Please rank the following red flags

Unhappy_Offer_1822 · 2024-10-19T12:41:53+00:00

uses reddit is definitely the most concerning red flag

CreepyVictorianDolls · 2024-10-19T12:37:38+00:00

A lot of these have significant grey areas. What is "eccentric"? What is "shy and queit"? I would prefer someone fun and artistic over a sociophobe, but if he insists on keeping a tiger as a pet and living in a bungalo, then I'd go with a shy guy who struggles to make phone calls sometimes, you know what I mean?

Some of these are even preferable. I like video games and reading, too. Id like a partner that does those things.

EqualSea2001 · 2024-10-19T14:23:38+00:00

Not a red flag: heavy metal

Wrestling/MMA

Legal and socially acceptable drugs

Reading a lot (depends on what he reads, but usually a huge green flag, why is it even here?)

Specific diet (unless it’s fully carnivore or fully raw vegan)

Uses Reddit (unless it’s chronically online)

Could go both ways:

Violent movies

No college degree

Shy and quiet (unless he’s like that around me too all the time)

Often late

No sense of style (if he’s willing to change it)

Eccentric (idk what you mean by that lol)

Virgin over 25

Maybe some occasional anime if he’s not a huge weeb

All the rest are icky to me.

prolixdreams · 2024-10-19T13:36:55+00:00

Not really going to bother ordering them exactly but I'll categorize.

Video games, anime, porn, legal & acceptable drugs in moderation, heavy metal, reading, shyness, violent movies, reddit, eccentric, virgin over 25, poor dress sense: all varying levels of neutral to positive, beige or green flags. My husband shares a few of these. Plenty of women would be compatible. Poor dress sense may make it harder to meet someone but isn't a character flaw in itself.

No degree, no friends, mental illness, bad relationship with mom, extreme politics, weird kinks, specific diet, into wrestling, debt, non-violent crime that was not super purposeful or had a good reason (e.g. shoplifting to survive): orange flags, possible incompatibility depending on details and other traits.

Many of these orange flags are selected due to being vague. Like weird kinks. "Into feet" is beige/green. "Into scat" is red. Mental illness as well - depression that is being actively treated and is well-managed is fine. Something like BPD or NPD that is denied/not treated is not fine. Extreme politics can be a lot of things, some acceptable, some VERY unacceptable. Huge debt could be college (fine) or gambling (not fine.) So all of these need more details before they can be categorized and probably aren't great to lead with early in talking.

Demanding, often late, single dad, got someone else pregnant and left, illegal drugs, deliberate self-enrichment crime (violent OR nonviolent), crypto, following a lot of models on social media: Red flags. Absolutely would not date, most are breakup-worthy if discovered after the fact.

ConanTheCybrarian · 2024-10-19T23:23:08+00:00

Not at all concerning:

*reads a lot

*uses Reddit - casually

*is shy and/or quiet

*eats a specific diet (e.g. keto, vegan)

*single father and raising the kid

from least concerning to most concerning:

*virgin over the age of 25 (by choice)

*has depression or some other kind of mental illness (and it's well managed with meds and therapy, etc.)

*no sense of dress

*is often late

*no college degree

*does legal and socially acceptable drugs

*is into crypto currencies

virgin over the age of 25 (not* by choice)

*has no friends

*uses Reddit - is constantly on it and/or uses it to do one of the below things on the list (i.e. thirst traps, extreme opinions that are concerning, etc.)

Not only concerning but would prevent me from partnering with them altogether so I'm not going to bother ranking them in any specific order

*eats a specific diet (carnivore)

*follows thirst trap cosplayers and models through social media

*has done a non violent crime (e.g. fraud, tax evasion)

*has done a violent crime

*watches porn

*has huge debt

*does illegal drugs

*knocked someone up and bailed out

*has depression or some other kind of mental illness (and it is not managed/ he is not taking care of it with meds and therapy, etc)

Clarification needed before they can be ranked

plays video games: What type? How frequently? Alone or with others?

is demanding: How so? In what areas of life? How does this manifest/ impact a partner?

has extreme political opinions: "extreme" meaning what? Where are these extreme opinions on the political spectrum/ map? i.e. which specific extreme opinions does he hold?

bad relationship with his mom: Why? What caused the strain in the relationship? How long has it been "bad?" what do you mean by "bad?"

is eccentric: how so/ in what way, specifically?

has weird kinks: what is meant by "weird?"

