Should men be encouraged to still pursue women who are in relationships, or engaged, so long as they're not married?

EulenWatcher · 2024-04-08T22:53:36+00:00

Only if you want to get cheated on in the future.

I think going for people in relationships is on par with going on dates with other people when you already have a partner. Facilitating cheating is a shitty thing to do and if you're okay with being a side-piece, you should be ready to wear their partner's shoes later on. It's applicable to both genders as well.

I stopped hanging out with one of my friends, who insisted on flirting with me or being touchy even when I rejected her and she knew I was dating my husband for a few months.

NothingOrAllLife · 2024-04-08T23:14:19+00:00

How you get them is how you lose them. It’s why I will never ever date a cheater.

AngeCruelle · 2024-04-08T23:10:10+00:00

No men shouldn't be encouraged to do shit that could make them subjects of the next Dateline episode

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-04-09T00:13:26+00:00

I wouldn't advise that men go after taken people. It's ultimately on the person in a relationship to turn you down but I'd say hitting up someone who you know is taken reflects poorly on you. Not to mention, let's say they do say "yes", and cheat on their partner with you. Would you want to date someone who clearly has no issue betraying others?

Lilrip1998 · 2024-04-09T00:37:51+00:00

No. That’s shitty behavior.

theReaders · 2024-04-08T23:13:17+00:00

Is that really someone you would be able to trust? I’d ask the same thing to her about you. If a relationship starts with cheating there’s no reason it can’t end with cheating.

Safinated · 2024-04-09T00:17:20+00:00

No, because it’s immoral

toasterchild · 2024-04-08T23:16:17+00:00

Personally I would never date people who think or behave like this but I like people feeling free to think and behave like this so I can avoid them more easily.

MyHouseOnMars- · 2024-04-08T23:43:37+00:00

I saw that interview too! Diary of a CEO (love that show btw)

She made the decision, not him. She was probably doubting her relationship and this guy sealed the deal. I would never be able to trust someone who left their engagement for me. They are probably going to cheat again.

claratheresa · 2024-04-09T00:40:55+00:00

How will you ever be able to trust her?

kyonshi61 · 2024-04-09T00:05:16+00:00

Damn, I feel for that former fiance. Good luck letting yourself to trust or get close to anyone after that.

I try to surround myself with people of integrity, whether in friends or above all in a potential partner. I find it disrespectful and a huge turn-off when someone tries to hit on me knowing I'm in a monogamous relationship. It tells me that 1) you think of me as someone who might be disloyal and deceitful, and 2) you're probably okay being disloyal and deceitful in your own relationships. No thanks.

ConanTheCybrarian · 2024-04-09T04:42:04+00:00

HumpsyDumpsy · 2024-04-09T06:29:44+00:00

No! Taken ppl are 100% off limits. Plus, taken ppl cannot be emotionally available to the single dude or dudette, so that "love" could never go deep

Even if "the ink isn't dry" thats means nothing. Some people will be in a committed relationship 4 life, without ever marrying, because they dont want/need a ring / contract to solidify their connection.

If a man is successful in getting a gf via taking her away from her man, then that girl and guy are both 🚩 it means he doesn't respect peoples relationships, and it means she's easy. So how could the man ever expect to have his own committed relationship with her, considering how easy it was for him to get her.

Would you be okay with one of your old exes asking you out on a date if you had a fiance and they knew about it?

No! If I have a bf/fiancé/husband then he's my special gem 💎 I'll only have eyes for him.

Acaciduh · 2024-04-08T23:06:48+00:00

If they want to live in a drama, potentially dangerous, chaotic filled life then sure go for it. And unless you elope immediately you’ll also be at risk for her to be poached. I also don’t think a women who allows herself to be perused while in a relationship is probably not going to make the best wife but that’s just me.

serpensmercurialis · 2024-04-08T23:27:03+00:00

You shouldn't pursue people who are already spoken for.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-04-09T09:09:14+00:00

No. Most likely they're not interested and will be insulted, and if they do betray their partner for you they'll do it to you in time. Being in a committed relationship is as strong an indicator as you can get that you are not open to dating others.

spaffjizz · 2024-04-09T12:03:13+00:00

Why are you OK with sleeping witg someone's girlfriend but not wife? Why is their a line between the two?

