Q4Women: How does your man's income-level relative to your income-level affect (1) the overall relationship-dynamic, (2) your attraction-level in the relationship, and (3) the quality of sex in the relationship?

goatismycopilot · 2018-09-23T15:56:58+00:00

Some of the women here who are answering either make a substantial income or have family money which may influence them to look for partner traits that are not based on being about to provide financial stability. They are more likely to consider looks and sexuality because those are the choices you can always make when you have financial freedom. You might get different answers from working class women or lower middle class women because they might be more pragmatic and less intangible. Nothing wrong with either approach you pick from the menu you are given.

stacyspostwallmom · 2018-09-23T15:36:15+00:00

I exclusively date men who can pay for my lifestyle. I don't have sex with him if he hasn't taken me to White House Black Market that week.

philomexa · 2018-09-23T15:37:46+00:00

My husband had zero income when I met him, and 13 years later he still has zero income (he's a penniless musician). We still crazy fuck on the reg (3-5 nights a week, taking into account a cockblocking toddler) because he's hot and knows how to do it consistently.

If he was a limp dick loser or sat around playing video games and feeling sorry for himself I would have thrown his ass out years ago.

He pulls his weight with household and life mangement, without him I'd probably still be living in a barren studio apartment and have zero social interaction.

I've always had money and the means to make it, so income was never a factor in my attraction to someone. Men parading their income around like it's supposed to impress me are a huge turn off.

Give me the starving artist over the stable and boring system engineer.

PennnyLame · 2018-09-23T21:48:28+00:00

I outearn my husband by 2x but he has a “cool” job in a very competitive & artistic industry. I am very proud of his work and glad he gets have his cake and eat it too in regards to loving his work and having fun money.

1) Chill and happy for 13 years. We have fallen into traditional gender roles as I work from home and his commute got stupid long but we are very much a team 2) High 3) fantastic and frequent.

My family was always comfortable so I had zero understanding of financial hardship- as a result money was never on my radar in regards to who I was interested in. It worked out for me!

Electra_Cute · 2018-09-23T15:29:18+00:00

When my boyfriend pulls out his wallet and flashes his $100 bills at me, it gets me going every time.

shoup88 · 2018-09-23T21:45:28+00:00

My partner makes quite a bit more money than I do. It’s great. I live much more comfortably than I would if I lived on my own. There’s no resentment, and I still work and contribute. Just not as much financially as he does.

Doesn’t affect attraction at all. We were university students when we met and he worked at a grocery store. My level of attraction to him has remained consistent.

Doesn’t affect the quality of sex, although in a roundabout way it sometimes makes it worse I suppose. If he’s stressed about work sex is the first thing to go.

LeaneGenova · 2018-09-23T16:56:42+00:00

I out-earn my SO about ten to one. His money is his own, my money is ours. He also receives an allowance from me and has access to my cards for whatever purpose. Since we don't have kids and don't plan to have kids, we have a lot more discretionary income.

It works for us. He is the house husband and does most of the chores, which I love. Side note: sneaking up and pantsing him while he does the dishes brings me such joy.

We have a healthy sex life, so it hasn't impacted that. Honestly, now that I make more money, things are much better. I'd support him if he wanted to get a job, but I'd rather he stay at home.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2018-09-23T15:20:39+00:00

i have always chosen for sex/looks/presence and against income/job/education, 3 of my 4 major Bf(and husband) either didnt work or worked extremely low level jobs. the other one had an extremely low level job for most of our relationship and had moved up to being a line haul trucker by the time we split up. 3 of the four were also HS drop outs i think, the 4th having been kicked out of college for dealing acid, he was the same one who became a trucker. none of the issues in my LTRs have ever been sexual, they were always things like substance abuse, cheating or just figuring out i hated the guy(this was Rockabilly Chad)

education and job are inversely correlated with atraction for me. i dont date men who read or who can work in some khaki pants fatass cubicle farm yuck

Edit: to all the incels, mgtows and /r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen subscribers downvoting me, Please Deposit one whole Western Civilization to receive sex, otherwise i will keep "rewarding" hot homeless guys with my sex and love tokens

Young_Oryx · 2018-09-23T16:31:25+00:00

At times in the past when we've both worked, I've been the higher earner--with the exception the year I was a SAHW thanks to an injury. These days I'm the sole breadwinner again, and I vastly prefer it.

It's actually ridiculous how much better life and our relationship is when my husband doesn't work. He's just so much more relaxed, silly, and playful. We have more sex. We cuddle more. We do more things together.

Attraction level's pretty much been constant since I met him though. He remains the most gorgeous man I've ever seen in person. Ugh, he's got looks fit for the silver screen.

RockinSocksII · 2018-09-23T15:19:51+00:00

It doesn't.

321PK · 2018-09-23T15:48:12+00:00

I hardly have an adjective at my disposal that adequately communicates just how operative his income level is to our relationship and the sex we have. I mean if he isn’t coming through the door every night with bags of cash and crates of ingots then sadly, he’s not getting none. 😢 Try harder tomorrow. Drop some lovely tax free annuities at my feet and an income producing property or two and then he def will get it. Money 💰 keeps the starfish away baby. 💵

Srsly. What kind of answers do you really expect to get?