And I have the same questions for the following: How frequently? How into them is he? Is this an obsession/ perseveration? Is this the only type of media he likes? Is it part of his personality?

watches anime, likes violent movies, listens to heavy metal, and watches wrestling or MMA

Note:

This my opinion about how I would feel about me personally partnering with someone in these circumstances.
My personal opinion is not intended to be applied more broadly and/ or outside that specific context.
any replies that pretend my opinion is meant to speak for anyone but me and/ or get upset with my own personal opinion for me and my life will not be deemed worthy of a response.
You are entitled to choose differently for yourself. my opinion for what I want in my life is not about you, a stranger on reddit. If you think it is, perhaps it's time to examine why.
if OP is unwilling to provide clarification on those requested, there's no actual way to rank these because the answer is "It depends" for a lot of them.

^edit ^typo

lle-ell · 2024-10-19T13:40:03+00:00

Video games is great. Anime is a turn off, but not a dealbreaker. Same with thirst trap cosplayers, but even more of a turn off. Liking violent movies is fine. Metal is great. If it’s a crime that has a victim, red flag. If it’s like, jaywalking or possession idgaf. Violent crime, total dealbreaker. No college degree is okay. Watches porn is fine. Weird kinks, really depends on which ones. I have weird kinks too. Crypto is fine. Huge debt is a dealbreaker. Drugs, again, are fine, whether legal or illegal. Reading is great, weird diets are fine, being shy/quiet is fine. Bad relationship with his mom is fine. Single father is a dealbreaker, as is knocking someone up and bailing out. Mental illness can be everything from fine to a total dealbreaker depending on how bad it is and how they manage it. Having no friends is okay. Extreme political opinions would be an orange flag at best. Is often late is okay, so am I. No sense of dress is fine. Eccentric is fine, demanding is a dealbreaker. Virgin over 25 … is he still a virgin now? If so, dealbreaker. If he just lost his virginity late but now has 10 years of experience, all good. Uses reddit, 100% fine.

AngeCruelle · 2024-10-19T15:00:28+00:00

Ranked from most to least concerning (with some notes where applicable). I just left out the ones that aren't dealbreakers for me at all.

has done a violent crime
has done a non violent crime (e.g. fraud, tax evasion)
does illegal drugs
does legal and socially acceptable drugs
single father and raising the kid knocked someone up and bailed out

5.5 has extreme political views

Note: Forgot this one and didn't feel like editing all of the numbers, so 5.5. it is.

bad relationship with his mom
no college degree
watches porn

Note: I don't expect absolute perfection in this area, as I'm not perfect either. We do need to be on the same page that we are avoiding it as much as possible. I couldn't be with someone who has zero qualms and watches it regularly.

follows thirst trap cosplayers and models through social media
has weird kinks

Note: It really depends on the "weird" we are talking about. I'm open to a lot, but there are some types of play that are 100% dealbreakers to me.

is into crypto currencies
has huge debt

Note: Depends on the kind of debt/whether it was a wise investment or not.

demanding

Note: This one strikes me as very vague and subjective. There are reasonable and unreasonable expectations to have of your partner. So more context would be necessary.

is often late
no sense of dress

MoshiMoshi78 · 2024-10-19T18:16:25+00:00

What does weird kinks mean though?

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-10-19T12:33:26+00:00

<image>

there is no ranking, all are no

attendquoi · 2024-10-19T20:55:30+00:00

The only red flags for me are:

follows thirst trap cosplayers and models through social media

watches wrestling or MMA

has done a non violent crime (e.g. fraud, tax evasion)

has done a violent crime

no college degree

has weird kinks (depends on the kink)

is into crypto currencies

does illegal drugs

single father and raising the kid

knocked someone up and bailed out

has depression or some other kind of mental illness IF UNTREATED

has no friends

has extreme political opinions (depends on the opinions)

is eccentric (depends on the specifics)

virgin over the age of 25

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Makuta_Servaela · 2024-10-19T13:50:47+00:00

"Has done a violent crime", "does illegal drugs", "knocked someone up and bailed out", "demanding", "into crypto" and "extreme political opinions" are the only red flags there.

