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I think it is time to leave

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September 24, 2018
12 upvotes

I am a 30 year old male, and she is 34. We have lived together for 5 years. My bench PR is 225 Lbs, Squat is 295, and OHP is 155. My BF% is around 15 to 20%. I weight 180 lbs and I am 5'9. I have not read any of the books here that are advised on, but I did read Enchiridion and Marcus Aurelius' Meditations, which they are part of the stoic philosophy the Red Pill requests. Side bar read. I am a good looking male, and I have the confidence to think that I can get any woman I want. My current downside is that I have bad debt that I am trying to clear up since it has spiraled out of control. Two important things that I should mention: I have not gamed her in a year, and she has OCD related PTSD from a bad accident. She is scared of food being contaminated. I think my debt issues start from her problems with food. After I grocery shop weekly (~ $225), and after work and before getting home, I find that most of the time I have to stop by the grocery store to purchase more things for dinner and snacks. I would spend about $30 to $40 dollars extra daily, while some food that I bought that weekend will go to waste. Our pantry is full with food but it is not used. I believe if I was single I would use all of that food. Why haven't I gamed her? Last year she took some medication for her mental health illness that made her gain weight. She currently sits at 340 lbs. She slept/layed on the couch from August of last year to May of this year, and as a "nice" guy I took care of her. I cleaned, I cooked, I cut the grass, I walked the dog, I did the laundry, I took care of the cars. A one man army. Last April, I was diagnosed with mono and I had 3 fevers in 2 months. I kept doing the same chores, without any help since she was too busy with her teaching job, meds or who knows. Just last week she apologized for not taking care of me; her excuse was she was still in meds and feeling tired. I think she has the princess syndrome, and she probably wouldn't be a good mother. She gives me BJs but I do not reciprocate, and I had to hear about it in arguments. These past 2 months have been hell. We have been renovating the kitchen, and her dad and her cousin are helping me do it. While she lays on the couch, she has 3 men working in the house. After they leave, I cook, I clean (the dishwashers is temporarily in the basement, so emptying it and re-loading it is a work on itself), walk the dog, get laundry done, etc. She absolutely does nothing. I have hear all the shit tests in the world, but at this time I just want to fail them because I do not want to do anything with her since she is so inept. I don't fail them though. Shit test examples:

  • Cousin: Look at those lats. You look good man, I wish I looked like you. Her: Stop stroking his ego, I have to deal with that after you leave.

  • Cousin: All you have are tight shirts that show your biceps. I guess if you have them you have to flaunt them. Her: That's all he has, he looks like a fag. She asks me if she can help when I am working in the house. I try to lead her to assist me with some of the stuff, but then it becomes a power struggle:

  • Me: Yes, can you put away those cereal boxes on the table? Her: But one of them is dirty with construction dust. Me: I am not sure which box is "dirty" for you. That's why asked you. If you don't want them throw them out.

  • Her: Can you buy me popcorn? Me: You have 2 partially open bags in the pantry. Her: I don't know how old they are. Me: If you don't want them throw them out. I saw them there that's why I didn't buy any while I was grocery shopping.

