She keeps surprising me

jaglio69 · 2025-07-25T02:51:45+00:00

Are you still ruminating about the kind of person she is? Saying shit like I don’t know her anymore? You guys are fucking divorced stop doing this to yourself. She’s just some chick, albeit the mother of your kids. Let her live the way she wants to live it’s none of your business. However I will say one thing, a 7 -year-old shouldn’t be alone. And a 15-year-old sibling is no substitute for a parent. This is not about an appropriate babysitter it’s about spending time with a parent! What’s the point of you dropping them off if the seven-year-old is going to be alone. You’re better off keeping him or her with you until you know for a fact mom will be home. I would bring this point home immediately and go to family court if you have to

Common-Aioli-6722 · 2025-07-24T20:23:24+00:00

Why are you parked there?

probebeta · 2025-07-24T19:57:53+00:00

"we suffer more in imagination than in reality" - Seneca

She's probably getting her back blown, and most likely was a while ago when you separated. Women don't go to convent when they're separating.

Having said that, shes might not be having the best time of her life either. Maybe she's getting used, dumped by first bf, dumped by second, broke, nobody takes her on vacation, car troubles, wine boxes, neglecting kids seemingly. More importantly kids are seeing this, your older one at least. So just forget about it and move on with life. Write it off... Document this stuff and maybe get custody if she's endangering the kids. No more child support!

PrestigiousStatus933 · 2025-07-24T16:46:32+00:00

Women's psychology is simple.

They love men who hurt them and treat them badly whilst destroying the man who loves them.

If you want to be loved by a woman, you need to be awful. If you are a good man then you're pretty much doomed.

engineered-chemistry · 2025-07-24T16:06:58+00:00

Kids are old enough that your oldest can watch the youngest.

Your ex isn’t the same person she was and never will be. Would you marry you ex right now? Hell no.

Move on. Find your own happiness. Focus on your kids wellbeing and your own.

Every one of us has felt exactly what you are feeling right now. I drowned myself in the bottle for months until I decided to do things that brought me joy. Once I was OK with my overall situation, I dated and realized women love confident men that embrace their situations. I have time with my kids, time with women and time for myself now. Honestly the balance is much better now than it ever was when I was married. I’m financially broken but I’d rather be broke and happy than rich and miserable. More money will come!

Dangerous-Sir777 · 2025-07-24T15:57:37+00:00

I get it man. I’ve been divorced for two years. I let probably the last year and a half effect me the way this is effecting you. My ex-wife has a guy living with her and my kids now. They are five and 10. I let it ruin my life. I did a bunch of stupid shit. Seeing a therapist is essential. For me I had to put the alcohol down because I was acting a damn fool. But I understand not knowing who she is anymore. We always drank together, but last year she got a DUI. It definitely shakes your world up, bro. Stay strong.

One_Mathematician864 · 2025-07-24T15:08:46+00:00

Your kids are old enough to watch themselves. Just check in on them and make sure they are good. Stop wasting time and brain power wondering what she's up to. She's def not out reading a book or being mother Theresa.

She's out enjoying her newfound freedom. It's a coping mechanism to mask any emotions from the breakup. She's living her best life (pretending). Know that this is temporary. She'll grow bored of trying a new dick every night and will come back to test you and see if you will still let her in one day. It works like clockwork.

Your job is to make sure when she gets bored and comes knocking at your door, that there is no longer a door there for her. Move on completely.

Focus on dealing with your demons, your only focus should be to be the best man and dad your kids could ever ask for.

A worthy woman will come along in due time. Just Don't repeat the same mistakes you made in picking your first wife.

One_Mathematician864 · 2025-07-24T15:08:37+00:00

Your kids are old enough to watch themselves. Just check in on them and make sure they are good. Stop wasting time and brain power wondering what she's up to. She's def not out reading a book or being mother Theresa.

She's out enjoying her newfound freedom. It's a coping mechanism to mask any emotions from the breakup. She's living her best life (pretending). Know that this is temporary. She'll grow bored of trying a new dick every night and will come back to test you and see if you will still let her in one day. It works like clockwork.