"Eats a specific diet" and "watches anime" and "has done a non-violent crime" would depend on context.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-10-19T15:05:14+00:00

I'm just gonna put the ones that I think are red flags into the "hell naw" pile because they're all equally offputting.

has done a violent crime
no college degree
has weird kinks
is into crypto currencies
has huge debt
does illegal drugs
knocked someone up and bailed out
has no friends
has extreme political opinions
is often late
no sense of dress
is demanding
virgin over the age of 25

There are also ones that aren't necessarily bad things but aren't something I'd want in a partner.

eats a specific diet (e.g. keto, vegan, carnivore etc)
single father and raising the kid
has depression or some other kind of mental illness
is shy and/or quiet

Granted, a lot of these are kind of vague and depending on how often and why a person does these things they could either be "hell naw"s or perfectly fine. Take violent movies for an example. Are we talking about watching the occasional bloody Halloween movie where you make it a drinking game with friends or does he love watching A Serbian Film because he likes seeing people get hurt? If we're talking about recreational drug use, does he smoke some weed every now and then to relax after a rough day or does he get stoned all day, every day? If he has a bad relationship with his mom, is it because his mom is abusive or is it because he's just a shitty son? If he did commit a nonviolent crime, what was the nature of the crime, when did he do it, why did he do it?

CatallaxyRanch · 2024-10-19T17:05:16+00:00

I'm too lazy to rank them so I'm going to put them into categories.

Red flag: watches anime, follows thirst traps, weird kinks, specific diet, shy, bad relationship with mom, single father (only bc I wouldn't want to date him, not saying it's a bad thing in itself), knocked someone up and bailed, depression, no friends, demanding, 25+ virgin

Yellow flag/needs more info: plays video games, nonviolent crime, violent crime, watches porn, into crypto, huge debt, illegal drugs, extreme political opinions, no sense of dress

Green flag: eccentric

Don't care: watches violent movies, listens to heavy metal, watches wrestling or MMA, no degree, reads a lot, often late, uses reddit

Novadina · 2024-10-19T18:08:53+00:00

plays video games
watches anime

This is a positive, not a red flag. Unless they are doing it 24/7 or something. Or maybe if it’s only really bad anime they are into. But watching anime together and playing games together are things I enjoy doing with my partner.

follows thirst trap cosplayers and models through social media

Just following is probably fine. I don’t care about porn. But if he actually thinks he has a relationship with them, or messages them, that’s a red flag.

likes violent movies
listens to heavy metal
watches wrestling or MMA

Not a red flag at all.

has done a non violent crime (e.g. fraud, tax evasion)

Depends on the crime. Smoked some weed in an illegal state? Don’t care. Fraud or tax evasion mean I probably wouldn’t want something serious or marriage, as merging finances with someone with that kind of problem is a bad idea.

has done a violent crime

Huge red flag unless it was for defense.

no college degree
watches porn
has weird kinks
is into crypto currencies

Don’t care about any of these.

has huge debt

Red flag, I wouldn’t merge finances.

does legal and socially acceptable drugs

Depends on how much, if they are addicted or just do it occasionally. Having a single a drink with friends on the weekend is a big difference from being an alcoholic.

does illegal drugs

Same as above, depends on how much and if there is an addiction. Doing shrooms for a special weekend is fine by me.

reads a lot

Green flag.

eats a specific diet (e.g. keto, vegan, carnivore etc)

Depends on the diet. Vegan is a green flag. Carnivore is a red one for incompatibility with me. The rest are probably neutral.

is shy and/or quiet

Green flag, I love shy men.

bad relationship with his mom

Small red flag for a problematic future mother in law. I wouldn’t really care as my mother sucks too, so.

single father and raising the kid

Yellow flag. I would proceed cautiously. Really depends if I like the kid or not.

knocked someone up and bailed out

Major red flag, that’s bullshit, don’t think I could date a dead beat dad.

has depression or some other kind of mental illness

Yellow flag. Depends on how severe and if it’s treated. BPD is an automatic no from me, I have too much trauma dealing with my mother who has that.

has no friends

Red flag. Depends on why.

has extreme political opinions

Depends on what they are…

is often late
no sense of dress
is eccentric

Don’t really care.

is demanding

Huge red flag for me, I can’t stand demands.

virgin over the age of 25
uses Reddit

Don’t care.

