Does self improvement truly change a man's dating prospects?

MistyMaisel · 2024-06-09T04:06:06+00:00

Queen eye has led me to believe the answer is yes.

EulenWatcher · 2024-06-09T02:55:10+00:00

Getting to a healthy BMI is self-improvement and with the percentage of overweight people in the US, overweight group isn't some deviation of the norm. These people are the average.

I think if a person struggles with dating, they should target their main hurdle. For a lot of men it isn't really their appearance, but a lack of social skills or social circle. Going out more, getting more sociable hobbies, getting more friends who could introduce you to other people, learning to approach and flirt would help them more than just trying to earn more or to get some mass. If a person struggles with mental health, they should approach it. Go on therapy, do some sport, improve their sleep schedule etc.

A lot of people seem to concentrate on a thing that they think is their main problem while ignoring clear signs that they should work on something else instead.

Professional_Chair28 · 2024-06-09T02:36:56+00:00

Self improvement leads to a stronger sense of self, finally being comfortable in your own skin, finding fulfillment and happiness. Those things drastically improve your quality of life, your mental health and your general energy as a person.

Yes, one common side effect of that is finding more opportunity for meaningful friendships and relationships.

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Objective_Ad_6265 · 2024-06-09T07:50:44+00:00

No. Most women don't care much about muscles. If you are obese and lose weight to be normal it's just fixing obvious flaw. If you are already normal and work hard to gain muscles it's useless. It depends on your frame. If you have naturaly small frame and add muscles to it it's still visible that you have small frame, only with weird looking bulks on it. So it depends on natural frame, muscles don't help it.

Regardin money, well if you want a golddiger that doesn't love you but wants your money...

And personality... I don't believe you can truly change in your core, that you can change YOU. Personality is you, your inside. And if you pretend, you can't pretend forever. And would you be happy living a false life pretending different presonality than you are? But of course you should try to be the best version of you according to your own ideals and values so it's aligned with your core.

Lanaglu · 2024-06-09T03:18:43+00:00

Does self-improvement work help your dating prospects? yes.

But by how much? that's something nobody knows and is going to be on a person to person basis so I'll mostly just speak for myself.

Like me personally I don't care if a guy is shredded so that's not gonna help. If a guy is well off enough to be financially stable that's already great and there's going to be diminishing returns. And I'm sure being a millionaire will help you out a lot but seems like an unrealistic self-improvement goal. it's a bit like saying just become famous.

Something I think is missing is "improvements" to personality, being a good conversationalist, talking with your partner. Do you have hobbies to do together, stable friend groups. And especially, dealing with mental health issues, which I would count as self-improvement even though it doesn't fit your definition. Even if understanding others is something you struggle with and some will come into it with a big disadvantage that's something that can be worked on too.

Intelligence is another trait I think is quite attractive, and that's more than just how smart you are born, people who are interested in learning. people who understand that being wrong sometimes is just part of life and don't get stuck in their ways are going to have an easier time learning from their mistakes and improving their understanding of the world. And just specifically to me if a guy is knowledgeable in something I'm also knowledgeable about and we can have good conversations about it that is a massive plus. but you'd have to be lucky that one of the things you happened to learn about aligns lol. But some people are just knowledgeable about a lot of topics.

I think someone who is in the act of improving their life or just has their life on track gives off more hopeful vibes.

just in general, if you are "exceptional" at something to the point where it's super rare that not many people can reach that level, even if it's not a popular thing there's likely to be someone out there interested in that unique skill.

Werevulvi · 2024-06-09T05:09:27+00:00

Yeah, for me it makes a huge difference if an average looking guy is also average slob or actually takes care of himself. I don't even mean unrealistically huge muscles (what you suggest is something only men on steroids or with exceptionally good genetics can achieve, plus most women are not into very bulky guys) even though I'm the kinda woman who can and do appreciate all the hard work put into an incredibly well built physique.

