A coed group of friends and myself were discussing a study that went viral on Twitter.

It essentially asserted the following:

Women's quality of life decreases in marriage; Men's quality of life increases in marriage.

This isn't the exact paper, but it's similar: here.

Marriage, we have been led to believe, is a natural habitat for women, but a stifling cage for men. Thus goes the popular fantasy. However, in the real world of data, things shake out quite a bit differently.

First, confounding the view of marriage as the female heaven and haven is the fact that marriage actually appears to benefit men more than it does women. Research has shown that the "marriage benefits"—the increases in health, wealth, and happiness that are often associated with the status—go disproportionately to men.

Married men are better off than single men. Married women, on the other hand, are not better off than unmarried women.

The author suggests that a lot of this is due to the idea of what's expected out of a "wife's role" hasn't changed:

Just as we cannot maintain grand ancient structures without contending with the limitations of ancient building materials, so it is difficult to sustain old traditions without keeping the old worldviews and habits from which they had emerged. The ghosts of female subjugation haunt the halls of contemporary marriage, to the detriment of married women.

People’s expectations—a variable not measured in Rosenfeld’s data—may also play a role in relationship satisfaction. If the culture sets women’s expectations for marriage high and men’s low, then the reality of marriage, in which men benefit more, may elicit increased satisfaction in men—“This is much better than I expected"—and decreased satisfaction in women.

This seems to align and feels accurate to what I've observed in my years.

I think men are expected to be the providers.

But in this day and age, most couples rely on two incomes for their needs and desires; and women are still expected to do... everything else.

So essentially women EXHAUST themselves on a daily basis working, being the primary cook, maid, homemaker, and child-rearer of the home -- studies show that in households where both the man and woman work, women do the lion's share of all regular household activities.

There was another tweet that went viral where a husband uploaded a photo of his wife fixing the roof because he pushed it off for months or so. Mind you he joked that they both have full time jobs and dinner she made was on the table when he got home...

A bunch of other husbands followed up with pics of their wives doing DIY projects (painting living rooms, building desks, fixing the carburetor, etc.) in the home and being better at than them.. the joke being, these wives are literally adding the majority of the value and even doing the "man" housework too.

LOL, sad!™

TL;DR

I know this is the manosphere and men fear getting married for lackadaisical bedrooms, but the aforementioned reasons are why a lot of women I know legitimately fear getting married because they fear how exhausted they're going to be on a daily basis being a "wife/mother."

Some may argue this is the fault of feminism?

Some may argue marriage has always ='d "more work."

Some may say the pros of having a family and someone by your side when you're old/ailing outweighs the regular stressors?

For the married folks in the building, who do you think is more "exasperated" on a regular basis in your marriage?

If no one is, what is your secret sauce to keeping everyone balanced and sane and enjoying a higher COMBINED quality of life?

Happy co-habitating!