Do you think there are a lot of men who bottle up their emotions with women?

apresonly · 2024-09-06T20:20:38+00:00

i think that's more common than anything else

CatallaxyRanch · 2024-09-06T20:38:10+00:00

Sure, but I think there are also a lot of men who bottle up emotions in front of everyone but their women.

womandatory · 2024-09-06T22:52:50+00:00

Some emotions. Others, like anger, many seem quite capable of letting that fly.

It’s interesting, two sides to a common theme that comes up on ask men is on one hand, men choose not to express emotions they are afraid they’ll be seen as less masculine for having, and on the other, they complain bitterly that women won’t them express their emotions.

This is such bullshit. If a woman thinks less of you because you cried when your grandad passed away, she’s a trash human, and not worth your time. Invest in and surround yourself with better people. My guy has cried in front of me a few times - when a close friend died, when another was gravelly ill, and a few times when talking about his mom, who is very frail. I’ve cried in front of him once. He’s no less masculine for it.

Men who bottle up their more gentle or vulnerable emotions often end up channeling their energy into far less healthy avenues, like using substances, violence or porn to cope with life’s hardships. A good cry now and then is cathartic.

egalitarian-flan · 2024-09-06T20:45:27+00:00

Yes, absolutely. It always takes a long time and years of trust to have good men open up to you about their true emotions. Hell, even after more than a decade or two you will still learn new things about them. I recently learned something about my bf just yesterday.

MistyMaisel · 2024-09-07T01:03:07+00:00

Yes, I would say it's most. Some aren't even aware they're having emotions. I would say with a recent exception I knew something was up, but they wouldn't tell me.

With my fiancé, we just cried a lot together and I told him how sorry I was and that I'm no good at things dying either. And I tried to comfort him while knowing it's really not something you can fix.

In my past relationships, they'd successfully pushed me away and the problems they had weren't ones I was interested in being a part of at that point because it wasn't the person I'd signed up to be with. I was upset they'd hidden so much from me. Usually this was after a smaller version of this happening once and me being reassuring. I'm not big on going past one strike with stuff like this.

Professional_Chair28 · 2024-09-06T20:29:45+00:00

Yes. I don’t think it’s conscious though. Society by and large raised boys and girls with two distinctly separate tool boxes. Where girls were modeled empathy and sensitive communication, a lot of boys weren’t. They adopted behaviors modeled by their fathers/male role models. In a lot of cases that meant adopting the stoic mentality and not really facing your feelings until they blow up in anger.

For lots of us feeling an emotion is a natural and unconscious thing. We learned over time how to identify the emotion, probably identify the source and find ways to soothe and feel better both physically and mentally. We also had emotional conversation modeled to us quite likely. Without that modeled behavior I think a lot of people, most specifically men of certain generations, just don’t have the skillsets in their toolbox to actually feel and identify their emotions, nor express them in any healthy or safe way.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-09-06T22:52:24+00:00

I've noticed more guys bottling up their emotions with men but that might just be my experience. A lot of my guy friends are comfortable being open about hardships and stuff that's been bugging them with their male and female friends but I do know a few guys who are much more open with women about this stuff, those guys tend to view talking about feelings as something woman-like, so they don't talk with their guy friends about it because it's...not manly, I guess.

Unhappy_Offer_1822 · 2024-09-06T21:29:12+00:00

not really. i dont judge or really react so maybe that is why

SaBahRub · 2024-09-06T21:53:56+00:00

Of course. And we do it too. I’m not gonna tell my partner when I’m annoyed at him over a minor issue, or pissed at someone he doesn’t know

januaryphilosopher · 2024-09-06T22:00:11+00:00

I think they do sometimes but much less than they do with other men. They often expect women to be more understanding or empathetic, it's usually subconscious though. They don't realise the burden that brings.

Makuta_Servaela · 2024-09-06T23:03:57+00:00

That exists in both sexes. Both sexes are taught that showing real emotions to the other sex is a bad thing, so we are both more likely to hide our real emotions to the opposite sex and only show it to the same sex. Men are told that showing emotions makes them look weak and deter women, women are told that they are already weak so showing their emotions makes men feel justified in treating them as weak.