Texastentialism · 2018-09-23T20:48:44+00:00

My husband and I have gone through various periods where one of us outearned the other. Right now we earn just about the same. It's not had much of an effect on our relationship or sex life.

For me the number isn't so important in and of itself as the fact that A, he's working, and B, I'm not embarrassed to tell people what he does. Like, telling someone my husband is a shift manager at Burger King would be more embarrassing than telling them he's a freelance graphic designer, even if both jobs paid the same.

[deleted] · 2018-09-23T15:29:50+00:00

1: no.

2: no.

3: no.

I've literally selected men who have less and less money at their disposal over time.

kandyapplez · 2018-09-23T15:35:32+00:00

my bf and i have been together roughly a year and we've never discussed money. i think i make more than him because he works in music, but he definitely has access to more family money than me. weve flirted with moving in together when my lease is up and its unambiguous that i would not be paying anything towards rent or expenses if we do. he also pays for everything concerning us.

like frankly i find it hot that he can just take care of things, i am not broke or in need of a provider in the LEAST yet i still get hot when he takes me out for nice cocktails or just buys me a dress or something. idk what it is.........

i am honestly fascinated by the sexualities of women who are like "my bf works at target and i'm still hot for him"

SerpentCypher · 2018-09-23T15:51:24+00:00

My h's income is the only income so

1). it's fine, everyone is fine 2.) it' fine, everyone is fine

number three is just kinda a dumb question, plenty of broke ass motherfuckas out there who know how to work that thing, how is having money supposed to make you better or worse at sex with me? Do you mean he can take lessons lol?

[deleted] · 2018-09-23T16:32:30+00:00

No measurable effect whatsoever.

I have always outearned him, likely always will. It's a complete non issue.

As long as the dude can pull his own weight and isn't a completely unambitious loser, income doesn't matter to me.

SpaceWhiskey · 2018-09-23T15:15:58+00:00

Please make an edit for automod

azngirl7689 · 2018-09-23T15:56:00+00:00

I tend to date people in my SES for convenience sake. Just call me a same lifestyle and life stage digger!

nomansweb · 2018-09-23T17:00:14+00:00

If there is any relation how could this possibly be a conscious process?

Nodoxxintoxin · 2018-09-24T00:12:38+00:00

Welp here we go. Another woman who makes more than husband. I have earned more throughout the marriage, quit/retired young and husband was working until recently for our health insurance. Not wealthy, just frugal. Neither of us has worked that consistently in 20 years, both spent time self employed. Owned multi family rental property, had savings and made bank when we started dating. I had known him for years when we both were bartenders.

If I wasn’t attracted to him and the sex wasn’t good, I certainly wouldn’t have risked divorce rape! I don’t care what anyone thinks. I’m not ashamed of anything. I think this sub just has an abundance of women who dgaf

Ladyofblades · 2018-09-24T09:44:31+00:00

While my SO is now successful (tech job, six figure income with potential to out-earn me eventually) he didn't use to be in the first half of our relationship, and I have had access to both more disposable income and resources for longer than he has due to both background and age. This affected him more than me and he had some insecurity that translated itself to overcompensating in some areas. There was definitely some resentment going on and he has some class insecurities still.

Despite this physical attraction has been constant (with some dips due to life changes) and we've remained strongly physically and sexually attracted to each other. The main determinant of how is usually how confident and relaxed either of us feels at a given time, income doesn't really seem to play much of a part at all apart from letting us enjoy things like trips.

[deleted] · 2018-09-25T04:20:20+00:00

I tend to prefer men who are similar success-wise to myself, I just feel like I relate to them more. My current boyfriend paid for our first few dates (since he asked me out and to come across town to meet up), but now we usually trade off paying for things. I have really amazing sex with him and am overall very attracted to him.

I think that the income level certainly affects the dynamic of the relationship. I have certainly had boyfriends who were mad I didn't pay the majority of the time since I made more money than them on paper. In both of these relationships, I had financial obligations that they didn't have so I argued it should be 50/50. This did cause some problems, so I can't say money doesn't matter in a relationship because it very much does.

I've never dated anyone who made drastically more money than me so I don't know how it would affect me if I did. In general being taken out and paid for is nice and makes me feel special, but it doesn't real affect my sexual arousal.

Jki123678 · 2018-09-23T21:57:08+00:00

Never really thought about income before moving to the Bay Area. When you can't afford a decent house unless you make 500k a year, it rapidly changes your perception.

It does not make me sexually attracted in the least bit. I still prefer hot tall, middle class guys to ugly rich ones. Good looking rich guys in Silicon Valley are like finding a unicorn. Ive never preferred rich men and even here because you have to play second fiddle to their goals and desires. They implicitly have more power and many use it.

Marry a rich man and you earn every penny. Sad but true. I want to build my own thing in my own right. I'd prefer a partner for along the way.

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