241 · 2021-10-29T20:56:41+00:00

Fake it till you make it bro. Prepare for trial and error. Just remember to keep it a fun process.

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