Do women naturally care about the physical act of their man having sex with other women ...or is it socialized ?

rus9384 · 2019-07-12T20:23:22+00:00

Do you really think women were happy with their husbands going to brothels? They had no choice.

jdmas · 2019-07-12T19:47:25+00:00

What? I am a male, and I am pretty sure neither gender has ever been "OK" with cheating. There are people who cheat, and there are people who don't. It is human nature to be disgusted/hurt/disappointed from cheating. I feel like the "boys will be boys" type thinking was brought on by males in power, like as in "church". Divorce had such a negative stigma back in the day and was looked down on by the church. So what did you do? Stay married. Sad but true. Be true to yourself and be true to the person you decide to be with. If both of you can't do that, find somebody that you can be true too and will reciprocate.

GridReXX · 2019-07-12T22:56:55+00:00

I think men seem to care more as they’re the ones who “hurt women for cheating” most. Not the other way around lol.

But yeah women always care. We are human. We have egos. Lmao. Tolerating cheating is a trade off / was a trade off. You notice women aren’t tolerating it as much mostly because they don’t have to. He’s not the sole breadwinner and he’s not the only one with civil rights or whatever.

But for me. It’s less a visceral disgust. And more a massive disrespect thing. Especially if he feels some ownership over my body/sex. And especially if I’m not netting a positive in the trade offs whatever they may be. It just feels wholly disrespectful and Honestly inconsiderate. And I tolerate inconsideration in a partnership LEAST.

Gravel_Roads · 2019-07-12T19:58:33+00:00

People don’t like cheating because your partner is doing something very personal without them. Even as inclined to polyamory as I am, it’s not hard to relate. It’s like your closest friend going to a theme park without you. Anyone in an open relationship would do well to work out what sort of things they’re okay being “left out of”, cuz even a poly person will feel hurt if you make them feel left out or neglected

lefactorybebe · 2019-07-12T20:06:47+00:00

I definitely have a visceral disgust about my bf engaging in any kind of sexual activity with another woman. Like imagining it grosses me out and I think of his body as like tainted and disgusting. I'm going to stop thinking about that now lol.

I don't think I'd be able to get over cheating. I don't think I have the ability to let go of the fear it would happen again, the betrayal, any of that. I'd constantly be worried it'd happen again and I'd be questioning every move he ever made.

My ex cheated, but I knew the relationship was already over at that point, I just didn't think I could leave yet. There was so much other shit going on at the time that the cheating wasn't even something I focused on that much.

Orange_Paisley · 2019-07-12T21:31:39+00:00

Yeah, I've had that happen and it is soul crushing. Yes, I definitely care and no, I don't want to experience it again. I wouldn't love and respect someone who doesn't love and respect me back. He gets one strike and he's out.

SweetLikeTupeloHoney · 2019-07-12T21:32:55+00:00

I used to think I would get upset but I am not sure I would really care anymore. The part that always bothered me was if he wanted to go off and sleep with someone and I am stuck cooking, cleaning, taking his laundry to the dry cleaners, making his lunches, and all the other not fun stuff - we need to at least share those responsibilities too. No one should get only the good stuff (dinners, hotels, sex, money) and not have to see the mundane side as well. So is that socialization?

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-07-12T20:22:33+00:00

Women tolerated in Fidelity because marriage gave them social status and because they were dependent on men. I think we can see that they never actually didn't mind the infidelity because as soon as they were able to divorce for infidelity they almost always did. It's very hard to make men understand how little about men actually matters to women. What matters to women is other women. When you are cheated on you are humiliated in front of women. When you divorce you lose status among other women. When you cheat on a woman and force her to divorce you-you make her into a humiliated divorcee.

goatismycopilot · 2019-07-13T00:03:51+00:00

Yah it is gross and a betrayal. In the old days women were not okay with the brothel deal they just tolerated it because they felt they had no choice. I know some couples can get through infidelity. I don't get it because I would never accept it or have the same level of trust so I would end things but I am not everybody.

Willow-girl · 2019-07-13T04:26:45+00:00

Not OK. Nope nope nope. That shit's all mine.

poppy_blu · 2019-07-12T21:20:36+00:00

Yes and no. Bear with me.