SandBrilliant2675 · 2024-10-19T19:54:19+00:00

Absolute Red flags:

has done a violent crime
knocked someone up and bailed out
has done a non violent crime (e.g. fraud, tax evasion) (preface: was found guilty of committing it aka was not a misunderstanding/unintentional violation)
is into crypto currencies
has huge debt
has no friends
is demanding (read: controlling)

Conditional red flags (ok with mild/moderate usage, red flag if impacting quality of the relationship(s)/chronic usage)

plays video games
watches anime (definitely more of an issue pornographic anime; same condition of mild/moderate applies, but it would be difficult to be in a relationship with someone is always watching tv)
follows thirst trap cosplayers and models through social media
watches porn
uses Reddit (or any social media excessively or obsessively)
does legal and socially acceptable drugs
does illegal drugs
has weird kinks (Because weird is subjective, this seems like something that require a compatibility/consent conversation, if our sexual preference don't align, then we may not be compatible and thats ok; this is only really a red flag if one person's kicks dominate all of the couples sex life, or someone springs a kink on their partner without previous conversations and consent)

Personal preference/not interested (icks), but likely are not really red flags for me -

no college degree
has extreme political opinions (I just wondering get along with someone with diametrically opposite political values as myself, but likely would get along with someone with more extreme values similar to mine).
no sense of dress
is often late (thats just rude)
single father and raising the kid

No particular issue with these traits -

reads a lot (no issue, I read a lot)
eats a specific diet (e.g. keto, vegan, carnivore etc) - (don't care as long as they don't impose their diet on me and don't expect me to pay for anything above and beyond our normal shared grocery costs for their diet)
is shy and/or quiet (no issue)
bad relationship with his mom (not everyone has a great relationship with their parents)
likes violent movies (DEPENDS HOW VIOLENT, are we talking snuff films, or graphic torture porn on the living room tv, or are we talking gratuitous violence)
has depression or some other kind of mental illness (only a red flag if they acknowledge they have a mental illness, but are putting in absolutely no work/effort to treat or manage it)
listens to heavy metal (no issue, I probably wouldn't listen with them)
watches wrestling or MMA (no issue)
is eccentric (no issue)
virgin over the age of 25 (no issue)

S0yslut · 2024-10-19T22:14:37+00:00

Took out all the non-red flags they are in order of importance. These are immediate dealbreakers:

has done a violent crime
has done a non violent crime (e.g. fraud, tax evasion)
does illegal drugs
eats a specific diet (e.g. keto, vegan, carnivore etc)- yeah I’m vegan if anyone ever tells me they are a carnivore I’m done.
no college degree
has depression or some other kind of mental illness
is demanding- I don’t respond well to authority figures and I will double the chaos he creates.
watches porn
has weird kinks
follows thirst trap cosplayers and models through social media- loser behavior
has huge debt
knocked someone up and bailed out
is shy and/or quiet
has no friends
is eccentric

Not dealbreakers but red flags: * watches anime- I watch anime but maybe like once a year so if it was a nightly thing I’d be weirded out. * bad relationship with his mom- I could understand if his mom was abusive but it is still a red flag. * virgin over the age of 25 * no sense of dress- this is a red flag but i can fix it * uses Reddit- anyone capable of self reflection knows this is a red flag.

Edit: If his radical political views are woke that is a dealbreaker now that I think about it. I can’t respect sheeple.

operation-spot · 2024-10-20T01:00:04+00:00

Top 6 are as follows: 1. Has done violent crime 2. Extreme political opinions 3. Knocked someone up and bailed 4. Huge debts 5. Weird kinks 6. Follows thirst traps

As a note, these are all dealbreakers for me so if a man has any one of these things I wouldn’t consider him a viable partner.

