In 68.4% of divorces in my country it's the woman who files for divorce. The average child support rate is 1/3rd of what a child costs. Why do you think the % of women who file is so similar to the US then?

sublimemongrel · 2019-01-18T18:34:15+00:00

The ave monthly CS here is like $300 a month, it’s not very much either. Women aren’t filing for divorce because they get oodles in CS here either.

I’ve seen a few theories for why they initiate more. Namely, because they are more likely to take action in an unhappy marriage, because a decent chunk are leaving due to cheating/abuse, but the one that makes a lot of sense to me is that they have less to worry about regarding child custody, ie men may be more hesitant than women if they are worried about getting to see their kids less.

Idk what custody is like in your country though.

Orange_Paisley · 2019-01-18T19:38:47+00:00

I divorced my ex because he started doing hard drugs. There were no assets to speak of as we were both pretty young and didn't own a house yet and lived paycheck to paycheck. I waived child support so he could focus on getting his shit together. I offered open visitation, but he rarely took advantage of it because he was busy doing drugs. He grew up and eventually turned his life around but he still has only sporadic contact with our daughter.

OfSpock · 2019-01-19T02:17:45+00:00

I have had these stats for a while so you motivated me to actually write out the finding we;d be interested in.

https://aifs.gov.au/publications/towards-understanding-reasons-divorce/perceived-main-reasons-divorce

According to this study, women were the initiators in 64.2% of divorces, according to them, with 16% mutual. According to men, it was the woman 53% of the time with 26% mutual. It’s about 20% for men only whoever you ask.

Now what were the reasons for the divorce. 20.1% of divorces are because of an affair. For the majority, it was a spouse's infidelity that was the precipitating factor. Only 11 respondents, eight of whom were men, claimed their own infidelity as a reason. (less than 0.5%) 5.5% of divorces are because of physical abuse. Of the respondents who reported that physical violence was the main reason for marriage breakdown, all but one were women. In six of these cases, physical danger to a child was the reason. 7.4% of divorces are because of drug/alcohol abuse, 11% of women, 3% of men. 1.9% verbal or emotional abuse Verbal and emotional abuse was cited as a main reason by only 2 per cent of respondents - in the main, women.

Infidelity was perceived as the main provocation for divorce by 20 per cent of both men and women. For the majority, it was a spouse's infidelity that was the precipitating factor. Only 11 respondents, eight of whom were men, claimed their own infidelity as a reason.

So, of 100 divorced people, about 20 divorce because the husband cheated, 5 because the guy was violent, 6 because the man had a drug/alcohol problem, 2 because the man was emotionally/verbally abusive. These account for 33% of divorces.

Men initiate divorce in 20% of cases, with only 2% because the woman had a drug/alcohol problem. The rest are for affective reasons “just grew apart/lack of communication. Tsk, tsk, isn’t this what the manosphere calls frivorce?

The remaining 50% of divorces are mutually initiated.

Littleknownfacts · 2019-01-18T18:19:14+00:00

Sublime made a post about child support last year iirc, and the rate was definitely below what the child cost but I don't remember how it compared to your country.

Anyway, divorce isn't profitable for women. They aren't doing it for financial gain.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-01-18T18:16:16+00:00

Merely pointing out that it is women who file without pointing out the reasons for the filing tells us absolutely nothing about divorce.

flamingoinghome · 2019-01-18T18:23:12+00:00

"Filing for divorce" doesn't mean the divorce was your idea/choice/preference. It just means you're the one who does the paperwork.

DXBrigade · 2019-01-18T19:48:06+00:00

Women are more exigent when it comes to marriage. And people react differentely to unhappiness in marriage, men are likelier to cheat, women are likelier to divorce.

NeedingAdvice86 · 2019-01-18T18:54:45+00:00

I don't necessary think it is the monetary incentive at all...the relationships sucked but I suspect that women are the quickest to eject more because they remember how easy before marriage it was to get dates and other men. So they have less apprehension that they can just eject from this bad relationship to get another one fairly quickly and without much effort just like in their 20s. The men who marry likely remember how much more the work was in their pre-marriage dating that was finding new candidates, making approaches, getting numbers and carrying forth the entire operation until the girl is hooked.

Funny enough, the biggest group of "where have all the good men gone" are women who divorced to suddenly find that they are no longer the hot commodities they were in their 20s. While men who get divorced often find that their dating isn't nearly as big a struggle as before and has often changed from pre-marriage since women have as a less abundance attitudes than they did in their 20s.

goddamnADHD · 2019-01-19T09:49:40+00:00

Women tend to experience more negative emotion than men -- they are eternally dissatisfied, fearful, anxious, tend to worry about the future more, and so on.

A lot of women (I am not saying all) take these negative feelings, and start blaming externalities for causing them, be it patriarchy, sexist society, not having enough money... and of course, her male partner. If only HE were different, she wouldn't feel so upset, worked up and anxious all the time... If she is unhappy then her husband must automatically be to blame, somewhere in there. He was oppressive... or maybe he didn't work hard enough... or he was too stubborn... or she just isn't HAaaaaappy. Whatever.

These women fail to recognize that they are making themselves miserable through unnecessary levels of materialism, self inflicted emotional labor, social media usage and keeping up with the Joneses. Modern capitalist economies run on female unhappiness, you can't sell as many products to satisfied women, nor can you turn them into striving little office drones - and it's women who control most of the spending. More dissatisfied women has the added bonus that their husbands work harder too, because again, she assumes he is to blame for her emotional state.