Both men and women understand the humanity of their own sex, so any man who has cried will pity seeing another crying man, and likewise a woman who has cried will pity seeing another crying woman.

half_avocado33 · 2024-09-06T20:48:14+00:00

They do open up, but not to anyone. My husband and I are the oldest in the friend group. Also have the longest relationship and were first to marry. We got our shit together and are well liked by their parents. Also, we're that power couple that is noticed even by old people. So we became some sort of "elders" or "consigliere'. So friends do open up to us, seek support, seek advice. I believe this is the essence of a friendship.

Realistic-Ad-1023 · 2024-09-06T21:49:10+00:00

Absolutely. My own nephews were constantly told by their father to “man up.” At like two years old on. And no amount of my “woke bull shit” was going to change his mind about how he spoke to his sons. The eldest is just as hardened, angry, and reactive as his father. But, thankfully, at least the younger of the two has grown into an impeccable young man. Who regularly comes to me for mental health support, advice, and real world shit.

Even men who weren’t told this have it socially ingrained into them by the other ones. Crying at school is going to get you bullied. Even if it’s because your mom died. And that’s extremely sad. It’s so normal and so engrained that it’s hard to change.

But not impossible.

My father was very emotionally open growing up. Very hardened biker with a tattoo of satan on his chest and a naked lady on his arm but I’m his little girl. He had no problem crying to sappy commercials or when I left for college or went on a long trip overseas, when our dog died or he was just sad. So as a result, I’m very comfortable with men’s emotions. I’m with someone who I’m just happy that I don’t have to constantly be cognizant of his angry outbursts. Been there, done that and absolutely not. My partner cries when he’s sad, laughs when he’s happy, talks to me about his anxieties and fears, comes to me for comfort and support. He’s my best friend and I his. We are definitely way more happy than we are sad, but it’s never been an issue to feel and be sad when he’s sad.

We’ve even worked on getting his friends to be more open and vulnerable with each other. And it’s working! These men have been friends since kindergarten and didn’t know one was depressed. But ten minutes with me and I have him opening up about what’s bothering him. And because he’s my friend, I’m there for him fully and get the guys involved. This group is super tight knit but never wanted to be the first to talk about shit. And they all assumed they were friends with each other and hung out to get their minds off of things, not dwell on it. But surprise, you can do both. You can be a shoulder for your friend and drop it if he doesn’t want to talk about it. And you can circle back to a difficult conversation if they need some time before talking about it. Asking is the best way to get people to open up. Most men don’t want to be a burden. And all of the men in my friend group have all said “well I won’t talk about it unless someone asks.” And also “well I won’t ask unless he starts to talk about it.” Creating a cycle of dudes who need each other and want to be there for each other but never felt like they could be. Now, at 30-35 they’re all so much more open. It’s truly a beautiful thing.

There of course is a line. No one wants to be around the sad sap who can never be happy, is always dissatisfied, cries and complains constantly but changes nothing, etc. just like no one likes the crazy over emotional girlfriend who is always insecure and yelling at you or telling you that you don’t love her. But there is nothing wrong with showing your emotions. And if someone can’t handle very regular and normal emotions and a proportionate response to those emotions - they’re not someone you want in your life anyways.

attendquoi · 2024-09-06T22:38:48+00:00

No, because "angry" is an emotion and men seem to have no issue expressing that.

GoldSailfin · 2024-09-06T20:14:19+00:00

No. Literally never. I am not even sure where this stereotype lives, as all the men I have dated were very comfortable opening up, blowing up, crying, panicking, you name it.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-09-06T22:22:35+00:00

men express all their emotions through anger, freely

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Title	Do you think there are a lot of men who bottle up their emotions with women?
Author	Evening-Barracuda740
Upvotes	11
Comments	75
Date	September 6, 2024 8:09 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1faop1h/do_you_think_there_are_a_lot_of_men_who_bottle_up/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-think-there-are-a-lot-of-men-who-bottle-up.1529629 https://theredarchive.com/post/1529629

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