How to handle the stigma of working in IT?

Sigg3net · 2014-05-14T13:05:05+00:00

As a software engineer, I can't imagine that the problem is the stigma of being in IT. I'm certain that the real problem is somewhere else.

No girl thinks like, "oh damn he's funny and charismatic and fantastic in bed, but he works in IT oh well".

bl1y · 2014-05-14T13:44:39+00:00

The problem isn't the job, it's you. Or more specifically, it's how you act when you tell them what you do. You're anticipating a negative response, so your subconscious is giving off the wrong signals, such as defensiveness or embarrassment. A woman's caveman brain software doesn't know how to interpret a tech job, but it does tell her how to interpret a guy being defensive or embarrassed about his job. If you give off a signal that you think your job is a negative, she'll basically take your word for it.

You need to figure out how to talk about your job in a positive way, do that more often, until you learn that girls aren't really predisposed to think about IT either way.

And to that end, how do you actually feel about your job? Do you enjoy it? Are you trying to advance within the company? Are you saving up money until you can split and create your own startup? If the job is boring and you're just pissing your life away doing it, then that's definitely going to come across, and it's going to kill your game no matter what the job is.

SmellyJelly22 · 2014-05-14T13:33:54+00:00

I can see why IT is a black mark. For one, it seems boring, and second, even though IT people smart, work hard, and make a lot of money, a lot of people look down on IT because it sounds boring and the IT guy is kind of like the "bitch" everybody calls to yell at when their computer doesn't work.

2 solutions:

Also, are you Indian? If you are, that's bad, because nobody wants to date a stereotype. It makes you look bland and unoriginal. Do things that buck the stereotype of an Indian IT guy.

1) Like fin8 says, don't call it "IT." Think of something creative and impressive-sounding like "I manage the data systems at a major corporation" or "I'm the tech advisor/consultant to a CEO" or if you want to sound super douche-tard say something like "I develop disruptive tech solutions to revolutionize productivity." No matter what you do, make it sound cool and that you enjoy doing it.

2) Any job is boring. I used to be an investment banker and girls were always mildly interested in that because it sounded like I had money, but no job, even a really cool one, is going to tickle their evolutionary "fuck me" responses. There are a still a million guys in your city that do that job so you don't stand out. Focus on your cool, artistic hobbies - talk about your guitar hobbies.

2) Don't even tell girls your job. If you're just meeting a girl and she says "what do you do?" (and then rejects you for the wrong answer) she's being a little douchey. It's ballsy, but you could just say "I'm focusing on my band right now (which is kind of true) and I'm working at this company X to stay afloat."

dooyoufondue · 2014-05-14T12:02:05+00:00

Say "tech" not IT

yardapesbb · 2014-05-14T13:15:19+00:00

I never say I work in IT. I do contract work so if I'm working on a medical app I say that I do hospital administration. If its a bank I say I do finance. Then I change to subject to travel because I travel a lot.

sambojangles · 2014-05-14T13:17:40+00:00

Own it, and highlight the coolest things you do. Show you are passionate about it, and keep a good attitude. Make it seem more interesting. If nothing else, can you joke about office gossip/drama?

Source: I'm an accountant, but I can talk about fun/famous clients and their unique problems, which make it seem more interesting than sitting in a cube on excel all day.

aladdinsane84 · 2014-05-15T08:18:15+00:00

It's not a stigma bro. I'm a consultant and I fucking love it, when people ask me what do I do my answer is "I help people to understand how computers work". Because essentially this is what I do, I love helping people and I love computers.

stillnotperfect · 2014-05-14T12:24:42+00:00

Sounds like you work in the Bay Area where every other guy is in the same profession. Am I right?

get nothing but looks of disgust and condescension.

You don't want to be around people who judge you based on their preconceived notions of your profession, especially when you enjoy it. You should aim to meet open minded people who are more interested in your personality and accept your passion for IT.

working in IT seems to be a black mark

IT is one of the top paying fields with a lot of scope. Be proud of what you do. You don't have to lie or change yourself to please people.

daddy01 · 2014-05-14T14:06:52+00:00

I’m in IT and I don’t get that.

It has been suggested on this sub that you side-step this question by being cocky-funny even if you have an enviable job. Eg. ”Pirate astronaut”, “fingernail model”, or my favourite: “I’m a sex therapist to the severely mentally challenged”. I think the reasoning is to thwart gold-diggers.

