Q4W: Is the TRP wrong about shit testing?

haunting-you · 2018-04-22T21:33:45+00:00

they aren’t wrong in that tests exist and some women use them; they just go overboard in determining what is or isn’t a shit test and eventually label any comment or question from a woman a shit test.

i remember one story a guy told where his girlfriend was sick on the couch and a window or door was open, and she asked him to close it because she was cold. he then went on to brag about holding frame and not giving into her shit test or whatever, and did some asshole thing like tell her to do it herself or go to another room.

also, the “will you hold my bag/drink” thing. it’s not a grand scheme to turn you into a slave or humiliate you by making you hold a purse. it’s just a simple request, one we’d have no issue meeting in return (“can you hold my coat/wallet?”).

the waitress smiling and greeting you isn’t testing you either, she’s just doing her damned job.

PennnyLame · 2018-04-22T19:13:27+00:00

Shit testing is usually just boundary testing. Everyone does it. Women, men, children, dogs. TRP gets it wrong that every emotional outburst or demand is a shit test though.

Lyanina · 2018-04-22T19:12:16+00:00

I'll have a hard time answering this question unless you provide a definition of shit testing for this thread and at least one example. Whenever I see these mentioned they either sound ridiculous and not like anything anyone would say in real life (so my answer would be no), sound like reading too much into a normal request, or just sound like overthinking normal teasing like I do with my friends and family members and roommates (in that case, yes).

Aufbruch · 2018-04-22T20:12:56+00:00

Asked my wife about this.... she asked if this was about taking a really loud, dramatic dump with the bathroom door left open. X D

SpaceWhiskey · 2018-04-22T20:33:33+00:00

People test each other, yes. Some do it more than others, some do it in appropriate normal ways, some take it way to far. Men do it to women, co-workers do it to each other, family does it, everyone does it. The TBP eye-rolling response to the RP discussions of “shit testing” is because some RP guys talk as though it’s something only women to do men, and that it’s always a shitty, underhanded move. That isn’t true.

rulenumber303 · 2018-04-22T19:43:33+00:00

The amount of what one might call... not exactly directed... but I guess "pointed" testing that happens is pretty small and men do it as much as women. People just have friction between them when they get together y'know, and that's what most annoyance should be attributed to. I mean seriously, you're going to be annoyed, thwarted, frustrated and aggravated by a romantic partner just like you're going to face those things from a close friend or house mate. If someone is annoying the everloving shit outta you by clicking their pen incessantly as they read a novel then chances are it isn't any sort of test it is just them being a normal sort of annoying human being. TRP sees too much as "testing" rather than just normal clumsy attempts at coexistence. Humans are annoying. Fucking men instead of women would not put you into a magical fairyland with unicorns and stuff where other humans don't do irrational annoying things and get on your last nerve.

That said, deliberate and active testing and also the sort of testing that happens just by letting you do you when you know it is an issue and could reign yourself in instead, that sort of testing has its place and it used by both men and women.

Me? I've tested people very occasionally. Sometimes you just need answers and it is better to get them under deliberate and controlled circumstances than wait until fate gives them to you under less controlled circumstances. "How will I be treated if I am not the next to call" for example is a legit question that sometimes must be asked.

I think the best example of what is wrong with TRP attitudes to "shit testing" was the post I read where some idiot guy was saying that when a girl he has chatted to a few minutes at a bar asks him what sort of car he drives she is shit testing him. Apparently any attempt to find out more about him and have conversation by asking him questions he can answer rather than just drop her knickers and yell "take me now" is a shit test. But he didn't categorise his own sourfaced response to that question as being a shit test of her.

There is no proper single response to other people being annoying mainly because there are so many different ways other people can be annoying, and so many reasons why, some of which point to their dysfunction and some of which point to your dysfunction and some of which aren't really about dysfunction just about randomness. However if you get the feeling that someone is deliberately testing you then the key question is why are they doing this?

reallyrunningnow · 2018-04-22T22:20:30+00:00

Immature people of both genders shit test. People who cannot express what they need and don't have a secure attachment style do shit tests. For example- TRP "dread game" is another version of a shit test. A lot of RP strategies are essentially "shit tests" if women do them.

