I'm trying so hard not not resent men but the internet is making it difficult. I'm starting to regret ever standing up for them as a conservative woman. How do I get over this feeling?

nxte · 2025-02-17T14:15:10+00:00

I would caution that there are a lot of forces that want to destabilize modern society and the west. Additionally, a company like Reddit also has a desire to ramp up engagement, which can often be done via astroturfing and bait posts/comments. If you spend a lot of time reading on Reddit, you’re absolutely seeing some level of AI content and astroturfing. Men and women irl are rarely as nasty as the stuff we see on here. Just something to keep in mind. Best wishes!

Hot_Blacksmith_3404 · 2025-02-17T13:38:21+00:00

The best thing I ever did for my mental health was de-center men. Ignore stuff about men on social media - change your algorithm. Block liberally anyone and anything that is negatively affecting your mental health. Distance yourself from friends who can only talk about men. Build meaningful female friends and a vibrant social life outside of dating. Go on a men cleanse.

For me, I had to genuinely get to a place of knowing I ideally wanted a loving husband, but if that never happened, I would be ok and still live a good life.

Oddly enough, my now boyfriend talks about how my mindset was so attractive to him in a world of women desperate for male validation. He was essentially forced to either be the best version of himself or he knew he wouldn’t be able to be with me. He adds value to my life in every possible way, and I truly never thought men like him existed. They do, and I have faith that once you do the work to reset your mindset and take your focus off of the negativity, the right man will find you.

RatchedAngle · 2025-02-17T13:38:23+00:00

Reddit really does feel like “the majority” when you’re on this platform, but Reddit morality is not the same as real-life. The majority of people will say “huh?” when you ask them about Reddit in the real world.

Also, remember that people unleash the absolute worst parts of themselves on the internet.

A lot of the people here are more gracious, more forgiving, and more compassionate in the real world where their actions have actual effects on others. It’s easy to call someone a mean name when it’s text on a screen. In real life, these people would act different. Not because they’re fake, but because the internet removes humanity from the equation.

Scared-Tea-8911 · 2025-02-17T13:42:26+00:00

Hey!

Some potentially helpful thoughts: 1. To start with a “whataboutism”… if you go dredge through the dark corners of the internet you’ll see absolutely wild shit about women who want all men to be culled or locked up and used as sperm donors… the dark, gross corners of the internet are dark and gross from every angle. It’s the distillation of everyone’s worst thoughts, put into an echo chamber of everyone else’s worst thoughts… not a good or healthy place. 2. We don’t defend all men… we defend our men, and good natured, healthy masculinity. No one here would advocate for domestic violence… in fact, DV and addiction are two of our clearest red flags. 3. What do you mean by “sympathize with men’s issues”? In general, men have ran society for at least the past 500 years… so most “men’s issues” are actually “class issues” or “wealth inequality issues”. I think that when you start asking your relationship strategy to inform a political worldview, you are asking too much… RPW is just a way of interacting with our partners masculine nature in a way that honors our feminine nature. 4. TRP/RPW is not a behavioral roadmap. It’s just a series of facts about how men’s and women’s relationship strategies are different/complementary, driven by both socialization and biology. The opposite of RP is not “feminism”… it’s factual knowledge. You can do with those facts what you will… they can help to create a healthier or more fulfilling relationship if you work with them, and can damage your relationship if you work against them… or they can be used in a dark way to manipulate men if that’s your speed (pink pill)… but it’s just the facts of life. 5. Andrew Tate is not a good representation of RP philosophy… he’s a provocateur, and his primary goal is to make money off disenfranchised-feeling incels and men with low RMV/SMV. If you want a better example of healthy masculinity… I might suggest Andy Frisella. Most of his stuff is male-oriented, but he focuses on core values of hard work, becoming successful, becoming a strong and reliable partner, good physical health, good mental toughness, etc… that, I would say, is the best example of what “real” RP men should be striving for. It might actually be good for your brother to listen to as well. 6. None of this may have convinced you that men as a group are wholesome or worthy of defense… and I think you’d find that at least a few here agree with you! But I also think you’ll find that, as you get away from people like your brother (can’t hold a minimum wage job, frustrated and angry men disillusioned with society), you’ll find that many men who have found success also have respect for women and can treat women very well. Men in a downward spiral want someone to blame… some fall in with the skinheads or biker gangs and become racist or homophobic… and some turn against women. Instead of being concerned with the grossness of those men… focus on the men who have found a healthy masculinity and who strive for self improvement and self actualization.

