Needy people have girlfriends

jackzander · 2020-01-15T19:15:45+00:00

You probably just aren't seeing either situation accurately.

A lack of neediness will probably not be the variable that limits your success.

A surplus of neediness will probably not be the variable that curates someone else's success.

It's likely that you aren't seeing or being honest about your real flaws, or aren't seeing or recognizing your friends' strengths.

Melankewlia · 2020-01-15T18:52:13+00:00

The “stink of desperation” is a deal-breaker from jump.

Likewise, as you become healthy, you’ll learn to avoid sick and unhappy people. They are contagious.

Smile. A lot.

Study “The Jack Nicholson Effect” elsewhere in my previous posts.

Make something of yourself which you admire, or you’re going to be lost.

Learn to enjoy your own company.

Learn the “interviewing skills” taught by Dale Carnegie.

Define your goals in writing for clarifying and substantiating your desires.

Be very specific.

Be careful of what you ask for. The universe is very likely to deliver.

Final, MAJOR PIVOT QUESTION: “What is it like being in a relationship with You?”

Good Luck!

harryhoudini66 · 2020-01-15T21:01:52+00:00

There is such as thing as confirmation bias. Could you describe what some of the behaviors that your friends with girlfriends exhibit that you would label as needy?

The thing is that relationships are not black and white. For example, if you are not familiar with it, I recommend you reading up on Adult Attachment Theory. Mark Manson has a great summary in you are feeling lazy. Many of the attributes that woman find attractive are shared between someone that is avoidant and secure. Conversely, someone that has a secure attachment style has no issues with showing behaviors that someone with an anxious attachment style exhibits. Its about finding balance.

lifeunbalanced · 2020-01-15T21:08:39+00:00

You have to realize when girls want to settle down they want a guy with more caring characteristics. How you act in a relationship and when your trying to pick up ten girls in a rotation is way different.

You can’t act alpha all the time in a relationship it’s guaranteed to end up in break up whereas you can act alpha all the time to attract girls.

If your a player it doesn’t matter because you can just get another girl. In fact you should have like 7 more girls in rotation it shouldn’t even bother you to break up. Your the man. But if your in a commited relationship you break up and it’s like a huge deal so your forced to make it work.

Being needy does not improve your chances of getting a girl. Your focusing on completely the wrong thing. Being more caring will help you keep more girls that want to settle down and be commited. Not super young girls, older 26 and up. And being more caring can be sometimes viewed as needy.

Also some girls just want to be happy. They don’t care about progress. I always want to work towards my dream. My girlfriend rather me relax and be more stable.

PondScum420 · 2020-01-15T21:14:32+00:00

A lot of those books and guides only reflect a personal view of dating. There are many different ways to approach dating and sex. It gets very narrow minded on the internet, ridiculously so.

It’s hard when you’re starting out because its uncharted territory and therefore you don’t even know what you want.

Learn early on though that what matters most is confidence and authenticity. With those two you can be any kind of guy and have success in dating.

Hubblenobbin · 2020-01-15T21:05:56+00:00

I would bet these guys played 'sweety game' (obviously they don't see it as game). You can land a girl by being super sweet to her, with just enough challenging. She's not going to fully respect you though, and you won't get her all in the bedroom. You can't really run sweety game off of cold approach, you need to build rapport over time. I landed a 9 this way once, but having been the below category in previous relationships, it was glaringly obvious to me how she was treating me differently than previous men in her life.

The point of pickup is to play lover/high value game. A girl hooks harder this way, chases harder, is hotter for you, but she's also more sensitive to drops in your value.

Pick your poison.

Prophet6 · 2020-01-15T22:29:49+00:00

I get what you're saying, but there are a couple of red flags with your post. First off, don't judge you're success or lack there-off with other ppl, as relationships form on a wide range of variables, which you won't be privy to. Compare yourself yes, but don't make assumptions on cause and effect.