MistyMaisel · 2024-04-09T00:09:38+00:00

My first thought is that if she and her boyfriend are meant to be together, then you stand no chance so what's the harm in you trying. But, I also recognize that life and relationships which are good often include doubt and moments of weakness that could be preyed upon by a very canny operator. I also recognize that should you lure her away, there's a good chance you'll never trust her and the same fate will befall you.

With that said, I guess my answer is:

Only if the man she's with legitimately does not treat her well in a consistent manner.
You've known her a long time and thus this isn't some sudden crush thing, but rather a great love story waiting to finish.
You don't cheat, you make your feelings known and make it clear that if she were single you'd want her.
This isn't just about sex. You want real commitment with this woman.

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Fantastic-Age-5598 · 2024-04-09T11:49:40+00:00

Why not get with someone who's single though?

sweetestpineapple · 2024-04-09T20:27:02+00:00

No. That’s shitty behavior regardless of someone’s marital status. If you know someone’s in a relationship and pursue them anyway, you’re just as bad as the cheater imo.

apresonly · 2024-04-09T21:56:44+00:00

no, i would think less of a man who did this.

there's a new character on a reality show who introduced himself by saying he likes to hit on taken women. immediately lost my respect.

Yup! Ain’t over till the ink is dry."

technically this is true, but its gross to phrase it this way (i would say she is a bad person for saying this)

i think you have an iron clad boundary in engagement/marriage to be fully turned off to the opportunity of romantic/sexual relationships with other people (unless explicitly discussed w your partner)

in a committed relationship, you also have that, and the promise to treat your partner with respect and care for them, but i can see if you meet someone who seems like your perfect match, ending your relationship to pursue the other person

if you aren't committed at all, you obviously have no obligation to not pursue whatever other people you want

AnonishCath · 2024-04-12T15:09:56+00:00

Engagement is a promise to marry, and the final discernment period. People shouldn’t be going on dates with others during that time. Just dating though? Unpopular opinion, but I don’t think a boyfriend/girlfriend title is meaningful. There’s no real commitment and no real intent to marry yet. I’d say it isn’t wrong to ask for a date in that situation

Prudent-Conflict-557 · 2024-04-08T23:51:25+00:00

I mean.. no. How you get them is how you’ll lose them. But ultimately it’s not you who owes her partner loyalty.. it’s her. So go for it, I guess. Doing her man a favor.. if it hadn’t been you it’d be someone else.

_Bene_Gesserit_Witch · 2024-04-09T04:08:42+00:00

It's only ok if it's a very new relationship or, a casual one not going anywhere. With increasing levels of commitment it becomes more problematic, to the point of breaking an engagement being toxic and rightfully scandalous in my view.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2024-04-09T09:03:35+00:00

Only if she is still technicaly married but the relationship is over and they are getting divorced anyway. And maybe if she is already unhappy and she gives you a sign, I guess that would be similar to still technicaly married but getting a divorce anyway. If she was otherwise happy and didn't plan to leave the current relationship she wouldn't be giving a sign.

In case of exes if you feel it was the love of your life nothing is wrong and you can do everything you can to get them back.

Title	Should men be encouraged to still pursue women who are in relationships, or engaged, so long as they're not married?
Author	Porkadi110
Upvotes	0
Comments	49
Date	April 8, 2024 10:45 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1bzbz81/should_men_be_encouraged_to_still_pursue_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/should-men-be-encouraged-to-still-pursue-women-who.1514481 https://theredarchive.com/post/1514481

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