SBXW super friendly triggering me

Nowhere2_GoButUp · 2024-04-13T14:15:18+00:00

She is making me questioning my sanity

Brother... the writing is on the wall, along with tons of good advice below. Keep on rockin' (grey rockin/180), you got away, now stay away.

This is psych/emotional abuse by someone with major issues who'll never take accountability and continue as far as you'll let them. Your divorce being finalized is your contract for freedom, guard it and run!

foookie · 2024-04-06T23:13:08+00:00

Are we the same person? Everything you wrote to the letter happened to me!

All you can do is grey rock the fuck out of her!

Really throttle it back to one word answers and leave her on read.

These bitches all use the same script I swear. She’s only doing this as she’s done with everything else before, selfish self serving gratification and validation.

If she sees you taking the bait, she’ll withdraw and discard like she did before. This patterns or reverberations as I call them will go on for as long as you allow them.

She’s in between dicks I would surmise, and bored and like a malicious cat playing with a mouse before it eats it she’s doing this to you.

It’s happened to me and most men in our situation. Remember always: You will never take her back! It’s not even an option, use that to diffuse the pain and stress.

She’s not an option or a good person, let her rot and look after your kids.

And please, do not send her pics of the kids when they are with you, and if you receive them, no reply!

You’re not friends, she’s just the egg donor to your kids now.

captainchippsixx · 2024-04-03T01:44:09+00:00

It’s a trick. She has an end game. She is laying out these tactics for something. Stay the course and double freedom rockets to her.

Could be she is going to ask for money? Or disguise it as the kids need?
But also remember she has a brain washed head that she has repeated her bull shit revisioned story that she did nothing wrong blah blah blah. But she also thinks you’re weak. So when the Medusa reveals itself, you know what to do.

Seemedlikefun · 2024-04-03T00:41:44+00:00

Get the parenting App and block her. She is just trying to pour ghost pepper sauce on your open wounds. Stop letting her do it.

Hes_a_Snowman · 2024-04-03T00:35:50+00:00

You don't have to trust her. You're going to want to trust her, but if she cheated on you you should treat her like she betrayed you in the worst way

Intelligent-Bed-4149 · 2024-04-02T22:13:36+00:00

Classic hoover, perhaps. Wants to keep you on the line for emotional support.

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2024-04-02T22:09:33+00:00

Stay strong. I know what you mean. Just the sound of her voice triggers you and you just don’t want to have that feeling it generates ever again.

I think for many women this comes from them not wanting to recognize the hurt and harm you and the rest of the family have suffered as a result of their conduct and choices. They don’t want to accept responsibility for that or to be accountable for their conduct/choices. So they get in your space to see what your reaction will be. If you act badly then of course that reinforces their belief that you were the cause and they were right. If you act indifferent then they can believe that they caused no harm. So neither of these responses really work for the men that are harmed by them.

So your initial response is the best. Go NC except if it is about the coparenting of the children or finalizing the divorce and to do that in writing so you don’t have to hear her voice or see her. You need this to heal. It would be good for her to known this and that is why your communication needs to be restricted by both the topics and the methods used. Maybe with such an explanation she might just see that her conduct did have some lasting consequences.

eyewasonceme · 2024-04-02T21:48:17+00:00

Guess the biggest way I'd deal with this is compliment the kids, and totally ignore everything and anything to do with her

Kids look like they've had a ball at x, Aw nice to see junior wearing such and such

Saves anything being twisted to the kids about you not caring, and signals subtly that they are the only thing you have care for

probebeta · 2024-04-02T20:12:42+00:00

I imagined all possible scenarios where I could tell her to f* off, pardon my language. A selfie from her could be one of those scenarios 😂. I've been pretty good at controlling myself though, which is probably a good idea. Ignore is the right move I think.

tyyyy110 · 2024-04-02T19:28:18+00:00

She's testing you, trying to see how far she can go.She knows Her market value at this point probably is in the low percentile thus nobody will truly love her and accept the kids but you at the end of the day.

But you hold firm and don't engage/entertain her. She can send all the smiley pics selfie pics, heck she can send them a private p**** pics who cares! (Btw I received all such pics from my ex...it didn't move me once! ) don't engage ignore keep on moving like nothing bothers.