Second, when we talk about neediness, I think of emotional dependence, validation seeking, and high maintenance (not necessarily personal maturity and ambition). You can still strongly pursue relationships without necessarily being needy if you'r fun to be around.

thebochman · 2020-01-15T23:59:20+00:00

Op is right. I feel like I’ve had to be perfect in terms of social status, fitness, etc, just to get mediocre-average at best. I started a fraternity, put myself out there a ton, read a ton of pickup material, and didn’t experience any of the positives until a while after, and now all those positives are gone and I have nothing.

One of my old roommates was the most needy people I’ve ever met, never lifted so scrawny af, but had a girlfriend entire time we lived together until right before moving out when his Gf broke up with him and he LOST IT and had an absolute breakdown running into a field and ripping his shirt off saying he was gonna kill himself. Somehow they got back together for a little bit afterwards but then broke up again, then in an extremely short amount of time got a new gf with which he’s still with today.

Meanwhile you have someone like me that’s been fighting to improve themself as much as possible, started a fraternity chapter, became well connected, got a masters, etc. and the girl I had been seeing for a while left me for her chubby, short, coworker who never went to college and bags groceries for a living and has a neck beard chinstrap.

She told me how much she missed me and didn’t like him after dating him for 4 months or so, then I started talking to her again and she just wouldn’t break up with him and give us a second chance even though SHE was the one who reached out to me. When I was trying to win her back she would text me how she was really kinky now and how she would get fucked by him with a ball gag and all this shit that made me sick to my fucking stomach.

They finally broke up end of summer, after I said enough is enough and stopped talking to her hoping they would break up. Then I tried pursuing things again when she told me she was “single as a Pringle” and never got a fair shake.

All this shit has fucked with my ego and the little self esteem I had to begin with. I don’t like to think highly of myself but I lost out to someone who was such a clear fucking loser and it makes me think what good is it if I give everything my all if I’m only ever gonna be a backup plan.

Sorry if this got a little off track from the original post but it’s been something that bothers me every day.

njp112597 · 2020-01-15T18:34:13+00:00

I second these questions.

AlenSplico · 2020-01-15T19:57:45+00:00

At the end of the day if she really likes you she wont mind if you are needy. Heck romantic partners are besides family our strongest support so we need them as much as they need us.

scarrax · 2020-01-15T22:21:48+00:00

Needy guys can and do get girlfriends, but most of the time they’re it’s because settling for less. These kinds of guys attract girls who also settle for less, who are also needy, etc.

herendzer · 2020-01-16T00:39:21+00:00

Isn’t it weird? That most guys manage to find a girlfriend, wives , sexual partners etc without knowing jack shit about seduction and without analyzing anything. Test some of us have to study these adult interactions to secure one woman..... very terribly weird

lakerfanforlife · 2020-01-15T23:07:36+00:00

There's a lot that goes into why someone dates someone. Your friends may be better looking than you at least in their girlfriend's eyes, they may have a higher social market value, better job, better sense of humor, more confidence, etc. The list can go on and on. At the end of the day, you should not and cannot compare yourself to your friends. You need to make sure that you are being best you possibly can be. Remember to try to improve just a little bit every day, kaizen.

axe122 · 2020-01-16T10:19:47+00:00

If they are needy then maybe they’ll get lucky and have a good relationship with sex included. It seems to me a lot of these guys may end up being in line for divorce unfortunately. I noticed a lot of girls will be with and even marry these types of guys but after they achieve all their relationship goals and all the new exiting stuff is over , wedding , house and the kids about 5 they realize they aren’t in love with the man. It’s like when the only thing left is you and their desire for you from that point forward they may love you and the family you built but it will unfortunately only last so long when if they start getting bored.girls don’t do anything they wanna do and while I think they allow themselves to fall for these guys they kinda chose them cuz they were a safe play for achieving relationship goals which most girls have. Not every guy gets divorced and they may seem happy but are you aware what their does life is like? It’s very possible that they don’t sleep together much with almost a roommate style relationship. So many people blame this on the idea of it’s just what happens in a marriage. They’ll all say “you’ll see” as if that’s the standard, I honestly wouldn’t stay in one of these relationships even if I married a girl I’d leave if my relationship was like this. If you have kids I don’t think it’s even healthy for kids to see a loveless marriage growing up. I also know I can get another one who’s equally good looking or hotter,different and new. I honestly think just being willing to walk away will probably be enough for them to wanna stay and keep them interested sexually. They’ll have to work for you and wont be 100% they can do whatever they want with you and you’ll be waiting there for them.

