Positive 50/50 Stories

CRobinsFly · 2026-01-05T04:32:03+00:00

You need to reframe your perspective, which I think you notice.

Your children are important and can/should be a major part of your life, but you still have to keep your needs in mind. Breaks away from your children are important so you can keep your life on track, whether it's so you can date, take vacations, work more, etc. Truly single mothers, when they will complain about being SMs, frequently mention they have no freetime and it is usually because they have withholding their kids from the other parent to maximize their child support. Illogical.

One of this subs members, reflog, commonly points out that CS is really just paying your ex to babysit for you and he actually loves it. Yeah that perspective is super cold, but I have come around to it and it helps to stomach an unfair/ridiculous CS bill that alot of us pay. I love my daughter and miss her during the times I dont have her, but I still appreciate a good break here and there, despite currently suing to get 5050.

As an instant success story anecdote: because my ex is currently violating the custody/timesharing order and suppressing my parenting time, I did an impromptu trip to Las Vegas for an entire week two weeks ago and had a great time. Couldn't have done that if I had my kid. Earlier in 2025, when I was also under a frivolous restraining order injunction, I also went to Coeur d'Alene for a week on vacation. Couldn't have done either of those if I had my kid. I cant remember the last time I've been this satisfied with my life, it's been at least >10yr, probably never.

Anyway, just be thankful youre getting 5050 to start, it could be less, much less. I am nearly 2yr deep on lawsuits and my ex has spent nearly 100k on atty fees to try to suppress me below 35% and we have a hearing 2 days from now that she's gonna lose.

UrAristotle · 2026-01-05T03:09:31+00:00

We’re on a 2-2-5-5 schedule that actually runs more like a 3-2-4-6 because of their mom’s work schedule. It’s worked out to where I get about 2/3 of the time with them. I still hate nights when they’re not in the house, but in the beginning we asked them if they would prefer that or a week-by-week schedule and they didn’t want to go a full week not seeing one of us.

We do alternate weeks in the summers with a hand off on Sundays. A couple of other provisions added in to keep balance.

I definitely prefer the 2-2-5-5 and have found some hobbies to help me through the times when they’re with their mom.

upvotersfortruth · 2026-01-05T02:56:04+00:00

I love my time now - both with and without the kids. Time with them is better because there’s no conflict with her. Time to myself is grand as I’ve always cherished it and - again - no random conflict disrupting me is amazing. When I’m missing the kids, I just plan what I’m going to do with them on my time.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2026-01-05T00:56:19+00:00

I have 50/50 with my daughter.

I would advise 1 week on/off to keep it simple and predictable for everyone involved if you child is 10+.

I love having 50% off and would recommend to all parents if you have an amicable and flexible co-parent. It is life on easy mode. So much more time for yourself, goals, relationships, and when you do have them you are recharged and fully present. It is an upgrade in every way.

I would not see them on your off days. Spend that time on yourself to rebuild. Let them connect with Mom on her time.

My big piece of advice be flexible with your co-parent so she will be flexible with you. There will come a point in time when one of you will find another partner and you will want to spend more time with them during the honeymoon phase. When this happens gladly take more time with your kids so your ex can go have fun, and she will do the same with you. Women recover far faster after divorce so odds are she will be dating way before you. Don't worry us guys may take longer but we pull way ahead 5 years + in the happiness department.

HisPanic25 · 2026-01-04T23:30:55+00:00

50/50 really is best in most situations. It does suck being away from them for 7 days (week on week off), but the 7 days I have them it feels like more quality time than when we were married under 1 roof. Plus there's always some kids sport or school function in the off weeks where I'll see them. The benefit in my opinion of week on week off is that week off I can really focus on rebuilding my life, hobbies, new relationships when the time comes. Travel is easier if I plan to take a trip in the future etc. After a handful of months of this the sting of being away from them for 7 days is subsiding and I am able to be more productive with those 7 days without them more and more instead of just wallowing like I was before.

We initially thought to do 2-2-5-5, but knew our kids would've hated that much back and forth, they have confirmed that to us since doing 7-7 and said they would not want to change it. Everyone's situation is different, my kids middle school/high school age too so I imagine with little kids it maybe different.

justkickingtires111 · 2026-01-04T22:40:28+00:00

Similar situation, very amicable and good co-parents. However, I am not a fan of the 2-5 schedule. I regret not pushing the 2-3 alternative. Frankly, 5 days is a long time not to see my 12 year old but at the same time coordinating events & activities so she doesn’t sit on a bed with a phone is a lot for 5 days straight. The problem with the 2-3 is a lot of back and forth for the child, which my daughter loathes so maybe the 2-5 is better for her. Like other posters said, the alone time is welcomed to focus on gym/errands/dating/etc.

CherryEuphoric3557 · 2026-01-04T21:21:26+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. We are starting that exact schedule in less than 2 weeks when I move out.

What has helped me mentally:

-Putting my workout schedule on the calendar along with the days I have my kids -Researching hobbies that I may be interested in trying, but haven't had time -Thinking through recipes to cook when I have the kids vs. when I don't -Looking into community events that will happen after I move out

It's really tough, no doubt, but I hope you can try to look past that time you are losing to focus on making yourself who you really want to be. Both for yourself and for your kids.

