Great second date, lots of chemistry - then ghosted when I asked for another date. How common is this?

LeoTrollstoy · 2026-03-09T02:16:19+00:00

Either she had another guy who she likes more, or the chemistry you felt was one sided.

No-Wolverine7793 · 2026-03-09T02:18:27+00:00

Very now on to the next person

Comprehensive-War-34 · 2026-03-09T02:45:32+00:00

She probably wanted to smash and thought you were moving too slow. We need more context. (FYI meeting her at a bar in person is considered a first date, so you technically went on 3 dates.)

Current-Paramedic-50 · 2026-03-09T02:27:33+00:00

Very common in the western world.

Just dont get attached early.

HeroicPrinny · 2026-03-09T03:34:21+00:00

"After the date we exchanged a few positive texts"

I called once a few days later and sent one follow-up message, but still no response at all.

What confuses me is the contrast between how positive everything felt

I can tell that you got too giddy and excited about her. After a good date your vibes and energy should neutral. It shows you could take her or leave her. When you act super excited, most people (even men), start getting "this person seems a bit desperate / too excited / can't do any better / is really inexperienced".

Yes, it's possible she's just one of those super playful types that just bounces around and her high energy didn't mean much. You'll never know, and that's not what's important. Just maintain your own level of investment as calm and cool. Watch any romance story made for women, the guy is always somewhat challenging to win. The guy is never like, oh boy wow I haven't felt this way in forever, I feel like you're the one! When can we meet again??

diccwett1899 · 2026-03-09T05:53:13+00:00

Ghosting just sucks man. Why cant they just leave a message

thetimeisripe · 2026-03-09T02:57:15+00:00

Very common nowadays. Girls are like kids in a candy shop with all the attention they get from dating apps, social media, etc. These types will bounce around for years until they get old, sad, and desperate. The pendulum always swings back and water always finds its level

Dangerous_Item_6879 · 2026-03-09T12:51:42+00:00

This is very common. Women are like the weather. They can change very rapidly. One minute it is sunny skies. The next minute it is cloudy and overcast.

I have gone back in my head and tried to figure out where I went wrong. Often I can never come to a logical conclusion.

Sometimes you set off some ridiculous red flag warning in her brain.

Live and learn. Move on to the next.

Trip_seize · 2026-03-09T02:41:40+00:00

This is America...

DrBarackPendergrass · 2026-03-09T08:17:22+00:00

You didn’t close the deal, so she closed the door — You do realize that “making out” is foreplay Right?

Discopotatoz · 2026-03-09T14:00:04+00:00

The most common reason not already mentioned is you got giddy and overly invested before you truly solidified her interest. We've all been there. Remember, making out on a date actually doesn't mean very much and you don't "have her" even after sex. You need to sleep with her multiple times over an extended timeline before you can even think of lowering your guard and honestly I wouldn't even do that as a matter of gamesmanship but most especially if she's even remotely attractive. The way dating is you don't have to be perfect but you have to NOT fuck up until this point. Women with extremely easy access to men simply won't tolerate it. You can only achieve this by being significantly higher status than her or by staying frosty AF

Also for the love of God stop contacting her. If you didn't spill your metaphorical heart out after she unsettled you with the silent treatment, there's a good chance she'll reach back out once the next guy/s disappoint her (high probability).

Hour_Zero · 2026-03-09T02:57:48+00:00

In today’s day and age? Very common. People are scared of commitment and being vulnerable more than ever. The rise of dating apps has also given people a sense that theres always someone better out there just a few taps on their phone away, and thus they are more likely to take for granted the connections that they make. That being said, just chalk it up as it not being meant to be and onto the next

ProfessionalGoat551 · 2026-03-09T03:10:28+00:00

The game is a game. My sister has 3 kids by the same guy and she still has the standards of a childless woman and ghosting men that’s willingly to date her.

We all know you can’t be too picky with 3 kids.

Upset-Consequence-80 · 2026-03-09T07:50:05+00:00

The worst thing you can do on a date is plan the next date!!!!

ArkansasDood · 2026-03-09T11:16:29+00:00

It’s happened to me so many times I’m numb when it occurs again.

Whole_Caramel_7279 · 2026-03-09T03:23:34+00:00

The answer lies in lots of making out fucking rookie mistake… if you haven fucked a girl yet do not make out with her till you’re about to have sex. If you make out a lot and don’t fuck she basically thinks you’re expecting sex on the next date and will flake because of the pressure.

Long8D · 2026-03-09T03:33:10+00:00

Yeah welcome to modern dating bro.