  • Her after I cut the grass: We should fertilize. Me: I have to finish cleaning, the laundry, then cook. If I have time I will. You can help me so we can finish quicker. Her after 30 minutes of vacuuming: My wrist hurts, I need to sit down. (I end up completing the task, and I cannot fertilize). But the thing that actually PISSES me off the most is the "why don't you" questions. If I am taking Advil, she asks "why don't you take Tylenol?", if I wash the white clothes, she asks "why don't you do colours?", and if I run the dishwasher at 8:00 pm, she asks "why don't you run it before we go to bed"? Or the "did you" questions. If I mop, she asks "did you use the bucket you were using for the grout"?, if I cook eggs I get the "Did you use a new or old butter? My dad had his dirty hands in there", or after I cook she asks me "what is the expire date?" Like I literally just want to do chores so that I don't have to listen to her. or the "you can't" statements. While going up and down emptying and reloading the dishwasher, she says "you can't let the organic can open without anything on top because the dog will eat it". I tell her "I am going up and down while you are on the couch. I didn't let the dog out, you did. so supervise him, if you don't want to supervise him crate him". You can't put the bed sheets in cold, it has to be warm. And yes, I seldom up, like last Friday where I served her dad a stale Pepsi that was expired. Like I did not buy the Pepsi, I don't drink Pepsi, if it is expired and not thrown away is not because of me. I don't eat butter or sugar, and if it was left on the table for the cat to rub against it it is not my fault it was not put away. I don't have all the time of the world to do all of her shit. She asks me these questions every single day, and when I up, I start to doubt my abilities. I have come to the habit of asking her "do you want me to do this or that" just because I am afraid of doing the wrong thing. Yesterday, she told me she senses I don't want to be with her anymore. I avoided the conversation like an idiot. Instead, I told her she makes me feel like I do everything wrong, and that she doesn't help, like an idiot. She is unwilling to change, and there is so much a men can take. This morning, she got frustrated with me. I cleaned the front hall closet last Friday. There were 2 or 3 of her leather boots broken in there laying on the floor where it is impossible to close the mirror door properly. I told her to get rid of them, she said she will fix them and it's been about 2 years and nothing has been done. The door closes better now. This morning, apparently "people" (me) put mud on her work shoes when I put my shoes on top of hers. I stayed quieted, but in my mind I wanted to say "I spent my Friday night cleaning the closet, and like what you said is true, about taking care of shoes really good, the closet would have been cleaned by now. There's not room for my 3 shoes because all of your shoes that you do not use for more than 10 years are still there. You told me to put the shoes in the closet because the dog eats them. Also, get rid of the boots like I told you". I am pissed at work, and I want to leave my current life. TL;DR: Not looking for validation. She does absolutely nothing. She thinks she is a princess and everything revolves around her. She tell me what, when, and how things should be done like I am her peasant. Renovations are hard on everyone, but her behaviour is running out of control. Read the last 3 sentences. Rant over.


Post Information
Title I think it is time to leave
Author throwaway76554672
Upvotes 12
Comments 52
Date 24 September 2018 04:07 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/203982
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9ij80k/i_think_it_is_time_to_leave/
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Comments

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret37 points38 points  (3 children) | Copy

Lived together 5 years, not married(?), waiting hand and foot on a bitchy land whale...

What exactly is the fucking question again?

Sounds like the ONLY thing she brings to the table is BJ’s. Other than that one single quality what exactly is she bringing to your life? Plenty of other women out there to suck your dick that you would actually WANT to fuck.

There is nothing worth saving here. Run while you fucking can. Whatever you do, don’t Impregnate that cow and get the fuck out.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

This woman is the opposite of my wife and reading this puke has helped me to realize the extent that my anger has been affecting my view of her in our relationship.

I mean, she's not perfect, but she's no shrill, immobile, grating twat.

WTF are you doing OP? I suggest you read those books that you so easily dismiss. Maybe you would actually learn and internalize something here.

[–]throwaway765546722 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you.

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (1 child) | Copy

If you don’t have any kids you need to hit the eject button and brace for landing.

[–]WesternhagenWinner9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

I fervently hope he does not have a son who is observing, and internalizing as a male behavior, that the proper role for a husband and father is to be Jabba's slave girl on a chain.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (2 children) | Copy

Your wife is 340lbs and calls you a fag? When was the last time you put her in her place? I mean, like, really REALLY put her in her place? I know we say talk is cheap around here, but the moment your fat cow of a wife disrespects you, you should verbally slap that bitch so hard she would have a second case of PTSD to treat.

[–]KingSlapFight1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

While I really enjoyed your comment (seriously), I don't think being reactive to her is maintaining frame. Frankly, she sounds like an awful person in general, especially to be with, and OP needs to seriously consider moving on. They aren't married. I don't think they have kids. There really are no ties. She just has him trained and he thinks he's red pill.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I see your point and don't disagree with it entirely. But there comes a point when enough is enough and giving the SO a taste of her own medicine is in good order. If you do it with a IDGAF mindset without anger taking control, I would argue that it is not breaking frame. His woman thinks he is a pussy and doesn't have the balls to stand up to her. She needs to be corrected ASAP.

[–]RedPillCoach14 points15 points  (3 children) | Copy

But the thing that actually PISSES me off the most is the "why don't you" questions. If I am taking Advil, she asks "why don't you take Tylenol?", if I wash the white clothes, she asks "why don't you do colours?", and if I run the dishwasher at 8:00 pm, she asks "why don't you run it before we go to bed"? Or the "did you" questions. If I mop.....blah, blah, blah, blah.....