Im_probably_naked · 2014-05-14T17:42:18+00:00

I work in IT and I do not have this problem. Even if this IT stigma was real, why would you be talking about work.

urmyheartBeatStopR · 2014-05-14T18:09:17+00:00

Weird...

I'm a programmer but I don't get the shit you're getting.

I wear an A-shirt (aka wife beater) and skinny jean with somewhat musclar body. I go up do very friendly conversation and during the conversation I'll be I'm a programmer.

And most of them are like oh? That's awesome they are in demand right now or shit like that. Granted the majority of these women are college/students.

So yeah... perhaps I dress like a jock? But I don't get any weird looks.

edit:

And btw, I love my profession and fucking think that I'm rare as fuck. In term of engineer. So perhaps I come across as awesome, at least I think I'm awesome and try to come across as it. I know when I state I'm a programmer I say it with pride.

swarmleader · 2014-05-14T18:42:47+00:00

you crazy?.. I disarm with one line. works all the time

female: so what do you do

me: im in IT. I fix what YOU break.

makes em laugh, and give me a social advantage cause now they have to explain "I don't break things" really? piece of cake

Edgar_Allan_Rich · 2014-05-14T20:03:30+00:00

Dude. I'm in IT. I've never gotten even the slightest negativity about it. Some girls actually say something like "you seem too cool to be an IT guy". My coworkers say the same thing. It's personality above all else. Let your passions define you. Not your job title.

Edit: And stop being so butt-hurt. If you really need a comeback, say you're a pirate.

joshsway · 2014-05-14T20:58:23+00:00

You working in IT is not the reason girls are not into you. Sorry buddy. There are some girls that this is a turn off to, but this is not your problem. Plenty of guys have WAY shittier jobs and they get girls.

slcjosh · 2014-05-14T21:12:28+00:00

If you want to be honest about working in IT, then make it funny. "Im the fucking BATMAN of IT".

"I hold the world together one terabyte at a time, im like jesus and atlas."

If you are getting rejected its not because you have a job in the IT field. You have the income and means to travel, work out, play music, etc. Your career affords you the time and resources to live an attractive lifestyle.

Something else is going on. You need to dig deeper or be more honest with us about what is really happening.

yokhai · 2014-05-14T16:39:23+00:00

There isn't a stigma in working in IT. Any bad looks or reaction to what you say you do is how you say you do it. I work in IT. I've never had a bad reaction to my job. I guarantee you are saying/doing something that is triggering these reactions and it has nothing to do with the job you have.

BigGeek43 · 2014-05-14T15:11:54+00:00

You're too serious and too logical about it. Logical = not fun. Flip that shit around. Make them guess what you do. Put a spin on it. You build the future. You make people's lives awesome. You rule internet. You're awesome and you do awesome things.
It's all in sub-communication. Your confidence dictates if she finds you awesome and what you do awesome.

Leechie · 2014-05-14T15:35:36+00:00

Is IT support what you want to do as a career? If not, you can talk more about your passions and what you would like to do as a career and explain how you want that to happen.

If IT support is what you thoroughly enjoy, then explain why you like it and why it's fulfilling to you.

You have to show them your drive and amibition.

HAMSANDWICHTHROWAWAY · 2014-05-14T15:38:25+00:00

I'm studying IT also but I mask it whenever I'm asked and tell them I study business. Doesn't hurt to lie.

nwf839 · 2014-05-14T15:50:01+00:00

I don't know man, a stable job is, and probably always will be, a major turn off

punisher1005 · 2014-05-14T17:06:19+00:00

Wow, I work as a sysadmin in IT and never once had anyone react negatively. As others have remarked, it's not the job it's you. If you're not proud of what you do or who you are it's going to reflect in your conversations.

2014-05-14T17:12:06+00:00

I'm a software developer and most girls seem impressed rather than put off. I think the one time I got a negative reaction was from a girl who sarcastically said, "Oh, fancy." -- as though she thought I was trying to brag. I shrugged, said, "If you say so.", and continued the conversation. all was well.

I'm going to say either it's something you're doing, or you're just too fixated on it. There are basically two approaches to a negative reaction -- agree and amplify (if they explicitly state something), generally to the degree that it's comical and obvious that you're mocking their reaction, or ignore it and move on / don't make a big deal out of it.

