Many individuals engage in simultaneous dating/flirtings. Does it not make dating even harder?

Legitimate_Type_1324 · 2024-04-04T18:14:00+00:00

I think it dilutes the honor and the trust between all of us.

But probably that trust has already been demolished so what gives.

waffleznstuff30 · 2024-04-04T18:54:17+00:00

I think it's because dating apps have made it unreliable to form connection. So you have to kind of understand they will not be around or may find someone else. So you have to do you unless there is mention of exclusivity and they want only you. Because everyone else is dabbling in the dating pool as well.

I think it's an advent of dating apps and online in general.

Flightlessbirbz · 2024-04-04T18:48:09+00:00

To me it entirely depends on the stage you’re at. Flirting is just flirting, it often goes nowhere so seems a bit silly to limit it to one person. Dating, that’s a bit different. I don’t see anything wrong with going on casual dates with multiple people in the very early stages, as you’re just getting to know each other. But if you keep going on more dates and nobody stands out enough for you to want to focus on them, imo you’re either not really interested in any of these people and should let them go before any attachment is formed, or you don’t really want a relationship.

As for creating more competition, I think that’s kinda the idea for people who do this. They’re not trying to just settle for the first person who looks their way, and there’s nothing wrong with that, honestly it’s smart. Just so long as you’re not leading multiple people to believe they’re the only one or you’re more serious than you really are. That’s the key here, honesty with yourself and others. It’s not okay to use people for sex or ego boosts.

Ppdebatesomental · 2024-04-04T21:30:57+00:00

Honestly, I really don’t understand the multiple dating thing. if I am into an guy, and we just started dating, chances are neither of us would have any energy left to bang one out with someone else.

Senfor69 · 2024-04-04T17:47:45+00:00

The whole dating multiple people at the same time is more of a US thing. Generally in Europe people actually care about the people they're dating and only focus on one person at a time

So we need to ask ourselves what makes USA so diffrent I think consumption culture and capitalism are the reason.Also not free expensive healthcare. So people see themselves as assets in order to survive in this hostile environment

Everything about States is about money so people are also about money so they date multiple people to learn who will benefit them the most

SeveralSadEvenings · 2024-04-04T18:30:25+00:00

Doesn't this create an even more competitive environment where you will be comparing your dates' looks, assets, character, etc.?

Yes, thats the point. If I'm going to do this whole monogamy thing, then damn right I'm going to choose the best out of a handful of options.

Programmer_Scared · 2024-04-05T00:58:12+00:00

There are 2 reasons.

Either you are polyamorous. And dating both people gives you a wildly different experience in their preferences. And you just enjoy both. Maybe person A makes you feel like you are dating a high end lady, asks that you give her the time of the day, demands for fancy dinner and her demeanor and manner is lady like.

While person B just feels like home. And you can talk to her about anything. Comfortable. You get 2 different life experiences simultaneous(Please inform them about it. Not everyone is ok with it.)

Or yes. Competitive environment. It depends on state to state but maybe sometimes its just trashy. And you have to date a few people to find out the ideal compatibility. Maybe being religious is your right flag. Or too much family time. + if you know what exactly for, you save time. In this case, you view your search for soulmate as a destination rather than as your approach of finding them slowly,which is a journey. I dont think there is a right approach as human nature are inclined to change.

Sad-Climate-1074 · 2024-04-07T14:51:12+00:00

I don’t know where anyone gets the energy to date multiple people. With a full time job I don’t even have time to date one.

Demasii · 2024-04-04T17:47:04+00:00

I've done simultaneous dating when I was single. Comparing two men didn't make things hard because there was no comparison to begin with.

I knew whether I wanted a second date with a man. If I didn't then I forget about him and able to date a different man the next day.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2024-04-04T17:28:38+00:00

Most people can’t multi date in a day. Hell most can barely be in the “taking phase” with more than one person. That’s why when they start dating one everyone else gets ghosted or left on read.

But for those that do, it just means you aren’t throwing way to much into anything where you literally just met the person.

It’s a “don’t put all your eggs in one basket, especially if you don’t even know the basket yet” approach.

Independent-Mail-227 · 2024-04-04T17:38:37+00:00

Congratulations you figured the shit out, women and top%men can date without putting a inch of effort so woman just keep rolling the dice over and over again like gambling addicts jumping from dick to dick promising that this time will be different in hopes to get commitment while top%man is living the best of his life like a breeding bull.

Looks: someone you are attracted to, let's say is a 7 (I don't like numbering people but am only doing so for the sole purpose of giving a better context), but you also went on 2 more dates with people who were more attractive in looks. Your first instinct would be to cut contact with the 7 and proceed with the others.

No because the woman still need a backup in case of the good looking guy don't give commitment, AKA aa/bb.

Money & Status: let's say our 7 makes 50K a year while the others make 100K+. Again, the higher the wage, the more attractive it becomes to pursue them.

Again, no. First one that money IS NOT status. The salary made is pointless.

Personality: yet the most important factor will not be fully known unless you go on 3+ dates with them and put your effort into talking for hours, having deep conversations, etc.