All of these are basic Shit Tests. It is what women do. The reason you get "PISSED" is because you dislike your wife. I bet the sound of her grating voice increases your blood pressure to the high 200's.

If you plan to start your journey, get that under control first. When you have control over yourself you can begin to exert control over her and you can make rational decisions about your relationships.

I have come to the habit of asking her "do you want me to do this or that" just because I am afraid of doing the wrong thing.

You have let this land whale defeat you and now you want to know where all the Shit Tests come from? I think I know. She is terrified of your pathetic leadership and despite her low level of attraction, she still believes she can do better than you and that you- the peasant- are lucky that she puts up with you.

My advice is to work over the next 6 months to demonstrate to yourself that in fact YOU can do better than HER. When you know this and internalize it then everything will change.

Second task? Start doing things for yourself rather than this Dependopotomous. You are the man, right?

[–]throwaway765546721 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

You are completly right. On one hand, I hate every excuse she comes out with to do chores around the house. I don't want to hear them. On the other hand, I totally depise her helping me with chores. She always finds something wrong, or she yaps about her unsolicited advise. I would hate to be her co-worker, her voice it's like putting knives into my ears.

[–]mountainbiker1782 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

  1. Plan to leave her. Go ahead and mentally commit. You're done with that marriage and with her. As of right now, it's over.

  2. Begin immediately improving yourself. Read the sidebar (all of it). Become the hottest, manliest MF you possibly can. LIFT!!! She'll eventually do a 180, but recall #1.

  3. Learn game and how to pick up women. Game your wife in order to learn the concepts, but recall #1.

  4. Talk to a divorce lawyer and begin the steps to Divine. Note, this can be step 2, I don't care.

  5. Get your life back now that you're single. Continue learning to be the best possible man you can be.

  6. Only after you've got your life back, you're an amazing man, with muscles, should you start trying to pick up women. If you start before this step, you'll be doomed to repeat the sins that got you here.

[–]KingSlapFight1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude, why the fuck are you with this person?

[–]2ndalRed Beret11 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy

I think my debt issues start from her problems with food.

Wrong, your debt issues start with your problems managing money.

[–]redwall924 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yeah ... anytime I hear "I think my issues stem from somebody else's problem" I hear victim mentality. Tough to root out in oneself at times ... but it's a flashing Vegas light when others spout it.

[–]throwaway765546721 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

In a sense, yes, it is my fault that I let my debt go this far. It is caused by me and my actions. I pulled out my credit card receipr from August 28rd to September 10, aside from the $198.33 car insurance bill, $15.99 Apple Music, and about $60.00 in gas, I have the following expenditures:

Weekly Grocery: $229.91

2 trips to Walmart: $33.82

Staples: $104.71 (I had to buy her printer ink on my way home. I don't use the printer, and she hasn't paid me for it)

14 trips to the grocery store after work: $266.53

Dog Food + toy: $108.46

In away, if she was more consious about my expenditures, and she follow with our expenditures like I try to do, I wouldn't be in this predicament.

It is my fault though,hat I let it go this way. No excuses and this is all on me.

[–]redwall926 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Are your legs broken?"

This is the one line you need to learn and repeat when asked to go to the store.

I have not read any of the books here

The tools are there. If you want to change, then pick up the tools and stop wasting time.

[–]JudgeDoom6912 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

We accept the love we think we deserve. You clearly have an advanced level of self-loathing to remain with a morbidly obese harpy with severe emotional disorders.

We have lived together for 5 years

So you're not married? That makes it so much cleaner.

Run, don't walk.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (4 children) | Copy

I have not read any of the books here that are advised on

That's a shame, because 90% of your problems could be fixed by reading and applying the first 3 books on the list.

[–]lionmenden2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is text book “No More Mr Nice Guy” material.

[–]MrPurplePoison8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

The time to leave was a while ago.

Ask yourself this question: if she were to get super duper pissed and shake her jiggly fist at you, what is the worst she could do? Rape you in a divorce, make your life hell for maybe a year? At 300+ lbs, 4 years older than you she is going to rape you anyway. And your life is already hell.