It’s perfectly natural to feel jealousy at the thought of your man with another woman. But, women who are rational and mature understand men’s nature. If it’s purely sex, as opposed to having feelings for the mistress, some women can forgive easier. It’s also proportional to 1) her own feelings for her husband, 2) how long she’s been with him and 3) age.

A woman who no longer loves her husband (or never did) but doesn’t want to end the marriage may find it easier to put up with it. Believe me, the older you get the less you care. In year 1 of my marriage if I suspected mr blu cheating my reaction would have been despair and rage and self doubt. Now my reaction would be something along the lines of “as long as he remembers to pick up the kid on time and bring home milk.” It becomes more practical, like not wanting him to knock someone else up and end up diverting resources from the household. Back in the days of convenience marriage, many women were actually happy to be relieved of their duty by prostitutes and mistresses.

There’s also the dimension of swingers, women who obviously aren’t repulsed or angry at their men fucking someone else. Of course it’s something they both agreed to presumably.

Nodoxxintoxin · 2019-07-13T03:09:41+00:00

I think some women didn’t care when they didn’t want him to get near her anymore, but we’re too financially dependent to bolt or divorce was not an option for social reasons. As long as he was discreet, and didn’t bring shame, hookers saved her the bother. I can only imagine some women in this situation were grateful. A woman who actually loved her husband would be appalled

Nowadays, women expect love within marriage and a woman in love does not want to share. Women have often HAD to share, that’s different. Monopoly of a man’s sexual attention is the default position of women in a love marriage.

I personally think it’s biological, but that’s just my anecdotal observation that modern women who DO tolerate cheating are more man brained.

Dash_of_islam · 2019-07-12T20:14:09+00:00

I care about physical and emotional cheating. The way I see it, it's someone telling you straight up that you aren't good enough for them. I have a high sex drive, the fuck are you doing with other women?

nevomintoarce · 2019-07-13T05:08:31+00:00

Do you know that scene in The Godfather where she gets mad he has a mistress? Yeah, that's what happened if you had something to say about your husband's "physical cheating".

wtffellification · 2019-07-13T08:59:45+00:00

I think people who say "jealousy is socialised" should be ridiculed

rhyth7 · 2019-07-13T11:01:15+00:00

Women weren't fine with it, but since they had no rights or autonomy what could they do. They needed to survive, you think they liked their husbands fucking the maids and slaves, going to brothels, or even getting more wives. If women complained they could be beaten or thrown out. The women who did seem fine with it were probably not in love with their husband and happy that they didn't have to take his cock anymore.

QueenCousland86 · 2019-07-14T01:30:03+00:00

Cheating on me gets you dumped, full stop, no exceptions. It was not an "accident" you didn't trip and fall into her pussy. It is a conscious, active choice you make, and one that proves that whatever relationship we had was less valuable to you than getting a little strange.

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BhiQ42 · 2019-07-12T20:33:25+00:00

A large part of it is socialised I suppose but it's socialised for a reason. Men cheating on women = She's losing her provider, Women cheating on men = he might not tbe the dad. Bad deal for either one.

CosmicBioHazard · 2019-07-13T00:04:22+00:00

Cheating is a different can of worms altogether since it implies a severance of the attachment you have to your partner, and a betrayal of their trust.

physically though, just looking at men and women's difference in opinion about people with a past; women care far less than men.

decoy88 · 2019-07-13T12:38:13+00:00

I have a friend who has been taught and raised to believe “all men cheat”

She’s witnessed it many times, whether guys with gfs hitting on her, her friends getting cheated on, or herself getting cheated on.

This belief has caused her to not filter for cheating. A man with a history of cheating isn’t a disqualifier because “all men cheat” right? It’s like rejecting a man for watching porn.

This caused her to pick bad partners often. Because cheaters (who lie and betray) tend to carry other traits that make relationships with them miserable.

I think just like other bad acts, that we as humans have learned are indicative of a bad match, women actually do care about it.

Maybelowsmv · 2019-07-12T19:44:15+00:00

I think it depends on how much you love the guy and how much you still love the guy post-cheating?

