Wife is trying to make me feel guilty

Objective-Fan-5464 · 2025-11-05T15:06:17+00:00

From what you’re describing, reconciliation honestly sounds off the table. Someone who files, weaponizes guilt, and immediately tries to divert marital assets out of your reach isn’t acting like someone who wants to repair a marriage, that’s someone posturing for advantage.

Taking your legal share of the house is not “taking it from the kids.” Kids benefit when BOTH parents are financially stable post-divorce. Her trying to put it in the kids’ name with her as custodian is a control move, not a generosity move.

You need to protect yourself.

Stand firm on 50/50 equity, and if the house has to be sold, you split proceeds. If one person wants to keep the house, they refinance in their name alone and buy out the other’s equity at fair appraised market value.

This is not the time for guilt-based decisions, this is the time for math, clarity, and lawyers.

thegreatcerebral · 2025-11-05T13:36:16+00:00

Sounds like you are in denial still if you are still attempting to reconcile. Change your mindset before you end up in a bad place.

She doesn't want you anymore for whatever reason she feels suits her story. At this point in time if she agrees to reconcile then it would only be to work on you more to go at it again with a hopefully better outcome in her eyes. Don't fall for it.

Jwoot1111 · 2025-11-05T12:55:02+00:00

Get a lawyer. Dont let her manipulate you. Your kids need a father and if your mental state goes then they won’t have one

Phoenix_Fire_8006 · 2025-11-05T12:20:51+00:00

Once my ex-wife got all the leverage then her true colors came out, and she didn't have to play nice at all. Before, she would use tears and manipulation to get what she wanted. Thank goodness I fought for what was fair. Because I had to completely rebuild my life after.

Suspicious_Dot6179 · 2025-11-05T11:17:23+00:00

She filed bro - no guilt whatsoever from your side

Dramatic_Taro5846 · 2025-11-05T10:53:55+00:00

Get a lawyer. Only communicate on legal matters through lawyers, and do everything else in writing. Way harder to manipulate that way.

Pleasant-Mechanic-49 · 2025-11-05T09:23:50+00:00

She filed for divorce, so you’re entitled to your half. Period.

Putting the house in the kids’ names with her as custodian = she controls the asset, you lose leverage. That’s not “for the kids,” that’s power.

Using guilt and the kids to sway you? Big manipulation flag.

Tell her: “I’m keeping my legal rights. The kids have a home with me too.”

Protect yourself, don’t sign anything. Lawyer up. DONT TAKE advices from her anymore WTF

Fantastic-Sport-3054 · 2025-11-05T06:41:27+00:00

In my country it’s so simple. You add upp all the marital assets on the day of the divorce and split it down the middle. Then you pay child support if you don’t split the custody 50/50 which is the norm. Hardly anyone needs to have lawyers involved and parents are generally friends afterwards which is the explanation that divorce here has much lower risk of creating mental health issues for the children compared to the US. When I read in here it seems like your system doesn’t really benefit anyone except lawyers and maybe the odd stay at home wife that doesn’t want to work.

Ok-Guidance6491 · 2025-11-05T06:21:11+00:00

Now is not the time to be anything but strictly fair. Even my sweet ex had a completely ridiculous sense of “fair” during the divorce. They are usually having an affair and are in emotional turmoil. Their guilt and fear make them act like wild hyenas. Just be calm and don’t give in to the manipulation. 💪

Immediate-Story2562 · 2025-11-05T05:24:07+00:00

Tell her to not worry, you will put it in your will for the kids to get the house one day.
Don't let her manipulate you. Grey rock her. Be proud and stand up for yourself if she initiated the divorce.

LifeLover_fw · 2025-11-05T04:23:00+00:00

IMO, keep your half. Nothing fair about giving away half of possibly the largest asset most own. There are consequences to divorce. Keep what's yours.

This said, my dad's best friend, a 3-time divorcee, once told me, if I wanted peace of mind, be prepared to walk away from it all. I, however, valued having a few bucks in my pocket considering she took more than her fair share anyway (and stole my student loan money while I kept the burden).

jimsmythee · 2025-11-05T04:19:59+00:00

Exwife did that to me too. All of it failed…

Her DUI fines were a marital debt because we were married when she got the DUI. $7500 in dui fines…

My separate and sole property house was 50% hers.