My advice would be to STOP catering to her needs, especially the food. Sounds like she has had plenty of that already. If it is just you two you can get by on $100 / $200 a month for food. I'm talking potatos, beans, rice, chicken. Water makes everyone less thirsty. Put the squeeze on her by limiting things to the essentials and spend that money on an accountant and a divorce lawyer.

Look, it won't get better. It will just get worse. And she knows you could do better so she will fight tooth and nail to keep your nose to that grindstone. Protect yourself. At 30 you have the world ahead of you.

[–]Cyprian_5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

My golly gosh.

I read this, and felt your pain. It is a nightmare. It sounds like hell on earth.

I would seriously run. You have forgotten how peaceful peace is. She is not adding anything to your life, she is subtracting.

Is it your dog? take it with you.

Find a place, make all the arrangements.

Are you renting, or own the home? Common law?

[–]BirdManBrrrr3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

You’re attached to a land whale beached on the couch, waiting on her hand and foot, while she bitches at you the entire time.

She adds what value, exactly, to your life? Answer that and you’ll know the way forward.

[–]KingSlapFight2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

She adds what value, exactly, to your life? Answer that and you’ll know the way forward.

My guess is dude has some seriously deep seated abandonment issues.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

You are a classic "nice guy". Setting yourself on fire to keep your wife warm. Too afraid of her to stop. You say you haven't read the books listed in the MRP sidebar, read at least no more mr nice guy (NMMNG) and when I say no I feel guilty (WISNIFG).

You're having debt issues but you're renovating the kitchen. Unless you have plans to flip house and make bank, this is most likely a foolish move. I'm guessing this wasn't your idea, you let your wife guilt you/nag you into doing it. Did you feel guilty saying no? (Hint: WISNIFG)

> I have come to the habit of asking her "do you want me to do this or that" just because I am afraid of doing the wrong thing.

Yeah, you let the judgments of your actions come from her, instead of from your own values and your own "moral compass" for want of a better term. As long as you outsource your need for approval and values/judgements you're going to be fucked. That's a no-win way to play the game of life. All she has to do is decide to criticize you for any reason and you're back on your heels, emotional, defensive, and unhappy. What if you only needed approval from your own self because you're confident that you know what you want, know what you're doing, and know how the two line up?

Also, the food thing... when people give their drug addict family members money to "get better" knowing full well that they're going to buy drugs. They have a name for that. "Enablers". You're enabling your wife's 340lb early diabetic death (maybe that's your long-game plan, though?) . And these enablers tend to have a set of personality traits they also have a name for: codependent. These personality traits aren't limited to drug addict families, and I suspect you could do with reading a little about how to overcome this. In MRP we tend to just say "stop being such a pussy" and "read the fucking sidebar" but the message distills to the same thing.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Once again we have another poor sap so fucking afraid of his princess he is paralyzed.

You know what will happen if you stop cleaning ? Washing only your clothes ?

She will continue to bitch but at least you will have more time for you

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

My BF% is around 15 to 20%

Didnt make it any further.

Meh, I will bite on these:

Shit test examples

Her: Stop stroking his ego, I have to deal with that after you leave.

"Still not as bad as me having to deal with you being a cunt"

Her: That's all he has, he looks like a fag

"Yeah, I would rather fuck a man than a cunt like you"

Go big or go home. You wanna tolerate disrespect or not?

Bitch.

[–]KingSlapFight2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's totally entering her frame. Just fucking walk. Bickering is a bitch move. Men act, women talk.

[–]becoming_alpha2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

  1. Stop catering to her every whim. Set the priorities that you want in life and pursue them. If identifying which cereal box may have dust on it isn't in your plan, don't do it. Buying junk food at the store not in your plan? Don't do it, buy healthy stuff and lead by example. Her PTSD and OCD is her problem, not yours. If she wants to freak out about dust on cereal boxes, that's her problem. Stop owning problems that aren't yours. What's the worst that could happen if you stop walking on eggshells? She could treat you like crap and be even more bitchy? She could call you an asshole? She could withhold BJs? So what? Your life already sounds miserable.
  2. Read WISNIFG immediately. The books in the sidebar are the sidebar. Read them. Redpillcoach is right, you need to fix yourself first or you'll end up with another bitchy entitled woman bossing you around.
  3. Plan your exit strategy. No kids, bitchy, selfish, entitled land whale? I see no value to you from this relationship, you're just a servant. You should get out.