Does TRP have the proper response? Why or why not?

It depends. It's a good idea to not to get wound up from a shit test. However, most of the RedPill strategies are essentially shit testing for guys. And that leads to more shit tests as a response to TRP shit tests. It becomes a nasty spiral of codependence where neither partner is able to open up to each other or communicate.

Have you shit tested a man before? Were you conscious of what you were doing when you did it or was it more of a gut reaction that just happened?

Yeah, when I was an immature idiot in one of my earlier relationships. I was head over heels for him (one of my first relationships stereotype). He, however, played the dread game and would ignore me for periods of time. That made me feel insecure and unloved and thus I responded with a bunch of shit tests of my own. It worked as well as you'd expect - aka an explosion of codependence, resentment and anger between two immature people.

What is the proper response to shit testing?

Effective communication and having boundaries. There were a lot of things I learned from that explosion.

Firstly it helps to understand your attachment style, and weed out people who will not match it (i.e. anxious people may resort to "punishing behaviours" when upset. While avoidants tend to be distancing).

Next is to communicate with your partner/potential partner. What are your needs and hope in a relationship? Is it marriage, a fling, monogamy, kids, etc? Do you need lots of sex, affection, support, etc? Let your date know about that. Feel unloved or ignored? Tell them that. Let them know your love language instead of assuming they can read your mind. Learn to talk out your grievances.

Lastly, have firm boundaries. If a guy tries to "spin plates", I'm gone. I am not afraid of being single so I don't have to put up with someone's shit.

carefreevermillion · 2018-04-23T01:56:31+00:00

I don't consciously shit test, but I can recognize shit tests after the fact. My boyfriend laughs off a lot of my sass, and we both consider bickering and arguing as foreplay so my "shit tests" are basically me saying "I need a good dicking" covertly. I generally realize what was going on after I get laid because my irritability drops a great deal.

So TRP covers how I need my SO to respond, but I wouldn't say it's appropriate for every relationship.

Willow-girl · 2018-04-22T21:05:17+00:00

Yup, it's real all right! Whenever some unpleasant thing needs to be done here, I'll give my man a chance to opt out, but ghod help him if he ever takes me up on it. LOL

Jammerly1 · 2018-04-22T21:35:42+00:00

Women shit test because guys are full of shit. The end. It’s just to test for cracks in your facade and see if the person you’re presenting to her is congruent with who you really are.

aNationofTwo · 2018-04-23T01:22:38+00:00

The one and only time I was shit tested was 20 years ago, and the guy was a jerk. He asked me out to lunch and drove me to a restaurant, then when we got inside he smiled and said, "I forgot my wallet in the car, would you mind paying?" I saw through this obvious lie and told him to go get his wallet. He looked pissed but he had no right to be- whoever invites is obligated to pay.

meomeowmeoww · 2018-04-22T22:10:21+00:00

Never, but I think it's just insecurities flaring and a way to ask for validation without asking for it.

Feyra · 2018-04-23T17:59:48+00:00

I haven't intentionally shit tested a man, but I can imagine that my default of being a snarky jackass could easily be interpreted as such. Though I find myself wondering if my "shit tests" would just be seen as normal banter if I were a dude.

TallSwaggOVO · 2018-04-24T03:44:00+00:00

Shit testing does exist. TRP is right about them existing. The main problem with TRP, is over exaggerations.

Being MGTOW like myself, I have observed the sheer overreaction with a lot of the RP’s situational examples. I literally saw a comment that said something about a girl asking for a pencil is a shit test, and a lot of people agreed and supported him. It was actually quite funny tho, lmao.

azngirl7689 · 2018-04-24T13:45:32+00:00

Yes, all their shit tests are normal relationship things and reacting the way they do is an instant dump. I don’t date inconsiderate assholes.

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Title	Q4W: Is the TRP wrong about shit testing?
Author	Reven311
Upvotes	4
Comments	196
Date	April 22, 2018 6:59 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/8e5ckc/q4w_is_the_trp_wrong_about_shit_testing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-is-the-trp-wrong-about-shit-testing.262788 https://theredarchive.com/post/262788

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