Idk, I hope some of that was helpful. Happy relationships and families are very possible, and buying into RP beliefs does not mean that you are submitting to ALL men… just your man, in the context of your relationship. It sounds like you’re wrestling with a few overlapping topics, I hope you find success on your journey of uncovering your values and identifying your true beliefs. 💕

Cautious_Bell_ · 2025-02-18T18:43:55+00:00

I want to preface my comment by saying I am in a very traditional marriage, happily submit to my husband and do use/enjoy many RP principles. I don't think RP women "need saving" and am ONLY going to bring feminism up here, because it is specifically discussed by OP.

I PERSONALLY don't see feminism as being contradictory to my being RP or in a male-led marriage. This because I do believe in the basic tenant of feminism that men and women have EQUAL worth, and should be EQUALLY given the freedom and opportunities to pursue their own paths, whatever those paths might be. FOR ME that means choosing to embrace polarity and staying home to carry out a traditional gendered division of labor in my marriage. I'm not here to push these views on anyone. They're my own.

What I will say is that it's interesting to me that within more trad or RP circles a lot of people can show nuanced thinking in saying "of course they aren't are bad" and "yes you'll find extremes on social media" and "this gets played up to cause division" when referring to the men spewing extremely violent and dehumanizing ideas about women.

And, I would agree with all those statements.

But, the same level of nuance is rarely afforded to feminism. Like of course there are some men-hating radicals, of course everything is more politicized online, and of course some of what you hear is being intentionally played up in the media to cause division.

I find it very troubling that I've seen so many posts recently where men and women act like they have to tip toe around saying they think women should be treated as human beings and afforded human dignity because it *gasp* might make them a feminist?!? Really??

It scares me that increasingly I AM seeing sexist and misogynist rhetoric that would take away basic choice and dignity for women leaving the "dark corners of the internet" and being normalized in day to day life. If anyone calling this out gets dismissed as feminist, what does that leave us with?

throwawaytradesman2 · 2025-02-17T15:17:19+00:00

Hi OP,

I am a man. I'm genuinely sorry you are going through this. I am going through the same thing with the opposite sex. I see clips on Instagram talking about the Patriarchy and how men have been raping and enslaving women up to about 50 years ago. How men are born with a life of privilege. I start to resent women too. But, I remember reality is always very different.

When I see this stat about more than 60% of divorces are initiated by women, I think about a good friend of mine who left her good for nothing piece of shit husband.

The Red Pill community really does have it's nonsense, but it also has some truths. I was listening to some of the ladies chatting. One girl just dumped her BF because of "the ick". She was like "He was so excited to tell me about Game of Thrones. The whole time I was just thinking 'you are such a fucken nerd".

It was really sad to hear. I know her BF. He's a solid guy, great career, funny as shit, athletic, a bit on the short side at 5'8", but she's like 5'3" so whatever. It's hard not to be tainted by this shit.

Good Luck OP.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2025-02-18T07:38:11+00:00

So first I'm sorry that this has been your experience.

Everywhere online

I have located the problem. ;-) The various algorithms find out what interests us and then drives us down the rabbit hole until we are enraged because that makes us click more and eyeballs are worth money.

If wind up hanging out in Dark Places on the internet, you will find yourself running into Dark Creatures.

Not after seeing their true face. Not after seeing what so many of them truly think. Not when I know that, to them, simply being born female makes you less human.

You are running into guys who are what in we call, in the men's forum, "Red Pill Rage" where you find out you've been lied to and there's a second set of books. It is not just women who have been screwed over by modern society and Western-style capitalism (sayeth Vaz, the committed anti-Marxist...)