I’ve had a bunch of girlfriends using the same technique but it seemed like things were always on their terms cuz I didn’t know any better. I would do whatever I could to make her happy and that typically turned her off. Luckily I discovered this stuff before I married some cute girl who thought I was good enough. It’s really made a difference with women for me as now I choose them as well and it’s really more about compatibility and choosing the right girl instead of ending up with the first cute or hot one who sleeps with you and shows interest

It’s hard to not fall for them or want something with them when you don’t have a lot of options cuz your turning off all the women who aren’t looking for a Long term relationship .at that moment. I feel like some girls will be in the market for a relationship with a safe sweet type of guy cuz they had their heart broken so many times or got hurt by the guy they really desired. It’s like when the timings right and they maybe find you physically very attractive with a good job and life. basically you look good on paper so they make it very easy for you to hook up with you. They are instantly warm cuz your what they’re looking for at that moment.

I won’t ever go back to that cuz the way girls treat me now is like they can’t get enough of me. They are worshipping me sexually and not old give oral sex are dying to give it cuz they wanna please me. Oral is kinda more submissive for girls, not even forplay oral but start to finish oral just for you. Yes I enjoy reciprocating but it always seemed like they were never that into it and def didn’t wanna just give head when it’s only head.

I noticed that even my girlfriends continue giving me head and enjoy it. This is just something I personally noticed that I think is due to the fact I act super dominant and they view me as a guy they want to please.

I also noticed that they work a lot harder and to look sexy for me and just overall treat me different and better than previous relationships (before I learned this stuff)

When you said a lot of it goes against your current beliefs and seeing a few sub comments I saw you leave it sounds like on some level you may want guys to affirm your original beliefs. The thing I think is of what you were doing was working for you then you wouldn’t be looking for answers on the internet. All the married guys struggling and all the emails Corey Wayne reads are guys like your friends playing damage control when she gets bored.

You also gotta get a good grasp of what neediness is cuz I noticed a lot of guys staying things were needy and validation seeking when it wasn’t. There’s a big difference between wanting a girl and needing her. I literally had a few girls say that to me before we hooked up. They want to be desired and don’t wanna feel like you picked them cuz they were your only option. I lost so many girls when I was younger who I may have been much more compatible with but my behaviors turned them off or got boring (especially when they were hot and getting hit on a lot). You can do nice things for a girl isn’t being needy as neediness is really the place in which the action comes from. It’s not be a total hard ass all the time, never let her know you like her at all and never do nice things for her. A good example of Neediness would be a girl isn’t putting out anymore, cancels dates whenever she wants,, the relationships on her terms 100% and she’s not being a very good girlfriend in general. The guy who’s still doing really nice things and putting in 150% to try and make up for the fact she’s not putting in effort is being needy. If a girls being a good girlfriend and putting in effort then doing stuff that’s nice and sweet for her is normal. Your doing it cuz shea earning your affection,love attention and you wanna treat her well not cuz your afraid to lose her and are doing this stuff cuz you think you have to do it to keep her. Don’t run in the wrong direction with this stuff and while it all works I would get a good understanding of how to determine where the line between appearing needy to appearing indifferent is and where actually being needy is.

All of this stuff works if you don’t try to pick and choose things to match with your current beliefs. Just kinda accept you learned all the wrong shit and were duped. Don’t blame the girls either cuz they were duped too, most girls have no clue how they actually operate cuz they believe the TV movie idea and all say they want a nice guy. I believe they think they want this guy they just don’t respond to him.

It took about 6 months to a year of applying this stuff while actively dating girls for me to embody it and now I rarely even think about it and I just kinda am it. You can go back to the sweet, nice approach but based on what I’ve seen all of this stuff works 100% and the mindset of wanting a girl vs needing a girl is huge. I sleep with and date 99% of the girls I go out with now when I used to constantly get ghosted or hear no spark, no connection or your sweet but I think we’d make better friends. Dating is actually enjoyable now and totally stress free as I have plenty of options and while I may want a certain girl I know I don’t need her.

grrinchas · 2020-01-15T20:41:59+00:00

Your friends have a relationships, which they don't have control over it.