Personality is pointless, it's not the most important factor, it's not a factor at all. A woman will talk about compatibility and them in the same breath say how the opposites attract. If you're good looking and the attraction is there any personality trait you have will be seen in a positive trait.

Opening_Tell9388 · 2024-04-04T17:30:08+00:00

I will put my whole focus and energy into a single person so I can make a decision if they are 'the one' or not. Does it really matter if it is time-consuming or not if, in the end, you are genuinely connected to someone you want?

By that same logic you might entirely miss out on someone who you could have been way more compatible with by solely focusing on a single person time after time. I also don't see this monolith strategy the most important as there will always be other people in your life. That your partner will subconsciously or consciously be compared to. I like to date freely to truly get a feel and grasp on things I like and dislike about multiple people because it helps me quantify what I want and what I don't want and if people are worth the time effort and dedication that is a relationship.

SomeGuysPoop · 2024-04-04T17:31:13+00:00

I don't get all of these income arguments. People of roughly the same income and class tend to spend their most time around each other and date each other the most. Just think of a big coastal city like NYC or LA. There's a clear difference between where regular city folk, upper middle class people, and the true elite congregate.

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jazzmaster1992 · 2024-04-04T18:49:07+00:00

Most people I know will be "talking to" multiple people at once, but very few are actively dating and sleeping with more than one person. They usually end up going with the option they're most eager to be with and focus on them.

I agree that it can make it harder. But at the end of the day, someone either ends up with you or they don't. You'll probably not realize or need to care about them engaging with other people if all they're doing is talking to them, and they end up choosing to be with you anyways.

serpensmercurialis · 2024-04-04T20:08:52+00:00

Personally I’ve never dated multiple people at once just because that sounds exhausting, but:

Looks: someone you are attracted to, let's say is a 7 (I don't like numbering people but am only doing so for the sole purpose of giving a better context), but you also went on 2 more dates with people who were more attractive in looks. Your first instinct would be to cut contact with the 7 and proceed with the others.

Money & Status: let's say our 7 makes 50K a year while the others make 100K+. Again, the higher the wage, the more attractive it becomes to pursue them.

Personality: yet the most important factor will not be fully known unless you go on 3+ dates with them and put your effort into talking for hours, having deep conversations, etc.

If you have lots of options, then yes the easiest way to narrow down the options early on is with the superficial information you have available. If there are 30 people who want to go on dates with you this weekend but you don’t know their personality, it’s not really feasible to date all 30 one at a time or even all 30 at once. You have to have some process of elimination, whether that be “this is just the first one who came along that I liked and I can’t be fucked to read all the messages in my inbox” or eliminating 27 based on whatever criteria, planning 3 dates in one weekend, then eliminating the guy you liked the least. The latter is probably more efficient than the former to find someone you actually really like.

Gold_Supermarket1956 · 2024-04-04T18:02:22+00:00

It's a thing here in the states because most women don't want a committed relationship until their 30s... So they just date multiple people and use them for different things....

DarayRaven · 2024-04-04T17:58:50+00:00

Personality: yet the most important factor will not be fully known unless you go on 3+ dates with them and put your effort into talking for hours, having deep conversations, etc.

That's not even the most important factor, so you are:

obviousredflag · 2024-04-04T18:34:10+00:00

From my point of view, unless the other person is genuinely a bad person, comparing one with another will only lead to more superficial traits being prioritized.

It's the opposite. you are going on dates with tthem to find out about the non-superficial traits, so you can base your decision on a mate (if it comes to that) on having met them and gotten an impression of the important aspects, rather than deciding on who to give a chance just by what you get from a glance at a profile or similar.

apresonly · 2024-04-04T19:24:52+00:00

yeah i refuse to do this

i have a life that i like and i dont want to give up the time and (mostly) energy maintaining a roster would take

plus i am wholesome and like to treat people well, i want to give dates my attention and see if its a fit

Authentic2017 · 2024-04-04T18:11:13+00:00

Online exaggerates this anyways. But regardless, ya it makes it harder….so? Study your competition and beat them lmao. Like what?

If you’re so convinced your date has another date after you or whatever, schedule as late in the day as possible so you’re the last one in her mind, influencing her feelings about you more positively.

I literally just made that up as I read your post.

Safinated · 2024-04-04T20:06:38+00:00

Only if you agree to it

Whoreasaurus_Rex · 2024-04-05T02:29:46+00:00

First off, how do you know somebody’s salary on the first date. Do people exchange credit scores? lol

You don’t need three dates to figure out somebody’s personality. You can get a very good idea after one date, especially if you’ve been talking/texting for a few days before meeting in person.

Defundisraelnow · 2024-04-05T15:14:53+00:00

Competition breeds excellence. It's good to keep in mind that the person you're dating has options because ot keeps you on your toes. And you should date multiple people at the same time if you want to. If a genuine connection grows between you that's when you take a break from the others.

Title	Many individuals engage in simultaneous dating/flirtings. Does it not make dating even harder?
Author	Only-Roll4703
Upvotes	17
Comments	61
Date	April 4, 2024 5:20 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1bvsxn3/many_individuals_engage_in_simultaneous/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/many-individuals-engage-in-simultaneous.1514056 https://theredarchive.com/post/1514056

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