They broke me

Consistent-Cut-7608 · 2024-03-10T21:48:02+00:00

I am sorry to hear that sir, you have to go through that. It is truly heartbreaking. I am an Indian and my cultural practices may differ than yours but I can tell you I have pretty much gone through the same thing.

I was never able to connect with my spouse emotionally, intimacy was a chore to her. But regardless I was taking it all like a gentleman with the intention that the joy and love I could not get from my spouse maybe compensated by my kids.

I brought her to Canada, and now she has taken my kids and told me to f*off.

bk2747 · 2024-03-08T18:02:16+00:00

My son is 2000mi away from me, even though we FT every day, it still hurts. However, what keeps me going is the fact that his mother sealed both of our fates. I’ll be debt free in 2 months, I’m able to focus on progressing in my career, and when I move back to where they are, I’ll be in a house with no debt outside of a mortgage and a 6 figure income. This is all while paying child support.

So while she used our son as a weapon for a paycheck, I kept my wits about me because this is a game of chess, she played checkers. I’ll be able to give my son a home, and by the time he gets out of the house (12 years) I’ll have multiple 6 figures put away for his future. I’ll also tell him every single thing his mother did.

Not to mention, it’s only a matter of time before it’s just “I wanna go see dad,” “I want to go live with dad.” Our bond is un breakable and will only grow stronger as he ages. I already won.

Those of us who weren’t financially crippled in our divorce have the biggest upper hand, as long as we have the right mindset, we absolutely crush it in life, post-divorce.

As bad as things are now, you eventually have to pull yourself out of the pit. As men, no one is coming to our aid. Hell, you might even have to say “fuck you and those kids.” Hopefully it doesn’t come to that but if it does, just remember that at the end day, you came into this world alone and you still have your own life to live. If chasing this woman down brings the death of you, it’s better that you close that door and start life over. Gotta look out for #1

And don’t say “fuck you life.” There wasn’t a single man in your family that told you “don’t get married.” You were groomed since a teen that “you have to marry her.” No one told you that the only person you need to talk to before the marriage is a divorce attorney so you know what you stand to lose if the marriage fails. Everyone just smiled and showed up to the wedding. That’s the problem. You need to use this as a lesson to reach your sons as young men. Keep all court documents on file and when the time comes, you 3 sit down together and go over it. “This is what your mother did.”

They need to know the danger of marriage in the West.

karebearwe · 2024-03-07T20:32:20+00:00

Im so sorry. Best advice I have is to keep your time with your son positive. Dont even mention mom. Its all about creating good memories. Talk with him about him and you. Grey rock the ex and be business profession with her and her daughter. Also get communicate almost solely in text message so you have proof. They are waiting for a slip to use against you. Good thing is at that age its more likely once the divorce is over it can be happy. Mine who were that age dont even really remember any of the conflict. I protected them as much as i could. Teens however were dragged into it by my ex. Good news is that my divorce taught me how stifled i was married. Bad news is they will always try stuff. Divorce can bring out the worst in a person. Wish we could see that in people before we were married. But young and dumb. Lesson learned.

Ollie1958 · 2024-03-07T20:24:16+00:00

No-one else is commenting on , ' I never cared for her. She was just a vessel....'

jrgunner · 2024-03-07T16:57:39+00:00

Keep fighting for your boys. Be the father they deserve. Do not quit.
There's a quote that I often think about from Sir Edmund Burke. He wasn't talking about divorce or anything but I still find it applicable and always helps me when my thoughts about the injustice of divorce/timesharing creep up.

"Intemperate men cannot be free. Their passions forge their fetters."

Do not let yourself become a slave to those thoughts and emotions. Read, exercise, be in nature, spend time with friends and family. Do things you enjoy.

Reflog1791 · 2024-03-07T15:30:14+00:00

Don’t let the divorce court fray dictate your every thought. It’s not helping you get more custody.

Do not send any angry or semi angry texts or emails to ex for any reason.

Think of ways to actually get more custody. House squeaky clean. Finished bedroom with clothes, bed, and toys for kids. Healthy food in the house.

Then go to gym, get buff, get a haircut and some new clothes.

Listen to me and you’re way closer to getting more custody than the sad angry bitter broken man.

slam888 · 2024-03-07T12:44:34+00:00

That weaponizing and division of family is their most heinous act…stay strong man…I know the feeling. You can still be a Dad and this will eventually teach your sons about life, relationships, and stoicism (if you show them that)

dpatron · 2024-03-07T03:05:36+00:00

Been there and done all that. Teach yourself some patients and focus on the rebuild. Nobody can stop you from being a dad. Its bad now, it passes. Learn and move on to a new beginning. The divorce process is shit now but you'll come out the other end. I know alot of guys who did.

probebeta · 2024-03-07T02:46:35+00:00

My son was 4 when we separated. I collected tons of memories which I'll share with my son when he gets older. He knows and will know I'm way better than what he hears from mom. Hasn't happened yet but reading these stories is preparing me for the worst. Can't say much since you're way ahead of me but one thing I do know is that once the kids learn to reason they will know you were the best dad. Wishing you the best! Stay strong and fight for your kids!