Mentathiel · 2024-10-21T00:25:39+00:00

Edit: from most concerning bc I can't follow basic instructions and can't be bothered to reverse lol

has done a violent crime
knocked someone up and bailed out
does illegal drugs
has extreme political opinions
single father and raising the kid
no college degree
has huge debt
has no friends
is demanding
follows thirst trap cosplayers and models through social media
eats a specific diet (e.g. keto, vegan, carnivore etc)
watches wrestling or MMA
is into crypto currencies
has done a non violent crime (e.g. fraud, tax evasion)
bad relationship with his mom
virgin over the age of 25
does legal and socially acceptable drugs
has depression or some other kind of mental illness
uses Reddit
watches anime
is often late
likes violent movies
is shy and/or quiet
is eccentric
no sense of dress
plays video games
listens to heavy metal
watches porn
has weird kinks
reads a lot

Dishonouronmycow2 · 2024-10-19T13:56:56+00:00

<image>

Anything crossed out is a red flag and a no go from me. The rest are just quirks that I don’t mind depending on the level of interest the person has ie; watches porn on occasion? Fine. Can only get off to porn? Red flag

fluttertutt · 2024-10-19T14:53:26+00:00

Admittedly I didn't reflect much on this, so my opinions are very subject to change. My gut says the following:

Green flags:

is eccentric
reads a lot

Neutral:

uses Reddit
single father and raising the kid
bad relationship with his mom
no college degree
is shy and/or quiet
does legal and socially acceptable drugs
watches anime
listens to heavy metal
has weird kinks
likes violent movies

Yellow flags ranked, getting closer and closer to red:

watches wrestling or MMA
eats a specific diet (e.g. keto, vegan, carnivore etc)
has depression or some other kind of mental illness
is into crypto currencies
does illegal drugs (weed is illegal here)
is demanding
watches porn

Red flags ranked from bad to worse:

plays video games (regularly)
no sense of dress
follows thirst trap cosplayers and models through social media
virgin over the age of 25
is often late
has huge debt
has no friends
has done a non violent crime (e.g. fraud, tax evasion)
knocked someone up and bailed out
has done a violent crime

Needs context:

has extreme political opinions What kind? How about taxing the mega rich out of their billionaire status? Green flag. Making women return to the status of property? Red flag.

jonni_velvet · 2024-10-19T14:24:11+00:00

These are NOT red flags for me, I do these things myself, and with my man:

playing video games, watching anime, violent and horror movies, heavy metal, watches porn (only occasionally), weird kinks (theres a limit lol), reads a lot, has depression (other mental illnesses may change my answer but I am depressed as well), eccentric, uses reddit

———————————————————-/

these are completely neutral:

wrestling/mma, crypto currency, socially acceptable drugs, specific diet, shy/quiet, bad relationship with mom (this one is context specific but same so I cant judge), often late (same, I can deal with this as long as we buffer in “fuck up” time and communicate updated times lol), virgin over 25 (context may change this answer)

———————————————————-/

These ARE red flags for me, will detail answer:

following thirst traps (cosplayers are okay, but lewds and OF girls and I’d lose attraction)

no college degree, or non violent crimes (I could get past this depending in context if he was still successful)

violent crimes (never in a million fucking years)

has huge debt (school loans or mortgage would be different than cc/spending debt)

illegal drugs (beyond alcohol, weed, or shrooms, maybe OCCASIONAL party drug, otherwise nope no thanks)

single father (I could consider a split custody father but I’m not sure I’m fully ready to jump into a stepmom role with someone so quick, but for the right person I would certainly consider it)

knocked someone up and bailed (absolute deal breaker and turn off)

no friends (I like someone with their own rich life)

extreme political beliefs (would never, ever date a conservative or someone who aimed to oppress other marginalized people. never.)

no sense of dress (this can be easily changed so not a huge flag)

demanding (depends on what you demand, being a demanding person in certain situations can be helpful.)

Title	Please rank the following red flags
Author	fundamentally_comfy
Upvotes	0
Comments	62
Date	October 19, 2024 12:15 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1g77kc1/please_rank_the_following_red_flags/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/please-rank-the-following-red-flags.1533085 https://theredarchive.com/post/1533085

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