Isthisthereddits · 2024-04-02T18:58:31+00:00

She is trying to erase her guilt in the situation if she can be friendly in her eyes it all goes away, because "haha we all make mistakes". Don't feed the troll. If she is nice accept the compliment and go cold. Don't compliment back. She can feel however she damn well pleases, but don't let her feel like she gets to write the book on your relationship. She did wrong and gets to live with that while you walk guilt free. As others said be the best father you can be. Make your own happiness. Choose to be happy. Step out of her shadow it's your time man. Good luck and best wishes on your future!

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2024-04-02T16:44:34+00:00

Boundaries is the key here. Wait for the week to come and you will be formally and legally out of your contract of not caring for her ever again. Lean into that creating the new boundary that involves limited contact for the kids. It's the apple in the garden all over again. Stay strong and start your recovery that does not include her. Be the best father you can be to your kids. Enjoy.

FaithlessnessNo281 · 2024-04-02T15:29:32+00:00

Mine still does this. In her case she is just trying to fill the voids in her dating life. I recently cut her off because she was constantly popping up at my place without asking and wanting to sleep over. She has issues, and her self worth is entirely based on external validation. If she is not talking to/sleeping with someone, she is miserable. It seems like lots of women are like this.

Rwarmander · 2024-04-02T15:06:18+00:00

I’m right there with you. Wife came out as gay after years of issues. Now she wants to act like everything is fine, meanwhile my son and I are both in therapy to deal with her walking out on us. I’m disabled now after destroying my body working to provide a home for her and my son. Now she’s going to skip out with some random chick, leaving my son and I here to deal with figuring out how to piece our lives back together. She’s all smiles. Told me I’m still her best friend and husband even if she wants to fuck other people. No thanks. I’m just waiting on the inevitable personality flip. She’s gonna get with some man hating lesbian and do her best to fuck me over. At least my kid is with me, but he’s almost grown. Marriage is pointless now. I’ll NEVER do this again.

DivorceTA1988 · 2024-04-02T14:49:55+00:00

Mine keeps inviting me to things like a Family Valentine’s Day dinner. Uh fuck no. Also I don’t know if you’ve noticed you don’t seem to enjoy being in my company - she still likes to snap at me or get me to act some certain way when no one else GAF. Their insatiable need to do whatever the fuck they want while still controlling you.

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-04-02T13:00:01+00:00

She is once again painting her own fantasized narrative about being the victim.

When she had the affair, she “rewrote history” and created this narrative about your marriage and you being all bad. She then created this narrative about AP being her soul mate, etc. She was a victim and had no choice in the matter. It’s your fault.

Now that she was “pumped and dumped”, ruined her life and the lives of people closest to her, she needs to create another victim narrative. The new narrative is you are “throwing it all away” because you can’t forgive one tiny mistake.

You are right in that she does not want to get back together. She is trying to unload the smothering guilt and shame on you.

I have been divorced over three years and can tell you these behaviors still surface. My GF (who does not live with) went on a two week vacation last summer to visit family across the country. My ex thought it would be a good idea for her to stay in my house to help with the kids those two weeks. Absolutely no rational or logical reason to do so. None. She told me I needed to start thinking about what’s best for the kids. Just ignored it.

Danno5367 · 2024-04-02T12:14:01+00:00

After the divorce is final find a pretty lady to take a picture with and send it to her with a big smile on your face. You'll hear the screaming from a mile away.

0neMinute · 2024-04-02T12:12:15+00:00

Stbxw is currently doing it to me. Its stringing you along so she can justify her actions. Your plan B now, the longer you respond with even more then yes/no the more she will bread crumb you. Remind yourself, she is dead and now your talking to someone who is only out to hurt you.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-04-02T12:07:22+00:00

Buddy she’s not trying to be friendly. She’s trying to rub your nose in how “happy” she is now that you’re gone. After all, you were the problem all along according to her.

Title	SBXW super friendly triggering me
Author	Throwaway19891953
Upvotes	50
Comments	51
Date	April 2, 2024 12:04 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1btx03w/sbxw_super_friendly_triggering_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/sbxw-super-friendly-triggering-me.1513955 https://theredarchive.com/post/1513955

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