Every time I get a text

db1342 · 2025-08-18T03:14:27+00:00

The worst is being told you destroyed your marriage for a bunch of reasons that don't make sense, and then finding out later she was just cheating. Very common. She needs a story for herself and her family that makes her the victim. So you get to hear some insane construction of petty complaints and grievances from ten years ago that are suddenly marriage ending. It's delivered with total conviction, they're great at believing their own bullshit. Your life is getting burned down and you can't even figure out why! She's been horribly unhappy for decades? You're an awful man who ruined the life of the person you loved most? Learning she's just sick of you and wants to fuck Brad ends up being a relief, because at least you can stop trying to make sense out of nonsense.

defnotjaywtf · 2025-08-01T14:19:43+00:00

I was crushed like you, and didnt know how I’d ever move on. My wife is gorgeous, and very sex positive, so I knew the second we “separated “ she’d start fucking half the city, and it ate me up inside. Then I found out she had an affair, and immediately she became so ugly and repulsive I couldn’t care less what she does in her free time. She’s someone else’s problem now.

She spent no time reflecting on herself, her depression and substance abuse issues led to the divorce and she’s doing nothing to fix them, just going to pass it onto the next poor guy who thinks he hit the jackpot because she’s hot, funny and charming when she wants to be. Just wait till you need to hold her accountable to do ANYTHING other than drink, do drugs or have fun sex.

probebeta · 2025-07-31T14:09:27+00:00

One solution to this, as unpopular as it may sound, is to bang hotter women. Improve yourself, go to gym, make money type of advice is for YOU, but it just happens that you'll get higher quality women this way too.

Asian_Insider · 2025-07-30T08:14:30+00:00

Brother, what you're feeling right now—the gut-punch every time her name pops up, the late-night scrolls that end in self-disgust, the ache of knowing she's moved on—is not stupidity. It's grief. And grief has no interest in your logic.

You're not weak for hurting. You’re just waking up to how deeply you were still tethered to the idea of her—even after the relationship ended. And now that she’s with someone else, your nervous system is getting reminded, moment by moment, that what once was… really isn’t anymore.

And that’s where most men spiral—because they think pain like this is proof that they’ve lost. But the truth? This is your initiation.

You’re in the part of the story where the man who once defined his strength by how much he could hold for others… finally realizes he’s never built a frame strong enough to hold himself.

Blocking her was the right move. Not because it makes you petty—but because it stops you from feeding the part of you that wants to self-harm through fantasy. The scrolling? That’s not curiosity. It’s punishment. And deep down, you know it.

You’ll never be able to fully cut her off because of the kids. But you can rewire how you relate to her emotionally. You can stop seeing her as your unfinished story—and start seeing yourself as the man who outgrew needing closure.

If you want that kind of emotional freedom—the kind where you can hear from her without bleeding, lead your kids without bitterness, and build a life where you’re the center of gravity again—it starts by rewiring the grief, not avoiding it.

I’ve helped men like you transmute this exact kind of heartbreak into emotional authority. I’d be happy to share the 5-step process that’s been working—but only if you’re ready to stop scrolling for her and start leading for you.

Lmk. I’m rooting for you regardless.

SteveSan82 · 2025-07-30T04:09:45+00:00

She wasn’t yours, it was just your turn. She broke the fantasy of a happy family. Break from the fantasy

hazalo9 · 2025-07-30T01:18:36+00:00

Women like to keep you in their lives this way. In order to get used to not having her in your life, you have to keep contact at the most minimum. Setup a schedule of when texts are acceptable. Unless it's an emergency it should be once a week for the children. Set your boundaries needed for you to move on. Time will heal you faster this way.

Equanimous-Fox · 2025-07-30T00:58:28+00:00

Look, I feel you but also: why do you care? Your focus should be on your kids and on your own life, she can do with hers whatever she wants.

Most-Ad-7288 · 2025-07-30T00:42:58+00:00

Feel lucky yours texts you. Mine won’t even text me when the kids are in the hospital

redpunk101 · 2025-07-30T00:21:49+00:00

Like a lot of the guys here said, it's hard if you keep your focus on the past. Lean in to doing the hard things to be the best father you can be and push yourself to grow in emotional intelligence, spiritual awareness, physical tightness, and relational intelligence with others, get a therapist that you like... Sounds like canned advice, but I promise you, if you focus on BEING better internally, you will eventually FEEL better knowing that your growth is your purpose.... And I echo the idea..... If you work on YOU, the kids will see it. Prayers up for you my man!! Also, Connect with other dudes... We all have baggage that we "can't" talk about but should.