[–]throwaway765546722 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

What would be a good exit strategy? Wait until the kitchen is finished?

[–]becoming_alpha2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

An exit strategy is your plan to go from being married to being single. Search posts on MRP and askMRP for more guidance, but you'll want to start with:

  1. Get your finances in order. Figure out your income and budget as a single guy. Put some money away to cover legal and other expenses. How much house/apartment can you afford? How much of the marital debt will you be stuck with? What about savings and retirement accounts? The house and kitchen remodel are a factor here because it's likely you're selling the house unless you or her can afford it on one income. You'll probably want to finish the remodel before selling to maximize selling price, but that's down the road after you've filed for divorce, so don't focus your energy on that decision.
  2. Meet with a divorce attorney. Figure out your options and pitfalls. You might do it yourself, but the advice will be invaluable.
  3. Where are you going to live when you're separated? Where are you sleeping that first night? Find an apartment.
  4. When you've got the plan all set, then execute it. But don't gloss over what everyone is telling you. You've got to fix you. Your wife didn't start out as a bitchy land whale who bosses you around. You allowed that to happen, you let yourself be pushed around. Read WISNIFG and NMMNG now and get to work on yourself, otherwise history will repeat itself with the next girl.

Edit: Wait a second, you're just living together, not married? Exit strategy just got much easier. Step 2 is not needed, nor is step 3 because you'll have no limbo between separated and officially divorced. Whose name is on title to the house? The answer to that question takes care of #3. If it's your house, kick her to the curb. If it's her house, GTFO. Do not skip step 4.

[–]throwaway765546722 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thank you.

[–]KingSlapFight1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just to clarify, you said you've lived with her 5 years, so that means you're not married, right?

[–]The_LitzRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Feeling better after your vent/puke/rage?

Good, now get your ass into motion. I hate therapy but you need to get yourself checked out. You have become codependent on her. No matter how many guys in here are going to tell you to leave I am betting you won't.

You feel you cannot leave her because of her mental issues. Those mental issues have destroyed your relationship. Let it sink in what you have become.

Right now the only thing to do is save yourself.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Mountain of debt and your renovating? Do you see the problem here?

[–]civilizedfrog2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you aren't married then drop her already

Also, "My BF is around 15 to 20%" (read 25)

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Makes me think of the tv show with 600# people. This guy was making his wife pizza cause she couldn't walk and she was yelling orders at him. That episode caused me ptsd.

[–]jcrptaRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

READ. THE. DAMN. SIDEBAR.

Those books listed down the side are listed for a reason.

I guarantee, if you don't see an awful lot of yourself in WISNIFG and No More Mr. Nice Guy, you're delusional.

Regarding this relationship: I agree with others. Eject this relationship; you're getting very little out of it and if you don't you're going to be hating yourself 5 years from now. But still read those books because otherwise your next relationship will be equally dysfunctional.

[–]runnowxxx1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

No kids? No problem. Next!

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The time to leave was over 200lbs ago. I mean, damn, I have fucked some fatties, but I don't ever think they outweighed me.

[–]firstlight7771 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Read no more Mr nice guy. Fairly easy to find free pdf on google or message me I'll email you a pdf. No kids, she's not even hot? Rrruuunnn and lift.

[–]Tampadev1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She called you a fag, in front of others. No respect. Next.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are a mess. Organize your post with all the information up front. If you aren’t married or have no kids, Jose are major fucking details to omit.

You’re also a fatty and it sounds like you have no clue how little you “deserve” based in your laziness and fatness.

[–]prometheus_winced1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude. I’m a big loser faggot. But you have problems. Just re-read your own post.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Something in me dies the moment any woman says they are depressed or have this disorder or they have PTSD. They only have that shit as long as it nets them sympathy and you acting like a slave. Leave or tell her to man the fuck up.

[–]redwall921 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

She gives me BJs but I do not reciprocate, and I had to hear about it in arguments.

Found your problem. Get lots in the folds every once in a while, and all your problems will go away.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

downvote for the visual....

[–]FoxShitNasty833 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Cum in her fatty folds? (Did I interpret that right)

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The bigger the cushion, the better the pushin'



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