How to Just Not Care?

TinkleThief · 2016-05-31T16:20:53+00:00

Don't confuse "I don't give a shit" with "I don't give a shit about anything". You still need to care about things - a lot. But they need to be much grander than the shit you currently care about about, such as getting laid, buying a new TV, worrying about losing your hair, etc.

You need to find yourself a purpose in life. Something bigger than you or anyone, a reason you have for living, something that dictates your every action. When your needs and wants are driven by this 'thing', then you will truly not give a fuck about things like getting laid. That's not to say that getting laid wouldn't still be enjoyable or something you continued to pursue, but it won't matter if you get it or not, because your needs are being satisfied by something bigger and much more profound.

I realize this is a little abstract, but this is really the key to not giving a fuck. However, this isn't easy. You've conditioned yourself to care about things that don't really matter your whole life, and it's extremely difficult to reprogram your brain to think differently. You can't just decide to stop giving a fuck suddenly one day; it doesn't work like that.

If you need help, you should consider adopting the stoic philosophy. Stoics are the epitome of not giving a fuck. Negative emotions have no effect on stoics, and they just live their lives in perpetual joy and bliss. Sounds pretty great to me. Check out "Stoicism and the art of happiness" for a great primer.

MikeValentine · 2016-05-31T15:29:48+00:00

The Power of Now helped me to realize that all the negative emotions, assumptions as well as judging your actions is really pointless because it won't matter in the future anyway. Read that book, it helps you to have a better look at your attitude to life, acting needy, feeling anxiety etc.

Also, go out more and fuck more girls to get reference experience for the abundance mentality that helps you to not give a shit.

TheXXL · 2016-05-31T15:52:10+00:00

The most natural way to get to that point is to do it. For instance if you care about what strangers might think when you do something, do it. Then observe how much of an impact the opinion of others have, you will find out that people are too busy with themselves to care for more than a few seconds. This, together with the fact it didn't hurt you, didn't do anything to you really, will make you lose the feeling you should care. It is like so many things in life, excercise. The key to this is to consciously observe what happens, and make yourself known that it did not hurt you or endanger you in any sense.

amouthforwar · 2016-05-31T15:40:24+00:00

Just acknowledge that the majority of shit that happens in your life is absolutely pointless. Seriously, think back and remember all those legitimately life changing moments, then compare that to how many years youve been on this earth. Now remember all those mundane everyday moments that fill the space in between. Talking to a girl, the impression you make, or what you say is probably going to have 0 effect on the trajectory of your life. It just gives you new opportunities to fill that everyday living time with. So just do it. Literally nothing to lose but time

sidthejar99 · 2016-05-31T15:30:01+00:00

It means don't be conscious of yourself or the outcome if your interaction with the girl. Have a pleasant interaction without rigid motives, and observe the signals she sends out

recyclablebanthas · 2016-05-31T16:39:06+00:00

My question is, how do you simply not care?

You don't and you shouldn't not care. Only sociopaths don't care. And many of the guys who actually succeed at not caring, end up losing something. Faith in humanity. Belief in love. The ability to trust.

That said, you are really talking about the ability to process the ups and downs of "seduction." That can be done without ceasing to care, per se.

Look, there are no shortcuts. But there are some "wax on, wax off," sort of things that teach you more than you might think.

Meditation. This is good for self awareness. Which is just good for your life. Mastering your emotions, etc.
Social partner dancing. Developing the skill set for this sort of thing, will improve your "game."

Last note: don't forget that "seduction" is, at its heart, socializing. So don't just focus on girls, on this journey. Talk to everyone.

Gross_Guy · 2016-06-01T00:28:54+00:00

After feeling the pain of losing love, multiple rejections, and Friday/Saturday nights alone driving around with nowhere to go culminating in obligatory jerk off sessions at 3 am I decided I had enough. The key to not caring is to figure out your baseline. How much emotional punishment and loneliness can you withstand before enough is enough and you just don't fucking care anymore. I used to be a very sentimental and emotionally attached guy. I learned that for me personally that's not the way to go about things. You will be taken advantage of and left in the dust with nothing. It's so much better to just not care because then you don't have to feel anything.

alex0919 · 2016-05-31T16:10:03+00:00

What I've found the most effective is definitely having a purpose or mission in life that you can swear is more important than women. These days I rarely think about women as much as I do my mission, it tends to comparably eliminate neediness or anxiety and allow me to just act naturally - but if you're not too advanced yet, still focus on your skill set before you just wing interactions all the time.