I no longer want anything to do with them frankly.

That will get in the way of your "wife and mom" plan, I think.

And these are just few tame examples compared to what I constantly see every day.

Why are you looking at this crap every day? You see? This is why the algorithm does this.

it's really affecting my mental health.

Yeah, so that's enough internet for you for a while then. Turn your computer off, and slowly back away.

Andrew Tate

So Andrew Tate found himself a niche because society decided that anything that helped boys and young men inherently was bad for girls and young women, and was therefore VERBOTEN. Boys were told "SHUT UP AND DEAL, YOU EVIL MISOGYNIST!" and treated like they had planned the oppression of women from the dawn of history, when the guy is thinking, "Look, I'm only 14, I ha..." and again it's "SHUT UP YOU EVIL MISOGYNST!"

The neglect of boys allowed people like Tate to slither in and occupy that space. Tate does say some truth things in controversial ways, so instead of "Men are generally physically stronger than women," its "FEMALES ARE WEAK!", but based on some other things he has said, it's tough not to believe he was involved in some form of human trafficking. Eww.

If your brother is consuming this stuff, it does make me wonder where your dad is, and why he is not modeling healthy masculinity for his son.

all he ever does now is spew dehumanising things about women such as how he'll cheat on his girlfriend and get another girl once he becomes a millionaire (spoiler: he won't, he's lazy and he can't even hold a minimum wage job for two months.)

Well we do tend to bloom later, but that is hardly an aspirational goal.

I'm starting to think maybe the feminists were right all along if this is what men are really like.

Oh, I'd at least read Rachel Wilson's "Occult Feminism" before I jumped to that particular conclusion.

I also think you need to take a break from all of this. Fundamentally, you are exposing yourself to "rage porn" and discovering that it's quite toxic.

Sct1787 · 2025-02-17T16:17:23+00:00

I think it’s important remember to avoid falling into generalization and attributing those traits to the whole demographic in question. I fully believe the experiences you’ve mentioned, now I suggest a simple thought experiment. Imagine the reverse situation, there’s a guy your age, traditional masculine male, and he sees just how much feminist rhetoric there is out here on Reddit, the internet in general, etc. He even has a sister who is a full blown feminist in her beliefs. What would you, as a conservative, religious, and traditional woman, say to him if he had similar concerns regarding feeling like there are no more traditional women?

There’s a very loud minority scenario at play here, and sometimes it might feel overly so because Reddit and social media in general can be a big magnifier of these things but remember, the real world isn’t as bad as these things make it seem. There are good people out there, you learn to tune out what isn’t for you, and attract what is for you by putting out those same or complementary vibes to the world.

thisfrickinguydude · 2025-02-17T15:57:13+00:00

You just need to get off the internet. It’s as simple as that. Not to be trite at all, but truly that’s the solution. Take a nature break.

feral-pixi-starling · 2025-02-18T07:23:13+00:00

A few things are happening at once here. First and foremost men who are chronically online, particularly men here, are usually disturbed. These are often very sick people with increasingly extreme and paranoid views and a deep seeded and growing suspicion, bitterness or even hatred towards women no matter how chill you are, or however much you don't subscribe to modern feminism. These are also not traditional views, they're very post techpocalypse.

This could single handedly explain the issue, but another key point is that men and women are seeing the absolute worst of each other online and while women typically harbor resentments or talk about them with friends, men typically act on them. the stereotypical passive aggressive vs aggressive dynamic so you have men who are aggressively reacting to some silly tiktok about men made by college girls for college girls, as though every woman on earth signed a treaty that we all agree with her.

It is important to understand that this is happening on both ends, with women consuming content from the worst of men and making assumptions about all of them, which Is a true and reassuring thought. I interacted with two male friends today and I cannot stress enough how normal/what wonderful friends they are compared to the men I see online, very important to remember. The big issue for me is that, again, men are more aggressive/action oriented (this is not a criticism when we're talking about a healthy normal dude) so their backlash to the internet gender wars psyop mental health crisis, is for lack of a better word scarier than ours. They are getting weird and scary, Gonna be so fr. Not the normal ones, but like a really shocking amount of them are scaring me.

