If you’re tired of the “gay bar” analogy of approaching women.. here’s an alternative!

Glass-Department2211 · 2024-10-30T18:17:34+00:00

You can replicate this in real life. Guys, go to a strip club and sit at the bar. Lots of strippers will approach you. Some will just ask if you want a lap dance. Others will compliment you and ask about you. This is by far the closest you can get to understanding a woman's perspective at a bar.

All that to say, OP is right. Interest and a little bit of effort can go a long way.

FakeSafeWord · 2024-10-30T18:40:04+00:00

What's the equivalent of an escort approaching me and within 5 minutes starts rambling endlessly about their Warhammer mini-figs?

brothers1799 · 2024-10-30T19:50:46+00:00

If the chick warms me up with compliments all that goes 50 blowjob that be f up. But if she said three installments of 16.85 that might be wife material!!!

MysteryLiezer · 2024-10-30T18:05:26+00:00

The guy who thinks “ick I’m not paying for sex” doesn’t subsequently think “at least, not until she asks me about my favorite hobbies, first!”

Girls would rather you feign interest, even if they KNOW it’s likely disingenuous.

Guys would much rather skip the bullshit, if all you REALLY want, is the money…

LizzoBathwater · 2024-10-30T17:59:00+00:00

That’s a better analogy but you underestimate how down bad us men are…50 for a bj is a steal 9/10 would take

And that’s the difference between men and women, women can afford to be picky. They are evolutionarily conditioned to do so. Men are not.

PurchaseStatus3885 · 2024-10-31T05:03:53+00:00

Damn, only $50?

JamesDean202 · 2024-10-30T21:26:13+00:00

I still can't understand it. Imagining I'm at a bar full of escorts? Why would I want to be surrounded by women who want me to perform a financial transaction in exchange for sex? And even if she would "warm me up with compliments and ask me about my favorite hobbies", she's still a prostitute. That has nothing to do with real, man to woman relationships

DerkaDurr89 · 2024-10-30T22:21:03+00:00

So, Vegas?

Designer-Pen-7332 · 2024-10-30T19:37:59+00:00

Can I get the link to the " gay bar" post you are talking about?

IGetBoredSometimes23 · 2024-10-31T08:05:54+00:00

Good advice, thank you.

Difficult_Summer_266 · 2024-11-01T03:10:23+00:00

" Girls can't give men advice on how to flirt" and then this mad lady comes in and spits fire. I like your analogy.

dewouterrrrrr · 2024-11-01T08:55:33+00:00

I think it’s pretty sad that you compare men to only prostitutes instead of women

Bebe_hillz · 2024-11-02T03:11:03+00:00

being a dude talking to women feels alot like seeing cops talk to black people. Cop couldn't have done a single thing just showed up but black folk are already on guard.
Now imagine that but its like half the fucking population. The vibes are off from the jump and leads to this weird negative feedback loop; the decent dudes who pick up on that figure "yeah if this is how its gonna be then its better off i dont approach at all..." which leads to the majority of men willing to approach women are either players, low social iq, or desperate.

The number 1 rule that is always always always repeated in this sub is "Act like you dont care..." because its the only way to make alot of women comfortable. They dont want a stalker. they dont want any problems. Yes there are threats that is real but honestly paranoia from both sides is at a all time high.

Acrobatic_Mention681 · 2024-11-05T13:19:34+00:00

Dumb.. every dude wants sex. You just don’t want to accept reality.

blusio · 2024-11-15T22:19:18+00:00

I think your ex lover did a number on you and ruined men for you. The way you talk about how no other man ever satisfied you like he did, so you went to become a hunter of hunters. But, since men are natural hunters, all the signs you learned are being used against you. While you don't see that, it's easy for a predator to know when it's a trap than prey would. What I'm saying is, you've learned what men do to seduce women, so now you do all the things that are supposed to attract men, but men see it as you being fake or for lack of better words, "you're too good to be true." Which would be true in this case since you haven't worked on why was that the best sex you had. Why you find yourself thinking of him while being with someone else. What fucking buttons he pushed that you needed to be pushed to get you to that place of extasy. Once you figure that out, be yourself and learn to communicate your needs. By acting like the perfect prey, you care away the men that might be interested. Men are simple creatures that love the thrill of the hunt more than the meal of the hunt. You make hunting you boring because you act the way you think men want you to act

MSHUser · 2024-10-30T18:55:09+00:00

You know something, I actually went to a strip club one night cuz I decided I had the money and just wanted to blow it on lapdances (helps that I knew payday was coming). I only went once for the experience. I was pretty intentional about getting lap dances that night so no doubt I made their lives a bit easier on that front.

There was one stripper who did approach me and wanted to give me a lap dance. But while she was grinding on me and doing other moves, we actually did have a conversation throughout the time and ngl I really enjoyed it. So I tipped her at the end of the day. But hey, even strippers gotta have game right.

But yea this post reminded me of that. I didn't get any desperate vibes from the strippers but then again I'm not a regular at those establishments so it could be that reason.

rdotskip · 2024-10-30T22:45:36+00:00

I have no idea how this could be seen as an alternative to the previous post lol. The gay bar analogy was perfect because the point of the post was to look at women through their pov: constantly being looked at as only sex material. I also don’t know how anyone male or female couldn’t resonate with that post.