It's healthy to deliberately practice more so than it is to just wing it all the time, don't be so focused on the outcome more than enjoying interacting with pretty girls - because that's all it really is...

LuckMovement · 2016-06-01T00:09:15+00:00

This is a good question @MysticalQuack

Here's how you do it plain and simple.

Talk to so many people (not just targets) that you will have no possible way to remember all the minute details.

Role play and pretend you're running for office and you need votes. Just have short conversations with everyone around you, young old, pet dogs, kiss babies, talk about the weather and also talk to fine women too.

The whole point is to have everyone like you and you like everyone.

Remember as many names as you can using association. I use movie stars or the most popular picture in my head that comes to mind and associate that face with the new face. When you see a familiar face and can't remember their name get their attention and say "Hi! What was your name again? I'm MysticalQuack!"
Rinse and repeat everywhere you go.

I've done this and it works.

The Mindset behind this and how to get it.

Most can't explain this because they have no idea how to compare their mindset to another persons because they have no idea how they think! To learn how you think and how others think without guessing can be done easily using Astrology. I know it sounds impossible but it works when you use a detailed birth chart see http://astro.cafeastrology.com

Read your birthchart and you'll be amazed at what you find out. Then compare your birthchart to women, your parents etc and you'll start to find out how people differ based on the energy of the sign that rules each part of their natal chart.

I'm writing up a blog post on this to go more in depth, shoot me a message and I'll send it to you when I publish it. Thanks!

kptknuckles · 2016-06-01T01:34:20+00:00

Personal Fulfillment. Do something well, take pride in it, whatever it is. You could be a great professional window washer or a skeeball expert or a financial planner who gives a shit? If YOU give a shit then owning it and pursuing it somehow will give you a lot of satisfaction.

Being happy by myself was the hardest part for me for a long time. When I started going out more and hanging out with friends and meeting women it didn't really change much. I even got laid plenty but I was still depressed and always found a reason to stop seeing a girl after a few dates.

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are all in harmony. Do something you want to and do it well. Talk about that, find a way to fit more of it i to your life, if it's your job then lucky you, otherwise, do better professionally to enable the lifestyle you want.

Before you succeed you will fuck up but if you are always working toward this goal and pursuing a passion, you will feel so much better anyways. It really doesn't matter if you ever really get there, so long as you can make little steps happen consistently.

If you want to get laid more that'll happen too, but only because your happy and ambitious all of a sudden.

BrettEllisDotNet · 2016-06-01T02:44:19+00:00

You can't NOT care, but you can care MORE about something bigger and better. (like your life mission). Do you know why people get up in arms about seemingly meaningless shit (Think: The Kardashians)? Because that is the biggest thing they have going on in their lives. Kim Kardashian doing a shit is the BIGGEST PROBLEM with their lives at that moment. If you get yourself a bigger problem (Think: Do all of your bucket list) you wont get bogged down by dumb shit that doesn't matter all that much.

bongtokent · 2016-05-31T15:34:45+00:00

My magic solution was best friending a hot female who loved to drink. She became a great wingman and when you have a hot female hanging out with you regardless of what happens plus she's trying to help you.... It gets really easy to not give a shit.

Woujo · 2016-05-31T17:44:32+00:00

http://www.woujo.com/blog/2016/5/24/how-to-cultivate-your-inner-world

2016-05-31T17:49:14+00:00

By eliminating your desire. Realise that this life is transient, is meant to be enjoyed in bliss and that you have no needs for anyone or expectations of them. To have a purpose in life is a burden - endlessly pursuing goals when we can be living right now. Life itself is the purpose - to be alive and present in every moment. Desire nothing, be authentic to your true nature and this will get rid of the feeling of caring too much about any outcome.

leDeadHorse · 2016-05-31T18:48:51+00:00

In a blanket sense of the term, it's natural to care about things. You just have to let your care for getting laid and/or improving your social skills outweigh the care you have for looking bad or getting rejected.