Everyonelookatme1 · 2024-03-07T00:45:34+00:00

Hang in there. Focus on your story, the one will tell your sons one day. Use it as a example of how a man pushes through adversity .

chimps20 · 2024-03-07T00:20:04+00:00

Sorry broham

slow-motion-pearls · 2024-03-07T00:00:55+00:00

Well that sounds horrific

Diablo_Canyon2 · 2024-03-06T23:34:31+00:00

I'm going through this too. A year plus in, not even temp orders yet. Custody evaluation ongoing. 3 daughters have been severely alienated but now Ex is playing nice for the evaluator.

captainchippsixx · 2024-03-06T23:17:07+00:00

There comes a point in time where you stop taking the fing high road.

Start thinking about your ex’s history of mistakes/failures and how can you leverage it. Things she has never told her parents? Any arrests? Mental episodes? Cheater? Liar obviously. Can’t hold a job? Fired from jobs? Addictions? Taxes?

An Achilles for women is there image/social media. Just brain storm. Keep the plan legal. What you’re doing is not working right.

Other ideas: Can you buy her? Instead of the lawyers taking money. A legal document that she will not lie/speak against you to the kids and give you shared custody. With severe implication ma jd she breaks the document.

Or do you need a better lawyer with an investigator that can find the leverage. Liars and cheaters keep doing it.

Just thoughts. I hope you find the enlightenment that brings your boys back!

Old_Transformer · 2024-03-06T23:14:41+00:00

Ok man, they broke you, let me introduce you to the concept of Kintsugi.

Kintsugi refers to the art of repairing broken pottery in a way that highlights the break.

This is your life, fixing yourself is up to you, wear your scars with pride and build your strength upon them.

Someday your boys will need you put together, not in pieces.

pikohina · 2024-03-06T23:09:34+00:00

Just dropping in to support you, bud. This sucks. Internet man hug to you.

slow-motion-pearls · 2024-03-06T22:58:16+00:00

Fuck.

Initial_Tomatillo_94 · 2024-03-06T22:49:59+00:00

Hang in there man. Luckily my kids are older but my ex is still doing her best to alienate me. My 20 year old won’t talk to me at all. So I know the feeling.

But I’ll also say this. My mom moved me from Florida to Texas when I was 2. I only saw my dad during the summers. But at the age of 16 I decided to move in with him and his house was “home” for me until he passed away. My brothers have a different mom but they also chose to live with dad when she divorced him. One day those boys will make their own decisions. Love them right and chances are good they choose to be with you.

Everyonelookatme1 · 2024-03-06T22:05:30+00:00

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. I can somewhat identify with the situation.

in my personal experience I can tell you that behavior modification didn't work for me.

The only thing that changed anything about me was a relationship with God.

you have to remember that you cannot control other people. you can only decide what you are going to do.

be the awesome dad that you can be and everything else will fall into place eventually.

kids are smart. they will be able to see the difference between the two worlds.

for me, the only way this could be done was a relationship with God through Jesus Christ.

Best of luck to you.

Cheb44 · 2024-03-06T21:59:43+00:00

I’m sorry man. I’m actually having a pretty similar situation except it’s my own 21 year old daughter and ex doing it to me. My 15 boy now feels I’ve done some sort of egregious thing that no one “seems” to be able to explain to me. Any attempt to talk to my 10f is ignored completely. Essentially my kids, especially the 10 y/o, have been stolen from me.

So yeah, I feel you man, it’s breaking me. I can’t even seem to enjoy the wins I am having in life.

summitsummitsummit · 2024-03-06T21:46:48+00:00

Yo. You’re going to be just fine brother. Feel it. Accept it. Don’t look for answers. You got this I promise. Work on yourself and keep your nose clean. Make as much money as possible and take every step to maximise time with YOUR boys. Give her nothing just stonewall that shit, she’s focused on the next dick till she gets bored of that. Focus on version 2.0 of you look and after your self. You ever want to to talk/rant/scream hit me up.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-03-06T21:46:10+00:00

The crazy thing is she’s actually doing a lot of damage to your kids in her efforts to hurt you.

You’ll be fine. It doesn’t feel like that right now believe me I know but you will be ok in time.

Kids need their fathers. The statistics about boys who grow up without them are pretty glaring. She should get over her own vindictive BS and think about what she’s doing to her children.

sicrm · 2024-03-06T21:38:19+00:00

there’s dad out there who are “part time” that get more respect than the full time dads.

make the most of the time you do get with your sons and either keep being or become someone they can look up to.

Title	They broke me
Author	Everyonelookatme1
Upvotes	55
Comments	60
Date	March 6, 2024 9:07 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1b8b9tm/they_broke_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/they-broke-me.1426150 https://theredarchive.com/post/1426150

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