It sounds like you're overtly defending yourself (bad idea) and getting stuck on it.

That said, what kind of girls are you getting together with that this is a problem at all?

ntc2e · 2014-05-14T17:16:19+00:00

i've never warranted a bad reaction when i tell someone i work in IT. it usually works in my favor because people will say something along the lines of "oh so you're really smart"

Uxas · 2014-05-14T18:19:09+00:00

I never have this problem, brother. However, I never go I into the boring details. I make the internets work. Simple.

2014-05-14T18:24:19+00:00

Just be confident about it, you're good at it tell people you're fucking good at it. Don't hide away or be boring or a bitch about it, I tell girls and they dig it and start asking me questions.

HandsomestNerd · 2014-05-14T19:43:25+00:00

own it, thats how

12515122342 · 2014-05-14T20:25:11+00:00

my friend is an engineering student and he told me about how girls give him a weird look when he says hes an engineering major. a lot of chicks dont believe him because he's pretty much not your typical engineer. so you gotta do something like that

imathrowaway9 · 2014-05-14T23:59:44+00:00

Probably not applicable, but I'm a software dev and whenever I'm asked what I do I say I work at a startup. I leave out the word programming. If they dig further I say I help make specific product. I've never had a perceived negative implication at any point. I think it helps me. Perhaps because it's contrasting to what they expect.

To clarify, it's hardly a startup if at all. It's a 100 person company.

destinys_parent · 2014-05-15T04:38:27+00:00

I work in IT. I just say I'm a stripper.

Kharubina · 2014-05-15T10:33:26+00:00

I am currently studying software engineering, and when I meet new people I face the same problem as you, and more than once I even heard "Oh, you study software engineering then you must be a nerd", and when this happens I just say something like "Fuck yeah, I am!" with a "What's wrong with you" look, and normally they just get disarmed, and accept the fact that I am confortable with what I do

rmbarnes · 2014-05-15T12:46:12+00:00

I work in IT (web dev) and I've slept with 11 women so far this year. Doesn't seem to be a problem. What you do for a job doesn't really seem to have a big impact when talking to women.

Sigg3net · 2014-05-14T14:28:00+00:00

I'm not some fedora toting neckbeard living in my mother's basement jacking off to Linux Monthly

Neck beard: check.

Fedora: check.

Linux mag subscriber: check.

I am sure you didn't intend any harm, but nerds are people too. And I have a beautiful girlfriend who is a nurse, and we live together with our Boston Terrier.

It seems you have a problem with presentation and not your employment. There is no stigma unless you adopt it. Insecurity is the worst ladyboner-killer.

rusty84 · 2014-05-14T13:03:33+00:00

Are you stupid? I cannot even fathom how, just how a women would react negatively to that. If anything it should be a bonus. You're probably coming off insecure about it, you should work on making it sound more entertaining. Please, I have a friend that works at chipotle, but he's slick and is able to pull it off when he tells girls.

dooyoufondue · 2014-05-14T18:35:30+00:00

I work in IT and most of the responses I get are "you must be like super smart then!". If the conversation lulls, you don't have to talk about your job, there's a million other topics to talk about. This honestly sounds like negative anticipation leading to a negative response. There's nothing sexier than someone who loves their job and women that like you will find their own reasons to like what you consider a negative aspect if you exude confidence and continue to have fun.

thaway314156 · 2014-05-14T11:00:16+00:00

You could give it a fancier name... e.g. "technology consultant". Or just lie. Are you in IT support, or some specific field?

If you're in support you could mix it up. "Ever seen the movie Michael Clayton? It stars George Clooney as a guy who fixes things for the rich and powerful when something goes wrong. Well, I travel a lot, and I fix things for people.".

Technically, you're not lying, the 2 sentences are not quite related, but the imagery you just made in their mind is... of something different.

2014-05-14T20:16:04+00:00

"What do you do for a living?"

"Nude model"

Funny and avoids the question.

bestyoloqueuer · 2014-05-14T20:41:49+00:00

What happened to saying "I clone people" instead of the truthful answer?

Title	How to handle the stigma of working in IT?
Author	DrRomanKel
Upvotes	29
Comments	80
Date	May 14, 2014 10:46 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/25j0s4/how_to_handle_the_stigma_of_working_in_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-handle-the-stigma-of-working-in-it.1370754 https://theredarchive.com/post/1370754

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