It's more about the respect and the feelings of importance to a guy that you love

I wouldn't say a woman has low self-respect if she chooses to stay, unless he was treating her badly before and/or after the confession. For some/most people, it's an absolute dealbreaker. For others, it's more negotiable but only if their lovey-dovey feelings override the voice in their head telling them "this is dead, leave". Though if they have young children and don't argue much otherwise, I think couples would stay in that relationship for the sake of the children. I think there's also couples who cheat on each other a lot but are still codependent, that's another case to consider

Electra_Cute · 2019-07-12T19:37:10+00:00

Cheating hurts because it is a betrayal of trust, you can do this with most moral situations and realize a lot of what guides people’s moral intuitions is a constrained set of principles, which I imagine are biological systems.

rightmeow6 · 2019-07-12T20:30:48+00:00

i care very little about the physical aspect of cheating. like if it was a strictly pump and dump scenario, i wouldn't be that upset. i guess i'd wonder why they didn't just fuck me instead and would feel like i wasn't "good enough". but i have forgiven this exact situation in the past and i had no trouble with it whatsoever.

any emotional engagement would be very upsetting though.

ItWasBrokenAlready · 2019-07-13T07:34:32+00:00

It's pretty primal for me, my sexuality is very possesive in general. Rage, disgust, despair. Hell, even thinking about his past lovers is an unpleasant thing. It doesn't extend to emotional aspect as much, hearing a story about how once he was completely in love and rejected triggers more of 'aww, poor you' and no jealousy.

I think it's because currently we tend to prioritize 'lover&soulmate' aspect of relationship rather than 'coparent&life partner'. If I were in a relationship that's morr centred around family, economic/social reasons, more familial/non passionate but very warm type of love, maybe it wouldn't affect me as much and I'd care more if he's loyal in emotional sense and not going to leave. But that would be because sexual side was not top priority to begin with.

BrocopalypseNow · 2019-07-13T11:38:22+00:00

Mormon women are socialized their whole life to tolerate polygamy and most report instinctually not liking it.

*edited

[deleted] · 2019-07-13T22:05:16+00:00

Of course they care. Since women don’t fuck for free that’s her money or attention or chores going to someone else.

[deleted] · 2019-07-14T02:51:43+00:00

I think you just asked a question that has a highly individualized answer and that you can't possibly accurately generalize women on.

CuriousOptimistic · 2019-07-12T20:06:44+00:00

I personally don't care about monogamy. Watching my guy fuck other women (or men) is all in good fun.

But I'm far in the minority and there are men with similar views to mine.

I don't think most women feel the "visceral disgust" as much as "visceral jealousy."

I don't think it's completely socialized, but I do think about 90% of it is.

katymarx · 2019-07-12T20:44:01+00:00

I love watching him fuck other women preferably as I service them both. Oh wait n/m thought this was r/cuckqueangw

sublimemongrel · 2019-07-12T19:50:29+00:00

There was an interview on Joe Rogan Podcast (which is probably where you got this info) that confirms that women will react more strongly to 'emotional cheating', or intimate talk with another woman, while men react more strongly to sex affairs. Just to assuage any doubts anyone had about this particular fact.

That isnt to say that there is zero reaction to a mans infidelity, but its worth noting.

So, if the only reason is a socialized reaction, wouldnt it be reasonable to expect a woman wouldnt really care if he got strange if he was upfront about it, since its not involving deception?

And I realize that a woman can still be outraged just because of expected norms, but Im asking female posters if they would be truly outraged if your relationship dead bedroomed and he came to you with this.

MirrorThaoss · 2019-07-12T20:30:04+00:00

I think that RedPill would tell you that women evolved to try to lock down a man into commitment for its resources.

And that him sleeping around makes his partner less entitled to his resources. Yet it's a proof of high SMV.

So women naturally care about their beta buck not cheating, but don't care about a chad they sleep with sleeping around.

Title	Do women naturally care about the physical act of their man having sex with other women ...or is it socialized ?
Author	Will_Stephens
Upvotes	3
Comments	91
Date	July 12, 2019 7:29 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ccfgdm/do_women_naturally_care_about_the_physical_act_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-women-naturally-care-about-the-physical-act-of.254955 https://theredarchive.com/post/254955

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