Posted in OYS this week but need some immediate feedback.
Yesterday, I just got home (about 30 mins earlier than normal), was sitting checking emails, and texting with a guy I work with. My wife out of nowhere, bitchily turns to me and goes "what are you doing, who the hell are you texting?". I AA'd and responded with "just trying to manage all my girlfriends" with a huge grin. She asks what the hell is wrong with me, and has been mad since. i went to Muay Thai, came home, she was still bitchy so I just went up to bed and read.
Tonight she’s still bitchy, shit tests left and right, started being downright disrespectful. Tying to point out how much better she is than I am, she’d have no problem finding someone, etc. I just smiled and AA/ fogged all of this. At that point I stood up and went to the garage to lift. She’s now moving her stuff into the guest room. I was in DNGAF mode, but now am wondering if I fucked something up here. Or is just looking like a mega shit test over something stupid?
Edit: Adding context on the last few months Week 20 of MAP. Here's the short version of why I found MRP: Sex life sucked. Son died of cancer 3 years ago, became needy and whiny relying on her for emotional support, depression, panic attacks.
From Week 16 and the fuck-up.
I fucked up and probably set myself back two months by complaining about lack of affection and how sex life was boring. This occurred since it was 4 days since we had sex and I was feeling neglected (stupid). I just couldn't STFU, I wanted to win the argument. Naturally wife took offense to all this especially since I was an asshole in the way I brought it up; I went Rambo in the worst way when I thought the anger was gone. I keep comparing myself to all the guys on here versus figuring out my own values and what I want. I've shifted validation from my wife to this forum which is fucked up.
Last few weeks I've been really well mentally. I started Muay Thai 6 weeks ago to get out of the house 2x a week. Went to a work event and didn't care she was pissed about it. Started removing attention last week when she was in a mood (no major issues or bitchiness though - more finger fucking her phone and I had better things to do).
UPDATE All the comments gave me a lot to consider. Here's my take and update of the situation.
- This is a serious 0 to nuclear by her. I am preparing if she goes to kill the puppy. I am not ready to kill the puppy.
- I have never seen her in this mode... ever. She's gotten pissed and launched verbal intercourse, but it was never this raw. She was cursing like a sailor (she has never cursed since I've known her).
What I've taken from her bevy of text messages (that I didn't respond to outside of "if you want to talk face to face I'll be in our bed")
- She is feeling very confused about the 'new' me
- She says she wants a 'nice guy' who will be a good husband
- She feels I'm preparing or currently cheating.
- Based on starting to exercise, lose weight, lift weights
- Comments regarding cheating and girlfriends
- Starting Muay Thai and out at night 1-2x per week
- Going to work events where there are women around ("who knows what you do during those")
- She doesn't understand why I'm not apologizing for the girlfriend comment
- Apparently I joked recently when the kids were whining about being left with me when she went out that "maybe it'd be better if you died, then they'd have no choice". Not the smartest comment, but nothing happened here... and wasn't brought up until last night. She claims I "wish she was dead".
- This is a main event
- She wants me to apologize, grovel, beg, etc.
- I have held pretty strong to frame and not getting upset or angry (outside of the kid situation)
- I had her laughing a few times when I got home during some shit tests
- Things really went to shit with her after I went to lift
- She didn't like that when we were arguing that I 'left' and 'chose' to workout
- Her tactics escalated to try to get a response
- First takes ring off - used to bother me, doesn't affect me at all
- Stonewalls - not complete no talking, but limited communication - doesn't affect me
- Tries verbal intercouse - I went and lifted
- Starts into the "you're an asshole, I deserve better" speech
- Threatens divorce (while she can be crafty, I doubt she's lawyering up. But I'm watching out for it)
- Moves her shit into the guest bedroom - still doesn't get a response
- Threatens things regarding kids - anger response from me that this is not acceptable. She backs down a little bit
- Text messages with a lot of crazy random shit and no reaction from me
- Her using the kids, manufacturing situations is a red flag. I am very concerned here and this cannot ever happen again if the marriage does continue
- Regarding comfort - I think I need to dial the dread back and up comfort in the future (assuming marriage continues)
- Comfort is there but she needs more right now
- Dial back AA/AM regarding extramarital affairs
- She's feeling very confused and like she's not valued
As of this morning
Said goodbye to the kids, told her to have a nice day. She grunted a response which was indecipherable.