Another huge issue is a lack of education in traditionalism, actual, functional, male female dynamics that have a track record of being sustainable and or mutually beneficial, like customs of non theocratic countries with low divorce rates, habits of couples who made it to old age etc. These are what we should look at. Instead we are seeing entirely new forms of "traditionalism" that are more or less based on an amalgamation of poorly understand "scientific articles" and movies about a vaguely sexier era in the "olden times", anything from James bond movies to 1950s advertisements to historical fantasy, so unlike an actual revival of functional traditional relationship techniques we're looking at kinky millennial fantasy fulfillment disguised as traditional values, which no is not going to satisfy a woman with healthy traditional values or anyone who isn't on the receiving end of this border line pornographic fantasy fulfillment.

Another thing is that even if functional traditional values were well understood, (they are not) they cannot be performed correctly by crazy people. Even if these men have a grasp on what they should be doing they can't do it because, by no fault of their own, the powers that be have literally driven them crazy and since women, even the feminist ones so often let them take the lead, especially in romantic relationships they are leading us off of cliffs into destitution and madness. This is likely where some of your frustration is coming from.

Wife_and_Mama · 2025-02-17T13:26:04+00:00

The internet is not real life. These men are not representative of real men. Yes, there are men like your brother, who've been radicalized online, but they're not the norm. Real men have lives, hobbies, religious beliefs, goals, and interests. They don't pay for chauvinistic nonsense internet courses. They go outside. They meet people. They make judgments based on real life interactions. I suggest you focus more on the same.

BarnabyBundlesnatch · 2025-02-17T15:47:36+00:00

If recent events have taught us all anything, its that social media isnt a real place. What you see on here, is all bullshit. Its the worst of the worst 24/7.

m_spoon09 · 2025-02-17T13:28:36+00:00

Men, and women, are all people. There are good people and shitty people from all walks of life. Gender has got nothing to do with it.

plein_old · 2025-02-17T18:59:14+00:00

Loads of people, both male and female, are confused today, about all kinds of issues.

What I find helps me is: trying not to worry about other people and just focusing on my own life. You can't change other people; at best you can inspire them if you yourself are happy, calm and clear-headed.

ArkNemesis00 · 2025-02-17T19:12:14+00:00

Do you have men in your life that you like? Maybe hang out with them more.

Upstairs-Staff-8159 · 2025-02-17T14:11:52+00:00

I agree. I too am religious but the men in life say “ you’re playing a good girl persona - and prob have been ran thru by over 1000 men”

I’m over talking to men 🙃

AwesomeXav · 2025-02-17T13:21:12+00:00

Hello, I'm saddened to hear of your awful experience with men.
Sorry and I wish you the best.

Automatic-Praline568 · 2025-02-17T17:08:17+00:00

My real life experience has not been this. The men in my life are standup men. Some of traditional values some of modern values. All respectful. I know a well earning business owner that loves his wife and children. Respects and dotes on them. I was raised by a respected and respectful man. My boyfriend is raised by traditional conservitives and he is again, amazing sweet kind and respectful.

I think this is a matter of cultivating what you watch/consume and who you surrond yourself with. If you only ever are told the water is green and shown a glass of green dyed water you will believe "man water really is green." However, once you see the ocean or a clear lake you see that depending where you are your perception can change. All the best to you.

Wise138 · 2025-02-17T21:20:11+00:00

Instead of defend, teach. Teach men why what they are doing is wrong.