Here's the thing though you had great conversation, lots of making out, good vibes and THEN she ghosts when you ask for a third date. That's a text game problem not a chemistry problem. The date was fine, you were fine, but something about how you came across over text after killed it I think. Can you post them here exactly?

You texted a few times after the date, then suggested a date, then called when she didn't respond, then sent another follow up.... Bro wtf that's way too much chasing. By the time you called she had already mentally checked out and the call just confirmed it. Never call after a ghost and never double text after silence. You basically showed your hand completely and it reeks of neediness even if that wasn't your intention.

The move after a good date is to wait a day or two, send one text to set up the next date, and if she doesn't respond you go completely silent and move on. No calls or messages ever. Either she comes back around or she doesn't but chasing never brings them back it just speeds up the exit. If they really care to see you, they'll respond quick and clear up their schedule. If don't care about seeing you, no amount of double texts or calls will fix the. You have to show them that you've moved on and have other options. The only thing that can fix that is you going silent, and maybe her hitting you up in the future, but then you tell her you're busy.

The other thing worth thinking about is what you were texting after the date. You said you exchanged a few positive texts were you keeping it short and moving toward a date or were you having long drawn out conversations over text bleeding the tension you built in person. Because a lot of guys do that without realizing it and by the time they ask for the next date there's nothing left to look forward to. Like the guy here who had 2 dates set and fumbled both because of continuous texting lol

All in all though, it's possible she had another option and that's just how it is. Maybe her boyfriend got back to town. Maybe she wasn't feeling it and cut it off but was too scared to say anything... etc..

The way to avoid thinking about this is speaking to multiple women at the same time. Never fixate on one women. At some point, neediness will shine through like it did here with double texts and calling. That's attraction killer #1.

TreyDoesGains · 2026-03-09T06:29:36+00:00

Pro tip: Always ignore them for the first few days after a date. (Changes the dynamic from you chasing them to them chasing you)

Once you've gone on a date don't ask them out on another date, instead suggest or assume you're going out. For instance: "I'm going to XYZ later if you wanna join lmk." or and this requires being context aware, but "I'm gonna swing by your work at X to pick you up do you want Chinese or Mexican?"

Moonlightmassage · 2026-03-09T02:40:00+00:00

How spaced out were the dates and how often did you text.

People get scared away easily.

CrotaLikesRomComs · 2026-03-09T02:51:16+00:00

You managed to maintain your frame in first date. Entered her frame after the second date.

thomasvector · 2026-03-09T16:00:57+00:00

It's been extremely common for me over the years, but the dates that don't do this make it completely worth it. They most likely were talking to more than one person and they thought it clicked with them more, or they might not have been feeling it that night.

Clear-Rest-988 · 2026-03-09T18:08:24+00:00

Always convey less interest in her than she has for you. Sounds like you may have been a little too eager at first. Very important to avoid that in the beginning stages, it's ok to let her wonder where she stands a bit. I don't usually discuss a next date on the first date but that's just me, it shouldn't be a given that you're open to seeing her again

StrawberryLogical341 · 2026-03-09T19:05:44+00:00

tbh this happens more often than ppl admit.

a good date doesn’t always mean they actually want to continue. sometimes ppl enjoy the moment, the vibe, the flirting… but later decide they’re not that interested, or they met someone else.

the weird part of modern dating is that ppl often choose silence instead of a clear “not interested.”

also if u already followed up once, u did ur part. after that it’s kinda on them.

CibrecaNA · 2026-03-09T03:38:30+00:00

Bro screenshot the texts. You didn't slip in some weak shit right?

Also was your third date platonic? You didn't mention any touching on the second date. Tbh I once had three great dates with a woman and she did me a favor of pointing out how I needed to escalate or she's leaving me there. Were you escalating?

haazr · 2026-03-09T03:55:25+00:00

It is common, but I don't think we can say for sure what was the reason. She might have wanted sex on the second date but it didn't happen and now she doesn't want yo go through everything again...

internetroamer · 2026-03-09T04:45:51+00:00

Lol first time?

TMGP19 · 2026-03-09T11:57:45+00:00

Quite common. Negative Macro state

FinancialEmotion3526 · 2026-03-09T15:27:54+00:00

Probably felt not that great to her.

DragonfruitNaive798 · 2026-03-09T21:28:06+00:00

Very common

tattooedpanhead · 2026-03-09T09:45:43+00:00

Try just telling her where your taking her next time. Or better, asking her what she would like to do next time. This negates any rejections about another date. And frase it like your not sure there's going to be another date. Like you might change your mind. "Maybe, If there's a next time I'll take you to that new club."

Quadz1527 · 2026-03-09T16:40:18+00:00

You weren’t attractive enough

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