Do you really want to be someone like that?

huntrlife · 2020-01-15T18:44:52+00:00

What's your definition of needy? You're putting a lot of emphasis on this word

thirdwallbreak · 2020-01-15T22:35:32+00:00

They are not needy, you may only be seeing half of the relationship. The first thing you need to look at is entirely how you phrased the question about getting a girlfriend. Maybe their girlfriend is also “lazy and needy.” People seem to go out less when they get into a relationship but that’s for another time...

Sometimes it’s okay to just want to sit around with someone special even if it’s to do nothing at all.

omy2vacay · 2020-01-15T23:48:12+00:00

Does that mean desperate people have wives?

_SaintJimmy_ · 2020-01-16T00:06:45+00:00

Girlfriend = constant sex and companionship for way WAY less work.

Its unrealistic to think you’ll be some PUA god picking up 10/10s every weekend. You might start picking up girls more regularly, but they’ll likely be lower quality than you’d like.

As long as you hold masculine frame and remain respectable in her eyes, a relationship is great. Have good judgement of character and find someone who is highly unlikely to cheat and actually respects you. If she does cheat on you, then you dump her ass and hop back on the hunt.

Needy people w girlfriends almost always get cheated on or broken up with. They’re not really happy with their current situation but they’ll simp for some coochie. That said, non needy people in relationships will almost always be happier than PUAs of any tier. Just look at how Mystery and Strauss ended up...

MountainClimax · 2020-01-16T01:39:41+00:00

You don't have to be a pickup master to get a girl. Many relationships form for other reasons. Girls aren't passive, they do the choosing too.

rjmk · 2020-01-16T02:05:05+00:00

I don't know you're friends, but pre-girlfriend they were doing something attractive. They weren't lazy or complacent at that point, if im venturing a guess. Then at some point they got what they wanted out of being productive, ie sex. So once sex is obtained, why try harder?

chromepickle · 2020-01-16T03:19:20+00:00

Just putting a dollar in the Fuck jar. Love comes with a price. Short get an escort, long muster getting rejected till someone pulls your pud. I'm venting too as I neglected my carefree 20's to become the desperate mid 30's freak that I am. Only thing I'm proud of I haven't had an STD yet as I am a virgin.

chromepickle · 2020-01-16T03:19:34+00:00

Just putting a dollar in the Fuck jar. Love comes with a price. Short get an escort, long muster getting rejected till someone pulls your pud. I'm venting too as I neglected my carefree 20's to become the desperate mid 30's freak that I am. Only thing I'm proud of I haven't had an STD yet as I am a virgin.

pentrutaramea · 2020-01-16T04:26:45+00:00

Needy people have unfulfilling relationships that are filled with lies, manipulation and pain.

Trust me, if you're not needy, you're doing the right thing. Keep on at it. Like attracts like, a needy person dates another needy person and it makes for a bad mix in the long run. Eventually, most people learns to be non-needy enough to have a stable relationship that's sustainable.

kalz44 · 2020-01-16T05:38:38+00:00

I understand your frustration but this mindset will lead you nowhere. You’re essentially the guy at work who complains about the coworker that gets paid more but works less hard. This isn’t going to solve your problem. Focus on your issues and what you can do to solve your problems. Not anybody else is dating.

To answer your question, regardless of your neediness level you can find somebody. If you have a high level of neediness chances are you will date somebody with a high level of neediness and similarly low with low. Like attracts like. And just because the girl that your friend is dating is attractive she could have a whole bunch of baggage as well. Last year I dated one of the most beautiful, kind and generous woman I’ve ever met and she was probably the neediest person that I’ve ever dealt with in my entire life. That relationship didn’t last.