Ok-Guidance6491 · 2025-07-29T23:34:55+00:00

It does get better with time, but you have to do the right work on yourself. One thought that I find that helps is to ask yourself if you truly would be happy if you still had the relationship. And I don’t mean the one from a decade ago, I mean the one from the last year or so of the marriage.

Ashamed_Mountain_400 · 2025-07-29T23:32:44+00:00

Similar situation here. My advice is to focus on yourself, make yourself the best version you can, go to the gym, find new hobbies, go out of your comfort zone and do new things.

The kids will remember how you showed up for them.

Change_username_5 · 2025-07-29T23:23:18+00:00

Also instead of focusing on her lean into being a better father.

Change_username_5 · 2025-07-29T23:22:53+00:00

U gotta get on your game. U don't have enough going on right now to take her off your mind. Go to the gym or go running (running is my favorite)..idk what it is about men and physical activity but it's one of the best distraction.

Dazzling-Car-2407 · 2025-07-29T22:43:54+00:00

I hear you, it sucks but you have to find a way to move on

Mymindisgone217 · 2025-07-29T22:10:26+00:00

I have to say that I see you as lucky! It sounds like your divorce was finalized before she started to date, but maybe I am wrong.

Two months after my now ex, had left she told me that she was in a committed relationship and then I started to see posts of her and the new guy. Up until then I still had hope that we wouldn't actually be getting divorced, so I had no problem that she hadn't actually filed for it. I had even visited with her the weekend before she told me. I couldn't believe it. She had never told me why she wanted the divorce, (which is why I still had hope that we may not,) but with this, I was now sure of why she wanted it. She had been at the very least emotionally cheating on me.

With her not having filed yet, I went ahead and did so, so that I wouldn't let myself keep hoping. It hurt like hell to be filing for a divorce that I never wanted, but I know that if I didn't, that I would keep sitting around hoping that she would want to come back some day. (Even though I knew that with the medical issue and slight disability due to it, that she wasn't going to be back. She didn't care about the "in sickness or in health" part of the vows)

So for me, knowing about the boyfriend is what I actually needed to know. I hated it then and it hurt like hell, but it was what I needed to be able to let go.

rsmiley77 · 2025-07-29T18:54:37+00:00

As many on here have said ‘she’s someone else’s problem now’. You should be celebrating. I always found when my ex was happily dating she wasn’t in my business nearly as much. I enjoyed the peace and honestly was pulling for her to do well.

Besides that I can tell you to join a local running club or something like that. They often times go out for drinks after their runs. Great way to move on.

mannyfester · 2025-07-29T18:35:33+00:00

You need to figure out a way to move on. This is sad

nerdzilla16 · 2025-07-29T18:34:11+00:00

Is hard going through this, especially having such a close connection and then being done. It doesn’t just vanish. Find someone to help you, maybe a friend or family member you can call up instead, or something to help distract you or keep you away. It’s hard, but moving on is needed. It’s best for you, her, and mainly, the kids.

suspicious_bag_1000 · 2025-07-29T18:26:58+00:00

Stop worrying about your ex. It’s bad for you. You should be more worried about doing things that you enjoy and finding someone that values you as a person and that you value in return. What you’re feeling is nostalgia. Send the dude a thank you card for taking her off your hands

sense4242 · 2025-07-29T18:16:43+00:00

get on trt. hit the gym. get a tan. get some new clothes. eat healthy. lay off the booze.

Dry_Gear4083 · 2025-07-29T17:12:06+00:00

Get a girl is something i'd say. Dunno if u got laws there but here we can get divorce if found wife having marital affairs without paying anything. Or if she is educated enough to a job

OldGuyNewTrix · 2025-07-29T16:37:15+00:00

That’s the part I’m not looking forward too. When that time comes.

Reflog1791 · 2025-07-29T16:30:15+00:00

Move to email only

Terminal-Earth · 2025-07-29T16:13:03+00:00

You are not alone, and it can be excruciating..Plain and simple.

In my situation, curiosity got the better of me and I found the guy online…

I say this in all humbleness…The guy has absolutely nothing on me, physically or professionally. In my situation, I found out my wife was a narcissist. Which explains how she moved on so quickly. I’m not sure of your circumstance, but something to consider.
I know it’s difficult, but please try to focus on yourself. One thing that helped me process the divorce and regain confidence was to get in the gym. It is so therapeutic. And, I look better than I did when I first met my wife. Needless to say, when I pick up and drop off the kids, she no longer shows her face. You can guess why…

Title	Every time I get a text
Author	Distinct_Desk1840
Upvotes	51
Comments	35
Date	July 29, 2025 3:57 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1mcf9ee/every_time_i_get_a_text/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/every-time-i-get-a-text.1558424 https://theredarchive.com/post/1558424

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