Wife wants a divorce because of infidelity 12 years ago in previous marriage?

No-Walk-1633 · 2025-01-31T21:52:04+00:00

How did you having an affair in your previous marriage not come up with your current wife before you got married? Could this be what's bothering her? She might be thinking you hid that from her for a reason.

stent00 · 2025-01-31T20:39:44+00:00

Can't get in there brain man they just think differently period....

DoughnutObjective806 · 2025-01-31T19:02:28+00:00

Women tend to know years in advance they're going to divorce, then pull the trigger when they feel the time is now right.

Your wife has been waiting in the shadows for who knows how long, waiting for you to mess-up, get in a huge fight, smoke you out by witholding sex, lose a job etc.. Sounds like you haven't. So...she'll use this thing with your ex Instead.

MonarchistExtreme · 2025-01-31T17:01:43+00:00

I think she's fault finding and this is just an excuse. I do think if you have a history of infidelity that ideally that is something you'd share with new partners. Being open and upfront with it might be better than them learning later. But this isn't the classic "they are scum" infidelity, you were separated. Doesn't excuse it but mitigates it a bit.

But this is just fault finding on your wife's part.

RespectInevitable479 · 2025-01-31T16:02:53+00:00

She wants a divorce that’s just an excuse. Hopefully you can afford child support. Don’t get married again, you’ve already done It twice and hopefully learned your lesson. Be there for your kid.

Descarted1 · 2025-01-31T15:55:43+00:00

She's unhappy now. Thats all that matters.

TheWritePrimate · 2025-01-31T14:50:50+00:00

Guys justifying her reaction don’t understand women.

She’s looking for any reason to make you the villain and to justify what she’s about to do to you. Women don’t care about any of your past when they’re happy but when the cracks start to show they want to throw mud at the wall to see what sticks.

My ex did the same shit. Even after we divorced she brought up things that happened years before I even met her. What did that matter to our relationship and our custody? Ultimately nothing, but it made her feel better about how she acted.

Point being, it’s cooked dude. Get to fixin it or get to gettin. The status quo will not work anymore.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2025-01-31T14:26:43+00:00

Did you tell your current wife you committed adultery in your previous marriage prior to getting married to her?

If you hid that and weren't upfront about it while you were dating (and it sounds like this is the case) then what do you expect?

FYI most women aren't going to want to partner with a guy who commits adultery. You can call it nonsense all you want but it is what it is. Most women put a high value on monogamy. You don't have to like it but you do have to accept that is the way most of them are wired. You lied and you are an adulterer, not exactly the traits a quality woman is going to want in their man and potential father of her children. You can't look at this from a male point of view or with logic and time frame, women only operate off the feelings their man gives them. In your case instant ick.

In the future if you pursue a long term relationship give this information upfront (preferably before sex and bonding). Let her make the choice then and there if you fit in with her core values. There are plenty of single women and some of those don't give two hoots about monogamy.

Objective-Fan-5464 · 2025-01-31T14:22:25+00:00

It's reasonable to be upset with a revelation like that. Imagine that you discovered that the woman you are married to had a gang bang, only once, but it happened. I'd personally be upset and feel betrayed that this didn't come up in the years we were together. Also, it wouldn't have been a big deal at all had I known from her and not discovered it through a third party.

However, wanting a divorce is overkill. She is feeling insecure and probably needs reassurance. I would own up to it, reassure her that you aren't that person any more, and that you love her (if you do). In my mind, you already reconciled with the person who was wronged (your ex) so you don't owe you current wife an apology. Just reassurance.

However, if it goes the divorce route (hope not), you've been there before and you have a supportive community here.

Exactly65536 · 2025-01-31T09:44:17+00:00

Playing devil's advocate, she can be a person for whom infidelity is such a big thing, that even the fact that you did it to someone else is a show stopper.

I'd try to give her time for the situation to cool down in case she's emotional. But people divorce left and right without any reasons, so have one slightly weird reason is still a better justification than having none.

Gattsama · 2025-01-31T08:53:19+00:00

More red flags than a Chinese parade. She clearly just wants an excuse to make you the villain and her the victim. Give her the divorce she wants because she is telling you she is not workable and wants out. It sucks, but that's the current state of the world and marriage.

High pretest probably she is cheating currently.

BarryJGleed · 2025-01-31T08:25:43+00:00

It’s an ‘excuse’ my man. This is not a legitimate reason to divorce.

OK, I’ll say it might be a legitimate reason to not get involved with you, maybe, I suppose…..

But no, there’s more going on here than your ‘record’. Which is long ago, and not really relevant. Find out what the ‘more’ is.

Apprehensive_Park392 · 2025-01-31T08:01:15+00:00

Trust your gut. What is it telling you?

Bumblebee56990 · 2025-01-31T03:45:33+00:00

Give her the divorce.

Intrepid_Dream2619 · 2025-01-31T03:28:59+00:00

My gut says she wants to play victim and is looking for an excuse to divorce. Im willing to bet it's a guilty conscious, and she already has someone else. Get ahead of it and lawyer up. Also, as someone else said, get a P.I. for confirmation and cya.

No-Tomorrow8150 · 2025-01-31T02:57:31+00:00

I think you are onto the issue being character for her. Forget the time element as she does not care about that. Focus on the character part.

Longjumping-Cup-4018 · 2025-01-31T02:45:48+00:00

She just looks for an excuse to make you the villain when she becomes the victim to justify everything she plans to do . Lawyer up and PI if you have it money

GreatEdubu · 2025-01-31T02:27:10+00:00

Count your blessings. Lawyer up.

henrysmyagent · 2025-01-31T02:21:50+00:00

Any excuse will do.

I've got 100 bucks that says a brief review of her phone will show a coworker or friend reached out to her recently to get in her pants.

Now she can break her vows, but by very tenuous logic, she is not the bad guy.

kharon86 · 2025-01-31T02:18:00+00:00

She's already cheating or has a AP in mind. And the guilt is manifesting as you're a bad guy for cheating because cheatings bad.

JustSomeDude7287 · 2025-01-31T02:17:21+00:00

How have things been recently? Seems really odd.

It does sound like nonsense and with that projection. Maybe she’s trying to get out of the marriage or already did so this is her ticket out… just thinking the possibilities.

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2025-01-31T02:16:03+00:00

This is just an excuse not a true reason. However, it seems she already had one foot out the door before she heard this.

No-Tomorrow8150 · 2025-01-31T02:12:28+00:00

If you were not truthful with her then why not?

Title	Wife wants a divorce because of infidelity 12 years ago in previous marriage?
Author	MaterialTranslator43
Upvotes	48
Comments	47
Date	January 31, 2025 2:10 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ie47kn/wife_wants_a_divorce_because_of_infidelity_12/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/wife-wants-a-divorce-because-of-infidelity-12.1542595 https://theredarchive.com/post/1542595

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