Personality and efforts are the biggest lie of all time

Fan_Service_3703 · 2026-04-09T12:58:34+00:00

What people fail to realise is that there is a huge physical element to 'personality'.

It's not just about whether you are 'nice' or 'mean', or whether you like the same things as another person, or whether you are Left Wing or Right Wing or have 'compatible values' or even whether you are 'fun to be around'.

All of the above makes up maybe 10-20% of what constitutes 'personality'.

Things like body language, posture, the way a person walks, speech style, vocal mannerisms, the way a person sits etc are in many ways the most noticeable aspects of our personalities. All of those are things that subtly influence whether we are attracted to someone or not.

I think that's a very big part of why many autistic, ADHD or poorly socialised in early childhood people (primarily men but women can suffer from this too of course) who have otherwise developed good interpersonal skills and aren't bad looking can struggle with dating.

Talking_Tanuki · 2026-04-09T12:50:43+00:00

I think most women need more than just a pretty picture to actually feel attraction. Men and women have different sexuality, and even if you look at what kind of porn they consume, you’ll see the difference. Porn for men is very visually-driven with little to no plot. Porn for women is mostly written erotica with no visuals but a plot.

chriszenpaok · 2026-04-09T14:29:33+00:00

A shy tall and/or handsome man will have no issue getting attention, and an abusive tall and/or handsome man will also have no issue getting attention

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2026-04-09T13:01:34+00:00

Men outnumber women on dating apps and men will swipe indiscriminately. If a woman is getting hundreds of likes and messages, she has to filter. This is what happens when the market is flooded. If three people apply for a job, you hope one of them will be qualified. When 300 people apply for a job, you throw out resumes if you don't like the font they use.

bondepart · 2026-04-09T12:53:07+00:00

The problem men have on dating apps has nothing to do with women choosing the top men.

It’s just to do with the fact that 90% of profiles on dating apps are men. It’s pure statistics.

YikBus · 2026-04-09T13:41:54+00:00

They have to be. They must attribute all failures of dating to men’s choices under their control. This allows them to blame men for every rejection and breakup they have. That’s why every response to men’s dating failure is that it’s not because of his looks and is because of his personality. They will frame every situation as one that the man could have gotten the woman if he did ____.

ladybird_00 · 2026-04-09T13:02:11+00:00

This has always been the case. It’s not a new development. The majority of men throughout history haven’t reproduced. Our section of history isn’t special just because we have dating apps.

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TraditionalPen2076 · 2026-04-09T13:11:33+00:00

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Muscletov · 2026-04-09T14:06:43+00:00

Being neurotypical and non-neurotic are great advantages for dating, although carries higher diminishing returns compared to looks. Average personality + good looks yields better results than great personality + average looks.

Solondthewookiee · 2026-04-09T14:12:25+00:00

I looked the same when I struggled to get any dates at all as I did when I had no problem getting dates. I was the same height too.

So what changed?

Turbulent-Company373 · 2026-04-09T14:23:37+00:00

I have always wondered why I was invisible to women until I reached around 30.

Those missing years before 30 still upset me because they were so lonely feeling.

anomalocarus · 2026-04-09T14:53:35+00:00

If that were true than id still be with all the hot guys i used to date. Unfortunately they had personality and effort deficiencies so im not anymore.

garlicmayosquad · 2026-04-09T12:51:21+00:00

This is exactly how nature designed it, I don't really see the problem. 18-25 women seek high quality genetic material, as they should, they should aim high. If that doesn't work out, they settle for something more stable and realistic. If you're a really low quality man, nature doesn't really want you banging hot women, it's called natural selection.

IridikronsNo1Fan · 2026-04-09T12:52:32+00:00

I will explain this as succinctly as possible.

People can be attracted to you for things other than looks. For example, they can be attracted to you because they like it when you shower them in money.

Whether it's better to be considered attractive for your looks or your money is a matter of personal belief. In most cases it's a mix of both.

If you can't attract someone with your looks, your only choice is maxxing your money or status or whatever.

LillthOfBabylon · 2026-04-09T12:57:30+00:00

No matter what you do it will always comes down looks and height for men and looks for women.

When you have absolutely nothing else going for you, absolutely.

If you are short and ugly you are cooked no matter what you do.

Go after other ugly people. Have a great personality, dress well, make a lot of money.

There are men who can post any pictures on dating apps and can get hundreds of women breaking their boundaries to sleep with them

The problem is you guys are a good judge of character when it comes to women. Even if he’s getting the average woman to break their boundaries, that means he’s extremely exceptional. Why are you guys attempting to be extremely exceptional when the vast majority of men do not get that privilege? That’s like a morbidly, obese woman getting mad that men tolerate things from a supermodel.

Anything else than that is just women settling for you when she can’t get what she wants

Circular logic. “If youre short and ugly then women wont want you, but if they do, its that they dont REALLY want”.

Stop setting unrealistic expectations.

being ran through by those “top 1% “ guys and again settling for you.

That means you need to examine the types of women you want to be with.

It’s up to you if you wanna swallow your self respect

“If Im not treated like Chad then its disrespectful” is a sense of entitlement.

Title	Personality and efforts are the biggest lie of all time
Author	New-Literature-72
Upvotes	10
Comments	72
Date	April 9, 2026 12:46 PM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1sgom95/personality_and_efforts_are_the_biggest_lie_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/personality-and-efforts-are-the-biggest-lie-of-all.1577516 https://theredarchive.com/post/1577516

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