Good luck, I definitely understand the emotions behind your post.

probebeta · 2026-01-04T21:00:07+00:00

I wouldn't say I enjoy my time away from kids, but 50/50 is fine. 5 days is not a long time honestly, and I do need this time to be productive with whatever I have on my plate. On my off days I usually do my workouts, maybe golf, some dates, or when I have no plans I might have a good productive side business day. My kid days are mainly about my kid, we enjoy our time and so some fun activities, and then the off days are to actually move forward. It is an ok balance.

serkovavantgarden · 2026-01-04T20:43:48+00:00

50/50 is fairly straightforward

It gets a bit more complex when you meet a new partner.

Then you’re working full time, have the kids half the time and have to fit the new GF in there as well

That’s the part most people don’t tell you about.

You will be begging for some me time by that point, trust me mate

Ok-Anything-3605 · 2026-01-04T20:34:03+00:00

Give yourself grace period to adjust. We do the 2-2-3 because personally there is no way I’m going five days without seeing my three kids and they feel the same. I’m still waiting for it to get easier after three months. I am able to enjoy a dinner or coffee shop by myself and visiting friends to catch up, but that’s about it so far. Good luck I wish you all peace

EnvironmentalRate853 · 2026-01-04T20:11:46+00:00

Great post and answers!! Helps me a lot :-)

texasaaron · 2026-01-04T20:10:03+00:00

My situation is a little different, but overall positive .... for most of my kids' lives I have been a merchant mariner ... gone two (now three) weeks, home the other two (now three). When I'm home I am completely available to run them to and from school, practices, etc., and to hang out, cook, whatever.

The downside, if you can call it that, is that I'm either at work or being dad. There is no in-between and no "me" time, really. I feel guilty if I take a couple days to spend with friends without them (fishing trips, etc.).

The upside is half the year really involved with my boys, now 13 and 15. It's such a privilege to fully participate in and witness their growing up.

Their mom and I just take care of expenses on our respective times and split the big stuff. She typically comes to some (but not all) games/concerts/family stuff when I'm home and have the boys, and the kids go pretty freely between neighborhoods and friends.

I do get salty about having to duplicate stuff and, alternatively, them having to pack up every three weeks. I'm also salty about the wasted resources of maintaining two households. But on the other hand, things are pretty peaceful at my house.

MasterPip · 2026-01-04T19:47:15+00:00

Disclaimer that I'm not divorced, but I know many who are.

Between work, school, kids going out on their own to friends' places, sports, clubs, and everything else going on, most parents only see them about 50% of the time to begin with. (depends on age)

A schedule makes things a little different, but it's not as bad as it seems. There will be days it's eerily quiet, and then others you're wishing your ex would come pick them up (in an exhaustive joking way). Be thankful you have something amicable and not toxic, it makes things so much easier.

I suggest getting a hobby you can do on a whim to help stave off the days you're alone. Build a social circle to where you can invite friends out for drinks or what not. I used to go wine tasting with friends, though we just drank wine, chilled on their couches, and bullshitted for a couple of hours.

You need to build an identity for yourself that isnt wrapped around marriage and being a dad. It's one of the toughest things to get used to.

Prudent_Media_4067 · 2026-01-04T19:45:14+00:00

It will suck but you adjust and realize having some time away from them allows you to be a better parent when they are with you I can’t lie and say days without them are great, but it gives you time to do things for yourself and become a better person And you also appreciate them more when you don’t see them everyday. Hard to explain but after a while you can find the benefits in it

UnknownUsername113 · 2026-01-04T19:42:18+00:00

It’s hard at first. I won’t say I “look forward” to the time they’re away. It’s lonely since I have no plans to date anytime soon and I don’t have friends.

But… it does afford me time to do the mundane tasks like groceries and house chores while they’re away. When they’re with me, it’s all them. Even though I see them 50% less, my time with them is 100% better.

drchex77 · 2026-01-04T19:32:00+00:00

I'm about to enter these conversations. What is the 2-2-5-5 schedule?

superman_410 · 2026-01-04T19:31:36+00:00

I went from being with my kids 100% of the time to 50-50, i will say i struggled with it at first but now its pretty good, i have my work schedule setup to where i keep the kids sunday to wednesday, i work night shift wednesday night through saturday night, so i have all day sunday monday and tuesday to do whatever me and the kids want, nobody to tell us what to do, cook whatever we want, whenever we want, then when im working, i work all night and sleep most of the day so it works out really well

MsunuKany0k0 · 2026-01-04T19:29:52+00:00

She accuses me of being the fun dad.

I’m just very intentional with the time I have with my daughter. I try to plan things she will enjoy or even just watching her favorite show together.

I look forward to the off weeks because I recharge and get ready to go again the next time I have her. I clean the house, hang out with friends and try to catch up on chores. It sucks when she leaves; switch day is Sunday for me so I try to have a good plan of what I want to do that day especially to keep me from being too down. I also dont see her when she’s at her moms unless it’s sports or something exceptional.

You will make it; it takes getting used to and hope it stays amicable. Mine was and it helped that we cooperated on co parenting

Title	Positive 50/50 Stories
Author	rchem83
Upvotes	9
Comments	44
Date	January 4, 2026 7:21 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1q3yunt/positive_5050_stories/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/positive-5050-stories.1570413 https://theredarchive.com/post/1570413

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