But just like... simple shit like a nice hair cut, flattering clothes, a nice smell, being just generally in shape, etc, are things that I think a lot of women notice in men, even if they don't have chiseled faces or are over 6 foot tall. Seems most married men I meet when out and about irl are exactly that: average men who take care of themselves.

And also for myself I do care more about how a guy takes care of himself, his confidence level, etc, than whether he has the most amazing genetics or not. Because when it's obvious he does the best he can with what he's got and is confident because of that, it shows, and it does make a guy glow.

Also I know that style makeover programs are mostly geared towards women, but there are a few male coach types who offer that for men on their youtube channels etc, and honestly some of the transformations have been incredible. And yeah, some really did go from "uh, I wouldn't hit that even if I was piss drunk" to "okay I had no idea that guy could actually be hot." So yeah, I think glowups in general absolutely make a difference, regardless of what your starting point is.

However, one thing that is often forgotten about or ignored in regards to these appearance focused self improvemts, is the psychological aspect. I mean issues like being smooth as sandpaper when talking to women, handling rejection very poorly, low self esteem, etc which if present will make the guy continue to be unpleasant to date regardless. Looks is really only one of many aspects women look for in a guy. It's only really that 10/10 top elite of men who can get away with being douchebags or emotionally unstable in regards to dating. Yes, women can get away with that much more, I think.

Siukslinis_acc · 2024-06-09T05:35:20+00:00

Yes. You feel more comfotrable in your skin and have a "spine" and thus aren't a ball of anxious people pleaser.

Also, self improvement is not improving the self for other people, but improving the self for oneself.

bloblikeseacreature · 2024-06-09T13:41:00+00:00

But my idea of self improvement is improving from one's baseline, excluding extreme outliers (ex. self made billionaires do not count) and not fixing obvious flaws. True self improvement would be adding a significantly noticeable amount of muscle (ex. modest body fat and 180lbs to 210lbs and lean) or going from an income of 60k/year to 1 million per year, just to point out some objective metrics.

so what you've done is, you've taken a commonly used term, completely redefined it to mean something nobody else thinks it means, and are now saying common claims using the term are no longer true? do you see what the problem here is?

SaBahRub · 2024-06-09T13:48:12+00:00

1 is more than zero, yes

ConstanceVigilante · 2024-06-09T17:43:57+00:00

Self improvement changes a man’s dating prospects.

Self improvement with the sole purpose of attracting women does not.

SaBahRub · 2024-06-09T22:02:40+00:00

Effort is better than no effort

Expensive-Tea455 · 2024-06-10T00:23:24+00:00

Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t 🌝

WitchingBarbie · 2024-06-10T11:15:48+00:00

It does if he’s doing it because he cares about himself, rather than just doing it to get laid.

TheYoungFaithful · 2024-06-09T03:01:14+00:00

Depends on what it is. Gaining a lot muscle definitely will. Getting a lot of money while not being attractive will bring a bunch of attractive women who will pretend to like you to use you for your money and a few will go way too far to do that like using the law in nefarious ways. Getting money as self improvement works if you’re at least somewhat attractive or average looking and aren’t aiming too high.

waffleznstuff30 · 2024-06-09T16:28:36+00:00

Yes.

Why not strive to be the best version of yourself? If you aren't attracting the quality partner YOU want. If you feel crappy about yourself and find yourself comparing to others. Why not self improve and figure out areas you can work in and grow in.

I think if you are doing it solely based on improving your dating prospects you will be sorely disappointed. Because it's not something that happens overnight night or over a few months. And it can be discouraging if you are basing it on just getting women. And it's flimsy because approval from others is flimsy.

But if you are doing it to feel better about yourself and have more pride in yourself. And improve how you feel about yourself it will greatly alter your dating pool.

Title	Does self improvement truly change a man's dating prospects?
Author	Gmed66
Upvotes	7
Comments	105
Date	June 9, 2024 2:19 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1dbj3ch/does_self_improvement_truly_change_a_mans_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/does-self-improvement-truly-change-a-mans-dating.1520993 https://theredarchive.com/post/1520993

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