It's about learning how to be selective with who and what you care for. Not everyone is worthy of your feelings.

yokhai · 2016-05-31T20:40:32+00:00

You realized that being rejected isn't the worst thing in the world and that worring about it and letting it affect you only limits you.

So when we say "I don't give a shit" what we mean is "I will not be bothered to be rejected because I am comfortable with who am I"

Player_Mastermind · 2016-05-31T23:18:04+00:00

Stop thinking about the exact mindset and focus on being proactive. The mindset like that will come when you're way down the road of experience, so focus on getting loads of experience (good and bad) under your belt.

StevieBoyB · 2016-05-31T23:50:30+00:00

The best advice I can give really is that the more bullshit and hard to handle experiences/situations you throw yourself into, the less you care about small issues like what someone thinks of me.

E.g. If you've been in war and seen people being killed and go back home and someone says something mocking your jacket, you're probably not going to give a shit compared to some guy who's never left their home town and places weight on other's opinions.

Not saying you need to join the army, but if you wanna get there quickly with women approach two, three at a time and try flirting/keeping conversation going etc. And think up other hard scenarios. Most guys just stick to the low hanging fruit.

thematic1 · 2016-05-31T23:56:45+00:00

This is going to sound very woo-woo but imo, it has to do with cultivating a good balance in life's major area- school, work, yourself, hobbies, etc. Having that, when you take a small part of it, such as approaching a chick, your mindset will think 'I have everything else handled, if this interaction goes well or goes bad, it won't matter that much' which is aka the 'note care' mindset. That's my opinion. Thoughts?

cs_throwawayyy · 2016-06-01T00:08:28+00:00

Observe what you do when someone else around you does something bad/out of the ordinary/embarrassing/etc. How long do you spend thinking what an idiot that guy is? chances are not more than a few seconds because you got shit to do your life. now reverse roles

pacg · 2016-06-01T01:30:20+00:00

It's not that you don't care. It's that you're not too concerned with the outcome. If you get the girl then great! Be pleasantly surprised. If you don't then you dust off your sleeves, pat yourself on the back for playing the game, and get on with life.

spootsnoopy · 2016-06-01T01:33:37+00:00

Don't be afraid to say or do something that isn't perfect . A lot of guys that have trouble with not giving a shit are smart people Who think a lot about there actions before they do them. In many areas of life this is beneficial, however when socialising, this is not always the case.

When talking to people and developing rapport with them, stating what you believe to be true can be more important than actually having the right answer . It shows that you aren't an agreeable yes man

CANTgetAbuttPREGNANT · 2016-06-01T02:00:24+00:00

Lookup outcome independence. Its not that you don't care about life career or goals. You do, thats part of your inner game. Instead you don't care about the outcome of your interactions with women. You stop holding back because you're afraid she wont like you or wont understand you. You instead fall into a frame of being totally who you want to be. Soon you'll realize that nice guys finish last because they are liars, not because they are nice guys.

AliasSomerset · 2016-06-01T04:48:50+00:00

It's not about not caring per se, in the sense of being apathetic. But not being so worried about results, many times which are out of your control. Incompatibility just gets in the way sometimes. If things go wrong based on problems on your end, focus on changing those, but do not get worked up on things that you really have no control over.

katalis · 2016-06-01T22:05:47+00:00

Your brain gets used to the pressure and stress you feel doing things when you do them a lot.

For example: you get nervous doing exams, having time constraints etc? Practice doing exams in the same condiciones at home.

You get anxious talking to girls? Talk to girls. With baby steps at first. Then keep going up.

You get anxious doing kino stuff? Do kino stuff with WHOEVER YOU FIND. I practiced kino with my family when i was starting.

Snazzy_Serval · 2016-05-31T17:53:49+00:00

They way to stop caring about getting women is to constantly sleep with women so that it doesn't matter any more and it's just normal.

Good luck getting to that point.

Title	How to Just Not Care?
Author	MysticalQuack
Upvotes	48
Comments	40
Date	May 31, 2016 3:02 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/4lvmt9/how_to_just_not_care/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-just-not-care.1407525 https://theredarchive.com/post/1407525

Comments