Came across this article, and I think it makes a lot of great points:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-philosophers-diaries/202403/is-there-a-widening-rift-between-men-and-women

Here are some parts of the article I want to call out:

Thanks to economic and technological progress, we need each other considerably less than we did in the past. This is true at the level of community and extended family, but it is also true at the level of romantic partnerships. While it is wonderful to be happily married, a working professional does not need to be married to have a good life, particularly, in a large metropolitan area, which is where the overwhelming majority of people live (83% in the US, for instance, up from 64% in the 1950s). Marriage is a gamble that may turn out to be worse than singlehood. When singlehood was highly undesirable, many “settled” for what they saw as subpar choices. Today, a large number of people are unwilling to share their lives except with an outstanding match. Since excellent matches are difficult to come by, both men and women fail in their search, and may get the impression that there is a problem with the dating pool today. Since people seem to have found it easier to get married in the past, an observer may conclude, reasonably, that men and women are drifting apart. What may be easy to miss here is that it is unlikely most in the past married because they had better prospects. Likely, singlehood being then highly undesirable, what we today may consider a subpar match was seen as good enough.

“Too many” options

Another point is worth mentioning. The liberalization of norms has led to a proliferation of domestic arrangements, and this may make choice more difficult. Do I want to marry or just have a committed relationship? A monogamous one or an open one? (More men than women, on average, prefer a non-monogamous relationship, and that goes against the narrative which portrays men as the ones embracing traditional marriage.) Do I want children? Do I want them now? Such questions did not arise for people in the past. There was one type of marriage, and experimentation in this area was highly discouraged. Most people acted in accordance with social expectations.

Pinning dissatisfaction on a gender rift

I said above that singlehood today is better than it was in the past, and that this has too consequences: a larger proportion of people opt to remain single; and, standards having risen, a larger proportion of those looking for a committed relationship are dissatisfied with what they find. When we are dissatisfied, we tend to look for a cause, and we may end up finding culprits in the wrong places, in a version of what Freud once called “displacement.” We are particularly likely to mislabel the causes of dissatisfaction when the real causes would be too painful to acknowledge. For instance, a person may not want to think of him or herself as not having what it takes to attract a highly desirable partner or else conclude that when standards go up, only a small minority of us are likely to be seen as desirable. (Interestingly, even thinking we are not fortunate enough to meet the right person may be painful, as we may feel “slighted by the Universe.”). It is easier to find fault with societal changes or other people.
Where does all this leave us?

I began by noting that some, moved by the story of a widening gender rift, have expressed fear for the institution of marriage. I suggested that the perception of a rift has causes other than evidence of an actual rift. This does not mean, however, that the future of marriage is not in question. It may well be, just not for reasons that have to do with a gender divide on political or social issues. If I am right, the main issue is that singlehood is a competitive option. The marriage option often gets outcompeted.

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I agree with all of the above. And I think that those statements are just as true for men as the are for women when it comes to making a serious commitment. Women are widely known to be picky about every step of the dating process, but in the end, single men in urban areas are totally picky about who they choose for a serious long term relationship such as marriage. Huge swaths of young urban professionals would rather stay single and aim to partner off with a really ideal partner instead of settle and start family life with the best they can find for now.