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No_Sound_1149 · 2025-02-17T22:40:17+00:00

Where these comments made here or elsewhere?

liquidswan · 2025-02-18T08:10:16+00:00

I find talking to people in real life in a genuine way usually nullifies the feelings of resentment from politics. I see most people as sponges who just live in the environment and soak up what’s around them. That’s not meant as an insult but simply is what it is. It is very very difficult to escape the Sponge Life.

apensivepooh · 2025-02-19T12:35:08+00:00

You need to get off the internet. This is not reality

BitExpensive7688 · 2025-02-19T13:35:40+00:00

Same. I did this huge rewiring of my brain to see men in a positive light after terrible Males in every avenue of light. Terrible Father, terrible Step father, terrible male teachers, and after traveling the world and having a diverse group of women friends all have the same experience. I changed, saw them in a different life, even attended women’s circles where we talked about “honoring the masculine” and being “respectful” in relationships- code for shoving down our feelings and doing the Most to get the bare minimum. Ended up with a man I thought was amazing bc, well, love bombing. Turned out to be a porn addict who made my life a living hell. I had his baby and it’s been the worst experience of my life. I was the type of woman they all say doesn’t exist. Not crazy religious but a virgin bc I had standards. Life experience and an education but desired to be a homemaker, worked hard but was actually pretty chill and down to earth. My only downside was pick me habits. I want a family so bad but once I escape this never want to look at a man, again.

RedPillWomen-ModTeam · 2025-02-20T21:09:05+00:00

[permanently deleted]

0Contact0Indulgence · 2025-02-22T03:02:01+00:00

You've made three specific claims that I can identify that you think, at least some, men believe:

Women should be treated as slaves.
Beating your wife should be legal.
Being a woman makes you subhuman.

What percentage of men do you suspect hold these views?

If your answer is something approximating a tiny minority, then why would you even care?

A tiny minority of radical women believe that all forms of male penetration into a female is rape. No exceptions.

Should men sign off, throw in the towel, and stop defending the many decent women that exist?

If your answer is that a substantial amount (oh say, 10% even) believe those three assertions, I would ask where did you come up with such a figure?

If the examples you listed are simply exaggerations, and you're more referring to the general animosity towards women that you see online, have you been to 95% of reddit where if you even say you're against feminism, you get banned?

Or are you just looking at the male dominated sphere of YouTube comments? Keeping in mind that YouTube comments come from a tiny percentage of the population who is far more extroverted, risk inclined, and bitter to begin with if they're commenting hate in the first place.

I would love to hear your response.

Tenesordes · 2025-02-22T22:05:47+00:00

just ignore internet and the way things are portrayed there. I really don't think that men in real life would say the same things.

FuuriousD · 2025-02-23T00:14:09+00:00

Weeew I got you sis, I’m a weird older dude ftr a bit out of my lane here lol but let me say - if you are seeing that a lot you may think of this as an algorithmic resonance thing. My man Elon(just kidding I fucking hate him) talks about “limbic resonance” as the deciding factor on whether or not a take on the internet is “successful” and men and women like him are purposefully doing this shit.

This is like emotional bating for us normal people, either through rage or to provoke a righteous response, anything emotional really. These fucks got nothing on us, and I assure you a lot of guys care about women and we, the I think vast majority of us, cherish you in a non-creepy way. Remember Kendrick at the Super Bowl lol.

Also, you could alternatively look at it as something being repeatedly presented to you to gain your attention to kind of settle and deal with that energy or ideology so that you can free yourself from something or so that you can grow, it’s just a more spiritual or airy fairy way to approach (imo very valuable).

G_hano · 2025-02-23T06:51:30+00:00

It's called an algorithm. It does that. It shows you what you engage with, including watch times. Want to restore your faith in humanity? Simply ignore those posts and engage with positive ones you can reset your algorithm in like 5 minutes. Rage bait is all the craze right now, just stay away from it. It is the minority, just how blackpill is the minority, but if that's what you watch, that's what you'll get.

Columba-livia77 · 2025-02-23T15:02:35+00:00

If it helps, the internet is where people's nastiest thoughts come out, since there's no consequences like in real life. I've noticed something similar with myself too, like when I'm in a very bad mood, I'll occasionally have thoughts that I know are unfair towards different people. Or groups of people, I won't repeat the thoughts here.

I know these thoughts only come out when I'm feeling very low, and they don't represent my true feelings. Hopefully something similar is happening to these men when they spew negative rhetoric. It may also help to remember most of these men have poor mental health, and would probably be easy to avoid in real life.