Your post isn’t bad though, I just think it has a completely different meaning to it. Especially how you ended the post.

corbyns_lawyer · 2024-10-30T18:25:46+00:00

A better analogy is:

Imagine all women have poison tipped finger nails and can easily do you immense physical harm and many are also inclined to roughly fist your anus without asking or even to force you over your protests (using their combat advantages).

You live in a land of nymphomaniacs where obtaining sex is relatively easy, but often it will be disappointing, selfish or deliberately humiliating or harmful.

With casual sex a solved problem you carefully weigh prospects for their moral and personal attributes. Who seems to actually care enough about you to make it fun for you? To respect your boundaries? To offer more than just sex which you aren't desperate for, since it is so easy to come by?

That's a woman's world.
The odds are good but the goods are odd.

illbegood11 · 2024-10-30T18:32:15+00:00

Interesting….. but the nice guy approach doesn’t always work neither

ratfooshi · 2024-10-30T18:55:20+00:00

Two of my girlfriends were strippers!

They were the sweetest souls 🥹

geepytee · 2024-10-30T19:20:53+00:00

Legit a really good analogy. You should write more

Footsoldier420 · 2024-10-30T21:29:32+00:00

You the GOAT. Smashing thumbs up

PleaseDontBeTakenPlz · 2024-10-30T20:27:41+00:00

What I don't understand is, once in a blue moon, a chick will give you her number after several minutes of conversing and then when you text her she doesn't even reply. Not even a single word. So fucking rude for no reason.

geomaster · 2024-10-30T21:04:26+00:00

it's not similar at all because they are demanding payment (even if some demand it later than sooner)

follow_that_rabbit · 2024-10-30T23:35:40+00:00

I see what you're getting at, but with escorts it's purely transactional. Money in exchange for sex, compliments, etc.

Now if a guy approaches a woman, it could be because initially he finds her attractive, but he's interested to find out what she's like as a person, and if she is nice and they hit it off, who knows if it's the start of a great relationship. Qualification isn't a one way street.

casey-primozic · 2024-10-31T05:50:17+00:00

You sound like you have experience with this sort of thing. Not judging by any means.

Da_Famous_Anus · 2024-10-30T21:10:09+00:00

This is kind of a really messed up analogy. Going to a bar full of escorts is not where men who are looking for a relationship would start. If a guy is going to a bar full of escorts, he's going there to have the kind of dynamic that guys have with escorts. If a guy is going there for that kind of transaction, specifically, there's a lot he's not going to care about and this would include, particularly, interest in getting to know you kind of stuff.

It's kind of disgusting, actually, that you make this comparison. It's disgusting because it reduces all 'male approach' to 'the seediest of male approach.'

We live in a society where men are expected to approach. When men approach women, they could have any manner of perspective about it. Men could have really poor, short term, intentions. If this is the case, even the warm asking hobbies and interests is manufactured, just the same way as it would be coming from a female escort. It's fake. Men know when escorts are being fake to them.

Men approaching women with good intentions is not a seedy escort dynamic.

The problem is made more difficult when a lot of women completely write off well intentioned, warm guys as invisible, and they only see the pushy, seedy, aggressive guys. This teaches men that being direct and aggressive actually just simply gets more results. Because it does. Men who fail in trying to warm up to women and open up with interests and hobbies are not allowed to express frustration because then they get victim blame called a 'nice guy' which in our double speak world now means 'a guy who isn't nice.'

In the end, guys have learned they're just going to be called a 'not nice' guy either way. Even if they are nice.

It's also messed up because relationships today require a lot for men just to even qualify for. You have to be able to afford a relationship. When a man approaches a woman, and he wants a relationship, he's partly thinking, can I afford her? This is maybe the only level where your escort analogy has any connection. But the reality is that men who want relationships with women are actually quite willing to sacrifice just about anything for a woman and partly because that's the social expectation. When you really consider how much men give and lose for relationships with women, it's really not like deciding who you're going to pay $50 for a blowjob (where are you getting this price anyway, only 50$?).

This is really an analogy rooted in the assumption that every approach you get from men is scumbag men. When the reality is, and most men know this, with rare exception, just about ALL men have to approach at some point. The standard of men approaching is actually a privilege that you get as a woman. This is despite the fact that, I know, there's a lot of f*cked up guys out there, or just guys who do it wrong. On the whole, your life is easier because men come to you and you face way less rejection in your life than the vast majority of men. It's such a position of privilege and comfort and women find ways to complain about it.

I was talking with some exceptionally affluent people the other day and they were complaining to some lower middle class folks. Their complaint was like - their house is so big that it's difficult to clean, and then they had all these really minor irks with cleaning services. It's like that. It's like complaining that your house is too big and nice. To you it seems normal. To everyone else it's like - give me a break.

Title	If you’re tired of the “gay bar” analogy of approaching women.. here’s an alternative!
Author	PleaseDontBeTakenPlz
Upvotes	523
Comments	154
Date	October 30, 2024 5:54 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1gfsrwu/if_youre_tired_of_the_gay_bar_analogy_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/if-youre-tired-of-the-gay-bar-analogy-of.1534305 https://theredarchive.com/post/1534305

Comments