Your job is to make sure when she gets bored and comes knocking at your door, that there is no longer a door there for her. Move on completely.

Focus on dealing with your demons, your only focus should be to be the best man and dad your kids could ever ask for.

A worthy woman will come along in due time. Just Don't repeat the same mistakes you made in picking your first wife.

khaddir_1 · 2025-07-24T14:03:13+00:00

Therapy bro and fast. It will only help.

manfredi79 · 2025-07-24T13:43:07+00:00

Some Women are deceitful unfortunately. Get a rebound, move on. Nothing good will come out of this.

Bagman220 · 2025-07-24T13:40:32+00:00

How old are the kids? Old enough to watch themselves, or are they being left in danger?

Assuming the kids aren’t in danger, and they’re old enough to watch themselves… then yes, you’re right, she probably was cheating or had something going on, she probably is getting good dick, she’s a woman, and she will get what she wants. Now that you know that? You’re armed and ready to go to war for yourself!

CoastalSailing · 2025-07-24T13:39:07+00:00

How old are your kids.

Move on. Stop obsessing.

See a therapist

Worldly_Diver9265 · 2025-07-24T13:33:18+00:00

Quit stalking. Forget her. Move on.

Bumblebee56990 · 2025-07-24T12:43:03+00:00

Don’t start dating you need therapy.

Il_Valentino · 2025-07-24T12:34:50+00:00

We didn’t divorce over infidelity, but now I’m thinking maybe she had something with this person while we were still married. Just a month ago she asked about getting back together, and now this?

it's called monkey branching and very common

ADivorcedGuy · 2025-07-24T12:22:04+00:00

I know how painful this is, but you are only making it harder for yourself in the long run. You are allowing her to live rent free in your head and to continue to control you. I know it is hard to let go and move on, but that is in your best interest. Forget what she does / doesn't do, and build a life for yourself that truely makes you happy.

My $.02

Pro-IDGAF · 2025-07-24T12:02:31+00:00

this is what i tell all the guys that anguish over their ex..stop thinking about what they are doing and live for yourself.

for one she’s not your woman anymore and someone else gets to deal her shit now. it may look like she’s having fun but we now how that goes.

focus on yourself and the kids. go back to being the guy you were before you met her. good luck and don’t well on her.

one thing i’ll add for you guys that ruminate on shit, i have a habit of that too with certain things in my relationship now.

awhile back i started taking st. john’s wort, just one 300mg pill a day and it seems to help keep my head from being filled with repeating thoughts. its a natural ssri type supplement so do some reading and don’t take too much or stop cold turkey.

DBFool2019 · 2025-07-24T11:21:05+00:00

Document and sue for full custody. She is endangering her children for dick.

Wingnut8888 · 2025-07-24T09:21:38+00:00

Pathetic. She’s selfishly thinking about her needs and not the kids’. Sounds familiar, in my case.

midlife-madness · 2025-07-24T06:00:45+00:00

It’s going to be hard, but you will find that eventually you focusing on you and not her will bring you peace. It may take a while to get there. I found therapy and men’s work / groups really helpful. It got me a lot of the way there. But then feeling some feelings for a new girl pushed me to the finish line. I have still a little anger towards her for dumping me, but at this point, I’m really liking the new me. She can do her. And I can do me.

MonkeyBranchBuster · 2025-07-24T05:33:31+00:00

That's what we all thought 😂 She's a mother, could never do that!? Relax, some poor fella is thinking rn he hit the jackpot. Give him a little time to wake up 😅 Keep shredding bro and replace with a younger hotter model.

redditrock56 · 2025-07-24T05:25:24+00:00

"but now I’m thinking maybe she had something with this person while we were still married"

Very, very strong possibility my dude.

Monkey branching is real, and happens all the time.

Title	She keeps surprising me
Author	Distinct_Desk1840
Upvotes	35
Comments	34
Date	July 24, 2025 5:20 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1m7vst8/she_keeps_surprising_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/she-keeps-surprising-me.1557944 https://theredarchive.com/post/1557944

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