When the majority of people were focused on the church instead of worshipping at the altar of capitalism/materialism, all this energy was being channeled into a more positive direction - one that reinforced the bonds between men and women, rather than portraying both as expendable or upgradeable commodities. Hence you didn't have as many divorces. But it's impossible to go back to that, so what we're going to see moving forward is a new style of "families" that involve a rotation of fathers, or no fathers at all.

JezebeltheQueen5656 · 2019-01-19T12:19:49+00:00

women initiate divorce more not for monetary reasons alone but more because the conjoined life with the male has become unbearable.

they realize good divorce is better than bad marriage, sorta. that is why divorced/widowed women rarely re-marry unlike males who have to find a new slave.

welcometothejl · 2019-01-18T21:17:30+00:00

I don't know about your country but child costs in America are completely overestimated. If you have a car that costs you $500 a month, when you have a child it now costs $250 for you and $250 for your kid. If you live in a 2 bedroom apartment and use one bedroom as an office as a single person, suddenly that extra space you were always paying for is part of your childcare costs. Child support costs aren't needs based either, they're based on adding up you and your ex's income and comparing that amount to what a married couple with the same combined income would spend on their child. That's completely ridiculous considering two incomes with one roof would have more disposable income than two incomes two roofs. Also consider that if one parent doesn't work, they often don't force them find a job, so you end up getting a free ride.

tdabc123 · 2019-01-18T22:50:17+00:00

Yeah, there are not many custody agreements that say men only owe child support. Most have child support, a responsibility to provide health insurance, and half of all child specific expenses like co pays, school supplies, and clothing.

My guess is after all of that it is much closer to 50%

HonestyOverCivility · 2019-01-18T18:55:04+00:00

Divorce isn’t about money, it’s about branch swinging and finding a better man

Oncefa2 · 2019-01-18T22:28:50+00:00

Men have a lot more to lose in a divorce than women do, and it's not just child support, so I think you're comparison is fundamental flawed to begin with.

Consider: division of assets, alimony, child custody, legal fees (usually paid for by the man), false accusations from the woman to get what she wants (a problem known as the silver bullet), etc.

justaformerpeasant · 2019-01-19T02:57:35+00:00

The truth is that it doesn't matter what statistics say a child should cost.

What matters is what a shitty parent can get away with. A woman with children can get food stamps and all manner of state assistance, sure. But, there are also charities, food banks, thrift stores, toy drives at Christmas, etc. My niece's mom has 2 young boys under 6 and she feeds them junk food and ramen, basically the cheapest shit she can find. When you do that, feeding kids is cheap.

What a child should cost if you raise them correctly vs what a lot of deadbeat moms and dads do are two completely different things.

As far as monetary incentive for divorce, it's absolutely a thing when the man has marketable skills, the woman doesn't and the woman knows she'll get the kids.

MGTOWtoday · 2019-01-19T03:55:28+00:00

It’s called monkey branching. A woman with a child can file a divorce, get child support and then date someone else. That way she’s getting money from 2 men instead of 1. I’ve seen women manipulate this so she’s getting money from a half dozen men or more.

TheReformist94 · 2019-01-19T09:02:03+00:00

Nah. Women invariably initiate divorce as they settled for men they weren't sexually attracted, and are serial monogomous, so the itch for variety sets in quite quick and they have nothing to lose staying in a marriage. Women are serial monogomous so they start to wonder around the 1year/2year mark, then by 5 or 7 it's unbearable for them. Society had deemed 7 years to be socially acceptable, hence the term 7year itch

shonenhikada · 2019-01-19T09:33:56+00:00

Women have options, men often do not have other options when it comes to other sexual partners. If a woman is unhappy she will leave the relationship because she most likely has another partner lined up waiting for her. If a man get divorce it will take him some time to find someone else.

Hibernia86 · 2019-01-20T06:22:29+00:00

Because it isn't about the money, it's about custody. Women know that if they divorce their husband then over 90% of the time they will get custody. I've read many accounts of men who want to leave a marriage, but don't want to lose custody of their children and thus stay married so that they can see their kids everyday. Women know that if they get divorced then they will still be with their children most of the time, thus allowing them to initiate divorce more frequently.

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whitetrashcarl · 2019-01-18T18:34:13+00:00

Your child support rate is 1/3 of what a child costs? Definitely not the US then. My friend here with an OK job pays $1000 a month for one kid. I absolutely do not believe that a kid costs $24,000 a year in additional expenses

If mom leaves dad and takes the kids, she should be entitled to a bare minimum “SUPPORT” payment , not a subsidy or continuance of dads lifestyle. Dads lifestyle should be part of the package of being married to him , it should not be something that is forever guaranteed even if she leaves

[deleted] · 2019-01-18T21:11:14+00:00

If you come from a country like mine, Brazil, you know the reason pretty well.

Just plain old dissatisfaction with the current man.

Most people in my country are extremely poor regardless of sex. A man will almost never get much better in life, we all are have eternal decreasing wages. Old age also approaches and lets not forget that old men are not that respected. When when women perceive that they just jump the boat, their children has little to do with it.

They just cannot tolerate the vision of being stuck to a man with a constant or depreciating value. And lets not forget the violence and problems of culture too, but this is more in the remote regions.

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