CountTheBees · 2025-02-17T22:38:16+00:00

As a woman who used to also be super into MRA stuff -- I now think men don't need a defence/support. That's kind of antithetical to what a man is. They're not children, they should be leaders. I think we're beginning to realise what the effect is of men not standing up for themselves is and it's not good.

Without super rigid family pressure, it's easier than ever for modern men to lose their way and blame others. There's a difference between individual success and national success. As a country you can say "these things are holding us down" but as a individual you can't really say that, because there are plenty of <insert demographic> men that have still managed to be successful, date, get married, and so on.

Losers are still losers. Just because someone is disadvantaged somehow doesn't excuse them for being a loser.

There's another layer on top of this, which is your value in the SMV. You're looking around at your same age male prospects and going "omg they're LOSERS!" Yup... That is the SMV as a young woman.

This is not a new thing, average young women's attractiveness peak is 5 years earlier than men's. If you find high status / high income men attractive - men's earning peak is somewhere in their 40s and their careers only really get off the ground in their late 20s. You can find a same age man that aligns with your values that has potential or you can find an older man that matches your current value.

henrycatalina · 2025-02-17T23:40:27+00:00

Where do you find such men?

youllknowwhenitstime · 2025-02-19T01:47:16+00:00

I'll be blunt: Only people with internet addictions can possibly develop the warped perception of reality (regarding the nature and beliefs of most men) you currently have. Get offline, for your own sanity. Ironically, your brother is the same as you: falling down a wild hole disconnected from reality because of online input.

Clessx3 · 2025-02-17T13:20:23+00:00

So all it takes is 1 or 2 male redditors to make you resent all men? Sounds more like you have deeper issues.

AutoModerator · 2025-02-17T13:08:07+00:00

Title: I'm trying so hard not not resent men but the internet is making it difficult. I'm starting to regret ever standing up for them as a conservative woman. How do I get over this feeling?

Author Altruistic_Fuel7332

Full text: I don't even consider myself a feminist. I’m religious and hold mostly conservative views. I always wanted to get married and start a family, but now the mere thought of being with a man sends shivers down my spine. Everywhere online, I see not just misogyny but outright vile and dehumanizing rhetoric about women.

I used to sympathize with men’s issues and defend them, I was pretty outspoken about it that I was often called a "pick me." and that kind of stuff. But I can’t do it anymore. Not after seeing their true face. Not after seeing what so many of them truly think. Not when I know that, to them, simply being born female makes you less human. I no longer want anything to do with them frankly.

What finally pushed me to write this was a post where someone argued that women should be treated as slaves or else they’ll "forget their place," followed by another claiming domestic abuse was legal for most of history "for a reason" and should be reinstated. And these are just few tame examples compared to what I constantly see every day.

And if you think this is just an Internet thing then you're wrong. I see it in real life, coming from men close to me. My brother for example is a staunch supporter of Andrew Tate, pays for his courses and all, and all he ever does now is spew dehumanising things about women such as how he'll cheat on his girlfriend and get another girl once he becomes a millionaire (spoiler: he won't, he's lazy and he can't even hold a minimum wage job for two months.)

I’m still conservative, but I don’t know if I can bring myself to stand up for men anymore. I don’t even care if I get called an angry feminist. Apparently just saying that women should be treated as human beings makes you a feminist to these people. I'm starting to think maybe the feminists were right all along if this is what men are really like.

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addings0 · 2025-02-19T00:46:47+00:00

Everywhere online, I see not just misogyny but outright vile and dehumanizing rhetoric about women.

Most of it isn't real. Some men venting, some AI data being feed back to you, some of it is the same men over and over. There are plenty of men that don't do that, respect women, or avoid social media as a whole. Value them when you find them ( and they will do the same in return ) . Try the purple pill here on Reddit.

My brother for example is a staunch supporter of Andrew Tate,

Try to focus on the words, not the man. Look up Kevin Samuels ( not a great example, but still ) . He's much more balanced and rips on men as much as women. Should curb his need for Tate, and if not, help you a bit.

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