To address the first thing people might say “but how come women don’t fight it?” many do - it isn’t a coincidence that many people who ask this question also have limited experience dealing with those who do. To add to this, women disagree on things all the time - this is why some women don’t use the label ‘feminist’, why many women vote for conservative governments and why many women attempt to keep the status quo. Women are individuals with differing views and opinions, so “why don’t women fight this?” Isn’t the right question to ask because many do, but many others don’t whether to be because they enjoy it, or they are only capable of seeing their value in it (which is a point I will touch on later) - I also want to be clear, I am not talking about approaching, I am referring to societal roles - liking being approached or having an issue with approaching isn’t as relevant here, at least not directly.

I’ll start with how it hurts women, largely because I want the impact it has on men to be the larger takeaway. Such a statement “all she has to do is exist” - may initially portray an image of ease to those who might feel slighted by it, but look deeper into the statement. A woman isn’t approached for her personhood, she isn’t treated like someone - she is treated like an object, a target. Some women like it, other women (sadly) believe that this is the only way they have value. Some also actively fight it and are bothered by the notion. Sure, to the guy reading this, it might sound like “women have it easy” - but think of it this way, a woman still has to adhere to an assumed role, and who she is beyond that assumed role doesn’t matter. This is the heart of objectification and how this statement, which some men consider to be “easy mode” for women actually takes away from a woman’s humanity, autonomy and personhood.

Now, how does this statement hurt men and enforce patriarchy? Because it expects men to act out a performative form of masculinity that isn’t even about who they are, but it’s about their functionality. The role of the man here is “what can you do for me?” And not “who are you?” - in this instance, who the man is as a person does not matter as well, his utility does. This is also objectifying and dehumanizing in nature - though this is also the role men are given in a patriarchal system. When people say “patriarchy hurts men too”, this is how - because it is about men being tools and utilities rather than people. I think this is why many men lean on being providers only and being settled for, because this idea is how many men learn how to derive value of themselves.

Though what I find different is that while many women attempt to and resist this role, many men either begrudgingly accept it, sulk and mope about it or actively enforce it because they don’t see any value within themselves otherwise and won’t dare search for any internal value otherwise.