She was entitled to 50% of my take home pay for alimony because she was “too sick to work.”

She wanted half of my mother’s jewelry in my safety deposit box.

My car? She argued that the car was a marital asset. But the loan to buy the car was all on me because she didn’t sign in the loan.

She wanted me to get a life insurance policy for the kids, but to have her as beneficiary.

List went on. Each demand failed.

Plastic_Canary_6637 · 2025-11-05T02:45:25+00:00

This is straight gaslighting, there are many ways to split the assets. If she’s so concerned about having the house for the kids there’s a few ways to do it

1) heloc - super simple pay you the cash she keeps the house

2) horse trade - she gives you some other assets of equal value 401k, stock fund, etc

3) make a deal - she pays the mortgage and stays in the house with the kids, house gets sold when the youngest kid turns 18 or she buys you out @ 50%

Bottom line is that if she’s not willing to bargain she doesn’t really want to play fair she just wants to take advantage of you and is using the kids to manipulate the situation

Commercial_Music_931 · 2025-11-05T02:15:39+00:00

Dont let her play you dawg. Its not about the kids. She just wants a nice spacious house for her new bf to move into before the ink dries on the paperwork. Dont let her rail you.

Sorry your going through a tough time. Stay focused sir

deep66it2 · 2025-11-05T01:45:34+00:00

Skip the reconciliation. She'll just go for more. Rip the bandaid off & get on with it. CYA all the way.

Upstairs-Pizza-1843 · 2025-11-05T01:14:18+00:00

Advice is to ignore her and push forward with the house sale so both of you can split the proceeds. She can invest in a home herself and put it in a trust for the benefit of the kids, but that is the last thing she will do. Why? Because she is selfish and wants the benefit of essentially owning your assets while denying their use to you.

NilesGuy · 2025-11-05T00:05:31+00:00

Let your ex know what is she offering in exchange for your share of the house ? Her 401k, other assets etc? She’s gaslighting you OP. You were in a manipulationship my guy.

Mysterious-Art8838 · 2025-11-05T00:00:56+00:00

Completely agree. In a way it might even be helpful because you’ll know whether she’s holding on for money, or is genuinely interested in reconciliation

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2025-11-04T23:59:59+00:00

Bruh- stop. Just fucking stop.

The way you reconcile is to not be emotionally and financially available to her. The way you protect yourself is not be emotionally or financially available to her.

Set a firm boundary - “we will only discuss the kids. You filed for divorce and now we are beginning the legal process of separation and I will have nothing else to say to you”

It’s really that fucking easy. If it’s not about the kids it’s not spoken. Anything else, “I’m not discussing that”

Divorce has 3 parts. Separating the marriage and finances. Child support. Spousal support.

Drop the financial details and we’ll let you know what you’re looking at

WhydIJoinRedditAgain · 2025-11-04T23:51:14+00:00

You need to separate the “you” and the “we.” I had a hell of a hard time doing that. Still am. But I needed to have a path that prioritized my kids first, myself second, and my wife only insofar as what’s good for the kids.

You can still have an attempt at reconciliation, but that is a different path. You can tread both, but be firm about what happens is one of them closes. Don’t give up a cent you don’t have to if she closes the reconciliation path.

Don’t give away tons of money in a vain hope. She wouldn’t be asking for this if she was still on the fence.

mhbb30 · 2025-11-04T23:49:48+00:00

What do you mean you're trying everything to reconcile? Does she want to reconcile?

leanpunzz · 2025-11-04T23:44:47+00:00

You can always give your kids money or whatever else when they are older or in a will.

Slowloris81 · 2025-11-04T23:40:52+00:00

Advice is to ignore her manipulation tactics and get what the law entitles you to get. It’s a business transaction from this point on.

Title	Wife is trying to make me feel guilty
Author	Gurjeetflora87
Upvotes	26
Comments	44
Date	November 4, 2025 11:35 PM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1oon5df/wife_is_trying_to_make_me_feel_guilty/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/wife-is-trying-to-make-me-feel-guilty.1565630 https://theredarchive.com/post/1565630

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