Kimdabrim · 2020-01-16T14:30:07+00:00

Needy behaviors /=/ needy guy. As another guy said maybe you see them as needy but the girl is even needier. Relationships are inherently needy because you're relying on each other.

astonaidan · 2020-01-16T16:26:54+00:00

Cause women/people can smell loser of you bro

merunas · 2020-01-16T18:02:54+00:00

There are way more things that just neediness. Most likely this: They engaged the right girl at the right time. If she's actively looking for a boyfriend because her circle of friends is pressuring her, she'll take a half decent guy. Tho she'll probably leave him later on. So don't let that fact make you lazy.

Also, guys that are very touchy and not afraid of their masculinity get a whole lotta points so that may be another factor. You're probably missing some key interactions between them. Keep watching and learning from them.

Mind_ripper · 2020-01-17T01:02:49+00:00

Im considerably better emotionally, physically, finances, and spiritually with a fuck buddy not a girlfriend.

If you need love get a dog... it will love you till the very end.

A womens love depends on the options she has.

Gold-Host · 2020-01-17T08:37:49+00:00

There is a difference between neediness/agenda and intent. And this is a weird paradox, you need to show the girl you want her, and desire her, but at the same time not really care if she is there or not. The thing is you can't really work on being not needy, the non-neediness comes from a belief of yourself that you don't need the outcome from a specific situation. The way you work on it, is by going out and talking to people (ALOT), conveying your personality, and getting good social feedback. It goes like this:

1 stage. You live in scarcity, and you aren't conveying your true personality yet (Even tho you think you are)

2 stage. You go out, get a mass beating in terms of rejection, bad social feedback

3 stage. You realize you need to work on yourself

4 stage. You try new things in social interactions, some you have seen from others you know, some you think of yourself, some you watched on TV. Basically behaviors, a way to talk and walk etc. you think are cool

5 stage. You get new social feedback on the new bahaviors you. Then you keep the positive behaviors where you get good social feedback, and drop the behaviors that generates bad social feedback

6 stage. You keep doing this on every aspect of your life, and along the way, you will get so irresistible to girls, and guys for that matter. That you will have alot of abundance, and this is where you stop being needy, social awkward, you will be able to read when a girl likes you, and you know what to do when she likes you. You will know when to leave an interaction, you won't care if you are being rejected, you will actually start to think it's fun.

When you hit the last stage, you will not only have an unshakeable confidence, you will have reached your true personality (Which is this ppl mean by "Just be yourself")

Interactions will be effordless, fun, you will have more energy than ever, you will begin to be more succesfull in your business life also. At this point i could talk about the benefits forever. Just fucking go and take action, build your true self, and be amazing.

God i love talking about this stuff

ButtFart88 · 2020-01-15T19:21:25+00:00

Ask them that question point blank.” How come you get a great girlfriend even though you’re more needy and lazy than me?”

Whats’s their response? And if you’re too hesitant to ask that question - why? Are you lying about them being too needy or lazy? Or is it because you’ll realise you’re very needy, fearful and judgemental?

Either way there is wisdom in this which will help you realise why you’re not easily getting a girlfriend.

Also you don’t ever want to be needy. That just attracts needy or dominating girlfriends. Always be non-needy if you can help it.

tshuldberg · 2020-01-15T23:10:35+00:00

I feel like you’re over thinking neediness as a concept. Like there’s nothing wrong with being needy towards a SO. Obviously it can’t become a problem in certain ways but not inherently so.

the-bro · 2020-01-16T00:23:41+00:00

Don't compare yourself to other people. It is exactly what is happening here. You're comparing your success to your friends' success and beating yourself up about it.

It's a toxic habit I struggled with for a while so I can relate. Try and work on yourself and don't worry about your needy friends with their girls. It may work out for them, it may not. It's not for you to judge. Try and become your best version, even if it means going through some hard times. Hard times create strong men. Women are attracted to strong men. Food for thought. Good luck.

Busamang · 2020-01-15T20:54:44+00:00

Need more sex and you'll want a gf

ImJustSo · 2020-01-15T21:15:41+00:00

Do you touch girls? Because you have to touch girls.

Title	Needy people have girlfriends
Author	blueflowervase2
Upvotes	78
Comments	65
Date	January 15, 2020 6:24 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ep63me/needy_people_have_girlfriends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/needy-people-have-girlfriends.1302952 https://theredarchive.com/post/1302952

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